Giovanni: Well folks, our first event is a good one. We shall be having Ash, Misty, Brock and
Tracey battle it out to see...
WHO IS THE NUMBER ONE HERO!!!
Here we go.
Professor Oak: Ash Ketchum, better known as The Trainee, has just stepped into the ring.
There's a little bit of applause, but, y'know, what can you expect?
Gio: This kid's a loser, plain and simple.
Oak: Here comes Misty, aka Waterflower! The boys are cheering this lady on, seeing as how
she's the only girl out there. Next up, Tracey, also called The Watcher. Just listen to those boos!
Gio: This mid-series character, who replaced Brock, is not a favorite ad expected to be taken
down first. That's what my bookie said anyway.
Oak: And here he comes... the man with the most... Mr. Squinty himself... Brrrrrrrrrrock!!!!!!!
Crowd: Waaaaaaaahooooooooooo!
Oak: Well, this is the obvious favorite, am I right Gio?
Gio: You better believe it Sam. They are going insane.
Mills Lane: Okay, let's go through the rules. No hitting below the belt, and absolutely no
Pokémon! Let's get it on!
Gio: Shut up now Sam, they're starting. Ash, Misty and Brock all advance on Tracey, their arms
outstretched. Ash goes for the throat... oh! Tracey pulls out a pencil and stabs Ash in the arm,
forcing him to back away.
Oak: Ash has recovered, and the three have cornered Tracey. They dive!
Brock: Steal my spot will ya!? I'll show you...
Ash: Get a drawing of my fist implanted in your face, moron!!!
Gio (grinning): And it's all over for the dinky little Pokémon watcher.
*Tracey is seen lying on the ground, unconcious and twitching slightly.*
Oak: Now this'll get interesting. Ash definitely has the disadvantage-- the others are at least two
years older than him.
Gio: Ash and Brock... can this be? They're having a private discussion! Let's see if we can get in
closer and hear what they're saying.
Brock: My mom taught me not to hit girls. So you have to take Misty out. Then we can fight for
the finish.
Ash (nods): I won't let ya down buddy. (turns to go, but stops) Oh, and by the way, I'm gonna get
medieval on you, okay?
Brock (smirks): Yaa, in your dreams.
Oak: This is quite a change in events. Brock is now sitting down, resting in a chair while Misty
and Ash fight! It's crazy.
Gio: No, it's genius. This way the two will be tired when they fight Brock. It's a shoe-in victory for
the apron-wearing stud.
Oak: Well, Ash and Misty have leapt onto eachother... it looks like... yes, Misty has got the
upperhand in this one!
Gio: She's grabbed Ash by the jacket and is now lifting him up and slamming him onto the mat!
Misty: Come on, boy! Gimme some competition!
Ash: Oo! Ow! Ah! Mercy!
Oak: *shudder* That's gotta hurt.
Gio: I can't bare to watch... oh wait, yes I can.
Brock (calling to Ash): Just do the move that I taught ya! The deathlock! The deathlock!
(Ash grabs hold of one of Misty's suspender straps and flips her over. With one hand locked on
her ponytail and the other hitting her in the gut, Ash starts beating up Misty)
Oak: My my, it seems the tables have turned!
Gio: The Waterflower is actually losing to The Trainee! Unbelievable!
Oak: Well, this kid is known for his amazing strokes of luck and last-minute saves... this is no
exception.
Gio: And it looks like... yes, yes! Misty is down! Only two competitors are left standing!
Oak: This could indeed get interesting. Ash has luck on his side, but Brock has height, age,
experience, and a buttload of fans. Okay, so it won't get interesting. So Brock'll beat the living
crap out of Ash.
Gio: Hey, as long as we get paid.
(Ash pulls cap off head) Ash: Feel the power of my secret weapon!
*Cap, which has hidden razor blade, flies at Brock's head. He ducks just in time*
Oak: Oh, that was a cheap shot!
Gio: Hear those boos!
Brock: If we're gonna play like that... (pulls out bag of...)
Oak: Uh, donuts?
Gio: And a soup ladle? What the f*** is this?! 'Two Fat Ladies'??
