Love at Fifth Sight
Part 4-4
During dinner, they covered fairly innocuous topics: what Rei and Jaden were doing at work, how Zach’s dissertation was coming along, and gossip about their mutual friends. Zach and Jaden were trying to keep discussion of the wedding at a minimum, and to their profound gratitude, Rei seemed happy to comply.
It was only when Rei sent Jaden to prepare coffee and dessert that Zach felt the jaws of the trap closing around him. Rei settled back against the couch with a sweet smile. “I’m so glad we’re having this chance to chat, Zach. I’ve hardly had a chance to speak to you on your own.”
Without giving him a chance to respond, she asked, “How are you settling in with Mina and Keth?”
“It’s great–”
“Good, I’m glad to hear that. I heard that you’ve…run into some people who will also be participating in the wedding while you’ve been staying with them. Serena, for instance. And Ami.”
Zach groaned. “Aw, Rei. It was an accident. Keth just brought me home from the airport, and I didn’t have a clue she’d be there.”
“I know that. What I don’t understand is, how were you able to get her to stay?”
He eyed her suspiciously. “Sheesh. What’s with the grapevine around here? Does Mina report everything that happens to you?”
She smiled at him. “Just answer the question, Zach.”
“I don’t know. We just…had a talk, worked things out. You know, like a truce. I believe you’re familiar with the concept, with the amount of fighting you and Jaden do?”
Rei’s glare didn’t seem to faze him. “I see. You…worked things out.”
“Uh huh.” They both looked up at Jaden’s panicked shout from the kitchen. “Are you sure he’s okay in there?”
“As long as I don’t hear anything breaking, I’m sure he’s fine.”
“Well, like I was saying, we talked and agreed to be civil for the wedding. So you don’t have anything to worry about.”
Rei sniffed. “I’d better not.”
Now that the interrogation aspect of the evening seemed to be over, Zach asked casually, “So, Jaden mentioned that she’s engaged. To some hotshot journalist.”
“That’s right. Taiki Kou.”
“So when are they getting married?”
She eyed him suspiciously. “I don’t really know. Why are you so curious?”
He put on his best smile as Jaden came in with a brown stain down his front, two cups of coffee, and a sullen glare for Rei. As he returned to the kitchen for the third cup and dessert, Zach said, “Why don’t I help you bring the rest in?”
Rei reached out and grabbed his sleeve easily. “Not so fast.”
He sat back down with a sigh. “Yes ma’am.”
“You managed to work eight years of avoidance out? Just like that?”
Zach put on a pained look. “Look, I’m just… it’s weird seeing her again after all this time. It’s hard for us to talk now, but it’s interesting seeing where she is in her life now and how she’s changed.”
Her expression softened slightly. “She hasn’t changed very much. Grown up a little more, maybe, but she’s still the same – so intelligent, and so loving, and just a little bit shy and unsure of herself.”
With an astuteness that surprised him, Rei asked, “And are you thinking about if you’ve changed, too?”
Zach shrugged moodily before answering. “Yeah, maybe. I’m still pretty much the same, too, I guess. Not much different from the sarcastic kid who thought he was smarter than everyone else and didn’t want to prove it.”
He glanced at her and then away. “I like where I am now. Looking back, I think I may have needed that year away. Mom and Dad were totally freaked when the postal strike made it impossible for me to get any letters out, but I came back with more perspective. Not everyone needs it, but maybe I needed it. Maybe I didn’t.
“Anyway, I came back, made it through college, decided I liked academia too much to give it up. Too many snobs to knock down a notch or too for me to leave. But I never made that many more close friends in college.”
He grinned at her even as Rei thought it was a sad point in the story. “I’ve always had Jaden, though, and you and Mina aren’t bad. Meeting Keth was great, too. And I have my fair share of friends in grad school, some post docs here and there, and I drag them out for some fresh air when we need it.
“But Ami, she was one of my first real friends. And you know the deal – she helped whip me into shape and get my butt into gear, even though she claimed she didn’t have any intention of doing so. I guess she didn’t, but it worked anyway.
“Now that I think back on it, I really regret not talking to her before I left for Argentina. Maybe we could have patched things up, or maybe we couldn’t have, but at least I would’ve had the satisfaction of knowing I tried.”
