A Thunk On The Head! Pluto In A Cage

*~*~*~*

I pressed my nose to the window glass and stared out across the front lawn. "It’s snowing!" I pushed my hands against the cold window and let my nose flatten even more. I giggled gleefully.

"You look like an adorable little five-year-old," noted Michiru.

I shot her a look. I was excited about playing in the snow, but still… On the other hand, it was also freezing, so the snow had its downside too. Setsuna, for example, was in a wretched mood. She had awakened in a very frigid state, demanded that Michiru dig out the electric blankets, and had promptly stomped off to the Time Gates, shivering in her Sailor suit. There was to be no Pluto Dance Party, as Setsuna had hollered, "And you’d better not follow me!" Then with a string of uncharacteristic profanity, she was gone.

Not long after, Michiru and I were cuddled up on the couch to watch a movie. "We haven’t watched a movie together in a long time. It’ll be so romantic!" Michiru hugged my arm happily.

I frowned. "Yes, but does it have to be Sleepless In Seattle? I wanted to watch Days Of Thunder."

"No way! I am not watching that again!"

"Hey, it was romantic."

"You were too busy drooling over the racecars to even notice Nicole Kidman."

Suddenly the television fuzzed up and pink light blasted forth from it. I jumped. "Whoa, what the heck?!"

"Eeek, kill it!" hollered Michiru.

The image of Neo-Queen Serenity materialized on the screen and gave us both a look. She seemed to be a bit stressed. "What are you two staring at?"

Michiru and I looked at each other. "You’re in our television," I pointed out.

"How can you do that?" asked Michiru

Serenity shrugged. "It’s a perk. Look, I’m here to let you know that Sailor Pluto’s had a bit of an accident, and I need the two of you to sort her out."

"What?" cried Michiru. "Is she okay?"

"Oh, she’s perfectly fine – except for the amnesia."

"Huh?" was my intelligent reply.

"But you had really better go get her fast. With my Guardian of Time out of commission, the timeline is in danger."

"How did she get amnesia?" I demanded.

"Your Majesty…" Michiru added politely.

"I had her lifting some boxes onto a shelf and one fell, clipping her on the head. She’ll be fine." Serenity looked a bit harried, but I was livid.

"Why did you have her doing that?! Have you looked at her? She’s tiny!" You would think Usagi would have gotten over her laziness as the years passed.

Serenity bristled. "Look, I’m sorry, but I just wasn’t thinking clearly. If you were me, you’d be stressed too! CHIBI-USA! NO! BAD CHIBI!" Serenity’s face faded out.

I looked at Michiru and crossed my arms. "Well, we really have so much to go on."

"At least she took the time out of her busy day to let us know."

"But I’m really worried about Setsuna," I said. "We’d better go get her and bring her home." I reached for my transformation pen, but Michiru stopped me.

"Wait, I’m not so sure we can do that. If she doesn’t know who we are it might freak her out."

"Better than having her wandering around blindly. She’ll get lost! Time is huge!"

"You’re right." We both transformed quickly. "But how will we get to the Gates? We usually go to Pluto’s Dance Party with her."

I winked. "Watch this." I threw one hand into the air. "I call upon the power of time and space on behalf of Uranus! Garnet Orb, I choose you!!"

Neptune smirked (probably at my choice of words) until the ceiling opened up and Setsuna’s Time Staff dropped into my outstretched hand. She gasped. "How do you learn how to do all this fun stuff?"

"The Garnet Orb and I have had a very special relationship ever since I was Sailor Pluto a few months ago." I grabbed Neptune’s hand and we disappeared in a flash of garnet light.

~*~

We arrived at the Time Gates and pushed through the mists. "Geeze, this mist is kooky. I’m always expecting Pluto to try to take our heads off, thinking we’re intruders. So where is she?"

Neptune pointed. "There! Over there."

We came upon Pluto, who was wandering around the Time Gate, admiring the architecture with a dazed look on her face. She turned to look at us and her eyes immediately narrowed. "Who are you?"

"It’s us, honey," said Neptune. "Uranus and Neptune."

She glared and nodded towards me. "What are you? A boy in a dress?"

I poofed out air. "I’ll forgive you, as you’ve had an accident. But you have to come with us now."