*Brock runs at Ash with soup ladle. Smacks him over the head several times, then grabs Ash's
jacket and ties Ash's wrists up with it to the side of the ring*
Oak: Wow, he's fast.
Gio: Ash didn't know what hit him.
*Brock begins shoving donuts into Ash's mouth. Ash sputters, but they keep coming in*
Ash: *hack hack*
Oak: Oh sweet Lord! This is cruel and unusual punishment!
Gio (smiling viciously): But oh-so entertaining!
Brock: Here, try a jelly-filled one! Or how 'bout glazed!?!? What's that?
Ash: No more
Brock: You want more? My pleasure!
*Continues to stuff the food into Ash's face until Ash's head falls forward*
Oak: Ash has passed out! Losing to donuts! How'd you like to tell your mom that?
Gio: And Brock is the winner! Look at that! He's raising the Breeder's eyebrow!
Brock: Can you smeeeeeeell what the Brock is cookin!?!?
Crowd: WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!
Oak: Ah, yes, that was great.
Gio: When we come back, it's a fight for the finish, as we see who's the best bad guy, the
rowdiest Rocket. Basically, my crew is gonna be laying the smackdown on their teammates.
Oak: Right after these messages.
*commercials... bla bla bla...*
Gio: Aaaaand we're back. The second match is just about to begin, so let's get the camera down
there for the competitors entrance.
Oak: First to take the, uh, court(?) is Butch, who goes by the nickname 'Lawnmower.' Now, Gio,
where did the kid get a name like that?
Gio: Oh, it's not that hard to figure out. We started calling him that down at Headquarters 'cause
it sounds like his voice box got ran over by a lawnmower!
Oak: Ooo, that's harsh.
Gio: Our next fighter, Cassidy, or as she likes to be called, Crazyb****, has joined her partner.
Oak: Wait, wait! She really goes by that?
Gio: You better believe it. I can say b**** on TV, can't I?
Oak: Not on this station
Gio: S***
Oak: Can't say that either.
Gio: Double s***
Oak: Heheh... now, where are Jessie and James, the remaining duo for this match? I don't see
them anywhere in the stadium!
*Suddenly smoke pours from ceiling. A platform comes down from the ceiling, carrying none
other than Jessie and Jim. The two recite the motto as cheers echo around the arena, lazer lights
dancing across everyone*
Oak: What a great entrance! "Mallet-whacker" Jessie and Jimmy "Ballerina" have entered the
Pokédeath Corral the only way they know how!
Gio: They may be total idiots, but ya gotta admit: they got style!
Mills Lane: All four of you know the rules, right? *they nod* Good luck- let's get it on!
Oak: As expected, J&J have paired up, as have B&C. They circle around, launching insults that-
well, we just can't let you hear on TV.
Gio: And Jessie dives for Cassidy's hair! Ouch, she's yanking pretty hard on those pigtail
thingies.
Oak: Butch comes in to save his partner- oo! And James deals him a blow with, um, please don't
tell me that's a blow-up bra.
Gio: Okay, I won't tell you.
Oak: Oey... James is smacking Butch repeatedly with the, eh, special item, and Jessie still has a
good strong hold on Cassidy.
Gio: Good God! Jessie just ripped a pigtail out.
Cassidy: Holy s*** you little b****! I'm gonna tear you're f***in' eyeballs out!
*Jessie smacks Cass with the pigtail. James starts to strangle Butch with the bra*
Oak: I think... yes! Butch is being smothered!
Gio: He's still fighting like a maniac, but it seems that the freaky cross-dressing hetera's will win
every time.
Oak:*groans* Whatever.
Gio: And the bra prevails! Butch is down and unconcious!
Oak: The fight is quickly turning towards the White Squad. Cassidy, now out-numbered, is
getting beaten to a bloody pulp with none other than her own hair!
Gio: She manages to get in a kick or two, but the purple-eyed blonde is down for the count.
Mills Lane: 1, 2, 3...
Oak: Is she getting up?
*Cass begins to rise. James quickly smacks her with the bra*
Mills Lane: Knockout!
Crowd: Wooooo!
Gio: I'd say J&J are the favorites, wouldn't you?
