I See Him
~Ami's POV~
It's been more than two thousand years since I've last seen the person I loved. Earth has entered into a new millennium: the Crystal Millennium. The Silver Millennium is gone forever but remembered in our, the senshi, memories eternally. In the Silver Millennium, four protectors of the Solar System and Princess Serenity of the Moon fell in love with the four Terran Generals, guardians of Prince Endymion of Earth. Serenity and Endymion always manage to find each other again, and at the moment, they are ruling together as Neo-Queen Serenity and Neo-King Endymion of Crystal Tokyo. Their love has been renewed throughout the centuries, and their ruling time has come. Too bad we are still alone in the world.
Shortly after my starseed was stolen and returned, I recalled all the events of the past in their entirety. I remembered growing up on Mercury, journeying to the Moon, becoming friends with the senshi and my princess. We were closer than sisters.
One fateful day, I saw General Zoicite, least of the Terran Generals, for the first time. It wasn't that big a deal, for I was the least of the senshi. I guess we were made for each other. We fell in love, amazingly, astoundingly, and wonderfully in love before Earth was invaded by the Dark Kingdom. He promised me he would return. I'm still waiting to see if he'll live up to his promise–but then again, he is dead, so perhaps he won't. There's not a very big chance that he will. But it could still happen.
Back to the "tragic past," as it's always referred to. I received the news that Mercury had fallen, and I never saw my people or my planet in their darkness. I watched helplessly as the inhabitants of the Moon Kingdom fell, and I fell with them, but not before I saw what had happened to the generals. They had become corrupted instruments of Metallia and Beryl, who loved Endymion. I can understand why she allied herself with Metallia. Why she risked everything and gave up humanity for the one man she loved, because I would do the same if there were any chance I could get Zoicite back. But there isn't. Once again, I digress. Destiny plays cruel games with us, for we each had to face down our former loves. No, they can't really be considered "former loves," because we loved them while we killed each other. To this day we love them.
When I saw Zoicite again, I already knew what had happened to him, but my heart still leapt in happiness. Joy. I couldn't believe that he was back again. And yet, his eyes were dark and cold as they had never been before, and I knew the inevitable was going to occur. He laughed at me, insanely, mercilessly. I tried not to hurt him, but it was all in vain. His hands were soon slippery with my blood, and I was covered in his. But my blood was deep red, crusting to brown, while his was an unnatural acid green. Youma. There was no hope left for us when we felt Serenity die and Endymion along with her. They loved each other the way that Zoicite and I had loved each other once. When he had finally delivered the fatal blow, I smiled at him. And when he reached down with his bloodied fingers to check my pulse, I thrust my sword into his heart. A heart that he had pledged to me. But as the mist overtook me, and the pain of my injuries seeped away, although the pain of my broken heart did not, I saw, through the tears, his eyes return to their beautiful, brilliant green in death. I always loved the color of his eyes.
After rebirth, I met the senshi again, and the first hole in my heart was filled. I didn't remember anything about the past, but the generals were lost to us together. When Beryl and Metallia resurfaced again, they had merely cloned copies of the generals for their purposes, thinking that it would phase us and make us easier to defeat. Well, neither event happened, because we didn't remember anything. Now we do, and we cry for it.
I have been without him for so long, through fighting Ail and Ann, the Dark Moon Family and the Ayakashi Sisters, the Deathbusters and Pharaoh 90, Galaxia and her anima-mates. I have never loved another–and neither has he. Today, I see Zoicite all around me. He is not haunting me, but rather, bringing back all the things about him that I loved.
I see him as I walk through the park. I remember his thirst for knowledge, looking at the plants he used to love studying. What a great mind lost to the Dark Kingdom.
I see him when the sunlight shines upon the Earth, the ruddy coppery color of his hair.
I see him in a jeweler's window, his eyes sparkling impertinently at me in the reflection of light on emeralds. They were much warmer than emeralds, though. They were sharp and bright, always full of emotion. Zoicite could always tell what I was thinking without me saying anything.
I see his energy and enthusiasm for life in the children that run around on the playground, see his innocence in their eyes.
I see him when I close my eyes, the reminiscences of him rising to the surface uncontrollably and unbidden. They bring such paradoxical joy and sorrow.
I see him in the wonder of Crystal Tokyo that Serenity and Endymion have created for all life. He always did like miracles, and he encouraged me to believe in them, however deeply rooted both of us were in science and explanations.
I see him everywhere around me, because he is a master of crystal. The Crystal Palace is made entirely out of the substance, and each time I return, I can see his face looking back at me.
I see him when my heart hurts so badly when I think about him. It's been so long, but I still miss him. He has left a whole in my heart that will never be filled by another.
I see him, strangely enough, in all the senshi's eyes, with their friendship, understanding, and sincerity. Trust. I trusted him once.
I see him in the brilliance of my transformation, reminding me of why we hesitated to love each other at first. If only we had known the outcome of our lives, we would not have wasted such precious time. I could never claim him, because he was already claimed by Endymion and the generals. Likewise, he would never possess me, although he would never have used that word, because my soul was already divided among the senshi and Serenity. Still, Zoicite pledged his heart to me, and I pledged mine to his. It was the only thing we had to give, and it was more than enough. But now, I do not even have his heart, because he is no longer with me. And yet I see him. Strange and ironic.
I see him when it rains, the rain beating down upon the street. I hear him as nature pounds gently on the roof, remember how I could feel his voice resonate through his body as he held me to his heart in the little time we had together.
I see him when I work with the security of the palace. He looks back at me from the blueprints of the city, a natural strategist.
I see him in the determination of a toddler who is learning how to walk: no matter how many times he falls down, he never cries. Instead, he just gets up and tries again. Zoicite had such resolve like that.
I see him in the strength of old wood and stone. I am tired of being strong alone, as I have done for so long. Without him, my persistence and backbone have been used up throughout the years without him.
I see the clarity of his soul in the sparkling water droplets, from fountains and rivers and lakes. My element.
I see him when I look at myself. My soul. He is a vital part of my soul, and without him, I will be forever incomplete.
I see him...suddenly...miraculously...he always did believe in miracles...standing before me. In the flesh. Hopefully. If it's possible for him to _have_ flesh. He says my name. I've always loved the way he says my name. Can I believe that he's back? I see him so often. Perhaps I really an going insane, and it is all in my mind, a hallucination. And yet...I can see him in perfect detail, just the way I remembered him. I can even remember the comfortable, cherished scent of trees and earth.
He asks me to forgive him after he proves himself to me. Oh, Zoicite. My Zoi. You don't need to, and you never will. But why can't I tell you this? He tells me he loves me and asks me if I love him. Yes, I do. Of course I love him, how could he ask something like this of me? If only he knew how much. But still, I remain silent. Unfortunately, I seem to have lost the rather important ability of possessing the power of speech. I should be demanding that he explain himself, that he be killed for turning traitor. I should be telling him that I hate him. I should be telling him that I see him everywhere. And most of all, I should be telling him how much I've missed him...and that I still love him. But I can only stand here, as still as stone. Seeing him.
Infinite Ice
