Lady Blackdragon & LadyBlue ladyblackdragon@erols.com & ladyblue514@yahoo.com Usagi's cousin: Picture Series 2 PG-13 Dear Reader, Hey!!LadyBlue here! In the past, I given you some very confusing info on what I do in my spare time(with the exception of writing FanFic). So I'm taking advantage of this oppertunity to clear things up. First of all, I am NOT a crazed physco path. I'm NOT crazy(not THAT crazy anyway, depends on your definition.), I've never been to Starbucks(Except once to buy mints), and I hate coffee. And most important of all, I've NEVER been in a federal prison(those of you who sent 50 bucks, thanks). Well, that's it, although it was obvious, some people just don't get it(I'm NOT usin' any names, frankly, I don't know any). If you've got any questions, email me, and my lawyer will get back to you soon. Just a reminder that my writing techniques are simiar to plays because I suck at story writing and it's the only other thing I'm good at, except for FanArt, FanArt is cool. Anyway, the only humor I know is though idiocy, so almost all the scouts are stupid, forgive me, it's how I work. It might get off course at some point(I begin from scratch and go with the flow), but hang in there. P.S. Sailor Moon Ain't Mine!!!!!!!!!!! WASSSSSAPPPP!!! This is Lady Blackdragon. I know what you're thinking. What kind of name is that? blah blah BLAH! Shut Up! It's my name, so there. Oh,heh heh, you were thinking that I usually write mushy stuff weren't cha? OOOOPPPS. I haven't ever been to jail, but hang in there, I will. Keep a look out for a girl who hacks into military files for personal enjoyment. I can, however, claim that I have been on America's Most Wanted, but, as you can tell, they haven't caught me yet! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! But I didn't do anything really bad. I just harrassed an old lady with my Tuxedo Kamen extendable rod while pretending she was a youma. I also ran over her with a milk truck but that's a small, insignifigant detail. The fact that I roasted her remains with Dilandu's blowtorch however, might have something to do with it. Or maybe it was the old man I hit with my new landrover that caused the commotion. Or maybe, it was the little girl with the puppy I attacked with my samurai sword that made me conspicious. Either way, I think that the world would appreciate the fact that the old woman was Madeline Albright, the old man was Bob Dole, and the little girl was the Pepsi Kid. P.S: Please don't turn me in. Although I am evil and a registered schitzophranic, I am still a minor, so don't count on gettin' me the electric chair. Signed: Duh you know who I am. Don't ask me dumb questions. I can sue you if you complain or send me a bomb in the mail. Just telling you because of what happened last time I wrote a story.(Yeah Imani, I KNOW IT WAS YOU. SO DON'T GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT, OR ELSE...) ********************************* Mercury: Spatula, screws, screwdriver, saw, human brains....okay, stand back.......flip the switch! Thunder!!!! *mourn* It's alive!!!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!! Mars: Uh, Ami? You ok? Mercury: Huh? Uh yeah. Jupiter: You are really into that book aren't you. Venus: I didn't know you liked Sci Fi. Mercury: I don't usually read it, but there's something about Frankinstein that just appeals to me. Mars: Raisin' da dead? Mercury: No! Touchin' a human brain. Venus: Hey! Where's Usagi? Jupiter: I saw her chasing the ice cream truck down the street. I don't think she's coming. Mars: We'll just have to start the meeting without her. Then the door to Rei's temple burst open. Four shadows appeared. Uranus: Hey Guys! WWWAAAASSSSUUUPPPPP?!!!!!! Neptune: Sup Yal! Pluto: Like, Hi! Satune(wispering to the inner scouts): Keep them away from me! They're crazy! Jupiter: Shut-up, sit down and let's get started. I don't wanna miss Jerry Springer. Mars: Ok, since Usagi isn't