My Second Week at Work & Rant #2
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: 'Meeting In My Bedroom' - Silk
My second week at work went much smoother than the first. I am learning the routine, I'm getting my stuff together, I'm becoming more familiar with my coworkers, and I'm feeling more confident in my abilities. My preceptor and I have alot of similar interests (too bad he's not a yaoi fan, or gay) so we're becoming friends. At least, I hope we are. I only hope that I'm not being bothersome to him. I feel like I am.

My rant is dying down right now, so it won't be too much. Just that I can't wait for my house to be built. They poured the foundation two days ago, and I'm very disappointed that that's as far as they've gotten. My mom and I aren't at each others throats--no where near that actually--but I don't like us bitching at each other. We've been doing that daily, all week. I keep thinking 'how is this happening? Is it something I'm doing?' But every argument has started when she approached me with something, and it got out of hand from there.

I'm a homebody, you know? I don't like going out. If I'm not at work, I'm at home. Guaranteed. Maybe that's why we're butting heads so much lately.

This is how it starts: I'm usually in my room, on the computer, minding my own business, then in she comes, starting shit. The truth of the matter is that we have a huge personality difference. She's very gung ho, and has a black-and-white view of everything. I'm the procrastinator from hell, and very laisse faire, seeing the world in all shades of gray.

I just feel that she treats everything like the world is going to end if the shit doesn't get done the way she thinks it should. Just now, she came in and started bitching about how I needed to get gas put in my car right now, and how I needed to get a thank you card for my aunt that sent me graduation money. We got into an argument about that! Can you believe that? A fight about gas and a card? How trivial is that?!

Of course, I could've did what she said just to shut her up, but I couldn't. I didn't. That's the problem with my grandmother: she always gets her way because everyone does what she says just to shut her up. I'm not going to do that with my mother. She is not going to pester the shit outta me like her mother does her. I'm not having it.

Okay. Now I'm pissy all over again. *sighs* I guess I'm still stressed out. I have a job that is paying me well, but I still have a long way to go to get my finances in order.

I'll do it though. One thing at a time.

My First Week As A Nurse
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: 'Sweet Amber' - Metallica
On Monday, I started my new job (I can't believe I got a job!) in a dialysis clinic.

The first three days there were awful. Because I was new, I was making alot of mistakes (I hate making mistakes) and had to be corrected quite a few times. The staff wasn't mean or condescending about correcting me, but that didn't stop me from feeling like an ass.

To add insult to injury, I thought that the charge nurse that day was really hot and I wanted to have sex with him. You all have no idea how much that irriates me. I'm shy when I'm attracted to someone, so I spent the entire day running away whenever he came near. And since he and my preceptor were friends...god, it was torture!

On Thursday though, I kicked ass. My preceptor and I were so ahead of schedule, the charge nurse thought that some of our patients didn't show up or something. I felt really good about myself, talked to some of the other staff members...overall all, I had a pleasant day.

That's it for me. We'll see what next week brings.

I Did It Again
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: (No Music)
Once again, I made an ass of myself.

My best friend came by my house today, just to hang out and watch my South Park episodes. On her way over, she stopped by Wendy's and picked us up some food to eat. Well, I love my french fries drenched in ketchup. So I drowned my fries, got my burger all set up and hightailed it to my room. When she visits, she always stretches out on my bed (she's so much taller than me) and I have a papa san that I usually sit in. Well, with a plate of food in one hand and a drink in the other (you can already see it, can't you?) I sat down in the chair...and the damn thing immediately flipped over.

I had ketchup, french fries and Dr. Pepper all over my shirt and on my pants. I had it on the wall, on the chair, on the remotes, in my hair...it was just everywhere! That bitch (aka my best friend) was laughing so hard she couldn't even help me. Then my mom came in to see what the hell all the racket was, and laughed her ass off too. I expected that from my best friend, but my mom's amusement surprised me.

Just felt the need to share. Have a good weekend.

I Got A Job!
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: 'St. Anger' - Metallica
I finally got a fucking job! Hallelujah!

I am going to be working for a dialysis clinic in downtown San Antonio! Hopefully I'll be starting on Monday!

I'm just so relieved. With creditors calling the house and not understanding what 'I don't have your money' means, I will finally be able to start paying them back so that they'll leave me the hell alone. *sighs happily* That will be the day.

I just wish my mom was happy for me. She wants me to work for a military hospital nearby (BAMC), and since I've so eloquently refused (by saying 'the hell I will!'), she's been a real bitch about it. But that's okay, because I've been a real bitch about doing whatever the hell I feel like. I'm 24 years old for fuck's sake. I ain't gonna do things because my mother wants me to. That shit is gettin' nipped in the bud right now.

*sighs again* Now I can't wait until I move out.

Rant #1
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: (No Music)
I know, I know. I don't post in my blog often. Sorry ya'll, I'm not used to expressing my feelings.

Warning: I'm about to rant.

I feel off my rocker. I'm confused, frustrated and depressed, but I don't know why or what's the source of it.

I passed my licensure test, so now I'm a registered nurse. That was a month ago, and I've yet to find a job.

This shit sucks!

I want everyone to just shut the fuck up and leave me alone! Mom, shut it! Grandma, shut it! Mom, shut it because I know your lips are still flapping! And you wonder why you're divorced! I don't know how Dad dealt with your constant bitching without strangling you! I'm about ready to hit you with the couch!

I will work the hours I want to work with whoever wants me. Back off my tits Grandma!

I'm bloody hell broke, bad! I know I'm about to lose my bank account. So stop calling me! I don't need the god damn reminder.

I'm on my period!

Okay, that made me laugh.

Well, I guess I'm done with whatever this was.

It's Over. I can't believe it.
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: 'Dirty Window' - Metallica
It's over. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around it.

