First Scene: Ucchan’s
Sakura comes running in
Sakura: I got a new job!
Ukyo (flipping an Okonomiyaki): So, tell us what it is. Sakura: I am doing a Diet Shake commercial. I’m going to be on TV! The commercial is being produced by a FAMOUS Japanese producer! Miso Honei.
Akane (excited voice): MISO HONEI!
Sakura (Screaming): YES! YES!
(Ryoga, Trunks, and Goten look at each other oddly)
(Suddenly Ranma and Shinnosuke walk in)
Mai: Well look it’s. CHUBBY!
Ranma: Wahtchu talkin’ ‘bout Creepella?
Mai: Your short and your getting’ chubby, and your standing next to Shinnosuke who is tall and thin… Looks like the number ten just walked in.
(The milk Akane was drinking flies out of her nose)
Akane (wiping her nose): …that wasn’t funny Mai…
Ranma (looks to Mai): Let me say this in words you can understand: Cluck-You.
(Mai jumps on his throat)
Ranma: GET HER OFF ME!
Goten: DOWN MAI! DOWN!
(Mai jumps down)
Goten: Bad Mai! Very Very Bad! Sit in the corner.
(She goes to the corner and sits down)
Sakura: Okay. Everyone, back to my glory. Eyes back to me!
Shinnosuke: Wassap woman.
Sakura: I’m gonna be in a TV commercial.
Shinnosuke: Coo’.
Sakura: Sweety I thank you for your Outstanding enthusiasm.
Shinnosuke: Um. You wanna go upstairs?
Sakura: What? This is not our house.
Shinnosuke: Never stopped you before… Remember that time in Akane’s apartment-
(Akane once again has milk flying out of her nose)
Akane: You guys are gonna be the death of me.
Next Scene Akane’s apartment, she’s spraying Lysol Disinfectant.
(Ranma walks in)
Ranma: Hi Akane… (Goes to the fridge, grabs a Diet Pepsi, sits on the couch, puts his feet up, turns on the TV)
Akane: Oh Hell no….
Ranma: What is it snookems?
Akane: Don’t snookems me! You come into MY house, drink MY diet Pepsi, watch MY TV, get MY coffee table dirty with your filthy feet and you have the NERVE to ask me “What is it snookems.” I have good mind to kill you…
Ranma: um. Sorry?
Akane: Listen, I want you to GET A JOB!
Ranma: That’s just crazy talk. You don’t know what your saying.
Akane: Believe me Ranma I do… if you don’t get a job by this time next week, our engagement is OFF!
Ranma: (thinks for a bit) can we still have sex?
Akane: NO! I never wanna see you again! Get out now!
(Ranma leaves sadly.)
Next Scene Shinnosuke’s house
Shinnosuke (On the phone with Kumon): Wassap!!!!
Kumon (on the other line): WASSAP!
Shinnosuke: WAAASSSSAAAPPP!!!!
Kumon: WWWWWWWWWWWWWASSAP! AHHHHHHH!!
Shinnosuke: AHHH!!!
Kumon: AHHH!
(Jewel in the background yelling at Kumon)
Jewel: Get off the phone you bacon bit!
Kumon: I gotta go… Jewel’s bitching again.
Shinnosuke: Peace. (Hangs up)
(Cut to Jewel’s house)
Jewel: House meeting…
#17 walks by with a sammich in his mouth
Kumon: #17.. Jewel is calling a house meeting.
#17(takes sammich outta his mouth): Good God why!?
Jewel: There are 3 people in this house. Guess who has a JOB to pay the bills? Oh oh wait- It’s ME!
#17: …you work?
Jewel: You think the bills pay themselves?
Kumon: Well what do you want US to do?
Jewel: We’re gonna be living in a BOX outside of Ucchans if you guys don’t get a JOB to help me out! Kumon: Fine… By the way Jewel, what DO you do?
Jewel: I’m a Yoga Instructor…
#17: First you tell us to get a job NOW your telling us your gay!?
Jewel (Waving his hands around): I am not GAY!
(Later on that Day)
Jewel is reading a magazine turns to a page and see’s #17 in an underwear ad.
Jewel: Wha-What-What!?
#17 pops up
#17: Hey dude.
Jewel: Why are you in this magazine?
#17: Remember when you told us about getting jobs, well I was walking down the street and guy got me a job- he made me a Male model.
Jewel: (looks at the magazine) that was fast. (Turns to Kumon who is watching an Aerobics program drinking beer.) And Kumon…where are you gonna work?
Kumon: Dude.. You were serious?
Jewel (throws the magazine at him): Idiot! It’s time to take action! (Takes out a box from underneath the table) I know what will get you working…
Kumon: Jewel.. There is nothing on this Earth that will make me work.
Jewel: Not even.. (Takes out a bunny from the box) a bunny?
