Author's Note: I was reading some fics on fanfiction.net ("If I was the One" and "Rooftop") and they got me depressed. Well, as much as I hate angst, it certainly is inspiring. This brief piece was written to cleanse my soul of angst. By the way, those stories are very well-written and I recommend them to those who don't need happy endings. Me, I'm all about the happiness when it comes to fiction. Angst is ok, as long as it ends happy. Maybe those will end happy (I don't think that story is done), but in any case, I hope you all enjoy this piece of pure unadulterated fluff. ------------------------------
Dearest Mako,
It seems like ages since I last saw you, since I last held you in my arms. Ever since I arrived here, time has slowed to a crawl. Please don't think I'm unhappy or that I regret my decision to take a semester abroad, because I'm learning so very much, but please know how very much I miss you.
I know that between email and the phone, we communicate almost every day, but some things are better said in a letter, I think. Things that I want to tell you without interruption, even interruptions like hearing you tell me you love me or that you feel the same way. I want you to feel the way I do when you gently lay me down on our bed and make love to me slowly and completely. Please, though I am far, let me love you, my dear heart.
You are beautiful. A simple phrase that does no justice, but cannot be improved upon. Everything about you, the way you walk, the way you smile, your heart, your soul, everything is beautiful. I sit and stare at you some mornings while you make our breakfast and I am in awe of you. You move with a grace and passion that makes me tingle. No one has ever made me feel more secure, more loved and safe, than you have, but even now, I find it hard to rejoice in my emotions and my passions the way you do. You embrace life, and when you embrace me, you make me experience that much more of life and the joys that it can bring when shared with a true soulmate.
You might be laughing at me right now, wondering what our friends would know if they could read this, if they could see this side of me that only you know. I suppose reading all of those steamy romance novels in secret over the years has its reward, if it gives me the words with which to capture the depth of my emotion for you, my darling one. I can still recall the day you caught me in our bathtub, reading one of them, my skin enflamed from the heat of the water, and then from the words, and then from your presence. You know that I have no secrets from you, now. All that I am, all that I ever will be, is intricately bound up with your life. I can stand on my own, a strong independent woman, because of who I am. I can stand happily because I have you standing beside me.
I marvel, my love, at how you complement me so perfectly. Though I am the 'genius', you've taught me more than anyone about the things that really matter. You've taught me to allow myself to live in the moment, to take joy in the world around me, to see the beauty in a flower or a pond. I hope that I've done as much for you as you have for me. I like to think that I've helped you understand your own strengths, helped you see that nothing else matters when the ones you love, in turn, love and respect you.
Should I tell you about how I long for you in the darkest hours of the night? Before I met you, before I realized that I loved you and that you loved me, I would spend all of my free time buried in books, lost in a world where I did not have to worry about things like 'love' and 'romance' and 'passion.' My grades are even better here than at home, but my dreams are filled with longing and each morning I awaken sweaty and breathless. I want to run my hands through your hair, feeling its weight as it sifts through my fingers. Then, I will rest my hands on your shoulders and let them linger down your arms, marveling at the strength that rests beneath your soft, flawless skin. I want to ease you into your favorite chair after a long day standing in the bakery and massage your feet and calves until all of the soreness is gone and then delicately trace a line up your thigh, again feeling the strength there, remembering what it is like to feel that strength pressed tightly against me in the throes of passion. I had better stop now. I suggest you clear your calendar for the first week or so when I get back, though.
Ah, my dearest Mako-chan, my sweet Mako-love, my lover, my best friend, my confidante, my soulmate, I ache for your presence. Yes, we will talk and the sound of your voice will leave chills in my spine for the rest of the day. Yes, I will tell you about my day and listen raptly to yours, straining desperately to share as much of your life as I can despite the miles that separate us. I will probably even tell you many of the things that I have said here in this letter. But, I wanted you to have this, forever a testimony to my love for you. You make me a better person, my love. I miss you more than I can ever say. I know that you understand, for I know that you miss me just as much. Farewell for now, my darling. Know that my thoughts are always with you.
Love always,
Ami