here, I'm in charge. Venus: You're in charge??!!! I'm the leader here! How come you're always in charge? Mars: Dibsed it first, and Nioaki said so. Venus: Curse her. A bolt of lightning came from nowhere and struck Minnako. Mars: Ok, the reason for this meeting....... Moon: I shouldn't have to be the one to chase the truck for snacks. Mars: We never agreed to snacks. Moon: Yeah, we did. Last time. Mars: No, we didn't. Moon: Yeah, we did. Pluto: Hey! Chocolate! She peeled the wrapper and stared licking the fudge ice cream. Moon: Hey, that's mine! Pluto: Like, shut-up! Mars: Hello! The meeting! Moon: Now, that I'm back, I say we never have another meeting again, ditch this one, smite Niaoki, and head down to Baskin' Robbin's. A large box, with the words "Why you son of a [censored]" written on it, fell on Usagi. Mars: Oh yeah, I forgot, there isn't a way outta this. Jupiter: So, let's just get this over with, maybe I can still catch Opera. Venus: Right! Okay. Jupiter, you create a diversion, and we sneak out the back door. We'll meet you at this bar, and we'll head down to the sea port, where a ship will be waiting, and then, we're off to Norway! Mars: Something that actually makes sense. Jupiter: Yeah, like we would actually meet at a bar. Venus: Okay, the mall. Jupiter:Done! All the scouts except for Mars and Saturn thought the idea "brillant". Mars: That's not why we're here. Moon: I know! We'll ask Dalaundu to build us a fort! Neptune: Great idea! Jupiter: Who's Dilaundu? Venus: Usagi! You're seeing another guy without telling us about it? Moon: He's my cousin, baka. Pluto: Is he like cute? Moon(reaching into her lunchbag): Here's a picture. All except Mars, Saturn and Uranus crowded to see. Saturn: Not again. Uranus: I think I'm gonna barf. Jupiter:*sigh* He looks just like Joey. Mercury(blushing): No, he looks like Pete. Saturn(pushing her way into the center): Actually, he looks like a minnature Regis Philbin. Two giant hands came up behind the Senshi and knocked her to the floor. Rini: Whao! Uncle Dalaundu's hot! Moon: Chibi-Usa! Rini:Well, he is! Venus(whispering to Moon): Psst, Usagi, think I could borrow your cousin for a night? A dark shadow came behind Mars and a hand landed on her shoulder. Mars instantly grabbed the hand and threw a 30 year old man against the back wall. Mars: What the......Fred! Fred: Hey, Rei. Nice temple you got here. Know where the bathroom is? Mars, looking rather annoyed, pointed to the open door. Mars:Out. Turning her attention back to chinese checkers, Rei didn't notice Fred knealing down and looking up the skirts of the many young women. Uranus(looking up for the chinese checker board): Icchi! Fred immediately got up and ran through the door. Mars: You should've seen grandpa. Uranus: By the way I won. Mars(angry tone): Curse you. Moon: Ok, ok. I'll ask him to come over. Everybody except the sane ones(Saturn, Mars and Uranus):Yeah! Saturn(looking at the screaming girls): Or George Washington. Shortly after that, she was knocked out again. Usagi went to telephone Dilandu while the girls inside the temple shouted with glee. Moon: Yo cuz! Dilandu: Yo yourself. Whadoya want? Moon: Uh, uh, the girls want you to come over. Dilandu: Do you have anything to burn? Moon: Sure! We'll tie-up Rei with gymp again, and tei her to a post! Dilandu: Be right over! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Moon pranced inside to find the room still filled with chaos. The girls were chanting Dalaundu's name and dancing around in a weird mannor. She fumble through her purse, looking for gymp. Meanwhile, a tall,hansome, dark-haired man walked in. Manmoru: What's going on? Rini: Uncle Dalaundu comin' over! Manmoru: Dalaundu! He better not be burning my dresser.(rush out the door) Pluto: Like, what's his problem? Dalaundu! Dalaundu! Dalaundu........ Venus: So, Usagi, I can go out with him right? Jupiter: Whadoya mean? He's goin' out with me! Mercury: No! Me! Neptune: No, Me! Rini: He's my Uncle, ya know. Ten second later, Rini was tied to a chair with gymp as Rei tried to fight off 6 crazy girls armed with the plastic string. Mars(holding torch): Back! Back! I tell you! Pluto: Like, hold still, so we could like, tie you up. Five minutes later, a suduced Rei stood unconscious, tied to a metal pole. Usagi went to get the telephone, while the girls talked of a way to deal with Rini. Uranus took Saturn to a shooting range after she came to her senses. A tall black-haired man snuck up behind the girls. Venus: AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! Pluto: Like, you pervert! Fred: What'd I do? Jupiter(Grabbing him by the arm): Hiya!!!!! Fred was tied, unconscious, to a pole next to Rei. Jupiter(rubbing her palms together in an evil way): Now, we have two things to burn. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Meanwhile, Usagi found the caller to be her Cousin. Dilandu: Hey! Cuz! Burning one of you best friends seems tempting, but I got a better offer. A group of girls want me to burn down the White House with them. Well, have fun burning things without me! He hung up, leaving Usagi filledwith shock. Her own cousin! Ditched her! Moon calls again. Moon: Dilandu, we're gonna burn Mamo- chan's JAAAACKETTTTT. Dilandu: Screw the white house. Two friends and that ugly fashion disaster! Shoot, I'm there! Moon tells them the conditions. Moon: OH, MAMO-CHAN!! Mamoru: What. Mercury: Sic 'em girls. Venus: Gimme' that jacket in the name of love, AND the fashion police! Neptune: Come on, give it up, Mamoru- san. My boyfriend wants to burn that jacket! Jupiter: Your boyfriend?! I know you mean my boyfriend! Pluto: I am the oldest, so I get first dibs'on the dudes. Uranus and Saturn return. Fred: HELP ME DOWN! Uranus: As much as I hate these guy crazy girls, Fred, I really wanna see you burn. Rei: Then help me down! Uranus: You insulted me last week. Remember the gay freak comment? I will not forgive you. Saturn: You guys are crazy. You know that right? Crazy for coco puffs. Looney. Wacko! Completely insane!!!! Mamoru, unconcious and jacket-less lies bloody and battered on the shrine floor. Usa: This is like the Salem witch trials! Hey, we're burnin' Rei! That's as close to a witch as we're gonna get! Moon, holding jacket: Ha! Dilandu will be here as soon as he smells fresh blood. Dilandu: Howdy folks.LETS BURN!(looks at Mamoru)Didn't want to let go of the jacket, did he? Mercury: No. Venus: HELLOOOO, HOTTIE! Dilandu: Not again!!! Moon: Forgive my friend and her pathetic attempt at making her love life more intresting than watching snails cross a sidewalk. Mercury: After looking at you I've come to the only possible conclusion. YOU ARE TOTALLY HOT!(giggle, giggle) Jupiter: You look just like my old boyfriend... Pluto(from inside the temple): Radar, Radar, Radar! Where's the fox, where's the fox?! Usa: Is it just me or is she just incredibly slow?(Points to head) Uranus: You're all nutcases, but I have to agree, I like a man who's armed and ready. Saturn: God help us all. Mars: Hello? Hello?! I'm still here. My wrists hurt and I'm getting a migraine here! Are you even listening? No! Haruka! Not you too! Neptune: Hi ya, handsome. I seem to have misplaced my stuffed bunny collection, would you like to replace it? Dilandu: Uh...no, thank you. Jupiter: Yeah! Back off! Venus: Besides, he's going out with me! Dilandu: I am? Moon: Uh, Dilandu, don't think I'm like this. Mercury: Actually, we were going to study calculus together. Dilandu: Ugh! I hate math. So, when we gonna burn this joint? Mars: No! I'm too young to die! Fred: I'm too peverted to die! I'm gonna exist in purgatory and come back to haunt you. Jacket, in a squeaky voice: Help me, Mamoru! Help me! Remember me? Your trusty ol' jacket? The one you take showers in? Chorus: Ew! Moon: Now you know why I wanna burn it. Right Mamoru? Mamoru? MAMORU!! Uranus: He's gone! Dilandu: Oh, well. Light