Disclaimer: I don’t own Sailor Moon SuperS/Stars or the idea of a blue haired drag queen getting surgery done.
Rating: PG-13 for transsexualism, the term “chicks with dicks,” and the word “titties.”
Other: I’m going to hell for this.
It was a typical day in the Dead Moon Circus. Which meant that Tiger-Eye and Hawk-Eye were looking at pictures of attractive women and gaining insight into their personalities. “She looks like she’s sensitive, exactly the kind of girl who’d dream of Pegasus!” said Tiger-Eye as he looked at one picture.
Hawk-Eye looked. “Plus she has a huge rack…”
Tiger-Eye nodded. “You know what they say about girls with big racks—it means they have big hearts, and big hearts equal beautiful dreams!”
From the doorway, Fish-Eye exclaimed, “I finally got the operation!” before happily bouncing over to the bar.
“You finally found someone to fix your hands?” asked Tiger-Eye.
Hawk-Eye, who’d actually looked up, was starting to turn slightly blue. Fish-Eye winked at him, then glared at Tiger-Eye. “What’s wrong with my hands?”
“You look like a leper, Fish,” Tiger-Eye replied. He gave Fish-Eye a flirty smile. “But if you’ve finally found a way to---“ Having noticed something, Tiger-Eye screamed like a girl. “What the hell are those?”
“They’re called boobs, Tiger-Eye,” Fish-Eye explained in a patronizing falsetto. “And they keep moving,” s/he added, shifting his/her new accessories back into place.
“He got the other operation,” Hawk-Eye added.
“Where do you even get that done?” asked Tiger-Eye. He could feel his left eye start to twitch.
Fish-Eye giggled. “Three Lights Cosmetic Surgery!” s/he exclaimed. “They were kind of weird though…they kept asking me if I’d seen this princess chick…”
“But they couldn’t do anything about your hands?” asked Hawk-Eye.
Fish-Eye elbowed him. “They didn’t say anything about my hands!”
“Were you disguised as a human?”
“Of course! I’m not an idiot!” After getting a scornful look from Hawk-Eye, Fish-Eye remembered something. “Oh, right!” s/he said. “Stupid me!”
Zircon flew in. It glanced at Fish-Eye and sweatdropped before quickly flying back out the door. “I wonder what Grand Master Zirconia’s going to think,” said Hawk-Eye.
“Did you get the full operation?” asked Tiger-Eye.
“What do you mean?” Fish-Eye replied, blinking several times.
“Are you like, a girl, or are you one of those chicks with dicks?”
A lemure entered. “Zirconia wants to see…” the lemure trailed off, having noticed Fish-Eye.
“What?” Fish-Eye snapped.
“Nothing…” the lemure said, loudly clearing its throat and trying to look away. It failed. “Hawk-Eye, Tiger-Eye, Master Zirconia wants to see you.”
“They’re real and they’re spectacular!” Fish-Eye added.
“Sure, Fish,” said Tiger-Eye as he and Hawk-Eye left.
“Just keep telling yourself that,” added Hawk-Eye.
“Zircon just showed me something quite disturbing,” Zirconia began. She cleared her throat nervously. “Does Fish-Eye really have…”
“Titties, Grand Master Zirconia?” Tiger-Eye suggested.
Hawk-Eye buried his face in his hands. “Titties” was a new low, even for Tiger-Eye.
“Yes,” Zirconia said. “Titties” she thought with the wretched frustration so many evil ringleaders seemed to suffer from. If it wasn’t for Nehelenia, I’d kill them all and retire… “Does Fish-Eye…have them?”
“Looks like it, Master Zirconia,” Tiger-Eye continued.
Zirconia nodded solemnly. It was obviously time to wake the Amazon Quartet any way possible. “You’re dismissed,” she said.
“They are real,” Fish-Eye said, pouting. “Want to touch them?”
“For the last time, maybe!” Hawk-Eye snapped.
"I'll touch them," said Tiger-Eye.
"It'll cost you a quarter," Fish-Eye replied. Tiger-Eye started looking through his pockets.