Plus de Compassion (More than sympathy)
by April Eagle

Je savais le silence depuis longtemps
J'en sais la violence, son goût de sang
Rouge colères, sombres douleurs
Je sais ces guerres, j'en ai pas peur
Je sais me défendre, j'ai bien appris
On est pas des tendres par ici
Je sais les hivers, je sais le froid
Mais la vie sans toi, je sais pas

(Céline Dion)

I knew silence for a long time
I know it's violence, it's taste of blood
Loud rage, silent pain
I know these wars, I am not afraid of them
I know how to defend myself, I learned it well
People aren't very sensible here
I know the winter, I know the bitter cold
But life without you, I don't know.

Author's note:

It's my free translation from >I don't know<, because the French version is a little bit different and a little bit
sadder (that's my opinion). To all those French people outside: I did my best with translation, I only had some
years at school.

For all those people who read my first fanfics, don't be shocked, it's complete another story. It has nothing to do
with the events that happened in the past during my last short stories. And it has another style. It isn't so funny
because there're no Star Lights and hardly a Sailor Team who would make it funny.

Disclaimer: Haruka and Michiru are owned by Naoko Takeuchi (and the rest of the Sailor Team including Sailor
Moon as well).

Don't blame me for wrong details but I never lived with a handicapped person. Maybe it isn't so easy to find back
into >normal< life again. Maybe it isn't so easy to face one's destiny. Maybe it takes much more time until you
can laugh about yourself again. And maybe there's too often no hope of cure.
Normally I don't excuse myself for my writing but if I am hurting just one person out there on this wonderful
world: I am really sorry. Gomen. I didn't mean it.

Feel free to write to aprileagle@freenet.de. I'll answer every of your letter.

Plus de compassion
(More than sympathy)

Epilogue: Life without you...

It stopped raining at dawn. Soon the raising sun broke soon through the dark clouds that had covered the sky for
the last days. In the bright light the last raindrops started to sparkle and it looked as if nature was covered with
shinning pearls. Fresh wind played with the coloured leaves of the trees. Some danced exited in the morning dust
and the rushing was almost appeasing. Surely it was going to be one of those days why this months was
sometimes called golden September.
Silently she stood at the open window. The wind played with the wide dark shirt she was wearing over her blue
jeans. She closed her eyes and tried to think of nothing. Sunglasses hide her eyes, a dark cap her short blonde
hairs.
This is going to be my last race.
She raised her hands and reached out for the chestnut tree that was standing in front of her window. She knew
she couldn't touch the leaves after they cut the big branch that was once her lifeline. With the help of this tree she
often escaped him. So many times she sat in the crown and looked at heaven above, feeling the wind rushing
through the leaves around her. There she almost felt free and she wished that she could leave forever. She
wanted to become the wind to be fast enough to escape forever.
Today I'll be able to.
Her face was motionless as she stood there for a while, the arm wide stretched to touch the tree that used to be
her only friend for so many years. Her gesture looked like a goodbye wave.
"Haruka? Breakfast!"
She winced as she heard the loud voice downstairs. Actually she wasn't very hungry but she knew she had to eat
anything because the racing could be exhausting. And she knew that he would force her to eat if she didn't.
Slowly she turned around but the pain was faster. It flashed through her body and she winced again. Quietly she
groaned and took a deep breathe. She knew this feelings. She was used to it.
Carefully she went downstairs and entered a light and comfortable kitchen. Her muesli stood on the table while
her father drank is coffee behind the newspapers. Haruka sighed silently as she sat down and forced herself to eat
her breakfast.
At least the milk tastes fresh.
"That's what they deserved!" growled her father but Haruka didn't ask. She understood little of politics and she
wasn't interested in the old men playing chefs but being at the same time still little children who are fighting for
their favourite toys.
"I hope you are prepared, Haruka. Because today is a very important race for your career." Said the huge man
and laid down the newspaper. He ran a hand through is blonde hair and got up. "I expect from you to break the
track record this time. You can do it, I know it." He came over to her and she automatically ducked. "Don't dare
it to dishonour me again, Haruka!" Then he left the kitchen and the girl lowered her head and pushed her
breakfast aside.
"Hai." She whispered with a low voice and took the newspapers to think of anything else.
Today I won't dishonour you. Today I will break the track record. And then I will leave you and this bloody life
forever!
Silently she read the news and the temperature for the next days. It was going to be a lovely September. That was
good, because the summer had been cold and wet.
Why do I care for the weather?
She closed the newspaper and froze in motion as she read the headline: Famous musician and his family
involved in a deadly car accident.
"Goddess..." she whispered as she looked at the picture below. The silver Ferrari that used to be the realisation of
a dream was not more than a small quarter of metal and sheet metal. A red fluid covered the asphalt of the street
below and Haruka was sure that it was blood. No, no one could survive such a terrible accident.
What happened?
"The cause isn't found yet. The best piano player of Japan died at the place of accident. His wife fought long but
she died at the way to the hospital. Their daughter lays in hospital. She is unconscious and the doctors don't see a
chance that she will awake again. What a tragedy..." read Haruka aloud and didn't even mention that her voice
was very shaky with a sudden. Her hands who hold the paper trembled and she felt trapped with all a sudden.
She couldn't breathe anymore and nausea filled her belly and increased.
What a tragedy!
She read the article once more as if it would change. But it didn't.
What a tragedy...
Haruka rose from her chair and it crashed the floor as she spun around and run upstairs as if bloodhounds
haunted her. She ignored the shouting of her father and entered her bathroom. She locked the door and went into
her knees beside the toilette. Then she threw up her breakfast. She kneeled there for a long time and couldn't
fight back a sob.
She isn't dead. Maybe she'll survive it.
Very slowly Haruka came back to her feet and reeled over to the washbasin to cool her hands and her sweaty
face.
Surely she'll survive it. She's the strongest human I've ever met.
Haruka shook her head then she entered her room again. Her rucksack was already packed with her lunch, her
racing suit and her English book. She'd write a test the next day and her father expected only good marks. And
English wasn't her favourite lesson. Her French was even worse.
Why should I learn all these silly languages when all I should do is racing the motorbike and full filling his
dreams? Not my own ones...
Determined she threw the book and her lunch under her bed and took an old photo album and her worn-out teddy
bear in it. She looked around her room and her Walkman and a black pullover followed. Sadly she observed the
rucksack.
Strange, that's all what I own. That's all what would remember the world that I lived. Fifteen long years. And all
I would leave are a teddy and some photos.
She ignored the cupboards being filled with trophies. She didn't need them. Not really. They couldn't full fill her
dream. Hai, on her Suzuki she was very fast. There she could almost feel free. There she wasn't only as fast as
the wind. There she was the wild element. Actually she didn't want to win. She simply wanted to escape. To go
to a place where no one would ever hurt her again.
"Haruka! We have to leave now!"
The girl nodded and left her room without looking back. She knew that she would never return again and she
didn't regret it.
She thought at the headlines of the newspaper and knew that she would break every record today just to let this
race be over as quickly as possible.
Please live! If not for yourself or your music, then live for me. Because I need you.
Haruka was almost shocked as she felt the tears burning in her eyes. She hadn't cried the last two years and she
hardly ever cried before.
"Haruka! Hurry up!"
"Hai!" The girl ran downstairs and joined her father to go over to the big red car he was driving. Silently she sat
down and reached automatically for the belt. Her father switched on the radio and Haruka made a face as she
heard the famous love song they played a lot at the last time.
"You'll break the track record and make me honour, won't you?" asked her father as they left the drive and
headed towards the highway.
"Hai." Whispered Haruka and looked out of the window and watched the world flying by.
"That's my good boy."
Haruka's eyes grew wide behind her sunglasses but she didn't say a word. She just pressed her lips together and
automatically crossed her arms before her chest. It was an almost protectively gesture.
> That's what they deserved! < she heard again the voice of her father in her head and clenched her fists under
her arms.
I hate you!
But she knew that she would never say it aloud. Maybe he knew about her feelings. Maybe he didn't. Probably
he simply didn't care. As long as she full filled his dreams how he wanted it everything was alright for him.
Haruka shivered slightly although it was very warm in the car. She knew too well what happened when she
couldn't full fill his expectations.
Perhaps it isn't going to be my last race.
The girl leaned her head against the seat and closed her eyes.
But surely it's the last time that he will ever see me!

