"Can I ask you something?" Misty confronted Ash on their way to the mini van.
"Yaa," Ash grunted, hefting a duffel bag onto his shoulder.
"Since when did you have a weird great aunt Ethel who died and left you a fortune if you slept in her 'haunted' mansion for a night??" she questioned, handing Ash her suitcase.
"Since... since forever," Ash threw the suitcases into the trunk, panting heavily.
Brock looked over the road map, "Ok, I get why Misty, Tracey and I are coming; we're your friends and all," he pointed over his shoulder at James, who was trying to carry three suitcases at once while Jessie directed him to the van, "But them...?"
Ash shrugged, "The way I figure, they're accident prone. So if there are any broken floorboards, chandelier's about to fall, beds with lice, or ghosts, they'll be the victims to it all."
"'Sides, they woulda followed us anyway," Misty added.
Brock nodded, "Makes sense," he turned to James, giving him a little moral support, "Come on ya wuss! Ya gotta lift from your knees!"
Ash, Misty, Brock and Meowth (Tracey was scribbling on his sketchpad) watched the struggle with mild interest, until finally Jessie grabbed one of the bags. The change in weight caused James to lose his balance. He landed flat on his butt on the driveway.
"I see what ya mean. Dey are kinda clumsy," Meowth commented.
Jessie picked up the other suitcases as if they weighed nothing, cramming them into the trunk and slamming the lid before they could come flying back out.
She patted the dust off her gloves, "Let's roll."
~
"There was a trainer had a Muk and Slimy was his name-o! S-L-I-M-Y! S-L-I-M-Y! S-L-I-M-Y and Slimy was his name-o!"
The van rumbled along the road, hitting every bump, pothole and tire rut possible. Brock gritted his teeth, trying to keep the van under control.
"There was a trainer had a Muk and Slimy was his name-o! *clap* L-I-M-Y! *clap*L-I-M-Y! *clap* L-I-M-Y and Slimy was his name-o!"
"Hey guys, is there a song slightly less annoying you could sing??" Brock wondered.
Jessie grinned at James. They immediately broke into a rousing chorus of "Mmm Bop."
Brock turned the radio up as loud as possible, but "Stronger" for the twelfth time on the trip wasn't pleasant. He station- surfed, trying to find something other than country or static. Finally Brock hit an alternative-rap-rock station.
"Ah yes!" he said happily, "Godsmack! How sweet it is!"
Misty covered her ears- the station was unedited, "Brock! Ash and I are 12 and under!"
Nobody heard her. Everyone - including Ash - was singing along vigorously. Team Rocket was even adding in the occasional extra obscenity. Tracey continued to scribble monotonously.
Misty sighed. She pulled on her headphones, turning them up full blast.
It was gonna be a long car trip.
~
After 10 bathroom stops, 12 radio stations, 2 tapes, and 453 songs, they arrived at Ash's great aunt Ethel's house.
Like all "haunted" houses, it sat alone on a hill, with dead trees all around it.
"Typical stereotype," Jessie yawned, stretching.
"I was hoping for something a little more original," Meowth commented.
James shuddered, "Or new. Look at this place, it's probably full of spiders."
"S-spiders??" Misty shivered visibly.
They hugged. James was arachnophobic, and Misty was... is there a word for someone afraid of anything with more than four legs??
Jessie smacked him, "James! I'm the only one you can hug in fear!!"
He clutched onto her. Misty looked around.
"HEY!! Who can I grab for comfort??"
Ash and Brock backed up as much as possible without falling off the cliff behind them. Misty finally had to go for Togepi.
Once everyone was sterilized (does that term even work in this situation?) they headed into the mansion.
Ash opened the door. He peered in cautiously. A giant Golbat flew out, hitting James in the face. He sceamed like a girl. This started the running of the bugs. Spiders, snakes, scorpions, more Golbats and Zubats, Caterpies and Weedles, Kakunas and Metapods, etc. etc. raced out of the house right at the terrified travellers. James was the best off. He had jumped on Jessie's shoulders and smacked away all the bats. Everyone else had at least a few bites, and Misty swore that a brown recluse got her leg and it was only a matter of time before the skin started rotting away. Tracey was, as always, drawing.
