PLACES EVERYONE! WE'LL ONLY DO THIS ONCE, SO MAKE SURE YOU ALL COME IN AT THE RIGHT TIME! READY? ALRIGHT, HERE WE GO!
ONCE UPON A TIME...
Lina: *Ahem*
YES, LINA?
Lina: Not to be, you know, RUDE or anything, but perhaps it might be easier on the audience if you lowered the volume a notch?
Point taken.
Lina: Now, was that so difficult?
Yeah, whatever. Now kindly GET BACK IN YOUR PLACE!
Lina (shrugs): Just trying to be helpful.
Once upon a time there was a king...
Phileonel:
*grins*
Lina:
*shudders*
...who had a daughter, and she was so lovely that reports of her beauty went far and wide...
Lina (somewhat annoyed): Shyeah, whatever.
...but she was so melancholy that she never laughed...
Gourry:
Hmm, doesn't sound like Amelia to me.
Lina:
Yeah, it sounds more like Zelgadis.
Zelgadis:
Hmph.
...and besides she was so grand and proud that she said "No" to all who came to woo her - she would not have any of them, whether they were princes or noblemen.
Lina: Okay! Hold on a minute there, Miss Narrator.
Oh, for the love of...what is it NOW, Lina?
Lina: Hey, almighty Narrator Ma'am, just trying to point out a little CHARACTER INCONSISTENCY, that's all. Nothing important.
Look, Lina, if it makes you happy - her mother's dead, her father's...unique. It's a lot to handle, okay?
Lina: Can't argue with that (muttering to herself) even though I think I should...
Regardless of the princess' personal psychological issues, the king had tired of this whim of hers long ago, and thought she ought to get married like other people; there was nothing she need wait for - she was old enough and she would not be getting any richer either way, for she was to have half the kingdom, which she inhereted after her mother.
Phileonel:
Why, I was a young man myself when I met and married her mother...(beginning
to get a misty tone to his voice)...I'll never forget the first time
I laid eyes on her...that long, flowing hair; those disdainful eyes; the
proud, haughty tone to her voice; a laugh that could bring a grown man
to his knees; and a pair of the biggest brea-
Lina:
PLEASE!!! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!
So he made known every Sunday after morning invocations from the steps outside the Great Shrine in Saillune that he who could make his daughter laugh should have both her and half the kingdom.
Lina:
Oh, brother, is THAT all?
Gourry:
Gee, that's hardly any trouble at all. What do you think, Zelgadis?
Zelgadis:
I'm waiting for the catch.
Lina,
Gourry:
Huh?
But if anyone who tried and could not make her laugh...
Zelgadis:
Can I call them or what?
Lina:
Whatever! How bad can it be?
...he would have three red stripes cut out of his back and salt rubbed into them.
Lina,
Gourry,
Zelgadis: SAY WHAT????!!!!!!
Xellos:
Kinky.
(Zelgadis and Gourry look rather worried, while Xellos stands with chin in hand, smiling tranquilly as usual as he contemplates this twist. Lina, recovering from the momentary shock, starts in on The Narrator:)
Lina: Oh, COME ON! Like anyone would EVER go for such a STUPID contest. Hey guys -
(She turns to her companions, and finds Zelgadis looking a little uncertain, Gourry looking thoughtful and Xellos...well, you know.)
Lina:
Uh, guys...
Gourry:
Well, you know, Amelia is pretty nice. She's young, but she doesn't
look it.
Lina:
Huh?
Gourry:
I mean, I know she's younger than you, Lina, but you wouldn't know it to
look at her.
(Zelgadis turns to look at Gourry, an inscrutible look on his face. Xellos seems to smile a mite wider.)
Lina
(voice
getting dangerous): And just what do you mean by that, Gourry?
Gourry:
Well, she's built. She's small but well-proportioned. Her face
is pretty. Her legs are shapely. Her hips are curvy.
And she's got these really big brea-
(We are spared the rest of this conversation by the insertion of Lina's foot into Gourry's mouth. Xellos continues to smile blissfully at this scene, while Zelgadis looks on with a vaguely pleased look on his face.)
Xellos: Well, Miss Narrator, shall we continue?