the torch. Voice from the shadows: Not so fast! I cannot allow you to burn innocent victims, such as that poor green jacket! Mars: Hey!!!! Voice: I am Tuxedo Kamen! A rose flies through the air, knocking the blow torch out of Dilandu's hand, setting the temple on fire. Mars: No! Grandpa's in there. Venus(under her breath): Dirty ol' bastard. Moon, in a coy voice: What about your boyfriend, Yuchirriu? Mars: He's not my boyfriend! He's a freak of nature! But, what about my temple, and all my poor hair accesories? Moon: Your hair accesories? What about your Manga?! Dilandu: This is more like it! Burn Baby! Burn! Tuxedo: I going to call the fire department! Don't touch the jacket!!!! (Mars and Fred become untied) Saturn: Now! While we still the chance. Throw the jacket into the fire! Everyone grabbed the jacket, with the exception of Fred, who had passed out after the arrival of a man in a tuxedo and a domino mask. The jacket was split into 11 equal pieces and thrown into the fire. Tuxedo Kamen returned with the fire department. The fire was quickly put out. One of the firefighters came out of the smoking temple with a green piece of burnt cloth and grandpa. Yuchirriu was grocery shopping. Tuxedo Kamen wails in agony, Usagi goes to comfort him. Moon, snaps her head up: What about the Manga? Mars: What about my hair accesories? Tom(firefighter dude): That part of the temple was left untouched. We found your grandfather there, hiding in your underwear drawer. Venus:*snickers* A new voice broadcast itself from the bottom of the temple stairs. Voice: What the heck happened? Moon: Oh, hey Seiya! We just burned Mamo-chan's jacket! Saturn: Along with half the temple. Yaten: About time, someone burnt that god-for-saken green contraption. Taki starts to speak. Seiya: Don't speak, your breath smells like rotten meat. Dilandu:It's been nice creatin' havoc with ya, but I must go. Ciao, girls! He made a blow torch exit, burning Taki to a crisp, dissapearing into thin air. Seiya: Oh, well. One less roommate, one less Glade plug-in. Jupiter: Wow, Usagi, your cousin is hot. Venus:*sigh* Yeah. Saturn: I could've sworn I saw horns come out of his head. Uranus: And I thought Setsuna was the only horned creature around these parts. The giant Time Staff comes from behind, knocking her unconscious. Mamoru waltzs into the temple wearing his...GREEN JACKET?!!! Mercury: How?!!!!!!!! Mamoru: Good thing I had twenty extras made. Venus: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Moon: Say...whatever happened to my picture anyway? Fred: I ate it. THE END Epilogue Fred is Dead. Dilandu was arrested, and sentenced to a lifetime in jail. The Sailor Scouts continue ridding the world of evil.. Lady Blackdragon was sent to the digiworld as the ninth digidestined, and when she returned, was put into a mental hospital for the criminally insane.She now works as an editor for Sesame Street Uncut. Lady Blue was tied to a Starbucks chair by a leash and was forced to grind coffee as an indentured servant. After she chewed through the leash, she went to college to get a Pshcology degree, becomeing Lady Blackdragon's pshcologist.After proving to be an incompetent pshcologist, she too now works for Sesame Street uncut. Authors notes Did you enjoy rotting your brain? I sure did. NE NER NE NER NE NER. Shoot! the cops. Um... gotta RUN. Literally. Uh... apparently, the cops were reading my story too. Oh no! What if they link me to the murder case of Jon Banae Ramsey? D-word. Signed: Do we have to go through this again? I... don't really have the time...NO! I WON'T SURRENDER! COME AND GET ME YOU DOHNUT CHUCKERS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Okay! Now they're really pissed. Fine! You win this time. But tomorrow is another story. Signed: Lady Blackdragon. Just for the record, I have absolutly nothing to do with Lady Blackdragon's criminal record. I'm only in this 'cause I have no social life. LadyBlue