By Musashi
~~~~
(Audience applauds) Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry: I'm Jerry Springer, welcome to the show. Today's topic is--AUGH!
(A Lickitung suddenly bounds in from off screen and knocks Jerry over, slobbering all over him.)
(A red-haired girl with a microphone steps on-screen with a smirk.)
Musashi: Due to Jerry's tragic accident, I'll be today's host. This is..um...the Musashi show!
(Bottom logo is crossed out and replaced with "Musashi", camera shows Jerry being carted off to the hospital. Title on the bottom of the screen turns to "Ani-Mayhem.")
Musashi: Our first guest is a guy with three fiancees. baka men... Meet Ranma Saotome!
(Audience applauds and a black haired boy with a braid walks out.)
Musashi: So, Mr. Martial Artist, what are you doing with three fiancees? Have it in for a foursome?
(Audience chants: Orgy! Orgy! Orgy!)
Ranma: It is NOT like that! It's my dad's fault!
Musashi: Don't yell at the host! We're sure it is...Anyway, shall we meet his fiancees?
Audience: YEAH!
Ranma: NO!
Musashi: Too bad! Here's fiancee number one, Akane Tendo!
(Akane storms out with a bucket of cold water)
Akane: HERE'S what you deserve, Ranma Saotome!
(The water clears away to reveal Female Ranma)
Ranma girl: What'd you do THAT for?!
Musashi: Now, THAT'S kinky....and I thought Kojiro had problems!
Kojiros voice: Hey!!
(They girls start to fight, Security comes in to stop them.)
Musashi: No! I wanna see this!
(Security gladly stays back)
(Two other girls rush out)
Shampoo: No fight for Ranma without Shampoo!
Ukyo: ...yeah! What she said!
(They join in the brawl, camera goes back to Musashi, who is still laughing.)
Musashi: We'll be back after these messages!
Audience: Jer--er--Musa! Musa! Musa!
(Show returns.)
Audience: Musa! Musa! Musa!
Musashi: Shut up! God, that's annoying...
(Audience shuts up.)
Musashi: Our next guest is a college student living with three...goddesses? This show gets stranger by the minute, doesn't it...anyway, this is Keiichi.
(A young boy walks out from backstage)
Musashi: So you live with three goddesses...
Keiichi: I'm sure. Let's ask THEM!
(Two ladies walk in from backstage.)
Keiichi: See? Belldandy's my girlfriend, and that's her sister, Urd.
Musashi: I'M suppsed to be hosting, not you!! Well, for a goddess, you sure are fashion backward. So you two are goddesses? Where's the third one?
Belldandy: Of course--
Urd: --not. Our sister's out....getting her licence. Yes, that's it...
Belldandy: But Urd...
Urd: You want them to know who we are?
Belldandy: ...No....I suppose not.
Musashi: So....you aren't goddesses?
Keiichi: Belldandy!
Belldandy: Keiichi...
Keiichi: Okay, that's it! I've had enough of being shy and quiet! And I'm tired of not doing anything with you!
(He grabs her hand and drags her to a back room.)
Belldandy: Keiichi!! *RIP!* Oh! My dress! *GASP!* Oh, my--! Don't..touch--AH! Oh, Keiichi...
(Mild moaning and gasping is heard.)
Musashi: *sweatdrop* Uh...turn their mikes off... A-Anyway...This is Usagi and her boyfriend, Mamoru. Usasgi thinks Mamoru is cheating with some little girl named...Chibi-Usa. Is this true, Usagi?
Usagi: Hai! Mamo-chan loves Chibi-Usa more than me!
Mamoru: For God's sake, Usako, she's our daughter!
Audience: OOooo...
Musashi: So you're not with Chibi-Usa?
Mamoru: Of course not!
Musashi: And you're not cheating?
Mamoru: .....Well....
Usagi: Mamo-chan?!
Musashi: Let's bring out your lover!
(Fiore walks out and promtly kisses Mamoru and he kisses him back, inducing a loud reaction from the audience.)
Usagi: NO!! Moon Eternal Make Up! Eternal Sailor Moon: Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!
Fiore: Shinai!
Musashi: Here. Go buy some steroids or something. We'll be right back.
One audience member: Musa! Musa! Mu----saaa...
(Show comes back, Musashi is mumbling.)
Musashi: One more guest, just one more... Uh...hi everyone! Here we have the Three Lights, who are men who change into girls when they transform! I wonder if Ranma over there is related to you all... (Ranma glares at her.)
Taiki: Actually, we were female on our home planet, and we came here in disguise as males...
Musashi: Eh...sure you did.
Yaten: Forget it, Taiki. No one ever believes that excuse.
Musashi: So, you're singers?
Seiya: Hai.
Musashi: Seiya...we've heard you have a relationship with Usagi. Is this right?
(Usagi and Seiya both shift nervously, Mamoru looks back and forth at them suspiciously.)
Seiya: It's true...
Mamoru: Usaki! What are you doing sleeping with that...that...thing?!
Usagi: Oh, look at you and the little green alien!
(All four stop and look at each other, then grin and run to the now un-occupied back room.)
Musashi: ...shut their mikes off. Remind me to give a new name to the back room...We'll be right back with questions from the audience!
(Show returns)
Musashi: Questions for our guests?
(All hands in the audience go up.)
Musashi: *sweatdrop*.....Too late! We'll be back with a...um...final thought? Is that what it says?
(Commercial comes on)
RABBITS!
(show returns once more)
Musashi: I can't even read it! Oh, hi! Um, my final thought is...get a life and a job and maybe you won't be interested in this crap! I'm tired of this show! C'mon, Kojiro, let's go see what's so great about this back room.
Kojiro: Okay!
Producer: ...Turn their mikes off.
~END~