***

"Exited?"
Haruka didn't even look up as the old mechanic entered the box. She already wore her racing suit and now she
tried to repair her motorbike as fast as possible. Dirt and oil covered her arms as she worked with the spanner.
"What are you doing? I watched it yesterday and it was okay. Did I oversee anything?" Now the voice of the old
man was very concerned. He came nearer and looked over her shoulder.
"The brake hose is cut?" he whispered and observed with his dark eyes the kneeling girl in front of him. "But
that wasn't yesterday when I checked it. I swear."
"Don't tell father." Was all Haruka replied as she finished her work and cleaned her hands on an old towel. A
shocked expression appeared on the old man's face.
"You're still wearing your sunglasses? How can you see anything? It's very dark in here." He reached for her but
Haruka was too quick. She jumped back and took her helmet in her hands. "Is that cool?" asked the old man then
he shook his head. He knew little about the young generation but he knew that it wasn't fashion that forced the
girl to wear her cap and her sunglasses almost always.
"Without a break you'd be able to get to the start but the first bent is too dangerous to..." The old mechanic
whispered as Haruka pulled her helmet over her head. The sunglasses and the cap went into her rucksack. Then
she put it on her back. It had the same colour as her racing suit and was covered with advertising. When they got
to know it, it was too late to call her back. Carefully she took the heavy motorbike and slowly left the box. The
old mechanic followed her and held her back. His dark eyes looked really concerned down at her.
"Why did you change your opinion with all a sudden?" he asked with a shaky voice. Haruka sighed slightly but
she understood him. He was there since she started racing. For his possibilities he cared for her. Sometimes he
protected her from the rude opponents who didn't want to loose against a boy much younger than they. The old
mechanic was kind of a father to her. Or the grandfather she never had.
"There's still someone out there who needs me." She declared quietly and entered the bright sunshine on the
track.
There's still someone out there who wants me.