Sad to relate, there were many sore backs in that kingdom. Lovers from south and from north, from east and from west came to try their luck - they thought it was an easy matter to make a princess laugh. They were a strange lot all together, but for all their cleverness and for all the tricks and pranks they played, the princess was just as serious and immovable as ever.
Lina (grumbling): Men...#&*@!!!
But close to the palace there lived a man...
(Rezo appears smiling.)
Zelgadis:
Aren't you dead?
Rezo
(ignoring
Zel): *ahem* Miss Narrator...a word, please?
Yes, Rezo?
Rezo: Just "a man?" Surely I merit a little more highly than that?
Alright, a great Red Priest who had three sons...
Rezo:
That's more like it.
Zelgadis:
Why you -
Lina:
*ahem*
...Lina?
Lina: Didn't you forget to cast them?
(A pause.)
Okay, a great Red Priest who had one son, named Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: *AHEM*
One grandson/great-grandson named Zelgadis. (EVERYBODY HAPPY NOW?)
Zelgadis had also heard that the king had made known that he who could make the princess laugh should have her and half the kingdom.
Zelgadis:
Feh...why would I want half of Saillune, anyway?
Gourry:
Why are you making excuses for yourself, Zelgadis?
Zelgadis:
...uh...
Lina
(elbowing
Zel): But you don't have a problem with having Amelia, eh, Zel?
Zelgadis
(blushing
furiously): I didn't mean it like -
He thought he would have a go as well. But his brothers -
Lina: *Ahem*
- neighbors laughed and made fun of him, and showed him their sore backs. Besides, his father -
Zelgadis: *AHEM*
- grandfather/great-grandfather would not let him go, for he said he had so little sense it was no use trying.
Zelgadis:
Come again?
Rezo:
Well, you know it's true.
Zelgadis:
EXCUSE ME?
All he could do was sit in a corner on the hearth, like a cat, rooting about in the ashes and cutting chips...
Rezo: Now, Miss Narrator, isn't that language a little too flowery? Why not just come out and say it?
Okay, he spent the day sulking.
Rezo:
That's more like it.
Zelgadis:
*twitch*
But Zelgadis would not take no for an answer. He begged and pleaded so long Rezo got tired of his whining and at last gave him leave to go to the king's palace and try his luck.
Zelgadis: *I DO NOT WHINE!!!*
Anyway, when he arrived at the palace, he did not say that he had come to try and make the princess laugh, but asked if he could get a situation there.
Zelgadis: Well you know, Miss Narrator, I would really rather just stay in an inn if it's all the same...
No, they had no situation for him, but Zelgadis was not so easily put off; surely there could be a way they could work out a deal for a poor, desperate soul as himself...say, perhaps in his exchanging some cheap menial labor...
Zelgadis: Now WAIT just a minute here! I don't think -
...for instance, they might want someone to shovel out the royal stalls, or clean out all the furnaces and drain pipes, or carry wood and water for the kitchen maid in such as big a place as that, he said.
Zelgadis: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???
Yes, the king thought so too, and to get rid of the lad he gave him leave to remain there and carry wood and water for the kitchen maid.
Phileonel:
I SAY, THERE'S SOMETHING NOT QUITE RIGHT IN THE HEAD WITH THAT ONE, IS
THERE?
Xellos:
How very true, your Majesty. It's quite a pity what youth are coming
to these days.
Zelgadis
(fuming):
Go flog yourselves...
And so time passed. Then one day, when Zelgadis was going to fetch water from the brook, he saw a big fish in the water just under an old root of a fir tree, which the current had carried away all the soil from. He put his bucket quietly under the fish and caught it. As he was going home to the palace, he met an old hag leading a golden goose...
Lina: *A-
OH JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!
Lina:
Yeesh...no need to get so touchy!
Zelgadis:
Use our imaginations, huh? Well, in that case...GOOD MORNING, YOU
OLD HAG!
Xellos:
*twitch*
That's more like it. Anyway, the...uh...old hag thought rather highly of the fish which Zelgadis had in the bucket (just why we'll never know), and said that if Zelgadis would give her the fish he could have the golden goose:
Xellos:
Moreover, there's something special about this particular goose.
Zelgadis
(suspiciously):
Yeah? And what would that be?
