Blood in Siberia

Once again I woke up, but this time I was in the comfort of my own bed. It was more than likely late morning; the birds were chirping, the breeze was warm, and the sunshine was streaming in strong and high. In the sun's rays, I could see golden specks floating like halos, and the breeze that flowed through my sister's garden made it seem like the flowers were singing. It was that kind of a beautiful day, and it totally pissed me off. What was supposed to be one of the greatest nights of my life turned into shit, and here was the sun and nature, all bright, sunny and disgustingly happy. I wanted to throw up on a baby bird.

I rolled to my side so that my back faced the window. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I knew I wouldn't be able to. Hell, I wasn't able to sleep half the night! I was so pissed with Wufei that my anger kept me up, making my blood boil higher and higher. When I did fall asleep, my dreams were anger-filled, supplying me with images of choking Wufei until his head popped off, and bounced around on a metal spring like a jack-in-the-box. I also dreamt that I kept hitting him over the head with a fluorescent lamp (it had to be fluorescent for some reason), where he made those 'doh!' sounds like Homer Simpson. There were others, but I couldn't remember them all.

Figuring that wallowing in bed would only piss me off more, I went ahead and decided to get up. I needed to shower. Because of last night's...activities, I was smelling a bit ripe. I knew that seemed redundant since our second shagging was in a tub, with water. But in retrospect, I didn't actually wash up, and Wufei's body heat made me sweat. Yeah. Kinky.

It took me several tries to sit up, and when I did I wished I hadn't. My butt was so sore, I was willing to strike a bargain with any deity to make it go away. Even if it costed me my braid. Well, maybe my braid. The split ends for sure. Anyway, I could tell that being quick on my feet wasn't going to be a trait of mine today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day.

Once I made it to my feet, I shuffled to the bathroom. When I made it into the shower (which was a small adventure), I turned the water on to lobster-boiling hot, and let it pound into my muscles. Ahhh... As I stood there, I thought about this morning's events, and felt my blood start to boil all over again.

I had been sleeping uneasily at Wufei's when someone started pounding on the door. Since it was still dark o'clock, it could be said with certainty that I was completely disoriented. To make a long story short, the pounding was hard and sudden, which scared the shit outta me, causing me to roll my disoriented, dumb ass out of bed, onto the floor. Let's not forget that my hands were trapped under me and my feet were tangled in the sheets, so I went down forehead-first.

It turned out to be Quatre. Apparently, one of Wufei's clients thought that siphoning money from a company, in order to invest in that company's stock, wasn't embezzlement because he was investing in that same company. Hn. I wonder what school he went to. I'd have to write them about the serious gap they have in their law and ethics classes.

Anyway, Wufei quickly began packing his bags to fly to Dallas to get this asshole outta trouble. While he did that I quietly took my leave, murmuring to Quatre on my way out that I would appreciate not having any nonhuman company for a few days. Understanding that I was upset ('pissy' was the word he used), I scurried out of the house to my own, and crawled into bed. That had been several hours ago.

I got out of the shower when my fingers were nice and pruned. I dressed, combed my hair, glared hatefully at two butterflies fluttering about, then went back to bed.

This time as I slept, I dreamt that I was in some kind of extravagant dodgeball tournament. I saw myself smile evilly as I threw the ball at one hundred miles an hour, and watched confidently as it struck down an entire team of men that had slanted eyes and black hair. There were about fifty of them. When they were hit, they turned into little red crabs that kept saying 'money,' waving their claws in the air and scurrying all over the place. Fortunately, SpongeBob SquarePants was there to spear them on sticks to cook over a campfire. [1]

When I woke up for good, it was about an hour later. I could smell food cooking, and figured Hilde was up. Smelled like she was making bacon and eggs. Yummy. I also heard chimes and cheering people. Howard, I was sure, probably watching some lame game show.

Hmmm... I wondered what time 'The Price Is Right' came on.

It took me, maybe, a half hour to sit up, and just as long to stand. When I finally made it to my feet, I was pissed off all over again. Despite the hotter-than-hell shower, I was stiffer than I was this morning. (And not in the fun way either). Damn. Well, I did have two options: one, I could stay here and bitch about my situation, or two, I could hobble my way towards food. Hmmm... oh, I know! I'll bitch and I'll hobble. Yeah!