***

She raced like a devil. No one could hinder her. No one could detain her. The track seemed to be too long for her
and it took her too much time until she reached the start again. So she speeded up and every bent was a new
adventure if the Suzuki would make it or not. At the tenth round she broke the track record. She broke it with a
time her father always dreamed of. Surely it would take another long time until it would be broken again. But
she didn't care about it. She just drove like crazy and lapped the last drivers. The audience yelled and the
commentator talked the whole time exited. They'd never seen anything like that before in their whole life.
Please, stay alive!
Please, god, let her live!
It was the first time that she prayed. She never really believed in god because she was convinced that there was
no higher power above. Otherwise he certainly had a lot of fun to watch her life and make it worse with every
bloody day!
But now she prayed with all her heart. If there was such a power he should watch over her. The daughter of the
piano player never did anything wrong. She was the sunshine of her parents.
She's the light in my darkness.
Minutes seemed to last like hours and it seemed to last eternity until she reached the goal. The second racer
would arrive two minutes later and she knew that she had driven the race of her life. The audience yelled and it
was her honour to drive another lap to enjoy her victory until she had to go to the box again. But this time she
didn't even think about this honour. Instead of becoming slower she even speeded up.
"What the hell are you doing?" she heard her father in the micro she wore in her ear. She reached for the cable
and ripped it. The angry voice died away and she concentrated on the exit. It was the exit for normal people but
she knew that she couldn't escape on a different way. The audience seemed to feel it and the people stepped
aside. She bowed over her handlebars and ignored the pain that went through her body. The audience yelled as
she left the track and drove through the mass, through the exit and on the street behind the arena. Her wheels
squealed on the hot asphalt and some cars had to break as she crossed the street and turned around to take the
direct way to the highway. She knew where the piano player moved with his family two years ago. And she
believed to know in which hospital his daughter laid and fought with her life.
Don't loose this fight!
Her birthplace was several hundred miles away from the hospital but Haruka was trained well. She speeded up
on the highway and she knew that she would reach the big city in about an hour or less. And she knew that her
father would never be able to find her in that city.
He will never force me again!
The wind played with her racing suit as she speeded up until she reached her limit. She didn't hesitate and
crossed it. The highway made a bent and behind it she could see the wide ocean. She had to train too much and
so she was hardly be able to watch nature's beauty. The surface shimmered like silver in the bright sun. Steady
waves crushed at the beach and somewhere behind the horizon sky and sea seemed to become one.
Strange, I never had a place to go.
But now she felt as if she was coming home.

***

"It's such a pity." Declared the nurse to her colleague and thanked for the warm coffee. It was evening and there
was little to do. The patients slept and the operations were over. Now they had to watch over the ill people to
make sure that they'd experience the next day. This was the intensive care unit. The two nurses had seen a lot of 
sorrow in their lives but times by times even they were really shocked.
"Hai, she's so young. Only fourteen. And so talented. The newspapers said that she learned the clarinet..."
"No, it was a violin."
"Right, the violin since she's four years old and strong enough to hold it. She gave her first concerts with eight
and she's very known. Almost as known as her father in the music world of Japan." The first nurse sighed and
drank a bit of her hot coffee.
"She's just too young for this destiny." Declared the second nurse and took sugar in her coffee.
"Maybe it's karma that she won't survive."
"Is it so sure?"
"The doctor looked at her with that look on his face this morning. You know that look that makes your heart
break."
"Hai."
Silence evolved between them and they sighed again.
"Maybe it's better that she'll die. After all what will she have from her life?" asked the first nurse very silently.
"But she's so young. She has so much time left, so much to experience. So much to learn."
"The doctor isn't sure if she has any brain damages. Maybe she's deaf or blind if she'll awake again. Or she'll be
mental handicapped. Then she'll be a person in need of care the rest for her life. A dead spirit trapped in a still
living body."
"It's such a pity. She's such a beautiful girl. And so young! It's said she won a lot of prices with her music and
with swimming. She must be a very good swimmer."
"That's over now for sure. Even if she awakes and even if her brain is okay she'll never be able to walk again.
Her legs are broken and the doctor supposes that her backbone got a bad damage."
"But she could live a normal life! Even if she has to use a wheelchair, she would still be able to play her music,
to fall in love, to finish school and to get married one day. Her parents were very rich and she'd inherit enough to
make her life worth living. She can even drive a car when she uses the helps of special apparatuses!"
"But she's unconscious and the doctor don't think that she will awake again. She's almost dead and we can't help
her anymore. It's her will to survive now. Maybe she already knows that her parents are dead and she doesn't
want to awake anymore. The newspapers wrote that she loved her parents very much and her parents loved her
in return. She has no grandparents and no other relatives. Maybe it's better to die after a short but happy life than
to live a long but very lonely one. After all there's no one who would take care for her." The nurse sighed and
shrugged her shoulders. "And even if she's rich it's still very hard to find a person who wants to live the rest of
his life with a handicapped person. She would learn a lot again but there are things she would need help for
forever. Believe me, it's hard to find such a person. My nephew lost a leg because of an accident and it's very
hard for him at school. A lot of students deride him and no girl wants to go out with him."
"But she's so young!"
"Hai..."
Again silence evolved between them and quietly they drank their coffee.
"It's such a pity."