Oak: Definitely. But now it seems that the crowd is splitting into teams. Team Jess and Team
Jim. Who will reign?
Gio: Back to the ring to find out!
*Jessie pulls out frying pan*
Jessie: Sorry I gotta do this James, but you're going down.
James:*swings bra* Oh really?
*The two run at each other, screaming like Xena Warriors on drugs. Meet in center, and collide.
Dust fills the building*
Oak:*cough* I can't see a thing in this dust! Hey- what am I touching?
Gio: You really don't wanna know
Oak: Ew...
*smoke begins to clear. Oak is blushing like a moron*
Oak: Heheh.... when the smoke clears, we'll be able to see who has won this climactic fight
*Mills Lane peers into the fog. It lifts in a few seconds*
Mills Lane: The winners... or, losers... Jessie and James!
Oak: What what what??
Gio: I can't believe it! They have knocked out each other at the same time! Incredible!
Oak: Impossible!
Gio: Those're Rockets for ya... win together, lose together!
Oak: You have a seriously messed up group of teens under your belt, Gio. *blushes at the word,
"belt"* We'll be right back for the grand finale, Rockets vs. Twerps, after this commercial break.
*Commercials, etc. Back to show. Oak and Gio don't know camera is on them*
Gio: Quit acting like it was such a big deal! Anyone could have accidentally-
Oak: I know, I know.
Gio*looks up and sees camera*: AAAAAAAAND WE'RE BACK!
*Both shuffle papers nervously and avoid eye contact*
Gio: Before we go on to the next battle, let's have a recap.
Oak: In the first fight, Twerp on Twerp, "No eye" Brock beats out "luck-master" Ketchum in a
match that made almost everyone... laugh their heads off.
Gio: And in the Rocket-a-thon, cheap tricks ruled as bras were swung, hair was pulled, and
everyone got knocked out at just about the same time.
Oak: But those are little skirmishes compared to our main event...
Gio: Because, folks, it's time to find out just who is...
Both: The best of the best!
Oak: The Twerp Troupe pitted against Team Rocket in an all-out punch-match for the title of
superior toon.
Gio: The winners get all the glory they can handle. The losera... a big steaming pile of
embarrassment stew.
Oak: Both teams enter the ring at once. On the Twerp Troupe- Ash, Misty, Tracey and Brock.
Gio: For the Rockets- Butch, Cassidy-minus one pigtail- Jessie, and James.
Oak: Four-on-four... a fair fight to the finish
Gio: Not fair, really.
Oak: Good point. It's obvious who the winner will be.
Gio: Mm-hmm.
Oak: Ash&Co.
Gio: Team Rocket
*Both stop. Stare at each other menacingly*
Oak: Wadda ya mean Team Rocket's gonna win?
Gio: They have experience with these physical fights. Plus they're a lot older and tougher.
Oak: Tougher?? They cry if they get their hair messed up!
Gio: But then they come back and kick your @$$. And what makes you so sure Ash and his pals
are gonna win?
Oak: They always win! Luck and tradition are too much for your little pack of freaks to handle.
*Both jump up and get in each other's faces*
Gio: No one calls them freaks but me! Got it, punk?
Oak: Oh, is that so? Freak, freak freak!
Gio: That's it! You're dead!
Oak: I'll kick your @$$!
Gio: Oh, you wanna dance old man?
Oak:*gasp* Old man? That does it! Let's get down in that ring... now!
Gio: Fine by me!
*The two push past the security guards and camera crew; past the would-be fighters and step
onto center stage*
Jessie: Uh, boss?
Ash: Professor Oak?
*Oak takes off lab coat, Gio takes off mafia-style jacket*
Gio: *to Rockets* Don't just stand there, help me take down this crew!
Oak: *to Twerps* Give me a hand, will you?
*Both groups eagerly throw off jackets and enter the ring with the adults. Gio and the other
Rockets pull up one of the ring poles. Gio holds it heading towards the Prof. Notices camera*
Gio: What're you looking at? This is a private fight! If you're so freakin' eager to watch you can
catch it on Pay-Per-View
*swings pole at camera. Screen goes blank*
*End show*