After Jessie, James and Brock had satisified their twisted teenage minds by pouring alchohol on a few scorpions and watching them sting themselves to death, they entered the dimly lit mansion.
"It's too dark in here!" James complained.
"Yeah... I can't see my paper," Tracey muttered.
Brock pulled out a flashlight from nowhere and shined it around the room. It looked kind of like a parlor. All the furniture was torn and dust covered everything.
"I think I'll be sleeping on the floor tonight," Jessie announced.
Everyone agreed.
They set up something like a camp on the floor, the flashlight in the middle.
"Now what?" Misty asked.
Brock grinned slyly, "We could always play spin the bottle."
Jessie grabbed a bottle of hairspray out of her bag, "Close enough."
The game began.
Strangely enough, Jessie and James kept spinning to each other. Ash got Misty a lot, but once or twice he got Jessie and Pikachu (yes, the Pokémon were involoved), and Misty got Ash and the occasional James, Meowth or Togepi. Tracey stayed out of the game, drawing the Lord only knew what. It just wasn't Brock's day. Everytime he spun he hit either Meowth, Ash or James. Luckily there was a rule: same sex hits were cheek-kissers. Nevertheless, Brock always wondered about James', um, partner preference, so it made him a little nervous.
"Let's quit this stupid game!" he finally shouted after hitting James for the fourth time, "Truth or dare would be much better."
Jessie smiled, a glitter in her eye, "Okay Brock. Truth or dare?"
Brock paused, "I'll go with truth."
"Truth, huh?" Jessie thought for a minute, "What's up with your eyes?"
"What?" Brock asked, "What about my eyes?"
"Well they're just little slits," James told him.
Brock turned slightly pink, "So what if I need glasses? Glasses are for geeks, not the ladies man! And who cares if I have to squint? I'm still hot!"
Misty smiled tentatively, "Can we... see them?"
Jessie, James, Meowth and Ash prodded Brock to open his eyes a little more. Finally, he obliged.
Everyone- except for Tracey, who was trying to "capture" something- gasped. They were a brilliant emerald green, with tiny flecks of blue. The blue made them sparkle slightly.
He promptly closed them again, "There. Ya happy?"
Misty scooted slightly closer. She started to realize that Brock WAS pretty hot, "You know, there are such things as contacts..."
Ash, since he hadn't taken his Ritalyn today, was feeling hyper, "Let's DO something! I'm tired of sitting around! Let's go ghost hunting!"
"All right," Misty said, smiling at Brock adoringly. He grinned nervously, moving towards Jessie and James, his "new buddies."
"Might as well," Jessie grumbled. Under her breath she added, "But if we find one that looks like that stupid girl from Maiden's Peak I am SO outta here."
Brock and James overheard what she said. They shuddered at the thought of ANOTHER pretty ghost after their... whatever she wanted.
"That whole ordeal completely ruined my suave kinda secretive profile," he was telling James,
"After that I was just the lovesick squinty guy looking for a chick."
James nodded, "I was gayer than ever, but people started wondering about Jessie and me. Ya know, since we had that little 'Jessie saves me with a fire-gun' thing."
They both bunched their fists up, "Stupid episode..."
~
They walked into an old bedroom. It was filled with cobwebs, cockroaches and some other small animals no one could identify.
"I don't like it in here," Misty informed them, "It's too creepy."
Brock, who seemed to like the reaction he'd gotten when he opened his eyes, opened them enough to roll them and reply, "Oh please. If it makes you feel better I've got some Raid in my backpack."
"Geez, what else do you have in that thing, popcorn and a VCR?" Jessie muttered dryly.
Brock turned around, "Actually, I got a TV and a DVD player, complete with 'The Matrix' and my personal fav: 'Austin Powers.' One and two, of course."
