The Girlish Heart Must Always Be Free!

I was born in a sleepy little fishing village on the West Coast of the main island of Okinawa in the Year of the Horse. If you are also a martial artist, you will understand when I say that it was also the Year of the Wooden Horse, which only happens every 60 years. In this case, 1954.

When children come into this world, they are like soft clay, capable of being molded into familiar shapes and appealing personalities. Children are inherently good at heart. Hatred is something that has to be taught to them, for it is not in their nature to hate others. I know that all children are a blessing from the gods, and we all come from that place known as Heaven. You remember that, don't you? I certainly do.

It is said that we choose our parents before we are born, as well as our husbands and our wives, respectively. In my case, my choice for a Father was Saotome Chikara, the son of a poor fisherman from the village of Kin and an amateur Sumo wrestler known all over Okinawa as "Kumagoro" ("Mr. Bear"). My Mother was from a higher class... The daughter of a Miko and an officer of the Imperial Japanese Navy, who's headquarters just happened to be on Okinawa at the time, near Naha, the Ancient Capitol of the Ryuukyuu Kingdom as Okinawa used to be known. Her name was Hasegawa Edako.

My Mother was always my best friend, even before I was born back into the world this time. You see, she and I were schoolmates together at the Yurihime Gakkou No Me (the Princess Lily School For Girls) near Itoman. During the Great Pacific War, she was only 17 years old when the Battle of Okinawa began on April 1st, 1945. She was the only survivor out of our entire school of 205 girls.

You see, all Okinawans knew that the invasion was coming. 8000 ships of all types were headed straight for us, but we didn't have to worry. The Imperial fleet was on it's way to rescue us! Or so we were told... Including Senkan Yamato, the mightiest warship ever built. Radio Japan warned us, however, about the American barbarians. They were vile creatures who chewed gum and carried machineguns. They robbed banks like Pretty Boy Floyd, John Dillinger, Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker. They were white devils bent on destroying us. Nothing but criminals.

Ten days before the invasion began, the American fleet with four of their heavy Iowa-Class battleships as well as hundreds of other smaller support craft, opened fire on the southern end of Okinawa. To this very day, the people who survived the naval barrage call it "The Typhoon Of Steel." All of us took shelter in a cave behind the school. All of us except Edako-Senpai. We had no way of knowing it, but she had been drafted as a nurse by the Imperial Army when she didn't show up for class that day.

When the actual invasion began, we were all still hiding in the cave, terrified as to what the Americans would do to us if they caught us. The radio said that they would pull out our female organs with pliers or cut off our breasts with their bayonetsm and other things so bad, I cannot even describe them to you here. So rather than be captured, raped and tortured before they murdered us, we all decided to commit seppuku (ritual suicide) and kill ourselves. All 204 of us remaining schoolgirls died in that cave that day in April of 1945. Death before dishonour. Today that cave, which is still our tomb, is known as the Yurihime Peace Museum. Pictures of us line the wall of the cave wearing our seirafuku (girls' school uniforms).

Now, my Father had joined the 80,000 Okinawan Militia thrown together by the Imperial Army to repel the invasion. But the Japanese would never allow an Okinawan to have a gun, so many of these young men fought with farming or fishing tools or even just their bare hands against the US Marines who had not only machineguns, but flame throwers, heavy tanks, recoiless rifles and a new invention called napalm. It was an absolute slaughter. But my Father had Natsusame (Summer Rain), the Steel Bible of our Samurai clan brought to Okinawa in 1609 by the original Saotome. Like the savage beast he was named after, my Father waded into the enemy invaders who were now close enough for the sword and he managed to kill over 24 of them before they machinegunned him. They found him barely alive near Sugar Loaf and took him to the Aid station, which is where he met my Mother. She was such a mess. Her uniform and even her hair all matted with human blood, but she told me that he rolled over and told her how cute she looked, causing my Mother to just break down into tears at all the deathj and destruction she had seen. But my Father became one of the 12 survivors out of that original 80,000 member Militia.

But I missed Edako-San so much... I just wanted to be with her once again. That was my desire. That was my suffering as well. So when the time came for her to give birth to her first child, I wanted to be that child! We could be together again! But... Something was wrong! I didn't know how to explain it, but it didn't seem to matter to me so much as long as I could just be with her once more. She called me Suki-Chan (Dear Little Love) and held me in her arms.

"You have a fine, healthy son!" the doctor told her. Son? But I'm a girl! How could this be? "What will we call him?" my Father asked. My Mother just smiled down at me and said, "Umanosuke" ("A Lover of Horses"). "He will be Saotome Umanosuke, ne?" I was named after her Father's brother, whom she had adored ever since he had gone into the Kasumigaura Flying School of the Imperial Navy.

Well, things weren't so bad at first... "My, what a cute little girl you have, Edako-San!" people would tell her, "but why do you dress her like a little boy?" My Mother would just scowl at them and say, "Because he is a boy!" No I'm not! Edako-San, it's me! Don't you recognise me? Don't you remember me? It's me! Kasumi! Your Kouhai (Junior). But it was no use. She couldn't understand anything I said. It was all jibberish and baby-talk to her.

