DISCLAIMER: I disclaim! I disclaim! -------------------- Ranma 1/2 (Sorta): Kasumi Gets Kidnapped! By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms -------------------- "Taidama!" Kasumi said as she entered. "Did you enjoy your trip to your friend's house, dear?" Soun Tendo asked his eldest daughter. "Oh - oh that. Yes, Otosan, it was quite ... pleasant." Nabiki noted the dreamy smile on her older sister's face. She knew that her 'friend' hadn't seen Kasumi in several months. She didn't know who Kasumi was seeing two or three times a week, but she seemed happy with him (at least, she *hoped* it was a him). "Well, oneechan, as long as you're happy." Nabiki commented, winking. Kasumi chuckled. Nabiki's veiled comments were so amusing at times. * * * * * * * * * * Kasumi happily chopped vegetables for supper, the sounds of her younger sister and her fiance drifting through the house. "YOU CREEP!! YOU WERE TRYING TO INSULT ME!!" "THANKING THE GODS THAT YOU WEREN'T COOKING ISN'T AN INSULT, IT'S APPROPRIATE!!" "RANMA NO BAKA!!" Kasumi sighed and picked up the phone. Luckily they had the contractors on speed-dial - the nice ones Nabiki found who gave them a volume discount. As she prepared to push the button, her vision was cut off. A thick sack covered her upper body and strong arms carried her off. Was this ... no, she didn't recognize these arms, nor the smell. Nor the hands that kept molesting her bosom. Kasumi giggled. Oh, this was going to be fun! * * * * * * * * * * Herb looked at his minions with a measure of disgust in a large volume of rage. "You ineffectual, inbred, incompetent IDIOTS!!" The two cringing Musk warriors groveled in the dirt before their Lord (and sometimes Lady). "B-but Lord, we followed your instructions! We went to the Tendo Dojo and kidnapped the Tendo girl -" "There are THREE Tendo girls! And you nabbed the WRONG ONE!!" "Uh, three? Is that more than two?" Mint asked. "AAAAARRRRGGGGHH!" Herb commented. "Um, excuse me? I don't mean to be rude - but why have you kidnapped me?" Kasumi asked sweetly. "My apologies, Tendo-san," Herb said. "My idiot minions were supposed to kidnap your sister Akane, not you. Then, with her, I could lure Ranma to me and use my newly-acquired magical elixir on him to make him my willing bride. I did not mean to involve you in this." "Oh, that's quite all right. I don't mind." She glanced over at Mint and Lime. "Now, which one of you was fondling me on the way over here?" Mint smiled, a moronic smile indeed. "I got to feel boobies!" he said, almost hopping like a small child with excitement. Herb hid his face in shame. "I'm beginning to understand why the Musk Dynasty declined." "Oh, don't worry about it." Kasumi said, her voice oozing sunshine. "In fact, I know a way we could have lots of fun." She winked at Mint and Lime. Herb looked up. He had studied the Tendo's, and *this* was not what he would have expected out of Kasumi. Mint and Lime edged closer, their eyes glazing. "Oh yeah?" they said together, their voices suddenly husky. "Oh my yes. Ever so much fun." she giggled prettily. "And it all begins with one little word ... "GUYVER!!" * * * * * * * * * * Soun was crying at the note left by the Musk. Ranma was trying to talk Akane out of following him on the rescue expedition, and the Amazons were making battle plans (where there are Musk to be stomped, there are going to be Amazons). Kasumi walked in from the kitchen. "Oh my! Is something happening?" "KASUMI!" everyone cried. Soun emberaced his daughter, flowing from Wail #228 ("My Daughter Has Been Kidnapped!") to #279 ("My Daughter Is Home Safe! Now Akane Won't Cook Supper!") without missing a sob. Akane and Nabiki and even Ranma joined in the hug. "When we found that note from the Musk-" Akane began. "Oh yes, that nice Herb. I talked to him - it was all a mistake." Kasumi smiled sweetly. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to get dinner ready." She carefully disengaged herself from her family and went back to the kitchen. "She *talked* to him?" Ranma said in disbelief. "She talked to a kidnapper and he let her go?" "She IS Kasumi." Nabiki commented. "Yeah, I guess," Ranma remarked. In the kitchen, Kasumi snapped her fingers. From out of the broom closet stumbled the three Musk warriors, heavily bandaged courtesy of Doctor Tofu (who was still trembling in fear of Kasumi). "Now, you three promise to behave yourselves?" They all began bowing and scraping. "Yes, Milady - Yes, Milady - Yes, Milady - " they replied, babbling in terror. "Good. You can help me prepare dinner, then we can plan our assault on Chronos." She smiled. "Having stormtroopers to mop up the small fry will allow me to concentrate on the big ones." A shudder went through her. "Oh, I love it when a Zoalord goes squish." The Musk trembled at the look of ecstasy on their new leige's face as she dreamed of the carnage. -FIN-