***

Haruka took a deep breathe then she averted from the two nurses. She wore her normal clothes again and the
sunglasses although she could hardly see anything in the dark corridor. The motorbike stood in the parking space
hidden in the shadows of huge trees.
Silently the girl crept through the hospital. Her heart beat violently inside her chest and she could hardly think a
clear thought. Her mind was dizzy and the whole world begun to spun around her as she heard the cruel words of
the nurses again and again in her head.
She mustn't die!
Haruka sneaked into the room and froze in motion by the door. There in the middle of the room in a bed laid a
girl under white blankets. Her sea green hair that once shimmered in the bright sun was now matt. The face was
covered with bruises and the once so red cheeks were pale. Deep shadows laid under her once so shinning eyes.
No smile laid on the now almost white lips. Motionless the girl laid there, just her chest moved with the regular
noises of the machines that hold her body back from dying. Hoses were connected to her mouth, her neck and
her arms. Two drips were connected to her left wrist. The legs were in plastercasts.
She looks so fragile.
Haruka swallowed hard and didn't even mention that tears were running down her cheeks. Tears she never felt
during the last two years when she went through hell.
When I thought I knew what hell was. Now I see what real hell is.
She closed the door and came slowly over to the bed. The steady noises of the machines were driving her crazy
but she calmed herself down and forced herself to sit down on the chair beside the bed.
"You mustn't die." Declared the girl with a shaky voice and more tears ran down her cheeks. Carefully she
touched the right hand of the pale patient who brought a little happiness in her painful life. For only some weeks.
But these weeks had been the best in all those terrible fifteen years. Those weeks had been worth living this
nightmare.
"Can you hear me?" whispered Haruka and caressed tenderly the pale cheeks and the matt hairs. Once she had
touched them, too. But two blue eyes had shone up to her and a loving smile had touched her heart two years
ago. Once she had embraced the pale girl and felt her arms around herself as well. And just for once she had
kissed her. It was the gentlest touch she'd ever experienced and sometimes she thought that she was born just for
this moment that lasted for eternity. And that was so fast over as if it didn't happen at all.
But it changed my life forever.
"I know you're not gone." Haruka wasn't good at words. She never knew what to say best and so she often kept
silent. When her father argued with her she knew that it was better to keep silent. Also in other situations it was
too hard for to explain her feelings. But now the words were just pouring out of her mouth.
"You can't be gone! Remember what we promised each other at that time! We promised to go to the same school
so that we can be together without him interfering in our world. We promised to be together for the rest of our
lives. You wanted to go on tour with your violin and I wanted to join you with my piano play. Even your dad
said that I am very good at it. You can't forget those weeks then! You can't forget all those words we've said.
You can't..." Haruka sobbed and with a sudden she wasn't ashamed of it. "You're all I've got, Michi-chan. You're
the one who keeps me going on. You're the only reason for me being alive. What shall I do without you? You're
the ray of hope in my dark life. You can't just go like that. There is too much to do for you. You're so talented!
The people need your music! They need you being part of their society. You always wanted to go to high school.
To become a real musician. To see the world. You always wanted to visit Europe and America. That's all
possible. Just stay alive. Just awake again. Please!"
It was the second time in her whole life that Haruka pleaded for anything.
"Don't go, Michi-chan. I need you." She whispered and held the lifeless hand on her now wet cheeks. Warm
tears ran down the icy fingers.
"Please, come back to me! I need you so much! Please, Michi-chan!" As the pale girl didn't react Haruka
lowered her head and sobbed helplessly.
She heard the shaky voice somewhere in the dark. She was here for such a long time that she thought it was right
so. That she belonged in the dark. It seemed to be right to stay here forever. A feeling said her that there were
other people in the dark who wanted her to stay. Then there was a bright light and she headed towards it. She
saw two figures standing in it.
"Mom! Dad!" she screamed and wanted to run towards them. But at that moment she heard the shaky voice. She
blinked and turned around. But there was only darkness. Her parents were still standing in the light, reaching her
hands out for her to take her with them home. But the shaky voice told her something different. She knew this
voice. There had been a time when she listened to it for hours. She liked it to listen to it. Slightly she
remembered someone smiling down at her. Suddenly she felt wind playing with her sea green hairs and she
heard the rushes of the wide ocean. She had been there with that person. And she loved it. She remembered the
sun shinning on her skin and the soft violin music she loved so much.
"Please come back to me! I need you so much! Please, Michi-chan!" she had never heard this voice so desperate.
Normally it was full of fun and joy.
But only in my presence.
Michiru took a last long look at her parents and waved her trembling hand. Her parents waved back with a smile
on their faces. Then they turned around and vanished together with the bright light.
It took all her powers to open her eyes. It was dark in the room and she almost fainted as the pain flashed
through her body. Her legs hurt so much she wanted to scream. But she had no powers to. She heard the steady
noises of machines and she saw the hoses connected to her body. Fresh air was pushed in her mouth and blood
was pushed in her veins. Her body seemed to burn and she wished herself a great aspirin.
The sobbing was louder than the machines. Michiru wanted to scream as she slowly turned her head but she
couldn't. The hoses in her neck and her mouth suffocated every try. She saw the girl sitting next to her bed,
holding her hand against her cheek. Michiru could feel the hot tears on her cold skin and it prickled. Sunglasses
laid on the white blanket and the strands of the blonde hairs that weren't hidden by the dark cap covered her eyes
with shadows.
"..." Michiru rolled her eyes as her voice didn't obey her. She took all her powers and managed to speak a single
word: "Ruka?"
The girl raised her head and Michiru would have gasped if she had been able to. The face was covered with
bruises and the eyes were blue and swollen. Tears were running down the cheeks. Meeting no resistance.
He's still beating her.
With the rest of her powers Michiru managed to stroke over the bruises that were normally hidden by sunglasses
and the shadows of the cape.
"Michi-chan?" Hope returned into deep green eyes that had stared so desperate some seconds ago. So empty. So
all alone.
The pale girl smiled a small smile but it was the most beautiful smile Haruka had ever seen.
"You're driving me crazy, Michi-chan. I've almost thought..." her voice broke again and a sob escaped her throat.
The still cool hand squeezed her own one lightly as if she wanted to show her that she was alright. That she
wouldn't die. That she would never go in her own world leaving her behind.
Tears were burning in Michiru's eyes as well and she didn't know how she should handle the pain that filled her
body, her whole life.
"Better I'll call the doctor." Said Haruka and wiped away the tears from her cheeks as if she was suddenly
ashamed of it. Then she took her sunglasses again. Michiru's hand tried desperately to hold her back and panic
grew in her pale face.
"Don't worry, Michi-chan. I'll never leave you. I promise."
Dark green eyes looked for some moments deep into tired blue ones.
Haruka made hardly any promise. Because she hold it with all consequences. Michiru knew that. She let her go
and smiled a painful smile towards the now opened door. She heard how the girl ran along the corridors
screaming for a doctor not caring about the other patients she would wake up.
Maybe there's still hope.
Michiru closed her eyes and prepared herself for the words of the doctor.
Definite words.