Today was the very last test I'll ever have in nursing school. I passed. I graduate on the 16th of December.

I just can't believe. I have been working on getting licensed in nursing for so long that now it's over, I just feel lost. I've always been a student in something, and now that I've finally *finished*...

I'll have money. I'll finally be able to pay my bills off, get the stuff I want...hell, right now my best friend is builing a house, and she asked me to move in with her, and I'll be able to! I'll have to work three or four days a week, and for the rest of the time I could spend it reading and writing! Writing primarily. I am *so* ready to finish the Murder Saga...

Wow. It's over.

Weirdness
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Shine On You Crazy Diamond - by Pink Floyd
I work on my fiction all the time. Even when I'm not writing. I lay down in bed, preparing to go to sleep, and think about what could happen next in my stories, where the characters should go, any action, any detail I'm missing, blah blah blah. Well, this time my fiction bit me back.

The night before last, I had a dream that I was a gundam pilot. I've never had a dream where *I* was involved. I've dreamt plotlines and stuff, but I've never dreamt *I've* been a pilot. And we weren't nice pilots either. It was me, Heero, Duo, and this guy I had for gym class in high school whose name I can't remember. Anyway, we (the 4 of us) bought this beautiful mansion that was built into a cliff that was on the ocean, so that we could keep our gundams. We flew over the ocean alot, but kept getting caught in the electrical lines (don't ask me why we had electrical lines out in the ocean). I don't remember any real purpose that we had, except we let the entire military move into our house, and ended up killing alot of them because they wouldn't give my friend whose name I can't remember a ticket to get into Willy Wanka's chinese buffet. It was just plain weird.

Had to let ya'll know. For those of you that suffered...sorry.

What the hell....
Now Playing: Baila Mi Hermana (Dance With Me) - Santana
What the hell is it with people cutting off their digits today?

This week I am doing my nursing rotation in the emergency room. Tell me why ALL day we had ppl coming in because they cut/deeply lacerated/fell on saws and cut/damn near cut off their fingers or toes! One guy nearly cut his toes off on his walker! They were hanging on by the front skin of his toes. It was sooooooo gross. One guy fell off a ladder and landed on his tools, where a nail went through both his top and bottom lip (called thru and thru) and another guy nearly cut off his middle and ring finger on his handsaw. *shrugs* There were others, but I was so tired of seeing lost limbs that I hung around this psych patient for a while just to get a change of scenery. Of course, when she started to talk about her penis (yes, you read that right) it was time for me to leave her. (aka get the hell away from her crazy ass).

Just wanted to say I had an interesting day. Wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Oh my god...
Mood:  down
Now Playing: 'Cherish The Day' by Sade
Some days, I wonder if nursing school is right for me. I know we all get frustrated with what we do, and that the things worth having aren't easily attained. But some days I just feel like the shit isn't worth it, and those days are becoming more and more frequently. This week had one of those days.

In school, we are taught how to double check to make sure we don't make medication errors. But despite those checks errors still happen. The other day *I* made a *serious* medication error, and it could've gone very badly for the patient if I hadn't caught it.

See, the patient I had was critically ill. I'll call the patient Tar Baby (TB). Tar Baby's heart was NOT doing so hot, but this medication was one no one can take home. It is *that* strong. But every time the doctor tried to wean Tar Baby off, TB would bottom out. (TB's blood pressure would drop dangerously low). When I was there we were doing the same thing again. TB had two heart medications running through its IV, one I'll call Snickers and the other Baby Ruth. The Baby Ruth med we *had* to wean TB off of. If we couldn't get it off, TB just wasn't going to leave the hospital alive. The Snickers med was the one the doctor said TB could come off of, so I disconnected the Snickers IV line, set the Baby Ruth IV pump at a slower rate, and waited. Just like before, TB's blood pressure started to drop.

Something felt wrong to me however. No matter how high the nurse was setting the pump, the patient was still dropping. That was just not possible. There were about...seven or eight meds running through IV lines simultaneously, and I was stricken with a sudden fear that I had possibly disconnected the wrong IV line, even thought I *knew* I didn't. My gut told me to check, so that's what I did. I had a shit-fest when I found what happened.

For some reason, the Snickers med and the Baby Ruth med were hooked up to the same IV line. The Baby Ruth was what we called 'Piggy-back.' It was piggy-backed (hooked up to the IV line through a side port connection, called the Y-site or Y-port) to the Snickers IV line, so that when I disconnected Snickers, *both* medications were cut off, instead of just one. For the Baby Ruth med, you can't stop it suddenly, or else the patient will bottom out. And since we don't need to change IV lines except every 3 days...it became clear why TB kept bottoming out.

I fixed the problem immediately, and reported it to the nurse. Then it became clear why they were having so many problems getting TB off Baby Ruth. Since it was connected to Snickers, when TB's blood pressure got too low they would hook Snickers and Baby Ruth back up so that TB wouldn't die. It was going in a circle.

When my shift was over, we were preparing to discharge the patient home. The patient had weaned off Baby Ruth without any problems, and was stable. I was just upset about the whole thing, because if someone else made the mistake, it was on them. But *I* did it, and although technically the nurse said it wasn't my fault, I was still upset it happened.

Well, that's my spiel. I'm hungry. Good night everyone.

Ahhhhh....
Mood:  suave
Now Playing: 'Foxy Lady' by Jimi Hendrix!
...I feel good.

My best friend and I joined a health club on Monday. I didn't think it would be something I would stick to, but between the two of us I think we're going to do good. The people are nice, the environment is comfortable and nonintimidating, so I'm happy with it. Today was our second day working out and I feel pretty good. I swear to God I think it's already working...

Now to go to work. *sigh* I hate my job very, very much. Good feelings gone.