Obituaries
And you can bet an Epyon they won't die on the battlefield... |
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Age: 23
The details of Mr. Yuy's death have not yet been released to the public. All that is known is he died last Friday. More will follow as the information is revealed. In the meantime, Heero's black spandex and green tank top collection is available for sale on EBay. Happy bidding. |
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Age: 23
Once a highly exuberant, contagious youth, Duo had captured the hearts of many with his wit and charm. Right after the end of the battle against Mariemeia, the talkative "cleric" opened up a mechanic parts supply business with his close friend, Hilde. Though the business was quite profitable and had a clientel that included the likes of Winner Industries, Mr. Maxwell felt he was not suited to this lifestyle. After a short (very-short) career in stand-up comedy, he came to rest at Liebman, Donner, Quint, Rockafeller, Quiznorathiothenbria, Jksitsihnson, Hiemlich, and Cyanide Law Offices. He had found a way to put his mischevious streak to good use and get paid for it. However, last Friday, Mr. Maxwell was reclining in his chair pouring over his latest case and tapping a ballpoint pen against his teeth. A collegue noticed his rather distracted attitude (and insisted Duo was continuously muttering something about "Gundams"), and thought to leave him alone when suddenly he heard choking. He ran back to Mr.Maxwell's office and found him laying dead at his desk, ink splotched around his mouth. A faulty pen cap had logded itself in the young man's mouth, exploding on him and suffocating him at the same time. His last words were reported to be something about "Shinigami" and "Christmas cake". Lawsuits are being prepared against the makers of the weapon: Tuberov's Trusty Pens. His cheerful ways will be sorely missed. Memorial service to be held at The Spirit World Church in L2 at 3:00 PM. Service to be conducted by Botan. Refreshments afterwards. |
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Age: 23
Known the world over as the best circus worker ever to enter the Big Top, Trowa was loved by many. Although he never really smiled, it was assumed by his sister Catherine that he was a happy young man. Mr. Barton's most distinguishable feature was beyond a shadow of a doubt his unibang. When asked during the inspection, Catherine informed police that her brother used at least two full bottles of industrial strength hair gel before every performance to keep his hair at maximum sharpness. However, it seems this habit was one that cost the young performer his life. Last Friday, Mr. Barton and his sister decided to go to the local ice skating rink on L3. It would prove to be a fatal day. When the Zambonie machine came on the ice, the pair were making their way out of the rink when Trowa's skate caught in a crack and he fell, his unibang lodged into the ice. Catherine noticed all too late as the gates had already been locked. By the time they were opened, it was too late. The Zambonie drove right over Mr. Barton, flattening him instantly. Witnesses claim his last words were "..." and "...-...". Currently, investigations are being conducted as to the competency of the owner. The Zambonie driver, named Hinoto, was blind, deaf, and mute. Trowa's non-smiling face will be sorely missed amongst the small children and animals of the world. Memorial service to be held at The Church of the Animals in L3 at 3:30 PM. Circus performance to follow. |
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Age: 23
Although he was loved world/colony-wide, it seems that not even the famous heir to the Winner family was invincible. Aside from his great political and business skills, Mr. Winner was known as one of the foremost fashionable figures of the A.C. '90s and '00s. However, it seems that the kind-hearted Arabian had a fatal allergic reaction to the starch used in dry-cleaning procedures. Obviously, the employee at "L4's Dry-Cleaning For The Rich and Famous" did not heed Mr. Winner's servant when he warned the young girl about using heavy starch. Sadly, when the young billonaire pulled on his pink polo shirt for a business meeting last Friday, he fell, dead, within fifteen minutes. His last words, though unclear, hinted at "the heart of Outer Space" and "non-alcoholic champagne". It is assumed the starch had mental as well as physical effects. The young Winner will be missed greatly by all. Memorial service to be held at FourthStar Bank Grocter & Pramble Toritos Poca-Pola Cathedral (West and 9th) at 4:00 PM. |
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Age: 23
Coming from a lone and respected line of fighter's from one of L5's most notable clans, it is no surpise that young Wufei had a lifelong dream of becoming the best soldier in the colonies/Earth. He trained relentlessly, and at age 14 was recuited into a special combat program based on L5. Strangely enough, no one knows what the purpose of this unit was, as it was kept very hush-hush. After seemingly disappearing for more than two years, the martial artist resurfaced as one of the finest members of the peace-keeping organization The Preventers. Mr. Chang had quite a promising future ahead of him. Tragically, last Friday while on routine inspection of the German base (located near the former General Treize's estate), the decorated soldier was squashed beneath the foot of a malfunctioning mobile suit. According to eye witnesses, he could be heard screaming "NATAKU!" and "INJUSTICE!" just before the foot trampled him. We can only guess at the meaning of his final words. Memorial service will be held at the Non-Denominatiol Red Dragon Church/Buffet of L5 ver.2 at 5:00 PM. Closed casket. |
More obituaries to come...^^