Xellos:
That's a -
XELLOS!!!
Xellos:
Eh...what I meant to say is that if anyone touches this goose, he or she
will stick fast to it as long as you say, "If you'll come along, then hang
on!"
Zelgadis
(incredulous):
You call that a deal? What kind of idiot would want -
Xellos:
Now, Zelgadis, you fail to appreciate the beauty of this situation.
All you have to do -
Zelgadis:
Feh. Keep your damn bird; I'm going back to the palace.
So he turned and left. And in the meantime:
Xellos: Tut, tut, tut, Zelgadis. This will not do. Well, if you can't beat them - join them!
And he proceeded to follow Zelgadis, not more than three steps behind, much to Zelgadis' deep disgust, with the golden goose waddling along between them.
Zelgadis had not gone far when he met with another old woman...
Lina: HEY, I'm warning you!
...when he met with a young girl.
Xellos: Now, Miss Narrator, didn't you promise to be more truthful?
(Sighs) A young girl in a barmaid's getup. (Lina: Xellos!!!) When this girl saw the golden goose, she was curious and longed to stroke it.
Xellos:
It's because she's so greedy, you know.
Lina:
Shut up, Xellos. (turning to Zelgadis) Hey, Zel!
What's that you got with you?
Zelgadis
(emphatically):
Nothing.
Lina:
Oh, right, Zel. (She bends in closer to peer at the goose.)
Hey! This wouldn't actually be -
(Lina passes an expert eye over the bird, now pecking at Zel's heels - much to his annoyance - and a thought strikes her. She jerks her head back up to look Zelgadis in the face.)
Lina:
Zel - this wouldn't be a MYSTICAL GOLDEN GOOSE OF GOLDAVIA?!?
Zelgadis:
A what?
Xellos
(as
if noticing this for the first time): Why, yes, it would appear to
be a Mystical Golden Goose of Goldavia - how clever of you to notice, Lina!
Zelgadis:
Excuse me?
Xellos
(patiently
explaining as if to young child): A Mystical Golden Goose of Goldavia.
It is said that one feather alone can purchase an entire castle, on prime
real estate, with the servants -
Zelgadis:
Spare me.
(Lina, lost in her own world, has that look in her eye.)
Lina:
Zelgadis...
Zelgadis
(eyes
narrowing): What?
Lina:...is
that a Clair Bible Xellos is holding?
Zelgadis
(whipping
around): WHAT??? GIVE IT TO ME!!!
Lina:
HA!!! SUCKER!!!
(She dives for the goose. Zelgadis, realizing the trick, wheels back to warn her:)
Zelgadis:
No!!! Lina, wait -
Xellos:
IF YOU'LL COME ALONG, THEN HANG ON!
(It's a pleasant day in the woods just outside Saillune. Trees are swaying gently in the breeze, birds chirping...)
Lina:
$%#@^$!!!!!
Zelgadis
(very
sour): It's your own fault.
A curious trio was seen making its way along the path heading back towards Saillune, at a slightly slower pace than before with Zelgadis in the lead, and more annoyed than usual. They hadn't gone very far when they ran into a young man dressed in...er...a school boy's uniform.
Zelgadis
(sighing):
Hello, Gourry.
Gourry:
Hey you guys, I was wondering what was keeping - HEY LINA! WHAT HAPPENED?
Xellos:
Oh, the usual.
Lina:
SHUT UP, XELLOS! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!! WHEN I GET FREE OF THIS
DAMN BIRD -
Xellos:
Now, now, Lina, I'm sure it's not all that bad.
Lina:
NOT ALL THAT BAD?!? THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, YOU FREAK! WHEN I GET MY
HANDS FREE -
Gourry:
Uh, Lina?
Lina
(breaking
off from her angry tirade):...yes, Gourry?
Gourry:
Just what ARE you doing with your hands?
Lina:
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS, JELLYFISH BRAINS?
Indeed, it didn't take more than a casual glance to see that the barmaid was crouched over in an uncomfortable position, both of her hands encircling a goose's neck, which seemed curiously oblivious to the girl's grasp. The schoolboy got a thoughtful look on his face.
Gourry:
Hey, Lina, why don't you just let go?
