Posting anxiety
Mood:  not sure
Topic: fanfiction
I was re-formatting "Lyra's Children" this week and remembering how proud I am of it, so I decided to submit it to the dotmoon fanfiction site. Thought it would be interesting to see how it's received by a wider audience. It was accepted (just on the basis of the Introduction, which is really just a bunch of quotes about Orpheus and Eurydice, a frequent theme in my work, and other things) and goes up this afternoon on the weekly update, and now I'm really nervous. I was so proud of it a few days ago, and now all I can think about are the flaws and worry that people in the broader Sailormoon fandom aren't going to be into a twenty-something-plus chapter epic about Nephrite and Naru. I just have Book One over there right now, if people hate it I'll take it down and not post the rest.  So we'll see what happens.

Budapest by Blimp
Now Playing: Budapest by Blimp - Thomas Dolby
Topic: randomnity

I found this on my son's friend Rebecca's blog. It's almost like magic!! lol

It's easy - just copy the questions, set your music player (Windows Media Player, iTunes, MP3, etc) to "shuffle," then hit the "next" button to get the song titles that are the answers to the questions. You have to write each one down in order - no skipping or cheating!

 If someone says, “Is this okay?” you say?
Tears of Pearls - Savage Garden

How would you describe yourself?
A Modern Myth - 30 Seconds to Mars

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Ruled by Secrecy - Muse

How do you feel today?
Dance Inside - All-American Rejects

What is your life’s purpose?
Break Me Shake Me - Savage Garden

What is your motto?
This Town - The Go-Go's

What do your friends think of you?
Bullet the Blue Sky - U2

What do you think of your family?
Garden - Pearl Jam

What do you think about very often?
Speed of Sound - Coldplay

What is 2 + 2?
Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - The Police

What do you think of your best friend?
The Interview - AFI

What do you think of the person you like?
You Make Me, Me - MXPX

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Lifeline - Angels & Airwaves

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Disintegration - The Cure

What will [did] you dance to at your wedding?
Summer Skin - Death Cab for Cutie

What will they play at your funeral?
Girl's Not Grey - AFI

What is your hobby/interest?
Whisper - Evanescence

What is your biggest fear?
Fade to Black - Nina Gordon

What is your biggest secret?
Key to Her Ferrari - Thomas Dolby

What do you think of your friends?
Possession - Sarah McLachlan

What will you post this as?
Budapest by Blimp - Thomas Dolby
***********************************

I've been feeling crummy lately, ADD + CFIDS = much fail so it was good to find something fun 'n' eezy to do that gave me a smile. Work on the website very much depends on if I can scrape together a few shreds of brain cells and coherent thought long enough to actually concentrate on writing or coding for more than two minutes at a time.

Heh, heh...

...Sorry about the momentary over-exuberance. I realized I probably sound like a commercial for that playlist service. But it's really cool, really. I'd seen it on other blogs but I didn't think it would work with Angelfire blogs. So I went into the "Advanced Customization," where you can actually work with the source code, and found the place where I could put the playlist code. So, yay!

Also yay, Rurouni Kenshin Season 1 DVD box set is in my happy little hands. Animenation had all box sets 25% a couple of weeks ago. So how could I pass it up? I also ordered Season 2, which is (slightly arguably) the best season in anime. But it's just been reprinted by the manufacturer and isn't re-stocked yet. Hopefully soon...

In the meantime, I haven't written a word of fic. I think it's about to come back, though. Still got stuff to beta-read and code, too. 

Playlist!!!
Yay, check out my new custom playlist down at the bottom!

What I've been doing
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Nephrite Naru Treasury

I've been trying to get the Writing Fairy to come over and play with me, but she's being difficult. But the Scrapbook Fairy and I have been having a good old time, and here's the result.

Meanwhile, I'm also beta-reading a story cycle that should prove postable, and coding the revised version of an old fic on the site. And hopefully one day I'll get Enemy's Choice and Starfire finished. If I can muster enough brain-cell cooperation to put two words together in a way that makes sense.

What's Wrong With Me
Now Playing: Silver and Cold - AFI
Topic: personal

As I said I might do in the NNT updates, here's the latest on what the deal is with my fatigue. I went for a checkup in late November (I was supposed to go in a lot earlier, but my doctor went home sick that day, which seems ironic but I guess doctors are human too ). So I finally got in, and told her about my fatigue. She ordered a complete panel of blood tests, most of which came back normal (no diabetes, no anemia or leukemia, thank goodness, cholesterol just a weensy bit high). But my inflammation markers came back with numbers that made me wonder if the folks at the lab were on drugs that day. (20 on a scale of 0.7 to 5.) Unfortunately, they weren't.

Back for a followup, my doctor told me that in the absence of any obvious illness or infection, this high level of inflammation indicates autoimmune activity. That is, my immune system has begun attacking me. Or, in other words, my germ fighters think I'm the germ. She ordered a bunch more tests; unfortunately, this was on New Year's Eve and the lab courier decided to knock off early for the holiday and never showed up to collect the samples. So I had to go back several days later and get another four tubes of blood re-drawn. Anyway, she was testing to see what organs/systems were being targeted - most of the time, autoimmune disorders will target something specific, for example, as in rheumatoid arthritis or lupus. But everything came up negative, so the best she could do was that I have an unspecified/non-specific autoimmune disorder.

It's a chronic condition, meaning that it doesn't get cured and go away, but she was also very careful to reassure me that it isn't life-threatening. However, it's a serious quality-of-life issue, since it can be very disabling. She ordered me to stop taking synthetic vitamin supplements (partly because of this, I guess, and partly for other reasons) and to get more sleep and better quality sleep, exercise regularly, and take natural fruit and vegetable supplements along with an overall improvement in my diet. We're trying this for four months, to see if I have any improvement. Hopefully I won't have to go on medications, since the meds for this have pretty nasty side effects.