As I grew older, I went from baby clothes to another mode of dress that I liked even less. Zubon? (Pants)? Oh, my... I don't like this at all! So... unlady-like. So unfeminine... So perverted... "Okaa-Sama", I pleaded, "please don't make me wear pants! Let me wear skirts"! Her answer was to slap me across the face. "No! And never let your Father hear you say that!" And then I would cry. What had happened? What had gone wrong? It took me many years to understand it all.

But in the meantime, I did have one ally. Her name was Hasegawa Hanako, otherwise known as Obaa-Chan (Granny)! The name Hanako means Flower Child, and she was aptly named. She had the most wonderful flower garden and it was my favourite place to play when I was little, even though I had to share the garden with the occasional bee. She told me that flowers are a celebration of life and I never forgot it.

Hanako Obaa-Chan had been a Miko (Shrine Maiden, Priestess) in her younger days, and she told me that she had "The Gift." "The Gift?" What gift? What was that? She would just chuckle and bite down on her corncob pipe a little harder. She adored General MacArthur, as did most of the Japanese, when he became the military governor of Japan after the war... She liked him so much that she began to smoke a corncob pipe just like his.

When I was at her house, I could do pretty much anything I wanted to. She had an old American treddle sewing machine that said "1898 White" in the cast iron legs. She would often sing as she sewed and I got to use the heavy wooden lid as my "boat." I remember one day I was in my boat and she asked me, "Where are you, child?" "I'm on the ocean!" I told her. "Well, watch out for sharks." "Hai, Obaa-Chan!" That's right... This was April 6th! I felt something in the air! She noticed it, too. "Obaa-Chan! I'm afraid!"

"Don't be afraid," she told me. "Close your eyes and tell me what you see." How could I see anything with my eyes closed? But like a good girl, I did what I was told. And then, I felt it. Cold. A terrible cold. And a mountain that moved through the darkness of space. "What do you see now?" she asked me. "Is it... a ship? But... it's so big!" She just laughed out loud. "Yes, it's a ship. The most powerful battleship ever built. Can you feel it?" All I felt was the numbing cold.

"Today is the day," she told me, "when your Grandfather gave his life for us, as did they all. 2400 souls are aboard that ship. Her physical remains may be on the bottom of the ocean, but her spiritual form will sail the Heavens forever." I didn't understand. It was then that she told me about my Grandfather. He was a bridge officer aboard Senkan Yamato, during the Battle of Okinawa. It was an honour just to be accepted into that crew, for the Yamato was not just the pride of the Imperial Navy, but of the Japanese people as well. Her very name is synonymous with Japan, and when she was sunk, so was Imperial Japan.

On April 6th, 1945, Senkan Yamato set sail on her final voyage in Operation Ten-Go. She would attempt to sneak out of her home port of Kure on the Home Island of Kyuushu and head for Okinawa at full steam. The plan was to beach her in the bay near Naha where she could not be sunk, and then her massive 460mm (18.1") main guns would devastate the American fleet. No one knew that the rest of the Imperial Fleet had been all but destroyed in the Battle of Leyte Gulf just a few months earlier. But Hanako Obaa-Chan knew. She knew everything about everything.

Senkan Yamato set sail just as the sun had set. With all 32 boilers lit, she could do better than 35 knots and could easily make the voyage from Kure to Naha in less than 10 hours. That was amazingly fast for a ship that displaced 71,000 tonnes. But all of the war planes were being held back for a massive air assault against the American fleet, so she was sent out without any air cover at all. Senkan Yamato would have to depend on the four Imperial destroyers sent with her to use as screens, as well as her extra 105 anti-aircrfaft gun mounts. But it was no use. Like her sister ship, Senkan Musashi, Senkan Yamato fell under aerial assault from the planes of no less than 6 American aircraft carriers. She took over a dozen torpedoes and a few dozen more 500 pound bombs dropped from Hellcats, Avengers and Devastators. In the end, she rolled over on her port side and exploded, killing almost everyone instantly, including my Grandfather.

Hanako Obaa-Chan did not cry, but I did. In fact, she seemed quite happy. "Yes, child... He died at his post, but there is no need for tears. Nor is there any need to hate the Americans for what they did. They were only doing their duty as all soldiers have to do. As your Grandfather did. He is with the gods now and in a place of honour. You should be happy for him. He gave his life to protect us because that is how much he loved us. Not just us, his family, but all of Okinawa as well."

"Come with me," she told me. "You and I are going to play a little game, all right?" She took me out back into her flower garden. She drew three circles in a row on the ground and had me sit in the middle one. She then blindfolded me. "Don't worry," she laughed. "This will be fun! You'll see!" I hoped so... And then I heard her doing something on both sides of me, in the other two circles on the ground. Now, if I had not been nervous enough, it was then that I heard my Mother's voice. "Where are you, Suki-Chan? It's time to go home now."

"You are here, Edako-Chan? Good! I want you to see this." "See what? What are you up to this time, Mother?" Hanako Obaa-Chan just laughed. "All right, Suki-Chan, go ahead and take off the blindfold, if you please." I did as I was told, and then I saw that there were certain objects placed in both circles beside me. In the circle on my right were 10 toys, including a toy sword, a toy airplane, a toy gun, a toy car and other such objects that a little boy might like. In the circle to my left were another 10 toys, such as a tea pot, a child's kimono (my Mother's, in fact!), a doll, and other things that a little girl would like.