Her eyes widened. "Why should I? I don’t even know you people! Who are you, and why are we all wearing these skimpy outfits? Where am I? There was some kind of silver stick with a red ball on top, but it disappeared." The Time Staff, I assumed. She continued, "What is going on here? Why are you walking towards me?"

"Just come with us, Pluto," I said.

"No way! Stay away from me, you freaky boy-girl!" She turned and ran for the Time Gate. She managed to get her hand on the doorknob before I grabbed her around the chest.

"Neptune! Grab her arms so you won’t be kicked!" I bodily lifted the screaming Pluto off her feet and thrust her towards Neptune who managed to get her under the arms, while I gathered up her feet. "Believe me, Pluto, this is for your own good! If you go through that door, you’ll regret it!"

"Help!" Pluto screamed, trying to pummel Neptune. "Kidnappers! Rapists! Thugs! Put me down!!"

"Garnet Orb! Get her out of here!" I called. Just as Pluto’s vicious black boot caught me in the chin, we disappeared into thin air.

~*~

While Neptune got on the kitchen phone to the other girls to ask for help (or to chew out Usagi for her future self), I tried to keep the hysterical Pluto under control. I was on the floor with her, struggling to keep her still, but she simply refused to stop wiggling. I finally had to resort to pinning her down and lying on her with all my weight. "Help! Crazy lesbian!" hollered Pluto.

"I’m going to clonk you on the head again!" I vowed. I finally came up with a good idea.

~*~

Michiru, detransformed, walked into the living room again. "Okay, the other girls think maybe they can help. Rei can – HARUKA!"

I shrugged cheekily. "Well it worked, didn’t it?" I had managed to shove Pluto into a rather large dog cage that dated back to my childhood pet.

Locked in the cage, Pluto sat hunched over, gripping the bars, scowling heavily. "What did I ever do to you?"

Michiru shook her head. "We have to let her out of there."

"No way! She’ll kill us. I mean, look at her eyes. They’re red!"

"They’re always red." But Michiru relented, seeing as how Pluto was now imbalanced. As we shoved a blanket through the bars to keep her warm in her sailor suit and dragged her out to the car in the cage, Michiru asked, "Is she always this mean-spirited, or it just the amnesia?"

I huffed as we lifted the cage and dumped it into the backseat. "Nah, I figure she’s always like this. She just doesn’t remember she’s supposed to be keeping it in check."

~*~

We arrived at Rei’s temple and pulled Pluto’s cage into the room that held the sacred fire. The other girls were already there and they stared at us. Pluto gnashed her teeth at them through the bars. Minako trembled. "Is that Pluto, or a rabid dog?" she asked.

"She’s a little pissed right now," I explained.

Ami was horrified. "Why is she still in her sailor suit? She must be freezing!"

"She doesn’t remember how to detransform, and we couldn’t hold her down long enough to strip her suit off. You want to try it?"

I smacked the top of the dog cage and Pluto growled. "Stop that!"

"Don’t make her more upset, Haruka!" Michiru gave me a reprimanding look. "So, can you help us, Rei?"

"I think so." Rei kneeled down in front of the fire. "Roll the cage over here."

I shoved it over and Pluto started to panic. "What are you doing? Stop that! I’m a person, not a beast! Open the door! I swear, I’ll -"

"Evil Spirits, Disperse!" Rei yelled and slapped one of her charms on Pluto’s forehead through the bars. Pluto’s eyes went wide, she choked, and then went limp. "Okay, Haruka, I think it should be safe to take her out of the cage now."

I reluctantly unfastened the lock and opened the door. I pulled Pluto’s limp body out of the cage and grumbled, "It’s a good thing I love you so much, or I wouldn’t put up with you!" I did, however, tenderly brush a strand of hair away from her eyes. "Go ahead, Rei."

Rei positioned Pluto right in front of the fire, and kneeled over her. She started to chant and beads of sweat appeared on her forehead from the effort. Pluto lay there like a brick. I couldn’t see how this was going to work. Eventually, Rei opened her eyes. "Okay, lets see if that did anything." She lifted up a corner of the charm on Pluto’s forehead and her eyes fluttered open. "Who are you?" Rei asked her.

"I’m…" Pluto’s eyes drifted out the window and focused on Chibi-Usa, who was running around like a demon outside in the dark, harassing Hotaru with snowballs. "I’m…Chibi-Usa?" She looked at Usagi, eyes suddenly brimming with tears. "Mommy?"