Chapter one: Days of bitter cold

"Who's that?" The apprentice looked curiously at the boy who entered the hospital. He wore a great bunch of
flowers in his right and a CD player in his left hand. Determined he headed towards the door and greeted the
nurses shortly.
"The boyfriend of Kaioh Michiru. He comes every day to visit her and stays for a lot of hours." Answered the
nurse and watched the boy entering the room.
"Kaioh Michiru? The famous violin player? The daughter of Kaioh Gendo? The famous piano player who died
two months ago because of a car accident?" asked the apprentice with her eyes wide open.
"Hai. It's a wonder that she survived it. We all thought she would never awake from her coma and even the
doctor gave up. But she fought and survived."
"But the visiting hours aren't yet. They start in the afternoon." Wondered the apprentice and plucked at the white
overall. She wasn't used to it yet.
"This boy's kind of a medicine. The doctor said she's recovering just because she sees him so often. He gives her
the hope and the strength she needs to accept her destiny." Explained the nurse and sighed. "Let's go on working.
You shall learn a lot and not talking to me like old pensioner!" She clapped in her hands and they both
disappeared in the corridor.
"Hi, Michi-chan." Haruka entered the room and put the CD player on the table in the middle. Two weeks after
the accident the young violinist was allowed to leave the intensive care unit and even her doctor was surprised
how fast she recovered. She had no brain damage and the rest of her body regained strength very quickly. Her
broken bones healed and now two moths after the accident Michiru didn't want to stay in hospital any longer.
There would be other meetings and a lot of therapies but Michiru was slowly sick of the hospital. The tense of
disinfectant and ill people.
"Ruka!" The wheelchair turned around and Michiru rolled over to her. She was wearing her light blue tracksuit.
Different magazines laid on her lap and her blue eyes shone. "I wanna go to this high school!" declared the
young violinist loudly then she smiled at the flowers.
"White roses. Are they for me?" she asked and her smile grew even wider. She reached her hand and touched the
soft petals. "I love how they smell." She whispered and took a deep breathe.
"You really want to go back to school, don't you?" asked Haruka while she put the flowers in a vase and sat
down on the bed next to the wheelchair. Michiru learned quickly to handle it. The nurse said that she had a talent
for it. She practised hard because she didn't want to stay in bed forever as she told Haruka one day.
"Don't make such a face! You aren't so good that you can miss a whole school year. After all it is in Tokyo and
there we would have our own apartment. All pupils have their own rooms or apartments there and I've got
enough money to pay the rent. It's a very good school and I won't see anything that remembers me of my
parents."
Haruka looked for some seconds sadly at the suddenly pale girl next to her. Michiru hardly spoke about the death
of her parents but Haruka knew that it hurt a lot. The young violinist simply didn't want to move into one of the
houses or the flats her parents inherited her. She wanted to live in another region for some years until she had
enough power to accept and to understand the sudden death of her family. Of the persons who meant everything
in her life. Who loved her with all their hearts.
Haruka leaned forward and touched gently the left hand of the musician and smiled understanding.
"The school takes talented young people and teaches them up to the last Level. We don't have to change school
till we finish it. That's great."
"Talented people?" Haruka frowned and looked into the papers down in Michiru's lap.
"Hai, I am known as a violin player and you're Junior Champion of Japan as a motorbike racer. They simply
couldn't refuse us."
"Couldn't?" asked Haruka alarmed and raised one eyebrow as she saw the innocent look of the deep blue eyes
she got to know too well during the last two months. Whatever Michiru wanted she achieved it. She left the
hospital for some hours at weeks before she would have been normally allowed. She convinced the doctor that
spaghettis and tomato sauce was better for her than pudding. She got a single room after she argued too much
with the old woman who shared her room after she came from the intensive care unit.
"Well, Ruka. Here are our affirmations. The doctor said I'd leave hospital next week and I don't want to return in
my parent's beach house before I am ready." She hold up two letters and grinned a guilty grin. But her eyes
shone. Haruka just couldn't argue with her. Michiru found her goal after the accident and the young racer was
pleased about it. She was relieved that Michiru invested so much powers in her future after she got to know the
truth about the damage of her body. First Haruka had feared that the young violinist would give up herself and
moan to death. But she didn't. She didn't give up.
She's the strongest person I know.
Haruka raised her hand and stroke some strands of the sea green hair on the small back of her best friend. Her
only friend.
"You aren't angry? You see, you'll love this school, too." She took some papers in Haruka's hands and rolled
over to the table were some others laid.
"Mugen Gakkuen? A strange name for a high school."
"But a very exclusive one." Michiru pushed some buttons on the CD player and soft violin music filled the air. It
was the first concert the young violinist had ever given. Her parents had recorded it and Haruka took the CD out
of the sea house she was staying at the moment. She wasn't allowed to stay the whole day and the whole night at
hospital even if she wanted to.
Michiru took a deep breathe and rolled back to the bed and took Haruka's hand in her suddenly icy ones.
"And the apartment is made for handicapped people."
Haruka looked up from the papers and looked into the pale face of the girl who was sitting in the wheelchair.
Who would never be able to leave it again. The doctor declared her that her backbone was damaged too much
and that she wasn't able to move her legs anymore. Michiru still felt them, felt the pain when the broken bones
were healing. But she didn't have the power anymore to move them or even to stand on them. Her whole life she
would be dependent on the wheel chair.
Haruka squeezed gently the hand in her own ones and smiled loving at the pale girl. Michiru was very silent after
she got to know about the truth and didn't want to see anyone during the next days. Not even Haruka. Then she
asked after a wheelchair and since that day she learned very hard to handle it as if it was her legs now. She didn't
give up and fought hard. That she planned her high school future showed how much she hung on life.
Hope her enthusiasm is not only for her a chance to ignore her handicap.
But each time Haruka tried to talk to her about that topic Michiru simply changed it and so the young racer
decided to give her another time to think it over. To accept it. And maybe to understand it.
"So you're going to leave this terrible house at last?" asked Haruka and the smile that evolved on Michiru's face
warmed her heart.
"Hai, next week. When the doctor won't let me go, I'll leave this scary building by myself. And no one can
hinder me!" Michiru made such a determined face that Haruka smiled automatically back.
"Sure you will." Haruka leaned forward and embraced the young violinist in the wheelchair. She laid her head on
the small shoulder and looked down on the papers in Michiru's lap.
"So tell me something more about Mugen Gakkuen ."