"Now then," she said, "take something you like. It doesn't matter what as long as you like it." I picked up the doll. "Now, pick up something else that you like." I picked up the kimono. My Mother was becoming irritated. "What do you think you're doing, Mother?" "Something I should have done a long time ago," Hanako Obaa-Chan said. "Go ahead, Suki-Chan... Pick something else." I picked up the little tea pot. This went on until the circle on my left was completely empty.

Hanako Obaa-Chan turned to my Mother and said, "Ten out of ten. There is no doubt about it. This child is a girl." My Mother's face grew dark. "No, he's not!" Hanako Obaa-Chan looked her right in the eyes. This was not a good sign. "Listen to me, Edako-Chan, this precious little one will never be truly happy until you set her free. Raise her as a girl or you'll be sorry!"

My Mother exploded. "Are you crazy? What do you think his Father would say?" "Who cares what he thinks? I'm thinking of this dear little baby. She really is quite special, you know?" "Mother, you have finally lost your mind! I should take him away and never bring him back here again if you're going to act this way!" Now it was Hanako Obaa-Chan who became cold. "If this were a hundred years ago, there would be no doubt that she would be raised as a girl!"

But my Mother was just as tough. "Mother, I have never understood all your bakabakashii. For all of it, did it save Father? Did it save Umanosuke-Sama? Did it keep the Americans from invading our home and killing half of us? It's all foolishness. Useless!" Hanako Obaa-Chan re-lit her pipe. "You rejected The Gift, so you will never understand it, dear. But this sweet little soul has it, and in time, she will master it and become an even more powerful Miko than I ever was." "Mother, you are not going to make him a Shrine Maiden! I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life!"

I didn't exactly understand what a Shrine Maiden was back then. I just knew that I liked the sound of it! ^_^ And while my Mother was unrelenting, so was Hanako Obaa-Chan, much to my delight! ^_^ That is the Hasegawa hard-headedness! And you will find as we go along that I am just as hard-headed as they were! Like Mother, like Daughter.

But one day, Hanako Obaa-Chan and I were watching Geisha on the terebi from Gion and I just couldn't help myself! I wanted to dance like they did as they were just so graceful and so beautiful! Hanako Obaa-Chan suggested that if I wanted to dance like a Geisha and do their type of odori (native dance), I should look like a Geisha, as well, which was just fine with me!

So out came my Mother's kimono that she had worn when she was just about my age. You must understand that any kimono are expensive. Even a cheap, cheap summer yukata is severasl hundred American dollars, and that does not even count the added expense of all the little extras that make a kimono a work of art. People did not throw them away, but rather passed them from generation to generation, particularly children's kimono, so it was not much of a surprise to learn that Hanako Obaa-Chan had also worn this beautiful kimono herself when she was a little girl.

I, of course, had never worn a kimono before, so I had no idea how to even begin to put it on, so Obaa-Chan helped me dress. In modern times, it does not matter what a lady wears under her kimono, but you still had to wear the koshi-maki (the hip wrap; sort of like a modern half-slip) and it hobbled you. Girls were not supposed to walk fast, let alone run. Then came the tabi, (little socks with 3 buttons up the side), zouri (enameled wooden sandals), and of course, the obi, which is a wide sash that wraps around your middle several times. Obaa-Chan fastened it behind me in the classic butterfly style. But girls, and only girls, are allowed to wear the obi-zashi, which is an extra little belt that goes over the obi, sort of like a safety, I suppose.

You may be surprised to know how heavy a kimono is, not to mention how hot as well! But like all girls since the dawn of time, I suppose, one goes to just about any extreme to be fashionable. We will suffer anything to wear what we would consider to be a great wardrobe or outfit, and I was no different. And this kimono was so beautiful! A wonderful floral print in Summer colours of red. And as this kimono was in the furisode style, it had the very long flowing sleeves as well. How I miss it...

But Hanako Obaa-Chan then thought that along with the geisha dances, maybe I would like to learn some of the Shrine dances as well, and that was a lot of fun! Learning the dance to summon rain, the dance for a huge catch of fish and things like that. Since it was so much fun, it was therefore easy for me to learn all the dances in very little time. She and I danced together to get the attention of the gods, for they do not listen with ears like we have, nor do they speak with voices as we do. But they do like a good show and that is what we always tried to give them.

I also had the luxury of being allowed to play with my Mother's doll, Junko (Pure Child). I had always wanted a doll of my own to love and care for, but you can imagine how well that went over with Okaa-Sama (Dearest Mother). Junko was an old-fashioned composite doll with a celluloid head with molded black hair and a stuffed body which made her very cuddly! She was dressed in a turn-of-the-century pink wardrobe. I loved to cradle her in my arms and sing to her. I would love her and kiss her just as my own Mother had done before me. Obaa-Chan noticed this and was glad to see that I was such a gentle and loving person. You can tell a lot about a person by watching them play or how they do things in games. But where I weas going to go next, there didn't seem to be very many gentle or loving people.

