Disclaimer: I own nothing and am lucky to have made it this far.
Rating: PG-13. Language and Rini dresses like Britney Spears. Recent Britney, not the school girl thing.
Other: Stars characters with SuperS attacks. Quality! Amazingly, there's no villains in this one, but you've got to be American/Pop Idol literate, so this one's for the Americans and Brits. Like, well, everything I've written...USA! USA!
“Are you sure about this, Artemis?” asked Luna. The three cats were currently in human form and seated at a table. Diana was sitting between her parents and happily drinking a refreshing, ice cold Coca-Cola.
“Luna, all of our enemies are vain, right?” Artemis replied. “So what better way to find out about our newest enemy than by staging a fake search for the next pop music sensation?”
Luna sighed. “Isn’t this guaranteed to draw in Mina, Raye, Lita, Serena, Rini, and Amy?”
“Why Amy?”
“She’ll just come along to remind the others that they should be doing math problems.”
***
Three mysterious, effeminate men were looking at a flier. “Tokyo Idol?” asked Seiya.
“Who cares?” asked Yaten. “We’re already famous.”
“Are we actually signed with anyone?” asked Taiki.
The Three Lights thought about this for a moment.
***
The next day… “This is so cool!” Mina squealed. She was currently wearing one of her bizarre, performing outfits. “I’m finally going to realize my dream of being a singing sensation!”
“I’m only here for the hot guys,” said Lita.
“I’m not sure why I’m here,” said Serena.
“We told you there was free food,” Raye muttered.
“Where?” Serena asked.
***
After the first audition…“Yaten, Yaten, Yaten,” said Artemis. “That seemed very karaoke…”
“I think you have a lot of potential,” said Diana. “You just have to follow your heart!”
“Boy band, yes, Tokyo Idol, no,” said Luna.
Yaten’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t know me!” s/he snapped. “You’re not up here being judged! Can you do this? I don’t think so!”
***
Yaten stomped out. “Let’s go,” s/he said.
“Why?” asked Seiya as Taiki went in for his/her audition.
“They wouldn’t know talent if it bit them on the ass,” Yaten muttered. “Are you listening to me, or are you staring at that blonde chick again?”
“I’m listening.”
***
“How much longer is this going to take?” asked Mina.
“There’s only four people in front of us,” said Raye.
“You mean in front of you,” Mina muttered.
“I can’t help it if I was prepared.”
“You pushed me out of the way!”
“Guys, this is about singing, not competition,” said Lita.
Mina and Raye stared at her. “Of course it’s about competition!” they said.
“I’m going to go sign up,” said Lita, running off.
***
“How’d it go?” Seiya asked.
“They said I didn’t have enough personality,” said Taiki.
***
“Amy, are you doing math?” Serena asked with her mouth full. She’d found the free food and was about to go back for more.
Amy started blushing. “Just a few equations,” she said quietly.
“I didn’t know you were that interested in singing, Lita,” said Raye.
“Well, I don’t know how good I am,” Lita admitted. “But if the judges don’t move me on to the next round, I’m going to kick the crap out of them!”
Mina and Raye exchanged a glance. “Why didn’t we think of that?” sighed Raye.
***
When Seiya finished, Diana was in tears. “That was so beautiful,” she squeaked.
“You’re out of your league,” said Luna.
“Luna, these are just the first auditions,” said Artemis.
“You heard me.”
Artemis looked at Luna. “What is with you, Luna?” he asked. “You’ve been a real…” He looked at Diana. “B-I-T-C-H all day.”
Luna blinked several times. “I…I don’t know…” she said.
Whenever someone with a British dialect judges young performers, they become a nasty, brutally honest person. Which explained Luna’s current attitude quite nicely.
***
“Who’s next?” asked Serena as the Three Lights trudged off.
“I am!” said Rini.
“What? You little sneak!”
“How did you get past Raye?” asked Mina.
“Stop making me sound like an ogre, Mina,” said Raye.
Amy laughed. “Oh, Raye, you’re not an ogre. You’re just the bitch!”
“The bitch?” asked Raye.
The others nodded. “Like how Amy’s the smart one, Lita’s the tough one, and I’m the hot one,” said Mina.
“What am I?” asked Serena.
“You’re the dumb one.”
“What?!”
“Actually, Mina, you’re either the other dumb one or the vain one,” said Amy.
Rini decided to quietly run to her audition.
***
The judges weren’t quite sure how to react to Rini’s rousing rendition of “Slave 4 U.” “Mommy, why are you covering my eyes? And why is Daddy covering my ears?” Diana asked.
“I have never been envious of the deaf and blind before,” Luna said.
“Why?” asked Rini. During the song, her normal clothes had been replaced by green hot pants and a halter top. She was currently holding a stuffed snake in one hand.
“That was absolutely awful,” added Luna.
***
The other girls were still fighting when Rini ran up to them in tears. “One of the judges is Luna and she’s being really mean!” she said.
“This could only mean one thing,” said Serena. “Either Rini is completely talentless, or Luna’s been possessed by a nasty spirit!” There was an awkward silence. “But I’m pretty sure it’s a nasty spirit,” Serena quickly added. “Moon Cosmic Dream Action!”
“Could you guys wait until I’ve auditioned?” asked Raye.
***
“I think I agree with you on that last one,” said Artemis, shuddering.
“Rini wasn’t good?” asked Diana.
“Hold it right there!” shouted two voices from the doorway.
“Oh god,” Luna muttered.
Sailor Moon and Sailor Mini-Moon stepped into the room. “It’s wrong to crush the beautiful dreams of young singers!” Sailor Moon shouted. “It’s not Rini’s fault she just didn’t sing as well as she usually does! And in the name of the moon, we will punish you for your harsh judgements!”
Luna sighed. “Oh, grow up, Serena,” she sighed. “There couldn’t possibly be any punishment worse than seeing Rini imitate Britney Spears…”
“I put something of my own in it!” Sailor Mini-Moon shouted.
“A ‘definitely not legal’ flair?” asked Artemis.
“Double Moon Gorgeous Meditation!” shouted Sailor Moon and Sailor Mini-Moon.
“Aaahhh!!” Luna screamed as she was knocked out of her chair.
“Luna!” shouted Artemis.
“Mommy!” Diana shrieked.
Luna staggered to her feet. “That…was pathetic…” she gasped. “The Care Bear Stare is more…effective.” This said, Luna collapsed again.
***
The day after that… “Sorry we attacked you, Luna,” said Rini. “But you were being really mean!”
The cats were cats again and Luna was lying pathetically on Serena’s bed. “Could one of you use your healing powers?” she asked.
Serena and Rini exchanged a glance. “Well…I think I…misplaced my wand that heals stuff,” said Serena.
“They all having healing powers!”
“Well, that Care Bear Stare remark really hurt my feelings,” Serena whimpered before starting to cry.
“It’s okay, Serena,” said Rini. “Let’s go out for some chocolate frosty milkshakes!”
***
“How’s Luna doing?” asked Lita as the girls enjoyed their chocolate frosty milkshakes.
“She’s learning a valuable lesson,” Serena said. “No one insults my attacks!”
“Uhm, Serena…” Raye began.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Amy whispered.
“What, Raye?” asked Serena.
“You sure taught that cat a lesson,” Raye finished.
“I sure did,” said Serena before starting to laugh Thundercats style. The others laughed nervously and started looking for an escape method.