Football
by SakuraIsthill
The majority of this fic was written during school. It all started second period, when a bunch of guys were talking about football, and started wondering what the Warlords would think. And it just sort of evolved into a rant.
Oh yeah, I don't own anything in here except my self. I am making no money of of this. ~quickly hides bag with money sign on it~ And this? Heh heh, this is my laundry . . .
Sakura: Their talking about football again.
Kale: Football? I love football!
Dais: You love cheerleaders, you mean.
Kale: Same difference.
Sekhmet: What's football? I'm confused!
Anubis: Football is a game where a bunch of idiots run around a field, throwing a funny shaped and ramming into each other.
Kale: Don't forget the cheerleaders!
Sekhmet: Why do they do that?
Sakura: They say it build "character". Go figure.
Kale: What about the cheerleaders?!!
Sakura: Oh please. Could there skirts be any shorter?
Kale: That's the best part!
Dais: I doubt it. Why the hell do they call it a pig skin anyway? Do they really make it out of pig skin?
Sakura: No, but maybe they used to . . .
Kale: Cheerleaders!!!
Anubis: Enough about the cheerleaders! We get it already!
Sekhmet: What are cheerleaders?
Sakura: Then there are the uniforms . . .
Dais: Football sucks!
Anubis: Right on!
Kale: Hey! Don't diss football!
Sakura: Why not?
Anubis: Yeah, why not?
Sekhmet: What are cheerleaders?
Kale: (sounds outraged) Why not!!
Anubis: That's what we said . . .
Kale: WHY NOT!!!!
Sakura: Uuhhhh . . .
Kale: How can you have missed the majestic beauty?!!
Dais: (raises eyebrow) 'Scuse me?
Kale: (jumps up on table wavine arms around) Oh what joy you have missed! How can you move through your wrenched lives without football?!!
Sakura: Oh gee, I don't know!
Kale: Listen, my friends, women have ruled the world for thousands of years . . .
Sakura: Damn straight!
(Dais and Anubid exchange glances)
Dais: They have?
Kale: Crushing men under their oppresive power! Long have we been forced to put down the toilet seat, ask for directions, sleep on the sofa, and endure their periodic PMS!!
Sakura: (balls hands into fists) 'Scuse me!!
Sekhmet: (throws hands into air and runs around screaming) AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! WOMEN ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND TURN US INTO THEIR SEX SLAVES!
Dais, Anubis, & Sakura: WHAT!!!
Kale: Well fear not, my brothers! For from this darkness of oppresion their IS a light! A SAVIOR!
Anubis: For Pete's sake!
Sekhmet: Who? Who is this savior of which you speak of who you speak of, who shall cut the binds of oppression from all men?!
Dais: Oh I wonder who or what it could be.
Sakura: How obvious can you get?
Anubis: Well, judging by Kale . . .
Kale: Not WHO, Sekhmet, but WHAT!
Anubis: . . . alot.
Sekhmet: WHAT is this that you speak of?! Tell me! Tell me!
Kale: Will do, my beady eyed, green haired friend! You see, not so long ago, a group of men united to bring an end to the female's tyrant rule! They gathered all which stood for manhood-such as belching, poker, and girls in short skirts-into one marvelous activity! And they bestowed upon it, the ultimate holy name! FOOTBALL!!!!
Sekhmet: YEAH!! FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL ROCKS!!! FOOTBALL ROCKS!!!
Sakura: What! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
Kale: (jumps off table and points accusing finger at Sakura) You scoff what your weak, feminine mind cannot understand! Bah! I am protected from your evil, DEMON!!
Sakura: SCUSE ME?! THIS WEAK FEMALE IS GOING TO KICK YOUR FOOTBALL LOVIN . . .
Anubis: Excuse me, but what's so holy about the name football?
Kale: You don't know?! It's Hebrew for savior!
Dais: What?
Sakura: No it's not!
Kale: QUIET WITH YOUR INSULANCE, WOMEN!!
Sekhmet: HOW DARE YOU SCOFF THE HOLY NAME!!
Sakura: I give up! This fanfic doesn't make any sense!
Kale: (puts arm around Sekhmet) Come, my brother! Let us enjoy America's pastime favorite pastime!
Sekhmet: You mean baseball?
Kale: (smacks Sekhmet upside head) No you idiot! Football!
Sekhmet: (stares stupidly) Oooww! Dat huurrt!
Kale: AHAHAHAHA! Of course it did! (leads Sekhmet off)
Sekhmet: What are cheerleaders?
Kale: Sekhmet my man, they're the best part . . .
(Sekhmet and Kale leave)
Dais: (shakes head) Pitiful . . .
Sakura: Do you realize that this fanfic is now 9 pages long?
Dais: What! That's longer then the last one! And that actually had a plot!
Sakura: Go figure.
(Sekhmet runs back in with a huge grin on his face) Yeah! I love cheerleaders! I LOVE FOOTBALL!