And I did exactly that. Every step was followed by a few choice words and a whole lot of slander (or libel, whichever), in regards to a certain werewolf. When I finally made it to the living room, I was ready to have a litter of kittens. Just as I guessed, Howard was on the couch, watching some game show I didn't recognize. He also made one hell of a mess with his pork skins. Why I ought ta... Fortunately, I could hear Hilde singing softly in the kitchen, and the scent of breakfast. Hmm... Kitchen. Food. Beer.

"Mornin' Duo!" Howard chirped. "How's my only nephew?"

"Grrrrr...."

"That good, huh?"

"Grrrrr...."

"Boy, what's wrong with you? Got PMS or something?"

"Grrrrr...." I answered, and walked away from Howard's mouth to the kitchen. Sure enough, Hilde had bacon, eggs and pancakes going as well, with fresh cantaloupe, honeydew melon and strawberries.

"Good morning Duo!"

"Grrrrr...."

"Be careful Hilde!" Howard hollered from the living room. "He's menstruating!"

Without even looking behind me, I raised my hand and gave Howard the finger.

"I saw that Duo!"

Despite my muscles protesting, my head shot around. I was out of sight from the couch. Plus, there was only, you know, a wall between where I was standing and the living room. Jesus Christ! How the hell did he do that?

"Breakfast is ready!"

I forgot all about Howard and his x-ray vision.

***

After breakfast, the three of us sat around and talked--well--Hilde and Howard talked. I just sat there and looked mean. Today seemed to be a day where everyone was happy except me. Howard was laughing so joyously I was tempted to have a drug test done on him, and Hilde was being so girly I wondered if she had fallen in love overnight. When I was asked, for the third time, what the hell my problem was, I decided to go out for a bit before they gave into temptation and did something drastic. Like hug me.

It hurt like a son of a bitch, but I decided that walking would do me some good. Every guy has been told to 'walk it off' whenever they got hurt, and by golly that was what I was going to do. Yeah. So, here I was, weeble-wobbling my ass down the dirt road, and wanting to stab whoever coined the term 'walk it off' in the eye with Hilde's pink and purple vibrator.

My god! My ass was killing me! It felt like I was ripping my insides up even more with every step I took! I went from 'walking okay' to 'walking not-so okay' to 'damn it, kill me!' in three point two minutes. I was limping along the road, one hand pressed against the crack of my ass and the other between my legs, as if I was trying not to shit and pee on myself. I was also whining, saying things like 'please God kill me' and 'damnit Wufei, this is your fault!' to the sky. A few people that drove by looked at me like I was crazy. I had no idea why. But I managed to tear my hand away from my ass long enough to give them the finger. Heh. Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I didn't last much longer. When I had finally figured that I would be a lot more comfortable suffering at home than out in the open, the first of my series of unfortunate events began. I was just about to turn around to head back home when a car, speeding, passed me by. It suddenly braked, forcing me to cover my ears to protect them from that awful screeching sound. I coughed from the dirt that was expelled into the air, and wiped the grit out of my eyes as the dust cleared.

"Hey! What the hell is your...oh boy."

I didn't recognize the unmarked squad car when it raced by me, but I did now. What was of greater concern to me though, was its driver. It was Mueller. He laughed cruelly through his open window, then turned to say something to his passenger. I couldn't see the other figure in the car, but I had no doubt that it was Alex. My guess proved correct when the passenger door opened, and out stepped that idiot, Alex, in his too tight uniform with those stupid Blueblockers pushed down his nose. He started unholstering his gun, and I dipped into his head to see...

Ohhh shit!

I took off right when a bullet landed beside my foot. Another two landed in the spots where I was standing a second before. I heard Alex give chase and cursed. Fortunately, he was slow since he was shooting, but unfortunately, Alex was between me and my house. I was running away from safety instead of towards it.

"You fucker!" I shouted over my shoulder, hobbling as fast as I could with one hand still glued to my ass. The other hand was swinging free, thank god, providing some sort of balance. I tried to see his thoughts, but I couldn't split my concentration. I couldn't run and read at the same time. Shit! "Oh, I'm gonna have your ass on my wall for this!"