May, 1960. I was 5 years old and about to embark on a new adventure called public education. The 29th Ammendment to the Post-War Japanese Constitution guaranteed an education to anyone who wanted it, and Okaa-Sama saw to it that I was well-prepared. At the age of 4, she had already taught me the basic kana, or Japanese alphabet. All 46 Hiragana for the true Japanese words, as well as all 46 Katagana for the "borrowed" words and all the appropriate modifiers, such as how to make the particle ka into ga. It put me a year, maybe two, ahead of my classmates, most of whom were a year older than myself. It was perhaps the greatest gift she ever gave me because it prompted my ability to learn faster than others.

But even though I had to wear pants... Well, the most hated gakuran (boys' school uniform)... I was still a girl. Yes, I was in trouble from day one... The very first thing our sensei (teacher) did was to ask us all our names and what we wanted to be when we grew up. Like a complete idiot, I just had to say that I wanted to be a wife and a Mommy when I grew up, which made everyone burst out laughing, even the other girls. I think that's what hurt the most. Sensei just said, "That is not very funny, Saotome-Kun." I really didn't care what the boys thought. I thought they were all pretty silly to begin with. They would all play with toy swords and guns and pretend to kill each other even in play. How terrible! That wasn't my style at all, but every time I approached one of the other girls in my class, she would just shoo me away, thinking (I'm sure) that I was just another stupid boy. So in no time at all, I had become an outcast.

It also didn't help that I talked like a girl. Even on Okinawa, boys and girls are very different! We don't even use the same words that boys do. For example, a girl will say "watashi" or (more politely) "watakushi" for "me" and "I", but boys say "boku" and "ore," but little girls say "atashi," and that is how I talked. It was just the way I was. Not only did it make everyone think that I was mentally retarded, it made me stand out more than I really wanted to. You see, we have a saying in Japan... "The nail that sticks up, must be hammered down!" In many ways even now, there is no true individuality in Japan. We Okinawans are a little more liberal about such things, but even we have our limits, I suppose.

It's easy to dislike or even hate people who are not like you, and I may as well have been from Mars as that is how different I must have seemed to everyone else. Since I didn't want to have anything to do with the boys, and the other girls didn't want me around, I was by myself most of the time. Even at lunch time, girls would sit with other girls and boys would sit with other boys. I sat alone. But that wasn't the worst part...

It was also the name-calling and ridiculing. The boys called me everything from "josei-teki na otoko" (a sissy) to other words I cannot repeat here because I am a lady and I do not use that kind of language. The other girls treated me like I was some kind of obscene bug crawling up their bare legs. And then the violence began. The daily beatings meant to show me how weak and inferrior I truly was. One time, I was beaten so badly by 15 of the boys that I ran away from school and went home and hid underneath our house, too afraid to come out for a long, long time. When I finally did, my Mother burst into tears when she saw me because of all the blood. It reminded her too much of what she had seen in the war. It was the lowest point in my life up until that time and I wasn't even 6 years old yet! I thought it was my destiny to be alone and unwanted for the rest of my life. Every night I begged the gods to allow me to die so that I could return to Heaven again, but they didn't seem to hear me. I guess they didn't like me, either.

And then one day, my life took an unexpected turn. We had a new girl in our class named Ichinosai (One Of Spirit) Ryoko. She was one of those proverbial transfer students you always see in the anime. She was absolutely charming and, in my eyes, very, very cute! She had the most adorable little giggle you could ever imagine. A sweet smile, and... something I had never seen before... one of the very first Baabii-San (Barbie) dolls. As much as Ryoko-Chan facinated me, I am ashamed to admit that her Baabii-San facinated me even more, but that's the way children are. I often wondered if she had noticed me looking in her direction every so often so I could see what her doll was wearing that day, because a few days later, when I was sitting alone under a tokewagi tree, she just happened to come along.

"Hello. My name is Ryoko. What's your's?" "Saotome. Saotome Umanosuke, but my Mother calls me Suki-Chan." "Suki-Chan? What a cute name!" she giggled. "It's just like a girl's name. I wish I had a cute name like that. I don't like my name very much." "You don't? I think Ryoko is a very cute name," I told her. She smiled at me. "You're sweet. But why are you sitting all alone? Don't you have any friends" "No."

"Well, I'll be your friend, if you like." she told me. "I would like that a lot," I said. I had no idea why she took any interrest in me at all, as nobody else did, but I was glad that she wanted to be friends. It gave me the excuse to ask her, "Ryoko-Chan, may I please hold your Baabii-San doll?" You would have thought I'd dumped a bucket of cold water on her, because she suddenly drew back. "Uh, you wouldn't hurt her, would you?" "Of course not! I love dolls and she just looks so pretty!" She got a very curious look on her face. "Do you really like dolls?" "Oh, yes! I always wanted a doll of my own, but my parents won't let me have one." She was certainly brave, or trusting, to hand her Baabii-San over to me. And when I kissed her doll on the cheek to let Ryoko-Chan know that I would never harm her doll, she began to giggle. "Can I brush her hair?" I asked.