Zach’s mood, which had saddened again, seemed to bounce back instantly when Jaden came in with the cake. “Great, it’s chocolate, my favorite! At this rate, how am I going to fit into my tux?” he joked.
________________________________________
The next evening, Ami removed her pearl earrings as she stood before the dresser and proceeded to go through the motions of her nighttime routine mechanically. She neatened a few things here and there, straightened a bottle of perfume that had fallen over, and set out her scrubs for the next day. Still, she couldn’t achieve any sort of calm.
She should have been pleased. Anna’s surgery had been a resounding success, and she was out of danger. But Ami’s mood had been blighted by what had happened after her shift had ended and she had returned to the apartment.
“I don’t think we fight much more than other couples.”
Her lips twisted bitterly at the memory of Taiki’s words. She had accused him of being distant, and he thought she was overwrought.
“I think work is tiring you out. Dealing with Anna was very difficult.”
“I know it was difficult. And you were very good with her.” She tried to moderate her ungracious tone but found she couldn’t. She was even more antagonized by the fact that while her voice clearly conveyed her temper, despite her best efforts to hold it steady, he only sounded mildly annoyed, as if remarking that it was raining outdoors.
“I told you, speaking to her wasn’t a spectacular effort on my part. I was glad to be of help in this instance. But it’s not just Anna, it’s all your patients. What escapes me how you can deal with such things on a regular basis.”
“My work is important to me. It breaks my heart to think of so many children who are desperately ill with serious diseases. If I can be a part of something that will give them a better chance at living normal, healthy lives, then the sorrow, the difficulty, the utter tragedy is a part of it.
“I thought you understood that I would never step back from my work. Maybe it’s not pleasant, not something you can have a civilized conversation about over drinks, but that doesn’t mean I’ll turn my back on reality.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Turning my back on reality?”
She shuddered at his incisive tone. He always hated when someone tried to read him and came up with an incorrect claim.
“Perhaps you’ve confused me with someone else. I don’t report on light and pleasant topics either, Ami. You accuse me of being detached and distant. For me, it takes a certain amount of emotional distance to report on global crises. I’m not blinding myself to the dark corners of the world.
“I don’t chat about corruption, or murder, or human trafficking with my acquaintances, and I can leave them at work and make sure they’re not my entire world. How else would I stay sane? Sometimes I don’t think you look past what happens at the hospital.”
Ami paused in the hallway, staring almost blindly at Taiki’s door, which was closed. He had had no small amount of difficulty convincing her to move in with him, so they had compromised by moving into a new two-bedroom apartment. Both of them were private people and accepted the need to have spaces of their own. It also gave them each their own bedroom to sulk in when they had fights.
She turned away and got into her bed, feeling like her limbs were made of lead. If she swam in the ocean now, she almost thought she would sink down to the seafloor, lie there unmoving among the bottom dwellers scuttling on claws and tentacles, letting the dark shadow of a manta ray move slowly across her body.
Willing herself to empty her mind, she pulled the covers up and shut off the lamp. Their tense words about her job turned into another full-blown argument when Taiki reminded her of his mother’s upcoming birthday celebration.
“What?”
“Next month, the sixteenth. It’s a Friday.”
“Oh, Taiki. I told you the first time that I wouldn’t be able to have that day off. I’ve already taken so much time off for Rei’s wedding.”
His tone was stiff. “Ami, this is a very important occasion. You said you would try to arrange it.”
“I did, honestly. It just couldn’t be done.”
“Nonsense. If you really wanted to be there, you would.”
The tears had started to burn her eyes then. “Taiki, I tried. No one else can fill in for me that day.”
His frustration bled through his words. “Everyone will be there, Ami. Seiya, Kakyuu, and Yaten had no problem clearing their schedules.”
She hated hearing about how everyone else could make it. ‘Everyone else’ was not an intern at a first-tier urban hospital. Recently, hearing about Kakyuu, Seiya’s seemingly-perfect girlfriend, had started to grate on her nerves. It didn’t help that Kakyuu had been friends with Seiya, Taiki, and Yaten since they were children and that Taiki himself had once had a crush on her.
Taiki’s parents adored Kakyuu and couldn’t have been more pleased when she began seeing Seiya. Taiki’s mother in particular was always commenting on what good care Kakyuu took of Seiya and how she was so devoted to making him happy. She also had the advantage of working from home at a less-demanding job.