***

The wind blew sharply and tears were burning in her eyes. She wore a thick jacket and thick trousers. A scarf
protected her neck and gloves her hands. Determined she pushed her wheelchair down the drive of the hospital.
She didn't want any help. She was able to reach every goal by herself.
It was such a wonderful weather when I left our house.
Michiru raised her head on looked at the blank trees. They looked like ghosts. Grey and naked. The trees
disappeared some weeks ago and now nature was waiting for snow. The sky was covered with grey clouds and
hardly the sun ever found a way through them.
The whole city around looks so pale, so dirty. So dead...
Michiru swallowed and fought successfully against the tears in her blue eyes. Her back hurt as she pushed the
wheelchair towards the parking space. Of course it had a automatic service but she didn't want to loose the small
powers that were left in her arms after the accident. If she used the automatic service she would give in that she
was helpless and she didn't want to be helpless.
Or weak!
Her strong Haruka carried her bags. She walked silently beside her. First she wanted to help her but one look in
Michiru's determined face told her that she better took the bags and kept silent.
"What...?" Michiru stopped the wheelchair and looked surprised at the large dark blue car Haruka headed
towards. It had a five doors and was big enough for a big family.
Or a wheelchair...
Michiru oppressed a sob and lowered her head as Haruka helped her out of the wheelchair and into the seat. She
embraced her and hold her tight. For some moments they stayed so. Haruka pulled her gently against her warm
body.
"I sold my Suzuki." She declared after a while and looked with a strange expression Michiru had never seen on
her face down at the smaller girl. "The race two months ago was my last one. I don't want to go on the track
again. It was my father's dream, not my own one." Haruka smiled confident. She didn't tell Michiru that she
decided for this car because it was big enough for the wheelchair. And she didn't tell her that it was ideal for
being modified in some years when the young violinist was old enough to get her own driver's licence.
Michiru just nodded and watched Haruka how she put the wheelchair in the boot and took seat behind the
steering wheel.
"You're only fifteen. How can you drive a car by your own?" she asked after they started  The houses rushed by
and Michiru hardly recognized the city she grew up. It all looked so different. So strange.
"Hey, I am Japan's Junior Champion. I got my driver's licence when I was ten years. I got it for the bike and for
the car because my father wanted me to be a formula one racer after I'd reach World's Championship with the
Suzuki." Declared Haruka and observed the mirrors. The young violinist watched her for another while in
silence. Then she raised her hand and stroke over the scar that was visible on the girl's right cheek. Slowly it got
paler and maybe it would disappear. But the mental scars wouldn't disappear that fast. Maybe they'd stay
forever...
"Does it still hurt?" she asked and looked into surprised green eyes. They hardly spoke about Haruka's father and
how he treated his daughter to become a cool, independent motorbike racer. How he forced her to cross her
limits, to break the records and to be the best motorbike racer of Japan. But Michiru suspected a lot and it hurt
her to know that Haruka was beaten by her father more than once.
"It's okay." The young racer took the stroking hand in her right one while the left one still hold the steering
wheel. Encouraged she smiled at the smaller girl and wondered how she could be so concerned about her when
she had her own nightmares to face.
It's okay. As long as you're with me.
She wanted to say it aloud but since that night when she almost lost her Michi-chan, Haruka didn't find the right
words or simply the courage to say them aloud. But often Michiru seemed to understand her without many
words.
The young violinist smiled back and squeezed the hand gently.
"I know." She whispered. Then she looked out of the window. They left the city and drove along the beach. The
Mugen Gakkuen  laid a little bit outside Tokyo near the sea. Michiru looked out to the wide ocean and the waves
reflected in the tears that suddenly burned in her deep blue eyes.
I loved it to walk along the sand. To swim in the fresh water...
She turned away and switched on the radio. Then she closed her eyes and listened to the classic music. She spent
her summers in a light house by the sea with her parents. When her father needed the peace and silence there to
compose his music and when her mother had holidays. It were the best summers of her life. There she could be
wild and loud she wasn't allowed in their house in the city. She wasn't allowed at school or at stage.
Those summers are over. Forever.
Again the warm hand squeezed her own one.
In such a summer I met my Ruka for the first time. She raced along the beach with her Suzuki and almost
crossed over me. She was so sorry about it and invited me to an ice cream in the city. I went with her and we had
a great day. For the next weeks she visited me every day and it were the best weeks of my whole life.
Michiru squeezed the hand back and took a deep breathe.
Until Haruka's father got to know it...
"We're... there." Heard Michiru her best friend's voice. She knew what Haruka first wanted to say: We're home.
But both of them didn't have a real home anymore.
Michiru opened her eyes and looked at the girl sitting next to her.
All we have is each other.
She looked out of the window as Haruka took the wheelchair out of the boot. They stood on a huge parking
space near the huge towers of Mugen Gakkuen. It was the largest construction Michiru had ever seen before. It
was surrounded by a wall of trees and the sea rushed in their near. There were great meadows between the
towers and other trees. Banks and sport places. And Michiru was sure that there was more she couldn't see yet.
More inside and outside the huge buildings.
This is my future.
She decided to go to this exclusive school. Together with her Ruka. They never discussed about it. It was clear