"You're not like any boy I've ever known before," she said at last. "That's because I'm not a boy," I told her. "I'm really a girl. Even Hanako Obaa-Chan said so, but they won't let me wear a cute seirafuku like your's." She grabbed the hem of her pleated skirt. "You... want to wear one of these stupid things?" "Yes. That way, I could be just like you and all the other girls in our class." (As if it were that easy! ^_^ ) She giggled, "You're so funny, Suki-Chan! Well, if it were up to me, I'd give it to you so I wouldn't have to wear it anymore! I hate this stupid thing!"

But neither of us had noticed that some of our other classmates had seen us together. "Ryoko-Chan! Get away from him! He's a pervert!" one girl said. "Yes! He really thinks he's a girl! He even tries to use the girls' toilet! What a weirdo!" another said. And then, all of a sudden, Ryoko-Chan stood straight up and shook her finger at them! "Shame on you! How could you be so mean to her? What has she ever done to you?" It was like a small bomb had gone off. "Her? Do you think he's really a girl? Then maybe you're a dirty pervert, too!"

Ryoko-Chan then got a very strange look on her face. The last time I saw that kind of a look was when Okaa-Sama caught me trying on one of her pretty pink Nurse's uniforms and was absolutely furious with me! I didn't think she would ever stop beating me with that piece of bamboo. Couldn't Okaa-Sama understand that all I wanted was to be just like her? But now I was becoming very nervous. Ryoko-Chan wouldn't fight these girls, would she? Fortunately, the school bell rang and Ryoko-Chan and I were all alone in the schoolyard. Ryoko-Chan's face softened and she looked over at me. "Suki-Chan, would you like to come over to my house after school and play?" "Would that be all right?" I asked her. "Sure. "Okaa-San might be mad if I brought a boy over, but another girl should be all right." Another girl? Did Ryoko-Chan truly think of me that way? It would be wonderful if she did.

Mrs. Ichinosai was a widow. I had no idea at the time that her husband had been a pilot with the Japanese Air Self-Defense Force, and a few years before all this, his plane had gone down somewhere in the East China Sea and he was never found. So Mrs. Ichinosai was left alone to bring up three girls all by herself. This was very unusual at the time. She worked for an American company over at the air base as an O.L. (Office Lady), but I did not know that she and her daughters just lived down the street from us on the opposite side of Momiji-Cho. Maybe I would get to see Ryoko-Chan more often.

We went through the back door of her house and straight into her room, taking off our shoes as we went. I was amazed! I had never seen a girl;s room before amd it was just amazing to me how pretty it was! I had seen Western-style beds in pictures, but I had never seen one up close before. How pretty! A white French Provincial canopy bed with gold trim, with adorable pink pillow shams, a matching canopy top and even a comforter! I was truly envious, as we slept on the floor at our house. She had many dolls and stuffed animals, a small round child's table with matching chairs... I wanted a room just like her's someday!

"What do you want to do first, Suki-Chan? Would you like to play a game with me?" "What kind of game?" She got a big grin on her face. "My favourite game is dress-up! Want to play that?" "How do you play it?" I asked her. "Oh, Suki-Chan! All girls know how to play dress up!" "They do? Well, I don't know how," I said sadly. "That's all right! I'll teach you! See, what you do is, you get to dress up like the person you most want to be. Wait! I had been playing dress-up before with ,i>Okaa-Sama's uniforms and didn't even know it! I did know how to play this game! I just never knew it had a name before.

See? It's not hard. So, who do you want to be?" At that particular moment in time, I could think of only one answer. "I want to be Ryoko-Chan," I told her. She giggled. You want to be me?" "Oh, yes! You are so cute, Ryoko-Chan... I wish I were just as cute as you are so people would love me, too." "Do you really think I'm cute?" she asked me. "Of course I do. I would give anything to be as cute as you are!"

And then she did something totally unexpected. She leaned over and kissed me on the lips. It was the first time I had ever been kissed by another girl, aside from Okaa-Sama and Obaa-Chan. But Ryoko-Chan's kiss was different. It was soft and innocent. An expression of pure love, but I didn't understand why she did it.

"Of course you can be me, if you want to... Do you really want to wear my old seirafuku, too?" she giggled. "May I?" "Sure. Better you than me..." "You are so kind, Ryoko-Chan, but what can I do for you in return?" "Just play with me, Suki-Chan," she pleaded. "I don't have anybody else to play with. My two older sisters don't want to play with me and Okaa-San is always too busy or too tired..." How could I resist that dear little soul? I had no idea that she was lonely, too. "Who do you want to be?" I asked her. "You'll see!" she giggled.

As I stood there, my dear Ryoko-Chan went through her drawers picking out things for me to wear. I really hadn't expected all this! I would have been more than happy to wear her seirafuku alone, but it seemed like she wanted me to go all the way. To wear nothing but girls' clothes, including her pretty panties and a matching camisole. The pale pink panties were decorated with lots and lots of feminine ribbons and ruffles. The matching camisole had the same ribbons and ruffles as that is the way girls' underclothes were back then. But Ryoko-Chan wasn't done just yet. She then handed me a pair of pretty socks that had little red hearts embroidered on them. How adorable! I wanted to wear her Mary Janes as well, but as we don't wear shoes in the house, that would have to wait for later, I hoped.