So far I'm noticing some improvement. Before, I had 2-3 usable hours a day. This included cooking, chores, errands (or any kind of being out of the house), exercise, showering, EVERYTHING. Now, most days I have 4 or so usable hours. Still not great - the standard is being able to work an 8 hour day and still be able to take care of necessary daily tasks, probably 10-12 hours a day. But definitely better than it was. I also have a lot of achiness and "brain fog," which I'm not sure are getting any better. And one thing I noticed since I started working on NNT again is that my hands hurt a lot more when I type than they did last summer. But I'm holding out hope that this is something I can learn to live with and enjoy a decent quality of life, even if it never completely goes away.

The Internet is an amazing place
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: randomnity
We are your overlords

Never take rock critics seriously
Now Playing: Angels & Airwaves - I-Empire
Topic: music

I've been waiting anxiously for the new Angels & Airwaves CD to come out, and now it's out, and it was totally worth the wait.

Unfortunately, the AMG review of it, by Stephen Thomas Erlewine, is probably the snottiest rock review I've ever read, and that's saying a lot, because rock critics tend to be a particularly snot-nosed bunch. My reaction is, Gee, Mr. Rock Critic, if you know so much, why aren't YOU the one making records? Huh? Huh?!?

(Maybe it's because YOU'VE got no talent.)

Oh, and Mr. Rock Critic, if it's "maturity" you're concerned about (a big deal was made of "maturity" in the review), I'm going to be 45 in 2 weeks and I have a Master's degree in musicology, with a specialy in choral/vocal music of the 15th and 16th centuries. And I happen to love Angels and Airwaves. If it's "mature" enough for me, then what have you got to complain about?

Anyway, the thing I've noticed about rock critics is that they simultaneously want the music they're reviewing to be totally and completely original, like nothing ever heard before in the history of mankind, AND to exactly match their preconceived ideas of what it should sound like. Which, if you think about it for a minute, is not really possible.

So, in short, awesome album, I highly recommend it. 

Tired
Mood:  down
Now Playing: My new favorite song (repeatedly)
Topic: personal

I finally decided to acknowledge that the level of fatigue I've been living with for years is NOT NORMAL. Most people don't feel like this. Most people aren't wiped out for the rest of the day by a 45-minute workout on the elliptical trainer. Most people don't need TWO WEEKS to recover from a weekend trip to a football game.

I've been tired for as long as I can remember, at least since Aaron, who's 11 now, was a baby. I thought it was because I had two young boys, who were both real handfuls, to look after. Then I'd see my friends with 3 or 4 or 5 kids and all the things they did and think, They've got even more kids, they must be even more tired, but look at everything they do, I must just be lazy and weak. But now I've realized they DON'T feel like this. My friend with seven kids, whose idea of "me time" is a 60-mile bike ride, doesn't feel this tired all the time.

I thought it was having young kids. I thought it was the depression. I thought it was the, er, female trouble and the resulting anemia. I thought it was the anxiety and panic attacks. I thought it was deailng with two busy boys in school. I'd start to feel better, get a little energy, and then something, a cold or a trip or a stretch of busy days, would knock me down again. Now, with my "baby" in junior high and my older son out of the house and off to college, I've finally realized that I'm not going to wake up one morning magically feeling better.

It's been especially frustrating because all the things that are supposed to give you more energy don't help me. Exercise is supposed to energize you; it knocks me flat for the whole day. I'd been thinking maybe I was exercising wrong. Getting more sleep is supposed to restore your energy; if anything, I feel worse after 8 hours of sleep than I do after 5 or 6. Healthy diet: I eat a healthy diet, in fact, thinking that a little more healthy food would give me a boost of energy has helped me put on 40 pounds.

So I'm thinking I've probably got chronic fatigue syndrome.  I'm going in for a physical next week (had to anyway; my doctor holds my blood pressure med refills hostage unless I go in and see her every couple of years) so I'll talk to her about it. I'm also thinking maybe a thyroid imbalance, but kind of doubt it. There isn't really any treatment to cure chronic fatigue, but there are ways to manage it, and maybe increase your energy a little. Mainly I want to learn how to cope with it, and be able to do as much as I can, and not feel guilty for knowing my body's limits and respecting them. No, I can't do everything that other people I know do but I do what I can even though it's hard. I just want to be able to do things like normal people without always being overwhelmed with fatigue to the point where I can barely move or think.

New favorite song: "This Time Imperfect," by AFI. Hidden track from the "Sing the Sorrow" album. (YouTube videos: live performance and album version with DNAngel AMV.) I've listened to this about 500 billion times in the last 6 days. Heart-wrenchingly beautiful. The lyrics are going up on the NNT dedications page; perfect for Nephrite's death scene.

10 Songs
Mood:  not sure
Topic: music

I like to do the "Shuffle Sync" on Windows Media Player to my MP3 player. Here are ten random songs from the sync I'm doing right now:

Truly Madly Deeply, Savage Garden

Whisper, Evanescence

The Zephyr Song, Red Hot Chili Peppers

Fall Children, AFI (Don't know this one, it's from a CD I ripped that was in Jesse's room; I'll see how it rates but in general I really like AFI)

Holiday, Green Day

Tonight and the Rest of My Life, Nina Gordon

Surrender, U2

Drop in the Ocean, Michelle Branch

Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve

Quiche Lorraine, B-52s