“ I feel like I’m always making excuses for you.”
The unfairness of his statement stung her. “I don’t miss that many of these events, Taiki!”
“You miss enough of them,” he countered. “Look, I don’t mind if you can’t always make drinks or meals with friends or even if you get called away in the middle of them. But you should at least be able to make my mother’s birthday. At the very least.”
She closed her eyes, pushing back the tears and willing herself to ignore the other hurtful comments that wormed their way into the crevices of her heart and burrowed deeply there. “Taiki… I’ve already explained to you. I can’t find anyone else to come in for me that day. I’m truly sorry, but I just can’t be there that day.”
He managed to close his mouth before he said something unforgivable to her. “Fine.”
They hadn’t said another word to each other all night.
The hot tears pushed past her eyelashes to roll down her cheek again, and Ami cried silently in the darkness with her lips pressed tight to prevent any sound from escaping.
________________________________________
The next morning, she woke up bleary-eyed and heavy-hearted. To her surprise, Taiki, ordinarily an early riser, wasn’t in his room. He wasn’t anywhere in the apartment. As Ami padded through the hallways in her bare feet, her heart began thudding with the sudden fear that he had finally gone.
She hesitated with the phone in her hand, indecision gnawing at her as she wondered whether she should call his cell. It was silly, after all, to be worried if he had only gone out for bagels and coffee. But she had to be back at the hospital in another couple of hours.
Finally, she went back to her room and dialed the number, her knuckles white as she listened to the interminable rings.
“Hi Ami! What’s up?” the cheerful voice asked through the phone.
“Hi, Serena. I’m sorry to call you so early… actually, I’m surprised you’re awake!”
Serena said pitifully, “Me, too. First Mina called, then Rei, and then Rei finally sent Mina over to get me out of bed. Oh, I’m so excited about the wedding. The rehearsal dinner is tomorrow, can you believe it?”
“No, I really can’t.”
“Well, anyway, you haven’t told me why you called yet!” her friend remarked gaily.
Ami pressed the fingers of her free hand to her temple. “Taiki and I had another fight last night, and now I don’t know where he’s gone. I’m sure it’s nothing; I didn’t mean to call you and make it such a big deal…”
“Don’t be silly. You’re upset, and it’s only natural that you’re a little worried. Has he been gone since last night or just this morning?”
“Just this morning, I think. He usually rises early but I don’t think he was expected at work yet.”
Practically, Serena asked, “Well, did you call his cell? Is he not answering?”
“I…didn’t call him. I know it’s silly, but I was afraid he’d just gone.”
“Oh, Ami! Of course he wouldn’t do that, even if you two were really mad at each other. He really cares about you; anyone can see that.”
She began to cry, feeling the shadow of despair fall over her again. “But he was so upset with me, Serena. It’s his mother’s birthday next month, but I already told him that none of the other interns can take my shift that day. He was really hurt about it, and he said things like he’s tired of making excuses for me and how if I really wanted to be there, I would. What am I going to do?”
“He doesn’t have the right to say anything like that you!” Indignation and anger swept through her, but she tried to tone it down for Ami’s sake. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it, and I hope you know that none of that is true. It sounds like he’s just a little stressed and frustrated and took it out on you. Maybe things have been really busy at work?” Serena suggested.
“I don’t know. He hasn’t mentioned it, but…I just don’t know. I don’t know if I would know if there was anything that was bothering him besides what we fight about,” Ami said miserably.
“Ami, of course you would. You can always tell when people are upset, and you always do everything you can to make them feel better. You’re such a good friend to me, and I don’t see how you could be anything but that to anyone, let alone Taiki.”
She sniffed. “But–”
As she heard the sound of the key turning in the door, she cut herself off to listen closely. He seemed to be removing his shoes, hanging up his jacket, and then moving quietly in the kitchen. She was familiar with the sound and weight of his footsteps.
“Ames? You still there?”
“Yes, I think he just came back in. Can you – can you just hold on while I check?”
“Of course. You go right ahead.”
Putting down the phone, Ami peered out of her door cautiously.
Taiki turned at the sound of the door, and she thought for a moment that his habitual small morning smile would pass over his face, but he seemed to regard her as warily as she did him.