Ryoko-Chan smiled at me and went down the hallway towards her Mother's room, leaving me all alone in her's. I have to admit, I was a little nervous at first. How many times I wanted to dress this way, and now it was happening! I wasn't sure exactly how to react. I knew that Okaa-Sama would be really angry if she ever found out about this. Better not let her know then. ^_^ Ryoko-Chan's delicate underthings felt so wonderful against my skin I knew that I had made the right decision. So cool and comfortable that I never wanted to wear boys' underclothes again! The red pleated skirt fit me almost perfectly, even though I could not quite figure out which was the front or which was the back. That's right! The tags always go on the left and/or the zippers are always in back. Since the skirt fit so well, I was sure that the sailor tunic would, too. That wasn't hard to figure out. The big flap thing goes in the back. And her socks... I squeezed my toes togeather enjoying their cuddly, girly comfort on my feet. I wondered what Ryoko-Chan was doing.

And then I heard "Clump! Clump! Clump!" coming down the hall. Ryoko-Chan was wearing her Mother's high heels, which were much too big for her, so she had to walk in them sideways. "Are you ready for school, young lady?" she asked through her own bedroom door. She slid the door back and looked me over. "That's a good girl, Ryoko-Chan. I see you're almost ready, but what did you do to all your pretty hair? That isn't cute!" I hadn't even thought about my hair... I had the same bad haircut that all the boys had. Definately uncute. But the real Ryoko-Chan solved that problem quite easily with one of her Mother's long black wigs. It was a very simple hairstyle, but somehow looked very much like Ryoko-Chan's hair as well. I was amazed at all this. I had never felt long curls around my throat before and it was wonderful! I was really beginning to enjoy all of this, until I looked into the long mirror on her closet door, for what I saw shocked me! I saw a much younger version of my own Mother. I was what she more-or-less looked like when she had been my age, although our hairstyles were extremely different. I was a girl! I had always known it! Now I got to see for myself that I was right! I began to cry, thinking about the life I was forced to live. How could they have done that to me?

"Please don't cry, Suki-Chan," she pleaded. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry! You don't have to wear that if you don't want to." And then from nowhere, I heard, "The Girlish Heart Must Always Be Free!" What was that? Where was it coming from? I looked at Ryoko-Chan, but she seemed oblivious to it. "Do you hear that?" I asked her. "Hear what?"

And then, while looking into the mirror, I saw a figure standing next to me. She was dressed in a very beautiful long white kimono with very long black hair, but somehow, she had no feet! It was like she floated in the air. I turned to look at her, but she wasn't there! For some reason, I could only see her in the mirror. She bent down and touched my shoulder and I could feel her touch, but still could not see her standing next to me. What was this? What was going on? The figure bent down and whispered to me, "Tell Kimiko that she is loved." Who was Kimiko? And then the figure faded from view.

"What's wrong, Suki-Chan?" "Nothing..." Ryoko-Chan held my hand. "Do you still want to play with me?" she asked. I nodded my head. "Then you'd better hurry and get to school, young lady!" she said as she pushed me into her room. Then, as small children do, we played. We took all the dolls and stuffed animals she had and sat them all around her table while she stood near her little blackboard that was mounted on the wall. "Who was the first Emperor of Japan?" she asked us. None of the dolls or stuffed animals seemed to know, but I did. "Sensei! I know! I know!" "Yes, Miss Ryoko?" "It was Tenno Jimmu in 660 BC!" Ryoko-Chan smiled and clapped her hands together. "That's right! My goodness! What a smart girl you are, Miss Ryoko! You go to the head of the class!"

W H A M !

The sliding door was thrown back and an older girl wearing eyeglasses came in. "Ryoko-Chan, have you seen Asuka Onee-Sama? Kenji is calling on the phone for her, but I can't find her anyplace!" At first, I was so scared I almost wet myself. Kami-Sama! I didn't mind Ryoko-Chan seeing me dressed like a girl, but I had no idea what was going on or even who this other girl was. I just wanted to find a hole to hide in for the time being, so I ended up just sitting there like an idiot.

Then the new girl looked my way. "Who's this? Is she one of your friends?" Not knowing what else to do, I stood up and bowed to her. "Douzo yoroshiku!" ("Please be kind to me!") I begged her. But before darling Ryoko-Chan could say anything, the new girl saw how her little sister was dressed. "Wearing Okaa-San's clothes again? You know better than that, Ryoko-Chan! Didn't she tell you not to? Well, I'm gonna tell!"

My darling twin looked as if she were going to burst into tears at any moment and I wasn't too far behind her. "Oh, all right, little babies! Don't worry! I won't tell, but Ryoko-Chan, you had better put all of Okaa-San's clothes back, all right?" "Hai, Onee-Sama!" Then she looked back over at me. "What did you say your name was?" Ryoko-Chan yelled out, "She's Ryoko-Chan!" The older girl shook her head. "Oh, no... Not another one! I'm sorry, but we already have one Ryoko-Chan too many as it is!" She laughed and slammed the sliding door closed again.

Shaken but not stirred, Ryoko-Chan and I went back to playing and became oblivious to the dangers that surrounded us. We were both holding dolls in our arms and practicing being Mommies when the sliding door was thrown wide open once again. "There you are, you little brat!" the new girl said. "Tell me, little flat-chested one, have you seen our sister Fuu-San? She was supposed to take messages for me until I got home and now I can't find her or any messages!" She looked over at me and I think I did wet myself a little bit that time... Oh, my... No one may behold the face of the Gorgon and live...