that Haruka would follow her Michiru everywhere. Just once she asked why it was possible for Michiru to rent
an apartment and Michiru just explained that she had a good lawyer. And enough money. She didn't get a
guardian because her lawyer was good enough to prevent it. She needn't one.
Ruka's my guardian angel.
Carefully Haruka took Michiru in her strong arms and helped her into the wheelchair. In some months she would
be strong enough to get in and out of the car by herself but at the moment she needed help for this action.
"I'll take the bags later. First let's find someone who shows us our apartment." Declared Haruka and Michiru just
nodded. Silently the young racer walked slowly beside Michiru who pushed her wheelchair with all her
desperate powers.
"Welcome to Mugen Gakkuen!" A woman stood at the entrance and smiled at them. She wore a dark suit and her
red hair fell open on her back. "I am Kaori. I am here to show you your rooms and to welcome you. Dr. Tomoe
wanted to welcome you but unfortunately his daughter had an attack and so I overtook his task." She declared
and shook their hands.
"I am Kaioh Michiru." Said Michiru and tried to bow in her wheelchair but it didn't feel right. She bit on her lips
but hold back a swear.
"I am Tenô Haruka." Haruka bowed as well and touched gently the right shoulder of the smaller girl.
"We're pleased to have you as our pupils on our school. You will like it. Only renowned children of known
parents are allowed to visit our school. But please come with me." She bowed and went out into one of the huge
towers. It was even and Michiru couldn't see any steps. Huge elevator brought the persons at the different
storeys. This tower had over thirty.
"This is the living-tower as I call it. The school is in those towers over there." Kaori showed through the huge
windows while they entered the elevator. It was outside the building and consisted of glass. When they got up
the ocean appeared in front of them. The could oversee the area of Mugen Gakkuen  and the beach behind. And
the endless sea. The sun shone shortly though the thick clouds and the water started to shimmer. Automatically
Haruka took away her sunglasses and watched the ocean quietly. She turned her head and saw the tears shinning
in Michiru's eyes and knew that she had the same thought as she.
This is were we first met. Were we dreamed a great dream of a great future.
"I've heard a lot of your music, Miss Kaioh." Declared Kaori as they finally left the elevator and walked along
the corridor. The walls consisted of glass, too and they could still see to the ocean. The other walls were made of
normal stone. Behind them the apartments were hidden. "I like it. You have an expensive Stradivarius, don't
you?"
"Hai." Replied Michiru politely but she didn't want to think of the small case that laid on the backseat of the car
as well. Haruka brought it with her from the light house by the sea together with the notes. But Michiru wasn't
sure if she would ever be able to touch the instrument again.
The corridor was even as well and as they reached the door to their future apartment Michiru could see that there
was no threshold as there were in the hospital. She had real problems to get over them with her wheelchair. Tiny
steps that didn't interest her at all when she was able to walk. She didn't even mention them.
Kaori followed her look and smiled an understanding adult smile.
"Ten percent of all pupils are handicapped in the one or the other way, Miss Kaioh. Dr. Tomoe built these towers
with the look of handicapped, high intelligent people who don't get the chance to study at a normal school. One
of the reasons for him being so understanding is that his daughter survived a bad accident some years ago and
she isn't really recovered now. She can use her legs but often she's simply too weak to. So you won't find any
borders for your wheelchair." Kaori opened the door and handled each of them some keys and some id-cards.
"If you have any problems or questions, feel free to call me or my colleagues. But I have to apology myself now.
I promised the sports class to go swimming with them in our swimming pool this afternoon." She winked and
was gone.
"A nice person." Declared Michiru and rolled into the apartment. She stood in the living-room and huge
windows showed out to a huge terrace. From there you could oversee the ocean. Two bedrooms were after a
small corridor to the left and the kitchen and a big bath on the right side. It was the biggest bad even Michiru had
ever seen. There was a shower and a bath. The tube had a special  seat that would help her into the warm water
and out without the need of any help from other persons. The washbasin were on her height and the mirrors, too.
Haruka had to bow a little bit but she didn't complain at all. All was covered with soft carpet. Even the kitchen.
The cocker was smaller than normal and she could almost reach all fans.
"It's a strange feeling. " whispered Michiru as she rolled on the terrace. Here was no threshold, too. The
underground was even and there were some chairs around a round table. The rim was high but it consisted of
unbreakable class so that she was able to look down at the wide ocean. Suddenly tears were again shimmering in
her eyes and she fought hard against them. Wind played with her long sea green hairs and for the first time after
she'd left the hospital she really recognized what it meant to be paraplegic.
No more running, no more riding. No more swimming...
Two strong arms took her out of the wheelchair. Michiru looked asking up into dark green eyes. Haruka went
over to one of the deckchairs and sat down with the young violinist on her lap. She embraced her and hold her
tight. Slightly she rocked her while they watched the sun reflecting in the surface. Rough wind went through
their clothes but they didn't even mention it.
"Is this our new home?" asked Michiru with a quiet voice and leaned her head against Haruka's shoulder. The
taller girl leaned her head against Michiru's one and started to stroke the sea green hairs that felt like velvet.
"I don't know." Answered the young racer honestly and pulled her best friend closer.
My home is wherever you are.