(Everyone turns to stare at him)
Anubis: Oh god . . . he's turning into Kale!
Sakura: HEAVEN HELP US ALL!
Dais: Two Kales? That's horrific!
(Kale walks back in, Sekhmet is practically jumping off the walls)
Sekhmet: Let's go! Letsgoletsgoletsgoletsgo!
Anubis: Go where?
Sakura: Where are you going?
Kale: Me and Sekhmet are going to a football game!
Sekhmet: (jumps up and down) When do we go?! When do we go?!
Kale: We can go right now, if you want.
Sekhmet: YAY! Let's go!
(Kale and Sekhmet leave)
Anubis: (shakes head) I'm going to have to talk to him some day . . .
Dais: (leans back and looks bored) So what now?
Anubis: Uuummm . . . we could . . . (looks at ceiling) stare at the ceiling.
Dais: (shrugs) Sure, why not?
(Anubis and Dais both stand there, staring up)
Anubis: I'm getting dizzy . . .
Sakura: Hmmmm . . . (thinking) hmmmm . . . (looks at Anubis and Dais) hmmmm . . . (looks at door) hmmmm . . . .
Dais: Do you know how dumb it is, saying hmm all the time?
Sakura: At least I'm not staring at the ceiling!
Dais: Good point.
(Several minutes tick by, Anubis and Dais continue to stare at the ceiling, and Sakura continues to say "hmm" every five seconds, until . . . )
Sakura: Aha! (jumps up) I've got it!
Anubis: Got what?
Dais: I think she's finally found her sanity!
Sakura: No, I've given up on that! (laughs) I mean I've got an idea!
Anubis: What is it?
Sakura: (raises eyebrow) Dais, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Dais: (looks confused) I think so Sakura-chan, but where are we going to get a bathtub full of Jell-O(tm)?
Sakura: Uuuummmm . . . good point. Forget it.
(Sakura sits back down, Anubis and Dais looks back up)
Sakura: Wait! (jumps up) That wasn't what I was thinking! I was thinking we should go to the football game with Kale and Sekhy!
Anubis: (raises eyebrow) Sekhy?
Sakura: That's what I said . . . (grins) Anuby.
Dais: (waves hands) Wait wait wait . . . were going to pay money to to go to a game we hate, just to get embarassed by two idiots?
Sakura: (nods) Exactly.
Anubis: Better then staring at the ceiling.
Sakura: It's starts at five, we can still go!
Dais: (shakes head) Sorry, can't.
Sakura: Why not?
Dais: My schedule just won't allow it.
Anubis: Schedule? What schedule?
Dais: (pulls out pocket planner and opens it) See, from four to five I have "whittle away time with friends", and at 5 I have "hang upside down from ceiling" for an hour. I just can't miss that!
Sakura: What? Give me that . . . (takes planner) Oh, well you can move the hanging upside down thing to eight, and you still have time!
Dais: But at eight I have "stare into nothingness while evaluating my total self-worthlessness"! (shakes head and takes back planner) I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work in!
Heather: (puts hands on hips and glares at him) You ARE going to this game!
Dais: (glares back) No. I'm not.
Heather: Can't you see I'm doing this for your sanity? You don't want to be turn into Sekhmet, or worse yet, me?
Dais: (eyes . . . eye widens) Oh god . . . you mean . . . I might be like . . . you?(sounds frightened)
Sakura: (devilish grin) Come! Join me in my insanity! (forms hands into claws and walks menacingly toward him)
Dais: (puts hands up) No! Stay away from me! Anything but that! Nooo!
Sakura: So, are you coming?
Dais: (lowers hand in defeat) Okay.
Sakura: (pats his head) Good Day. Now go get ready.
Dais: (nods head sadly, then walks off)
Sakura: (watches Dais walk off, then turns to Anubis and bats eyes) Oh Anuuuubiiiis . . . (moves closer) we're aloooone!
Anubis: (looks scared) Uuhhh . . . um . . . I-I think I'd b-better . . . get ready! Yeah, that's it, I need to get ready! (runs off)
Sakura: (takes a step forward and holds out hand) Wait! (he is already gone, she sighs) I'd better go get ready too . . .
The End
Sakura: Hi! Ya like the fic? Make sure you read the sequel, which I will do . . . uh . . . whenever I feel like it!
Dais: Dedicated, ain't she?
Sakura: Ahahaha! GO AWAY!!
Dais: Okay! Okay! Geez . . . (he walks off)
Sakura: (clears throat) Anyway . . . don't miss it. And also . . . (holds up book)don't forget to buy my new book, "How to Fill Up 17 Page With Absolute Mind-numbing NOTHINGNESS! (puts away book and waves) Bye bye!
Dais: Ya'll come back now, ya hear?
Sakura: I SAID GO AWAY!!!
Dais: (snickers and runs off)
Sakura: Uuuummmm . . . bye! (runs off) COME BACK HERE DAIS!!!
The End(for real this time!)
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