Kumon (grabs the bunny): OOOH A BUNNY!
Jewel: So you’ll do it?
Kumon (is petting the bunny and looking serious to Jewel; using a stern voice): Yes.. But you must meet my demands (looks at the bunny) isn’t that right Commander BunBun?
Jewel: Um...And they would be?
Kumon: You have to find me a job.
Jewel: Is that all?
Kumon: HA HA HA… Not so fast… I want a job that starts at 10:00; I don’t want to work Weekends, and just one more condition…
Jewel: And that is?
Kumon: I want (pause)..ANOTHER BUNNY!!!! (Laughs hysterically)
Next Scene; Akane’s Job in the Mall, at a Children’s clothing store.
Akane (tagging prices on clothes with a tagging gun): I hate my job.. (stabs herself) DAMNIT! That’s the THIRD time today!
Ranma pops up in back of her
Ranma: Hello Snookems!
Akane: What do you want?
Ranma: I gotta job.
Akane: So what do you do?
Ranma: I’m the FIRST guy to ever work at Victoria’s Secret, down the hall! Permission to Cabbage Patch! (Does the Cabbage Patch)
Akane (Blue aura forms around her head): Oh I see… So you get to stand all day watching women try on underwear. I don’t think this is the right job for you.
Ranma: (Still Cabbage patching) Don’t care. I’m gonna go to work a day early, See ya. (Walks out…STILL Cabbage Patching)
Akane gets more angry and stabs herself again with the tagging gun
Akane (looks at her bloody hand): …DAMNIT!
That Afternoon: Shinnosuke and Sakura walk into the television studio
Sakura: I cannot believe I got this job. I didn’t even have to un-cross me l-
Shinnosuke looks at her sternly
Sakura: ...fingers.
Miso Honei: Sakura!
Sakura: Mr. Honei!
Miso Honei: How you feeling?
Sakura: Ripe and ready!
Miso Honei: Get into your position.
Sakura goes onto the stage while Shinnosuke is biting his knuckles.
Miso Honei: Ok Sakura, before we start I’d like you to taste one of these diet shakes. We have over 50 flavors. As our slogan says “Great taste, Lose weight, Feel great.” This one is Vanilla.
Sakura (Takes a sip then looks at Miso): Hey, this doesn’t suck.
Miso Honei: Yeah, that was our first slogan.
Sakura: This is going to be the easiest $10,000 I’ll ever make.
After Sakura drank through your basic Vanilla, Chocolate, and Strawberry types on flavors Mr. Honei dropped a bomb on her.
Miso Honei: Ok, time for the vegetable flavored drinks.
Sakura: Say what?
Miso Honei: Ok, after you sip this I want you to look into the camera and say, “Mmm Spinach.”
Sakura: You must be outcho goddamned mind.
Later that night back at Shinnosuke and Sakura’s apartment.
Shinnosuke: (knocking on the bathroom door) Sweety, are you ok?
Sakura: (In the bathroom) I am hanging over the toilet you dick, of course I’m not ok!
Shinnosuke: At least you got a lot of money out of it.
Sakura: Yeah, at the expense of good health! (Walks out of the bathroom)
Sakura: Now I know why this stuff makes you lose weight. You puke it all out. Their slogan should have been , “Laxative in a can.”
Shinnosuke: (Takes out a tic tac) Tic tac?
Sakura: Got any more back there?
The next day at Ucchans
Akane: I cant believe that jerk off fired me!
Ukyo: What happened?
Akane: My boss was yelling at me for folding the shirts wrong so I stabbed him in the forehead with the tagging gun.
Ukyo (deadpan) Gee, I cant imagine why he fired you.
Akane: I really blew it. I’ve blown a lot of things in my life but this really sucks.
Ukyo: Akane, you’ve said a mouthful.
Ranma walks in looking upset
Akane: What the hell are you doing here? You are supposed to be at work.
Ranma: I got fired.
Akane: Join the club.
Ranma: There’s a club?
Akane starts poking herself in the head with her fork
Ukyo: Any why did you get fired Ranchan?
Ranma: This 500 pound woman walking to the store and after hours of trying to help her look for something she got frustrated and said she didn’t like me. So I said, “Of course you don’t like me because I don’t come with fries and a medium drink.” So my boss fired me for being rude to the customers.
Ukyo rolls her eyes and walks over to help other customers coming in.
Akane (patting Ranma’s shoulder) Well baby, I guess we are both going job hunting tomorrow.
Sakura and Shinnosuke walk in
Ukyo: Hey Sakura! How’d the job go?
Sakura: Let’s just say it went down the toilet.
Ukyo: Poor babies. Here’s Okonomiyaki for everyone on the house.
After a few minutes pass Shinnosuke breaks the silence
Shinnosuke: You know… We spend way too much time in this restaurant.