Lina:
OH GEE, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT???
Zelgadis
(sighing):
Look, Gourry, she can't let go - it's because of something Xellos did with
that goose.
Gourry:
Are you sure? Did you pull hard enough?
Lina:
What *uh* Do_You_Think_*uh* I'm_Doing? *errgh!*
Gourry:
Here, why don't you let me help?
Zelgadis:
Gourry, I don't think -
Xellos:
Oh, come now, Zelgadis, don't you think it's gallant of Gourry to offer
Lina a hand?
Lina:
Gourry! I don't need -
In spite of the barmaids...ah...gentle protests, the schoolboy positioned himself behind her and placed his hands around her waist.
Lina
(beginning
to blush): Gourry! What do you think you're -
Gourry
(beginning
to pull Lina back): Just hold on!
An amusing specatacle followed...at least, amusing to the old hag. Zelgadis looked on in horror while the schoolboy proceeded to stretch the barmaid grotesquely in an effort to pull her off the goose which remained inexplicably rooted to the ground.
Lina:
*Damn* it *Gou* rry *Let* go!
Gourry
(grunting):
Just a little more...
Zelgadis
(somewhat
worried): Guys, I really don't think -
Xellos:
That's the spirit, Gourry! I think you've nearly got her!
Gourry,
Lina: *EEERRGHHH*
Suddenly, a popping noise is heard - no, not the barmaid's joints, just the schoolboy suddenly losing his footing and falling like a vise on top of the barmaid. Which wouldn't be such a bad thing, except that the fall forward caused him to shift his grip...quite a bit up the front of the barmaid's body...
Lina
(going
red): GOURRY!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING???
Gourry:
Lina! It's not -
Zelgadis:
GOURRY! LET GO -
Xellos:
IF YOU'LL COME ALONG...
Sometime later that glorious day, a curious quartet was seen making its way towards Saillune, creeping along at an even slower pace than before. Fortunately, they weren't all that far from the city gates now.
Lina: FORTUNATELY??? I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARASSED IN MY LIFE!!!
Indeed, the barmaid had much to be chagrined about. After all, it's not every day one gets paraded in front of a city full of strangers in a rather...compromising position.
Gourry:
It wouldn't be so bad if there were more to grip on to.
Lina:
Gourry, you -
Zelgadis:
SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!!!
Nor is it everyday one gets to be seen leading such a sorry spectacle in front of a city full of strangers.
Xellos:
A might touchy today, aren't we, Zelgadis?
Zelgadis:
Listen you -
At that moment just as the city gates came into view, the group came upon a couple, dressed rather familiarly...
Lina,
Gourry:
Oh, no...
Martina:
What's this? Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev? What on earth
are you two doing?
Zangulus:
Gourry! Fight me!
Gourry:
Um, Zangulus, now isn't exactly the time -
Martina:
Never mind that! Lina - what's that you've got in your hands?
Is that...?
Lina
(groaning):
If you want to know, it happens to be a Mystical Golden Goose of Goldavia.
Martina:
A Mystical Golden Goose?
(She gets a faraway look in her eyes while Gourry and Lina shift uncomfortably, struggling to stay upright as the goose jerks its long neck out to nip at Martina's feet.)
Martina:
With such a bird, I could regain my lost fortune, rebuild my kingdom...raise
a Great Shrine to the almighty Zoamel Gustar! LINA INVERSE - I demand
that you give me that goose!
Lina:
Gee, I'd love to, Martina, really I would, but there's the little problem
of my attachment to it.
Martina:
Ha! A likely story! You're such a greedy little money grubber,
Lina!
Lina:
NOW SEE HERE YOU -
Zangulus:
Never mind that! Gourry - what the hell do you think you're doing?
Be a man and draw your sword!
Gourry:
Look, Zangulus, I'd love to fight, but I'm a little occupied at the moment.
Zangulus:
And you call yourself a swordsman? You can grope her later, fool!
Gourry:
It's not like that!
Lina:
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!
Martina:
OF COURSE IT'S NOT LIKE THAT - THERE ISN'T ANYTHING THERE TO GRAB!
Lina:
THAT DOES IT - GET READY TO FRY, MARTINA!!!