Usagi shook her head. "Oh, no! No way! I couldn’t put up with two of them…although Setsuna would be oddly preferable."

"Dang!" Rei pushed the charm down again and Pluto passed out. "We’ll just try again, shall we?" She started to chant wildly.

An hour later, Pluto had been a china teapot, a kitty cat, the planet Neptune (Michiru had been flattered), and most horrifically, a Backstreet Boys-singing Mamoru. Rei was starting to loose faith. "This one’s too stubborn! If the chanting won’t help her, then I don’t know what will! Stubborn!"

I sighed. "Maybe we should just take her on home. Having another china teapot wouldn’t be such a bad thing, would it?"

"You are not funny," Michiru said dryly.

Pluto’s eyes were suddenly open and she was on her feet, tearing off the charm. "I don’t know who you people are, but you’re all going to pay!"

"No! The time’s run out!" called Rei.

"I’ll teach you all to abduct me and then perform insane experiments on me!" Pluto reflexively reached her hand into the air and her Time Staff appeared in her grasp. She blinked, momentarily surprised, before she noticed us advancing on her.

"Pluto, look-" I started.

"Ahh, the boy-girl!" She started to swing the staff at me like a baseball bat.

I dodged wildly, trying to pull my transformation pen out of my pocket at the same time. "Geeze, you’re violent!"

"I need more wood!" hollered Rei. "I’ll build up the fire and try again!"

Pluto had really had it with us. She started to spin the staff over her head. "DIE, KIDNAPPERS!!" We were all diving out of the way like maniacs.

"I’ll get wood!" yelled Minako.

"Me too!" added Usagi, and she dove for the woodpile.

Somehow in the struggle that ensued, Pluto managed to get her hand around Michiru’s wrist. Michiru tried to pull away. "Setsuna, honey-"

Pluto raised her staff to strike Michiru.

"Suna, NO!" I dove towards them.

"Here, Rei!" Usagi and Minako both made a run for the fire and promptly crashed into each other. Minako held onto her wood, but the log Usagi was holding went flying from her arms. Just as Pluto started to bring the staff down over the flinching Michiru and I was about to grab Pluto by the butt-bow, the large log of wood smashed into Pluto’s head. Michiru screamed.

As if in slow motion, Pluto blinked and went very stiff. The staff fell her from rigid fingers and clattered to the floor. Just as blood started to run down her forehead, her sailor uniform melted away. She looked up at Michiru and walked towards her in a dazed manner, tears of pain and shock flowing freely. "Michi…I don’t feel so good."

"Oh…my poor girl," said Michiru. She wrapped Setsuna in her arms, while I pulled out a hankie and pressed it to Setsuna’s head.

I looked at the other girls, who were gawking at us, Usagi sniffling at having smacked Setsuna in the head. I tried to comfort her. "It’s okay, Usagi. It’s just been a very long day."

Setsuna clung to Michiru and asked through her tears, "Can I have a Happy Meal?"

"Of course. Anything you want," said Michiru.

I carefully extracted Setsuna from Michiru, wrapped the blanket firmly around her, and lifted her into my arms. I held her close to my chest and bowed my head quickly at the others. "Well, thank you for your help! We’re off to the hospital!"

~*~

Later that night, Michiru and Setsuna watched Sleepless In Seattle together, Setsuna bundled up in warm, comfy sweatclothes and slippers. She had a large bandage on her head from our trip to the hospital, and some slight dizziness, but otherwise she seemed quite content as she chomped on her Happy Meal and messed with the accompanying toy – a Hotwheels car I couldn’t wait to get my hands on as soon as she konked out from chick-flick boredom. Otherwise, there wasn’t much to show that anything had happened. The doctor hadn’t even had to cut any of Setsuna’s wild mass of hair. The whole incident might have been forgotten if I hadn’t taken the opportunity to shove the dog cage though the living room on the way to the storage closet.

Setsuna stopped munching, looked at the cage suspiciously, and then looked at me. "What’s that for?"

I froze. "I…um…er…how much of tonight do you remember?"

Setsuna rose. "Come here, Haruka…"

Not five minutes later, Setsuna was back on the couch, cuddled up with Michiru, and I was in the cage. Michiru looked at me from time to time. "Well, dear, it’s one way to get you to watch Sleepless In Seattle…"

*~*~*~*

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