"Who's this kid?" she asked. "One of your little sweetie-pie classmates?" Ryoko-Chan was getting fairly well agitated now. "You leave her alone!" she yelled at her older sister. The big girl put both hands on her hips. "Well, well... You must be in love with her. Am I right?" she laughed. "You're such a sad, strange little girl! AND... You're wearing shoes in the house! What will Okaa-San say?" "Go away and leave us alone!" Ryoko-Chan yelled at her in defiance. The big girl bent down and looked me right square in the eyes. This is never a good sign. "Well," she said at last, "at least she's cuter than you are!"

Making kissing sounds, she slammed the sliding door closed again. "That was Asuka Onee-Sama," Ryoko-Chan explained. She is so mean to me sometimes..." I put my arms around little Ryoko-Chan and hugged her. "Don't worry! I will always be your friend," I told her. My sweet little twin then put her arms around me and rested her head against my chest. "You're a better sister than both of them." I had always wanted a sister. Little did I know I was about to have three of them!

So we went back to playing once more and this time when the door slid open, neither one of us noticed. "Ryoko-Chan, did you have a good day at school, dear?" "Hai, Okaa-San! I made a new friend today!" It was then that she noticed that Ryoko-Chan was wearing one of her best suits. "Ryoko-Chan! You know better than that! How many times have I asked you not to wear my good clothes? You'll get them all wrinkled, dear!" This time, it was darling Ryoko-Chan who stood there like a small child with her hand caught in the cookie jar. And then, Mrs. Ichinosai noticed me...

"And what is your name, dear?" Gathering up what few wits I had, I bowed ever so politely to Mrs. Ichinosai. "I am Ryoko-Chan," I blurted out. "What? Your name is Ryoko, too?" "Hai, Okaa-San! I am Ryoko-Chan for today," I told her. "I see..." she said. "If only my other daughters treated their own Mother with half as much respect as you do. Well, Ryoko-Chan number two, would you like to help me with the cooking?" "Hai, Okaa-San!" "Would you like to help me with the housework?" "Hai, Okaa-San!" "Would you like to help me with the laundry?" "Hai, Okaa-San!" "Would you like to help me with the dishes?" "Hai, Okaa-San!" She smiled down at me. "What a good girl you are! My darling, if you did all that, you would be a bigger help to me than all of my other daughters put together. But why would you want to help?" I put my arms around her legs and hugged her. "Because I love you so much, Okaa-San!" I said it as if I were saying it to my own Mother. Goodness knows how many times I wished I could have done it just like that. To be my Mother's little girl and tell her just how much I truly did love her.

Not to be outdone, Ryoko-Chan number one ran over (as best she could... ) and put her arms around her Mother, too. "I love you, too, Okaa-San!" I don't know what magic button we pushed, but that charming and tender-hearted woman bent down and kissed both of us. "Little did I know that when I left for work this morning I would have two Ryoko-Chan's when I came home! But we can't call you Ryoko-Chan, too! That would be too confusing. Do you have another name, dear?" That's when the real Ryoko-Chan said, "She's Suki-Chan! Saotome Suki-Chan!"

"Saotome?" Okaa-San put her finger to her lips. "That's funny... I thought they had two boys." My heart sank. Would she now hate me too? Would she call Okaa-Sama and tell her what a little sissy her oldest son was? I bowed ever so politely. "Please forgive me, Okaa-San, I never meant to..." She put her arms around me. "Hush, darling. Obviously, I was mistaken. I just didn't know that they also had such a sweet little girl. And such a pretty one as well! Would you really like to help me, dear?" "Hai, Okaa-San!" "Me, too, Mommy! Me, too!" Ryoko-Chan added. She smiled down at us. "All right, but first things first. Ryoko-Chan, please go take my clothes off and put your own back on. Shoes in the house indeed... You should know better than that, young lady. Suki-Chan?" "Hai, Okaa-San?" "You should change into a pretty dress, too! Have Ryoko-Chan show you how to put it on if you don't know how." "Really?" "Yes, really. School uniforms are too expensive to just wear around the house, dear. Now, you girls go and get changed." "Hai, Okaa-San!" we both said in unison.

After she had made a quick change in her Mother's room once again,Ryoko-Chan returned and opened her oshire (closet) and took out a very pretty yellow dress that had buttons up the back. "I think it would look very nice on you!" And then she took down one of her bouffant slips and handed it to me. It was one of the prettiest things I had ever seen in my life! Layers of nylon lace and taffeta. "Now to get you out of that silly old uniform!" I really didn't want to part with it, but it did belong to Ryoko-Chan, after all... Ryoko-Chan helped me undress and it was a little embarrassing at first, but if Ryoko-Chan didn't flinch, then neither would I. After all, we were sisters.

She helped me into the bouffant slip and then added another petticoat over it. After that, every time I moved, there was a delightful feminine rustling sound! Some people call it a swish! It was so nice! And then came the pretty dress. I had not yet managed a technique for buttoning behind me, so Ryoko-Chan had to button me up. The dress had a very full skirt and all those petticoats gave it just the right shape. That was the way a proper young lady dressed back in those days.