Zangulus:
GOURRY - GET READY TO FIGHT!
Gourry:
THAT'S FINE WITH ME, ZANGULUS!
Zelgadis:
***ARE YOU PEOPLE BLIND?!?***
Xellos:
Oh, my, isn't this an interesting turn of events?
Some time later down the streets of the Great White Magic Capitol, a whisper spread quickly among the curious denizens, about a most unusual group that was now heading up the King's Way towards the royal palace. The news spread quickly, and onlookers soon lined the streets, trying to get a glimpse of the sight...
Lina:
Just wonderful. (She stumbles suddenly.)
Gourry
(lurching
forward): Whoa! Careful there, Lina!
Lina:
It's not my fault! Martina - get your elbow out of my face!
Martina:
Hey! Watch where you're stepping!
Lina:
So who told you to grab there, anyway?
Zangulus:
Not so fast! Not so fast! I only have one foot on the ground!
And in the lead...
Zelgadis:
Someone just kill me now.
Xellos:
Oh, Zelgadis, don't you agree that this has been a most useful experience?
Zelgadis
(wheeling
on Xellos): USEFUL? And just precisely HOW has this been a USEFUL
experience?
Xellos:
Why, Zelgadis, surely you haven't by now been able to see how this can
be advantageous to your current situation?
Zelgadis:
MY CURRENT SITUATION? LISTEN, YOU JERK, IF YOU HADN'T TRICKED THESE
PEOPLE INTO THIS, WE WOULDN'T ALL BE IN THIS MESS!
Xellos:
There, there, no need to thank me, Zelgadis, it was my pleasure!
Zelgadis:
SONUVA-
The curious onlookers are spared further vulgarity by the sudden appearance of a familiar face in Saillune (or mace, take your pick.)
Filia
(with
baby Valgarv in her arms): What's all this fuss about? I'm trying
to put the baby to sleep and there's all this shouting going on outside
- (suddenly spotting Xellos) ...ah, Xellos, I thought I detected
something rotten in the air.
Xellos:
*twitch*
Lina:
Filia! Am I glad to see you! (aside) I can't believe I just
said that...
Filia:
What is going on here?
Zelgadis:
Look, Filia, do you think you could help us with -
Filia
(looking
up and down the stumbling group): Hmph. I think not.
I can imagine you all got this way from listening to something this piece
of raw garbage said.
Zelgadis:
No, it's not -
Xellos
(interrupting):
Well, Zelgadis, this shouldn't be a surprise...what else can you expect
from a selfish, stuck-up EX-shrine maiden?
Filia
(cradling
Valgarv defensively): Well, at least *I* know what it means to
care about somebody else!
Xellos
(eyeing
Valgarv): Oh? And I'm sure he must be *such* a bundle of joy
to you in your old age.
Filia:
WHY YOU -
Holding her mace aloft, she suddenly lunges at him. Xellos, smirking, quickly jumps back to avoid the blow...accidentally stumbling into the group gathered around the golden goose. Losing his balance, he reaches out to grab ahold of something...
Zangulus:
HEY!!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GRABBING!!!
Xellos:
Oops, terribly sorry -
Lina:
Zelgadis! Don't -
Zelgadis:
IF YOU'LL COME ALONG, THEN HANG ON!
(A pause as the dust settles.)
Lina:
Oh, THAT helps a lot, Zel.
Zelgadis:
I don't know...it sure makes me feel better.
Filia, a very pleased look on her face, saunters up to the now...er...occupied Xellos.
Filia:
Well, namagomi, want me to stroke that golden goose of yours now?
Xellos
(smirking):
Actually, I'd rather you stroked me.
Filia
(flushing
an angry red): WHAT did you just SAY?!?
She brings her mace down on Xellos' head, just in time for him to, well...
Baby
Valgarv: #$@*&!!!
Zelgadis:
You said it, kid.
Meanwhile, up in the Saillune palace, word had reached the royal family of an unusual spectacle making its way towards the palace. The princess, who had heard the commotion, made her way to the window to see what was going on down below. She didn't have long to wait, as at that moment, through the palace gates and into the courtyard came...
Filia:
Stupid Mazoku! When I get this mace free -
Xellos:
Idiot Ryozoku! Stop pulling so hard!