It felt like forever but in reality, the reverie lasted only a few seconds. Taiki smiled finally. “Good morning. I’m sorry I went out so early – I hope you weren’t worried. The boss called me in with little notice. I have some news for you; will you come and sit with me?” He indicated the little loveseat in the sitting area off the kitchen.
“Of course. I just – I’m on the phone with Serena, so let me just tell her good bye.” Ami went back into her room and picked up the phone again. “Serena?”
“Still here! Is he back?”
“Yes. He seems fine. Almost like we didn’t fight at all. But he wants to talk about something.”
“Well, that sounds promising. If you want to talk before we meet up tomorrow, just give me call.”
“I will. Thank you, Serena.”
“Anytime.”
She clicked the phone off and moved towards the sitting room slowly, wondering why she still felt such dread. She tried to smile when she saw the cup of tea already waiting for her on the coffee table. “Well, is it good news or bad?”
Taiki looked grave again, but only for a minute. “Both at once, I’m afraid. You see, I’ve been given this terrific assignment. Really, it could make my career with this interview…”
Ami tried to listen closely, even as a sense of the surreal wrapped around her. Could they really be talking so naturally as the sunlight spilled into the room, wandering over their knees to caress the warm mahogany of the bookshelf? She nodded again as she caught the name of a foreign dignitary who had been mentioned on the news frequently in the past few months.
“…but the thing is, I have to go to Ankara to attend the press conference.” Here, the enthusiasm that had lit Taiki’s eyes and so animated his usually staid gestures faded slightly.
“Ankara. That sounds exciting,” Ami managed. “You’ll have to send me a postcard.”
He smiled, although he still looked worried. “Oh, I will, no doubt about it. I’ll bring you back an interesting souvenir, too.”
Ami folded her hands carefully. “Well, when are you going?”
“The thing is, I…I have to leave tomorrow around noon.”
The room was so quiet she could have sworn there was a faint ringing in her ears. “Tomorrow? But the rehearsal dinner is tomorrow night.”
Taiki sighed, raking his fingers through his long hair. It was the one thing about him that was not cut and dried, not precise and businesslike. Secretly, it was the physical feature Ami liked most about him, besides his eyes. “I know, I know, and it’s – I feel very badly about it. But you understand how important this is to me, don’t you? It’s really unbelievable, a notch above the work I’ve been doing so far.”
She bit her lip. “It does sound very impressive, and I’m truly happy for you. I just… it seems terribly ill-timed; Rei and Jaden have been expecting you would be at the wedding for months, and it’s just two days before it.”
“Yes, I know. Really, I wish things could have worked out differently. But my absence won’t disrupt things too much, Ami. I’m not a groomsman, and they’ll hardly miss me. After all, the attention is on the bride and the groom at the wedding, and their attention will be on each other. Just wait, when you finally come around to agreeing with me that pushing up our wedding date is a good idea, you’ll understand.”
Ami’s head was spinning. She wasn’t sure what annoyed her more – the fact that his dropping out of attending the wedding at the last minute could seem so matter-of-fact, whereas her absence from his mother’s birthday was taken as unbelievably rude, or what she took as another pointed criticism about her wish to hold off on getting married.
“Don’t be too upset, Ami. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
She just looked at him and tried to smile, even though her jaws felt wired shut. “I’ll make your excuses to Rei,” she said distantly, sure it would come better from her than Taiki.
He smiled. “Thank you, darling. I knew I could count on you. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re always so supportive. I’m afraid I have to get back to the office now to talk about the details; I just slipped home for some files and so I could share the news with you.”
Taiki frowned as he checked his watch. “Don’t you have a shift soon? In about a half an hour? I can drop you off, if you’d like.”
Ami shook her head. “No, I don’t want to keep you. I’ll be fine. But I won’t be home until late tonight.”
“Of course,” he said absentmindedly, already bustling to retrieve his briefcase and jacket. He kissed her on the cheek as he left, a habitual gesture, and she suddenly realized what had been itching her for some time now.
‘I feel like you take me for granted,’ she thought at the door he had just disappeared through. ‘Like that antique table you love. You might know exactly how to treat it, what polish really makes it shine, and to cover it with a desk blotter to protect it, but it’s a piece of furniture all the same, a staple of the room that gives it some charm.’
Love at Fifth Sight
Infinite Ice