Ryoko-Chan also changed into another dress that was a lot like the one I was wearing, and I returned the favour by doing her buttons up for her as well. A few moments later, Okaa-San returned to check up on us. "Don't you two look cute! I'm a happy Mommy to have such cute little girls!" Ryoko-Chan began giggling again. I could tell she was happy now. "But you!" she looked at me... "I noticed earlier that your wig was slipping just a little, dear. Ryoko-Chan, be a dear to Mommy and get one of your hair ribbons, please. Yes, that one will do nicely, thank you, darling." She then tied the ribbon around my head and the overall effect was just...

"Now that you two are a little more presentable, are you ready to help Mommy in the kitchen?" "Hai, Okaa-San!" "Then you girls please come with me." I had no idea at the time what exactly was going on, but it was so very wonderful to be included in "you girls" for a change. It was all I ever really wanted. Why did it seem so terrible to everyone else?

She marched us girls into the kitchen where she put pretty little aprons on Ryoko-Chan and myself before putting on her own. "If you would, please, I would like for you girls to do the dishes and while you are doing that, I'll start dinner. All right?" I was so happy I was about to bust open like an overly ripe watermelon! I was wearing a pretty dress, pretty underthings and an apron! You can't get much more girly than that, unless I had been wearing make-up, too. Or at least some pretty nail polish. But I thought I had died again and returned to Heaven! As I was already used to helping Okaa-Sama in the kitchen, I already knew what I had to do so I went right to work. I had to stand on a chair to reach the sink, but that's the way it was at home, too. I washed and let Ryopko-Chan dry. It was so much fun! In no time at all, we had washed and dried and put away all the dishes, just in time to get them all dirty again, but like they say in the West, "A man may toil from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done."

"We're done, Mommy!" Ryoko-Chan said. "What else can we do to help?" "Yes! We want to do more!" I added. "That's my good girls. Well, you can set the table... Oh, Suki-Chan, can you stay for dinner, dear? You are more than welcome." "I want to, but maybe I should go home." "Suki-Chan, does your Mother even know where you are?" "No, Okaa-San." "Honey, always let your Mother know where you are so she won't worry about you, all right, dear?" "Hai, Okaa-San!" "That's my good girl. I'm sure she must be worried sick about you by this time, but don't worry. I'll call and let her know that you're all right. It would break my heart if I lost a sweet little girl like you."

I couldn't help myself. I just put my arms around her and began to cry. And if you think that I was a little crybaby back then, I suppose you would be right. There was so little happiness in my life, and now I didn't know what to think! But Okaa-San picked me up and held me in her loving arms. "Don't cry, dear. Girls always look their best when they are happy and smiling." I would have given anything for my own Mother to love me half as much as this woman did. To love me as her little girl. That is all I wanted in life. Just to be loved as the little girl I really was but was never allowed to be until now.

"She doesn't know, does she?" "Know what, Okaa-San?" "She doesn't know that she really has a daughter, does she?" "Obaa-Chan told her that I was a girl, but Okaa-Sama didn't want to believe her. I love Okaa-Sama, but she doesn't love me." "That's just foolishness! I know she loves you, dear. Maybe some day she'll understand. But don't worry, I won't tell her how pretty you are right now. Or how much prettier you would be if you dried your eyes for me." "Hai, Okaa-San."

After talking with my Mother, the final details of dinner worked out, it was time to call the other girls to the table. When all five of us were assembled in the kitchen, Okaa-San said, "I want to introduce you to the newest member of our family. This is Suki-Chan, your newest sister. I want you to be sweet and kind to her." I bowed to my new sisters ever so politely. "Douzo yoroshiku!" ("Please be kind to me.") Fuu-San and Asuka-San looked at each other in utter disbelief! How could this be? Little Ryoko-Chan just stood there giggling in her usual way.

Then, Okaa-San became very serious! "As our new trainee girl, she may end up replacing one or more of you permanently if I come home and find this house in such a state of disarray again! Understand?" This time, I think it was Fuu-San and Asuka-San who were wetting themselves in fear now. "Hai, Okaa-San!" "Girls, please understand that this family cannot function well unless we all help. I just don't have the time to do everything here and go to work, too! I need your help!" "Trainee girl?" I thought to myself. "What did that mean?" Asuka Onee-Sama looked over at Fuu Onee-Sama and whispered, "There's something not quite right about this girl..."

After dinner, little Ryoko-Chan and I began cleaning up again. It was a lot easier now, and in the interim, Mrs. Ichinosai began to teach Ryoko-CHan and myself some elementary cooking. It was just as easy to teach two as it was to teach one, but certainly a lot more fun for us! Hanayome no jutsu (The Bridal Arts) are so much fun! I even began to giggle like the other Ryoko-Chan! I told her that maybe someday, I would even get to be a bride! When I mentioned this to Mrs. Ichinosai, she asked me, "Well, Suki-Chan! Do you like boys?" It shocked me for a moment, and then I remembered all the horrible things that boys had done to me! "No! Boys are all perverts!" Ryoko-Chan didn't just giggle, she burst out into full laughter this time! "She's a girl, all right!"