James looked at Jessie, nodding like it made perfect sense, "Oh, of course," he said sarcastically.
BAM! The door slammed shut behind them. Misty sprinted to the door, trying to open it, "It's locked!"
Jessie cracked her knuckles, "Not for long."
She grabbed James around the middle and used his head as a battering ram. After nearly five minutes, she threw him down on the ground.
"It's no use," Meowth sighed, "We're stuck in here."
Misty ran around the room, trying to find someway out, "Ahh! I'm claustrophobic! The walls are closing in... *heaving breathing* I'm *pant* so *pant* scared!"
Brock, Jessie, James and Meowth stood for a moment, then broke into fits of laughter.
"Hey guys! It's The Cerulean Witch Project!" Brock howled.
After they were finished laughing their heads off, the group noticed that the room was kind of chilly.
"Brr," Jessie shivered, "It's cold in here, don't you think?"
Misty wrung her hands nervously, "Rooms get cold when there are ghosts in them."
Brock chuckled, "Care to do your impression of 'The Sixth Sense' now Misty?"
Suddenly there was a loud clatter, and the soot that sat, unused in the fireplace, was scattered into the air.
"Eep!" Misty clutched onto Brock, her head on his chest. He thought about pushing her away, than realized if he thought really hard he could almost imagine that Misty was Britney Spears. He sighed happily.
Jessie and James leapt into eachother's arms, one leg up in the air.
"I'm scared!" James said shrilly.
"Me too!"
Meowth and Pikachu grabbed onto each other.
"Pikaaaa!"
"Holy crap is right!"
Ash had to settle for Togepi.
"Toooooogi prrrrrri!" Togepi burbled happily.
Tracey still drew on his sketchpad.
Two shapes began to form in front of them. It looked like they were made out of soot, but in the dim light the shadows looked just like people.
Brock shined his flashlight on the outlines. They immediately vanished, and the room became quiet.
"I saw dead people," whimpered James.
Brock couldn't help but laugh. "No, moron, those were just shapes made by our imaginations from the soot. Seriously though, who kicked the soot up?"
Tracey raised his hand, blushing. "Sorry. My bad."
"Yeah, whatever. But all ghost parodies aside, can we get out of here now? I'm frickin' freezing Mr. Beaglesworth," Brock said. (Sorry, but I had to put an Austin Powers quote in there!)
Misty tried the door. It opened easily.
"Must of been stuck," Ash reasoned, which, seeing as how the house was incredibly old, made total sense.
Once out in the hall, they contemplated on which way to go.
"Um, wasn't the staircase that way?"
"No, I think it was that way."
"Are you sure? I swear we came from that direction."
"Well, maybe we did..."
Brock resorted to eenie meenie minie moe.
"Let's go right," he decided.
"Final answer?" Misty giggled.
Brock shot her a look, "That is SO old, Mist."
"Oh, so it's fine if you make fun of me but I can't say a word to you..." Misty grumbled.
They walked down the hallway. James, Jessie and Brock had to keep ducking their heads because the house was designed for people much shorter than 5 foot 5 and above.
"OW!" James shouted after slamming his head for the fifth time. Being nearly six foot was starting to have it's disadvantages, "I hate being tall."
"Would you prefer to be a midget??" Ash asked dryly.
"How 'bout 1 foot 4? Dat's short," Meowth added.
"Nevermind," James muttered.
As they turned a corner, Jessie almost ran straight into a gargoyle carved in the wood. She screamed, practically jumping into James' arms.
"Aw... isn't that sweet?" Misty cooed. "Trace, capture that love scene for me, will you?"
The young artist grunted and continued to draw.
Jessie growled at the younger girl. "Oh please. You'd hug someone in fear if you came face-to-face with THAT, wouldn't you?"
Misty shut up, following the others along the hallway.
Jessie was still a little jumpy, and Brock just couldn't resist. He snuck up quietly behind her, then whispered into her ear, "Redrum, redrum!"