"Run bitch, run!" Alex shouted, laughter in his voice. "That's right bitch, run!"

The unmarked car sped passed me again, this time nearly hitting me. Mueller turned the car at the last second, bringing it to a stop in front of me. I was trapped between the car and Alex. Shit! With no other choice, I broke right and ran into the field. I heard Alex follow. That bastard was still shooting at me, but his aim was becoming more erratic because of the uneven ground we were running on. A second later, I heard tires spin and grind. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that Mueller had driven the car into the field to cut me off again. Saying words that I was sure would blister God's eardrums, I ran harder, even though I knew it was futile.

When Mueller was about to cut me off, I faked to the left, then veered right to get past the car. I miscalculated the time it took for the car to stop, and accidently put myself right in front of it. I was hit, flew to the ground, and rolled about eight times before I came to a stop in deer shit.

"Holy shit dude!" I heard Mueller say laughingly as he got out of the car. "That was fuckin' awesome!"

"Look at the bitch jump," Alex said, as he shot four bullets into the ground beside my head. "Look it." He shot another two times. I flinched both times. They laughed as he holstered his gun. "Ch'. Pathetic."

"Fuck you Alex," I said in a pain-ridden voice. I was hurtin' bad. "Fuck you both."

He squatted down beside my head, and I gasped. Alex looked like some freak you would see in the circus. There were spots on his head that were bald and leathery looking. He was missing an eyebrow, and he had super white splotches all over his face and neck. One side of his lips looked swollen, as if he had been hit in the face with a baseball, and his right ear appeared to be permanently deformed.

"See what your bitch of a sister did to me? She did this when she poured that water on me!"

"You shouldn't have been pissing on my house, asshole!" I screamed in his face, despite the pain. Damn, Hilde messed him up! No wonder he was mad. "This shit is your own fault!"

"Oh yeah?!" He straightened. "Then consider this payback!"

He and Mueller started kicking the shit outta me. I curled myself into a ball, and tried to protect myself as best as I could. I considered allowing them to do this just to get it out of their system, but when Alex tried to jump on my head (literally), I decided that I wasn't going to take getting beaten to death passively. These mother fuckers were going to have to earn it.

When Mueller lifted his leg to kick me, I kicked out and nailed him right in the crotch. He screamed, grabbed himself and dropped to his knees. Alex, distracted, paused long enough for me to wrap both arms around his leg and bite him. He howled, and tried to free his leg by punching me in the face. One vicious blow was more than I could handle, and I let go, rolling away. I could feel the blood flowing from my nose. Alex, shaking, started to reach for his gun. Without thinking, I jumped up and grabbed at his belt. I got my hands on his nightstick, pulled it out, and started beating the shit outta him with it. I saw Mueller reaching for his gun out of the corner of my eye, so I spun around and started clobbering his ass too. There was a loud, sudden crack, and he dropped to the ground, screaming, holding his right arm to his chest.

Mueller's scream broke the cycle of rage I was consumed in. Things had gotten way out of hand, even for us. As I turned back to Alex, I mentally choreographed my escape. They may be hurt, but they had wheels, and I didn't have the time to look for, and steal, the keys. I needed to make them unable to function while I ran away. So I aimed for Alex's head, and kept clubbing his dumb ass until he finally had enough. He fell to the ground, crying, and called me names that also blistered God's eardrums. Pissed at his insinuation that I slept with both of my parents (and he didn't mean the 'resting my eyes' kind), I scooped up some deer shit with my bare hands (that's how pissed I was), and smashed it all over his face. I made sure to get an especially thick clump into his mouth and eyes. I did the same thing to Mueller. As they puked their guts out, I wiped my hands clean on the ass of their pants. (It took me a while; I kept puking because they were puking). Then I grabbed Alex's and Mueller's guns, stuck the nightstick under my armpit, and took off running--well, hobbling--across the road. I hid in some thick bushes that were just below the embankment, and waited for them to leave.

I knew without a doubt that if Alex found me, he would kill me.

