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Tonight I talked to God.
It's been a long time since I've done that. It's just that, the mood has to be right for me, you know? I don't like alot of noise, and I don't like to be surrounded by people. When I pray, I like to be where it's dark, and where I can hold a conversation without any interruptions.
God and I talked in my hammock. I just bought it two days ago, and I love it. We were outside, in my backyard, staring up at the full moon. I fussed about the clouds on my drive home, but by the time I changed clothes and made tea, he stripped the sky clear for me. A few bright stairs twinkled here and there against the midnight blue sky. It was stunning.
First, I thanked God for my health. Every day I watch my patients deteriorate, and die. I am so lucky my heart, kidneys and liver work. I'm blessed that my spine and brain work. You guys have no idea how much of a miracle it is to be able to take a dump. Trust me, it is.
Next, I prayed for the safety of my family. Especially my brother. He is doing things he shouldn't be (like drugs), and he got kicked out of the only high school that would have him. He needs help in the worst way, but the only one that can help him is himself. Lord, give him strength.
After that, we talked about me for a while. He listened patiently as I whined. "I want an adventure!" I told him, my fists shaking in frustration. "I want some excitement. I want to live!" He didn't answer me, and I didn't expect him to. But I could sense that he acknowledged my words. When I'm ready, he'll have my adventure set out for me. In the meantime, I felt infinitely better by saying the words out loud.
Lastly, we just stretched out on the hammack and stared at the moon in silence. The breeze he added felt wonderous against my skin, making me want to buy a tent so that I could sleep outside. But then I heard the neighbors come outside, with their rough voices flowing across the yard, and it destroyed our quiet atmosphere. Sadly, I collected my things and went back into the house.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth, listening to my bones pop as I wandered to my room. Oh yeah: "Thank you God, that I'm able to walk and hear."
Finally, I crawled into bed. I'll go to sleep after I finish typing this.
Thank you God, for the talk. It's always a pleasure.
Posted by Karen
at 23:36 CDT
Updated: Friday, 16 September 2005 23:40 CDT
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Updated: Friday, 16 September 2005 23:40 CDT
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