Zangulus
(hopping
on one leg): Dammit, Xellos, watch the hands!
Gourry:
Zangulus! Try not to shove your boot in so hard!
Lina:
Gourry! Don't squeeze! And Martina - watch where you're stepping!
Martina:
YOU watch where YOU'RE stepping, Lina!
Zelgadis:
WOULD YOU ALL QUIT FOLLOWING ME???
At that moment, the king came charging up.
Phileonel:
WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE DOING? THE PRINCESS -
Zelgadis
(in
shock, as if just remembering something): The princess...
A sudden hush fell over the courtyard, as all turned to look up towards the balcony where a lone, veiled figure stood looking down at them.
Zelgadis: Princess?...
The figure didn't move. And then, ever so slightly, her shoulders began to shake.
Lina:
Half the kingdom and her hand...
Gourry:
Just to make her laugh...
Xellos:
Well, Zelgadis, looks like this is your moment of truth.
Zelgadis:
...
Then, as if deciding to throw all caution to the wind, the figure suddenly tore off her veil and threw her head back, took a deep breath and -
Naga: AH HA HA HA HA HA!!! WHAT A SILLY LITTLE GROUP YOU ARE!!!
(Everyone in the courtyard falls to their knees, stunned by the ear-splitting laughter.)
Zelgadis
(shouting
to be heard): WHAT THE HELL???
Lina:
THAT ISN'T AMELIA!!!
Gourry:
NO KIDDING!
Phileonel:
WHO EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT AMELIA?
(They all turn to look at the Crown Prince in disbelief. All around them glass from broken windows falls. The ear-piercing laughter continues unabated.)
Zelgadis:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHAT ABOUT AMELIA?" ISN'T SHE YOUR DAUGHTER?
Phileonel:
WELL, OF COURSE SHE'S MY DAUGHTER, BUT SO IS GRACIA.
Lina:
GRACIA???
Phileonel:
YES, GRACIA - MY FIRSTBORN DAUGHTER, LOST FOR ALL THESE YEARS. SHE
CAME BACK TO US AT LAST, ALL BROKEN HEARTED...
Lina
(in
disbelief): BROKEN HEARTED?
Phileonel:
YES, MY POOR DELICATE LITTLE LAMB...I HAD TO DO SOMETHING TO CHEER HER
UP AND TAKE HER MIND OFF IT. NOTHING WORKED, THOUGH, AND THEN MR.
XELLOS HERE SUGGESTED WE HAVE A LITTLE COMPETITION TO DRAW IN YOUNG MEN
FROM ALL OVER. IF WE WERE LUCKY, AT THE VERY LEAST WE COULD GET HER
TO SMILE AGAIN...MAYBE EVEN FIND SOMEONE SHE LIKED...
Zelgadis:
XELLOS...
Xellos:
Oh, did I forget to mention that?
Everyone:
YES!!!!
Naga:
AH HA HA HA HA HA!!! WHY LINA, IS THAT YOU DOWN THERE? I NEVER
EXPECTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MY DIMINUITIVE JUNIOR PARTNER! AND PRAY
TELL, WHO IS THAT LARGE BLOND MAN HANGING ON TO YOU? NOT THAT HE
HAS ALL THAT MUCH TO HOLD ON TO!
Lina
(muttering):
Somebody kill me now.
Phileonel
(clapping
a hand on Zel's shoulder): WELL, YOU WON FAIR AND SQUARE. WHAT
DO YOU SAY, ZELGADIS?
Zelgadis
(suddenly
shocked back to reality): WHAT??? ME MARRY HER???
NOW WAIT JUST ONE -
Xellos:
Now, Zelgadis, before you answer, just think of how much fun you could
have on your honeymoon!
Zelgadis
(lunging
at Xellos): YOU...SICK FREAK!!! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU -
Lina:
DAMMIT, DON'T FIGHT!!! WHAT ABOUT THIS CURSE?!? STOP MOVING,
YOU JERKS!!!
And so we draw the curtain on this tortured little tale, wishing all a pleasant life...
Lina:
OH BITE ME!!!
Amelia:
I was hardly in this one!
Zelgadis:
Be grateful.