***

It didn't take them too long. Thankfully, they got themselves together in less than twenty minutes. But I was having a hard time sitting tight, when what I saw around me was making me nervous. Of all the bushes I could've hid in, I picked the one that was also serving as a snake nest. So far, there were six unhatched eggs and four hatched ones. There were also little bits and pieces of things that were probably once a possum. Christ. This was just bloody fabulous.

I could feel a cruel smile creep across my face when I saw the car slowly pull onto the road, and I sighed in relief when it drove away from my hiding spot. I wondered what lie they were going to come up with to explain their appearance, Mueller's hospital bill, two lost guns and a nightstick. Man oh man, I couldn't wait to get Meizer on the phone. This was my chance to get those assholes locked up.

Only problem was, how was I going to get home? I couldn't fly, I didn't have a vehicle, I couldn't call anyone, and nobody driving by would want to pick me up, because I looked like I had just murdered somebody.

Stomping down on the urge to break down and cry, I climbed back onto the road. After a brief debate, I went ahead and unloaded the guns, stuffed the bullets in my pockets, and put the guns in the middle of the road to be run over. I left the nightstick hidden in the bush.

I felt like shit that got beaten in a bag by an ugly stick. My ass hurt even more now, my left side hurt where I got hit by the car (I still couldn't believe that), and I hurt everywhere else where the Asshole Sisters kicked and punched me. I was having such a shit day, and yet I swear to God the sun was smiling at me. I gave it the finger, you know, just in case I was right.

A few cars had stopped to give me a lift, but once they got a good look at me, they, predictably, drove off. I wanted to get pissed, but I didn't have the energy. I waved a 'thank you' instead. Hell, I understood. If I were them, I wouldn't pick me up either.

I was just truckin' along on my own, when I heard a car slow down to match my pace. I kept on going, thinking they would drive off at any second. When that didn't happen, I turned, and started to consider jumping head-first into a ditch.

It was Tsubarov.

"Duo?" he called, speeding up a bit when I started to hobble faster. "Duo!"

"Leave me alone," I said harshly. "Today's not a good day."

"Yes, I can see that." He sounded concerned. I didn't care. "Duo, let me give you a ride."

Shit. I was tempted. I was really, really tempted. "No."

"Duo."

"No thank you," I said forcefully.

"Duo please," he continued. "You're hurt. I don't want you to hurt yourself further."

I stopped. Take the ride, don't take the ride. Hmmm. I flipped a mental coin. It landed on 'consider taking the ride.'

I walked up to the car and stuck my head through the passenger window. "I would really appreciate the ride," I told him honestly. "But I know you have a price. What's it gonna cost me?"

He bit his lip as he thought about it. I wanted to take a peek, but I was so worn out at this point that I didn't care either way. He could be plotting my murder, and I wasn't going to know it.

"A kiss," he told me at last.

Huh. Figures. "If that's the case, I've already paid for the ride. You took one without my permission, remember?"

He frowned. "I've also paid for that kiss. You beat me ruthlessly afterwards, remember?"

Remember? How could I forget? I told Mariemaia about that a couple of times as a bedtime story. She loved it. "No, thank you." I straightened to walk away.

"Duo!" he called again. "Look, I'll give you the ride, just to help, okay? No price."

I stopped again, but I didn't face him. I kept my eyes ahead of me. "You mean that?"

He sighed in annoyance. "Yes. I mean that."

I had to close my eyes. It took all of my remaining energy to look into his head, but I managed. Ah. He felt that if he did this for me, it would soften me up to him, and that would pave the way for him to get some sugar. Ch'. Dream on, asshole. "Okay," I said at last, sticking my head back through the window. "But no funny business," I warned.

"No," he agreed immediately. "No funny business."

He unlocked the door, and as my hand touched the seat, I caught a mental whiff. I backpedaled out of the car so fast I tripped and fell. Tsubarov was out of the car, as fast as greased lightening. "Duo!" he called, reaching out to me. "Duo! Are you alright?"

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, holding my hands out in front of me, as if to ward him away. "Don't touch me," I said in a gentler tone. "Just...just give me a minute."

"Okay," he said, and thankfully, he got back into the car.