Jessie yelped, turned around and kneed him square in the balls.
"Asshole!" she snapped.
Ash, James and Meowth winced. Tracey still drew.
"You okay?" James and Ash wondered.
"I'll be fine," Brock squeaked.
In a couple he minutes he recovered, and kept a good three feet between himself and Jessie.
"I, uh, probably should have told you Jessie doesn't like to get screwed with," James commented as they continued to look for a way out of the abysmal hallway.
"Oh, yeah, that's a big help NOW," Brock said sarcastically, walking awkwardly beside James in what I like to call the "just got hit in the nuts" position. "Damn, are those boots made out of lead or something?"
"Just da tips," Meowth answered, cackling evilly. "But I tink Jessie lined the knees wit' some too."
After what seemed like hours, the group finally reached the staircase leading down to the parlor where they had set up camp. Once they had seated themselves again, Misty picked a cobweb out of her hair and complained about how dirty she felt.
"Go take a shower then!" everyone (but Tracey) yelled. "Anything to stop your bi-"
"Well, I would, but I don't know where it is!" she shouted right back.
Obviously the spooky house was making everyone just a LITTLE edgy.
Ash tried to jog his brain (after all, he'd only been to the house once before). "I think it's just down that hallway and to the left. If it still works, anyway."
"Thanks," Misty muttered, adding a couple rude comments and trotting off down the hallway.
Once she had left, Jessie snickered in that oh-so-nasty way. "I'll give someone twenty bucks if they follow her and pretend to stab her while she's in the shower."
Sadly, no one took up the offer, so the teens (and Ash) decided to get ready for bed. In a few minutes they had set up their sleeping bags and were soon dozing off.
~
Misty stood in the shower, trying to squeeze the last bit of hot water out of the fifty-year-old faucets.
"Oh, yes, yes, yes!" she sighed, massaging "Herbal Essences" into her scalp (she got the bottle from Brock... of course).
Suddenly, a hand reached around the shower curtain. It pulled back...
*Flash flash flash!* A blinding light, well, blinded the unsuspecting pre-teen for several seconds. As the purple spots cleared, Misty peered out through squinted eyes to see-
"TODD??"
Sure enough, there stood the freak, camera in hand. He blushed. "Oh. Hi Misty."
She snatched a towel from the rack, glaring at the twisted little bastard. "Pervert! You sick freak! What are you doing here??"
"Um... making a photo album?" he lied, still blushing like a maniac. "Of, uh, a historical mansion?"
"Well, you've seen all the sites you're going to friggin' see!" Misty yelled, snatching the camera from his hand and yanking the film out. "School project my ass..."
"I swear, Ash told me to come out and do it! He was gonna pay me big time- in cash! I needed the money, you know how it goes-"
But Misty wasn't listening to Todd anymore. She was staring past him at something the photographer couldn't see.
"What?" Todd asked, turning around.
*Slash!* The voyeur fell to the ground without even a scream.
Misty, however, let out a terrible, ear-piercing screech before falling next to Todd.
~ Ash jumped up, followed shortly by Brock, James, Jessie, and Meowth. "What the?"
"I bet it's Misty!" Meowth decided. "You tink sometin' happened ta her?"
"Um... no, no," Ash said, blushing. "Probably just, uh..." everyone stared at him, and he broke down. "Okay, I admit it! I paid Todd to take nude pictures! I was gonna get some of Jessie... and I swear I woulda shared 'em with you, Brock and James-"
Ash never finished. Jessie gave him one of her famous kicks in the groin.
"Yaa, not so funny now, huh?" Brock taunted.
Ash managed to raise a hand and give Brock a very rude gesture before crumpling to the ground.
"I don't think that was an 'oh my God, you sick freak,' scream," James said after a moment. "It was more like a 'there's a psycho killer in here,' scream."
"And you would know, O Master of the Shrill Voice," Meowth snickered.
