Subtitle: Fear my Wrath. Please, fear my wrath!
Disclaimer: Give me an I! Give me a D! Give me an O! Give me an N! Give me an apostrophe! Give me a T! Give me an O! Give me a W! Give me an N! Give me an S! Give me an H! Give me an I! Give me a T! What does that spell?
Rating:
Other: Yes, yes, we all know what this is probably based on. And I will probably be boiled in hot oil for this. But it'll be worth it! Hell, I'd be happy to just post the disclaimer somewhere. I think it's really some of my best work.
Introduction--As you've probably figured out, I write fan fics. I know, I know, big surprise from the webmistress of two fan fiction centered sites, but I figured I should explain myself.
And I'm an Amazon Trio fan. In fact, I only started writing Amazon Trio fan fiction because I couldn't find any I really liked. And, unfortunately, I couldn't write the kind of fic I wanted to read...(down and dirty! But no rape...) So, I've decided to create this guide to writing Amazon Trio fan fiction in the style I want it to be written.
Am I annoying? Perhaps. Am I an egotistic, self-centered, humor writer on a large power trip bordering on theomania? Hell yeah! Have I broken the rules I've set down?
I don't know. I'm writing this before I write the rules(like many egotists, I write in stream of consciousness. It's not pretty, but it does the trick)so, let's just say that I've probably broken most of them...
I have also tried to remain humorous while writing this guide because otherwise...well, what's the point?
I. Names, Nicknames, and random Japanese
Does anyone really know how to spell the Amazon Trio's names in the phoenician alphabet? No, not really. So pretty much anything goes.
Rule #1: Spell their names however you freaking want. But remember, consistancy is important!
As these are my writing guidelines, I decree that "Fish", "geek face", and "rooster head" are the only acceptable nicknames. Absolutely moronic terms of enderment are allowed(such as my "Jack Daniels of Delight")only because they make me giggle.
Rule #2: Only use canon nicknames or ones that make Zelda giggle. As for Tiger-chan, see below.
And here is my set of concise rules for using snippets of Japanese--
Don't. If you are writing in Japanese, you may feel free to use "chibi", "chan" and other such things that go on the end of names, "hai", "gomen" and any variations there of, "baka", etc.
Well, okay, you can use snippets of languages other than the one you're writing in only if there's no good English/language you are writing in.
It's like how we use the phrase "deja-vu" instead of "familiar looking thing we may or may not have seen before."
Rule #3: Using snippets of Latin is preferable to using snippets of Japanese. In fact, snippets of Latin will show that you are a learned individual instead of someone who probably just found the "list of common snippets of Japanese" somewhere on the internet.
II. Cursing in Fan Fics
Some people would place this further down the list, but it's a topic near and dear to my heart.
Anyway, who should curse? Well, everybody curses at some point. Sailors, truckers, old women, evil people, girl scouts, teenage boys, subtitled and manga characters who some guides would have you believe would never ever curse, parrots, children who repeat something they overheard when Mommy and Daddy were fighting...
The key is to use it with discretion and realism. Not everyone will chant a single swear word over and over again. Some will change words half way through, some will chant a string of every foul word they can think of, and others will scream one word at the top of their lungs.
Remember, no one ever just screams "Ass!" "Hell" usually has a word preceding it, such as "bloody" or "oh."
Rule #4: If you're happy and you know it say a swear!(Mittens!)
III. Dub vs. Original
Never ever ever ever!! mix the dub and the original. Ever. No excuses, people. It's just confusing and wrong and you're dishonoring the entire Sailor Moon community, dammit.
Rule #5: Mixing information from the dub and the original confuses those new to Sailormoon, angers those familiar with the Sailor Scouts, and is just sick.
IV. Anime vs. Manga
Never mix the anime with the manga. Unless there's something you really like from the manga and want to stick in to a mostly anime based fic. Then it's okay.
Psych! Never mix anime and manga, you bastard. It's like mixing the dub and the original.
V. Fake Names
I swear to god, if I see Fish-Eye using the fake name "Angel" one more time, I'm going to boot. Whether it's because you think Fish-Eye is a sweet but misunderstood evil soulless carnie, or because it's short of angelfish, or possibly after the drag queen in Rent, I'm damn sick of it.(actually, if you have used it because of the drag queen in Rent, you are forgiven.)
Use some creativity. Or semi-pretentious allusions.
VI.Pretentious Allusions
Who do you think you are? No, really? Get over yourself.
Rule #6: That only pathetic and lonely intellectuals obsessively use pretentious allusions 'tis true. 'Tis true, 'tis pity, and pity 'tis 'tis true.
VII. Having Characters Screw Around for No Reason
The relationship between two or more characters is what draws some people into fandoms in the first place. By just having characters randomly hop into bed together without explaining the how and why is cheating your readers.
And how would other characters react to finding out that these two characters have slept together/are sleeping together? Certainly not by cavalierly joining in for no apparent reason!
Suppose in the fic you're writing, Hawk's-Eye and Fish-Eye end up in bed together. Shouldn't you be exploring how this happened rather than glossing over the most important part of the encounter?
Rule #7: Don't have characters screw around for no reason. It's not fair to the reader, and it's not fair to the characters. And if the characters do end up in bed together, be sure to involve lots of steamy details.
VIII. Pairings I Shall Allow
I've decided that there are certain pairings that piss me off. Ergo, I am going to provide a list of pairings that I deem suitable for fan fiction:
Rule #8: If you introduce Mary Sue counterparts to the Amazon Trio as soul mates and love interests, I'm going to find out where you live and hurt you. I'll use knives. Big knives. Or heavy blunt objects.
Rule #9: If you violate Rule #8, which isn't really a rule or a law, but more of a statement of fact, and are later found injured by either big knives or blunt objects, I hearby disavow all responsibility. I was either framed, or it was an odd coincidence.
IX. Using Americanisms and Bad Slang
These characters aren't American, so why are you using American terms?
Rule #10: Just because I can't tell when Americanisms are weird or funny to non-American English speakers doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the Queen's English, mister.
Rule #11: Only use bad slang if it's been used in an episode of the dub or if it's really humorous bad slang that you got from The Simpsons.
X. Miscellaneous Rules
Why?
Rule #12: Don't question me. I'm not declaring myself the ultimate authority on writing a certain type of fan fic...but well, I think writing a guideline to writing a certain type of fan fic pretty much says it all.
Rule #13: Always spell check and proofread your fics before you post them. Always.
Rule #14: There is no excuse for writing a PWP that isn't a lemon.
Rule #15: Every story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Make sure you're story has a definite conclusion and doesn't just taper off for no apparent reason.
Rule #16: If you're doing practically the exact same thing in every single fic, either try something else or stop writing until you get some actual inspiration.
Rule #17: If you want some example of stellar, kick ass, rock the hizouse fan fics, see mine. Didn't I knock my own writing in the Introduction? I think you need to read Rule #12 again.
My Fics
Sure, I've broken tons of rules. Possibly every single one of this list. To prove I'm human, here's a list of the rules I've broken--
Have had absolutely no consistancy in name spelling, have used fangirl Japanese, have mixed dub and original time and time again, have mixed anime and manga, use pretentious allusions that even I don't completely get, have written entire fics simply as an excuse to use a pretentious allusion, have had characters screw around for no reason, have introduced male counterparts to the Outer Senshi, speak and write in a dialect that is far from the Queen's English, and have broken rules 13-16 hardcore.
Rule #18: Rules are meant to be broken. But as this is my guide to writing, only I may break the rules. Yes, I shall break the rules with impunity!