Tsubarov was the sadist from hell. His desires and deeds saturated every fiber of the car. All of his...conquests, were young boys; some my age, some older. I couldn't tell if they were prostitutes or not, (I wasn't eager enough to want to know), but I felt, from just that fraction of touch, that nearly all of them were frightened to death of Tsubarov while he was...role-playing.

Hell. Was I going to be able to do this? Will I have to walk home?

"Duo?"

Tsubarov's voice made me focus. I didn't want to be in his company any longer than necessary. That thought didn't do anything to help me. But then I remembered that I had beer in the frig, and that thought almost made me grow wings. Instead, I stood to dust myself off, shook my head to clear it, firmly put my shields up, and made myself sit down and close the door. I exhaled a deep breath when I didn't sense anything. My mental cheer of 'huzzah!' changed to 'holy shit!'

I've never seen the interior of the assholemobile before, and I didn't appreciate the fact that I liked it. The almond-colored leather was both soothing to the eye, and to my ass. The headrest was shaped perfectly at the perfect height, and the seatbelt was against me too. When I put it on, I damn near moaned. It wrapped snugly and warmly against my body, like Wufei's arms. I couldn't help but fall asleep when Tsubarov gently spurred the car forward.

***

My eyes snapped open because I suddenly couldn't breathe.

It was Tsubarov. I was so tired, that he was able to recline my seat all the way back, sit on top of me, and wrap his hands around my throat. I tried to claw at his face, but his arms were too long. So I tried to rip his hands off my throat. That wasn't working. I pounded on his arms. That didn't help either. Then I thought about the nightstick, and cursed myself for leaving it.

"God," he said in pure rapture. "You are so beautiful when you're gasping."

To my absolute horror, he leaned down and kissed me. My mouth was wide open (because I couldn't fuckin' breathe!) and he took full advantage of that by sticking his tongue in. The little oxygen I was receiving was suddenly cut off, and my body started to fight wildly of its own will. Tsubarov let up with a roar, and his body stiffened. At first I thought that I had done some damage, but to my horror, again, I realized that he was having an orgasm.

I was shocked into stillness. He rode out the throes of it, and surprised me again by kicking the door open, rolling my ass out, slamming the door and then backing out as fast as humanly possible. Glancing around, I saw that we had in fact been parked in my driveway. Howard's and Hilde's cars were here, but there was no way they could've heard what was happening to me. Hell, Tsubarov had backed out at break-neck speed and it barely made a rustle.

Even though I would've gladly kicked his ass, I wanted nothing more than to have Wufei here with me right now, to hold me and make the bad things go away.

I couldn't help it. I laid down face-first in the dirt, and cried.

***

When I made it into the house, Hilde took one look at me and went from Happy to Pissed Off, with capital letters. Howard was unapproachable. He was beyond livid when I told them what happened with Alex, Mueller and Tsubarov, and I believed him when he said he was going to kill them the next time he saw them. I washed my hands (I never thought of handwashing as a godsend, but I did today), then I went to the phone to call Meizer. I was ready to put an end to this shit with Alex and Tsubarov for a couple of years. That was when I saw the answering machine light blinking. I almost, almost ignored it. But something screamed down my spine to play it, and before I realized what I was doing, I hit the button.

The background noise was loud, but I heard the whispered message clear enough.

**beep** "Come see me, but don't come alone." **beep**

God damnit! This was not the time! "Hilde, grab my duffel and bring it to me, now!" I yelled, limping as fast as possible to the kitchen. By the time I got back from this errand, Alex, Mueller and Tsubarov would have covered their asses. The thought almost made me cry again.

"Duo, what--"

"Please!" I screamed, desperation in my voice. I was exhausted, hurting, and not in the mood to argue. She nodded, confused, but ran and did as I asked. Howard was at the answering machine. I heard the 'beep' as he replayed the message.

When Hilde ran in with my bag, Howard was hot on her heels. "Duo, what the hell is this about?!"

"We gotta go to Bexar County Jail. I'll explain along the way." I grabbed my bag from her. I stuffed sandwich fixings, snacks, a box of knives, and money into the duffel.

Darlian would not have called my house unless my life was in danger.

(tbc)