"Then I guess we'd better go find out what happened," Jessie said in an almost bored tone.
"Yaa," Brock agreed. "You'll be okay here, right Ash?"
"Yep," he yelped, still on the floor.
"Let's roll," Meowth said in something of a COPS voice.
Soon the group reached the bathroom door, and were debating on whether to go in or not.
"What if she's nude?" James argued.
The boys shuddered.
Jessie sighed. "Oh fine! I'll frickin' go in. It's not like it'll be something I haven't seen before anyway."
It didn't take more than a second for the boys to know something was wrong. Jessie's "Holy crap!"pretty much gave that one away.
They rushed in, only to find Todd and Misty both draped over the bathtub.
"What happened?" Ash had appeared out of nowhere, limping slightly. The sound of pen on paper told them that Tracey was with him. He stared at the carnage. "Oh my gentle Jesus."
"Is she dead?" Tracey wondered, still drawing, of course.
Jessie bent down next to the bodies. "Hmm... I don't think so. This is too weird... look, there are these little holes all over her arm where someone stabbed her with something. Todd got sliced with the same something- neither of them are dead, they just passed out."
"You think the weapon was drugged?" James wondered.
Jessie nodded. "One thing's for sure: the killer didn't want to actually kill her... he just wanted to let us know he means business."
"He... or she," Meowth said suspiciously, glancing first at Jessie, than James, than Brock, and finally Ash. "It had to be one of us... there's no one else in the house."
"Yeah," Ash said, eyes narrowing. "So, who is it?"
Suspicion now raised, everyone (but Tracey) looked at each other nervously.
"Actually, we don't KNOW that it was one of us," Brock reasoned. "I mean, if Todd is here, than who knows who else is? Maybe it's a psycho-killer, like that dude in Scream."
James nodded. "He's got a point. But what do we do til he- or she- claims another victim? Should we go try to find them... or wait for them to find us?"
No one had an answer to that.
After a minute, Jessie said, "Well, I'm all for searching for them. It's better than sitting on our bums doing nothing."
"I'm with Jessie," James, Brock, and Meowth all said.
"Okay, then I guess I'm in," Ash said reluctantly.
Tracey nodded, never glancing up from his picture that he was still engrossed in.
The group, forgetting about Misty and Todd for the moment, set off on a killer- or whatever- hunt.
Meowth had a thought. "D'ya mind if I point out de almost impossible? What if da killer isn't a person... what if dis place really is haunted?"
"Oh please," Jessie rolled her eyes. "The only ghosts out there are Gastlys, Haunters and Gengars, and Pokémon don't kill, so you can forget that. Besides, Misty believed in ghosts too, and look where it got her?"
"Yaa, dat's my whole point" he muttered, following the humans along.
After a moment or so, Brock had a thought. "Maybe we should split up. We'll cover more ground that way."
"I call Jessie/James!" both Jessie and James immediately shouted, linking arms.
"I guess I'll go with Meowth," Brock said.
"I'm with you, Brock," Ash decided.
Tracey never glanced up- he just took his place next to Jessie and James.
"We'll go that way," Brock said, pointing left, "and you go that way. We'll meet back in the main hall in... twenty minutes."
"I've got a better idea," Jessie said, handing Ash her cell phone. "James has one too. If you see a killer, call us. His number's number one on speed dial."
"Why would you need James' number on speed dial?" Ash questioned.
Meowth shrugged. "Cause dey're dem. C'mon, we've gotta get movin'. Who knows where dat killer might be hidin'."
The two groups went their separate ways, always on the lookout for something suspicious or unusual.
J, J and Tracey hadn't gone far before they reached a stairwell. At the top, the hallway split off in three different directions.
"How many halls could this place possibly have?" James complained.
"Look, let's split up again. After we go, say, past hearing distance from each other, we'll come back to the middle. Work for you guys?" Tracey and James nodded. "Okay, see you in a few."
They trotted off, taking the three passageways in hopes of finding the murderer and not getting killed.