***

"Good morning, boys and girls. Today we have to welcome two new pupils." The young teacher stood in front of
the class. They were all talented and very intelligent pupils from rich parents. The teacher, a friendly woman
with long blonde hair, looked for some seconds in expectant faces, then she waved towards the door.
Haruka took a deep breathe and rolled her eyes. They moved into Mugen Gakkuen  one week ago and they both
knew that they'd have to join the lessons. But she wasn't very keen on it. There were more important things to do
than to study for silly exams she wasn't really interested in to pass. She preferred to got with Michiru to the
doctor's appointments to see her regaining her strength. To pray every time that a wonder would happen and that
her Michi-chan's life wouldn't be so hard any longer. It was more important for her to go to the cemetery
together with the young violinist and to talk with her about her feelings about her parents' death.
And now I am standing here.
Haruka wore the boy's uniform of Mugen Gakkuen  and as she looked that morning in the mirror she had to
admit that she really looked like a boy. With the brown trousers, the green jacket and the short blonde hair she
really looked like the son her father always wanted to have. The young racer lowered her head and watched
silently Michiru in her wheelchair. She wore the girl's uniform but she chose for a long green skirt instead of a
short one. The green and brown colours were okay but a blue dress would have fitted better to her. Her sea green
hairs were hold together in her neck and her face was very pale.
She's looking like a porcelain doll.
Shortly they exchanged glances then they entered the room. Together.
"These are Kaioh Michiru and Tenô Haruka." Introduced the teacher them to the class. "They're part of our
community now and I hope you will be nice to them." The boys and girls nodded good and several curious looks
touched Haruka but she didn't care about it. Her face was as motionless as Michiru's. Shortly they introduced
each other to the class. Just a few words spoken with insensible voices. Just a few words that showed them about
their hobbies, their favourite lessons and the lessons they didn't like at all. Just a few words that didn't betray
anything about them. About their real characters. About their feelings. About their fears. About their hopes and
their dreams.
The rest of the class stood up one after one, bowed and said some words to his or her person, too. The same short
words that said nothing at all. And even if they did, Haruka and Michiru didn't mention it. They didn't even listen
to them. They just stood their and watched the different pupils with empty eyes.
Michiru looked up for some seconds and Haruka understood without a word. Carefully she pushed the
wheelchair to the two free places and sat down next to the young violinist.
"Okay, and now we want to go on with Shakespeare." The teacher smiled as some pupils groaned but they all
opened their books and looked more or less interested down the lines. A girl with long, fire red hairs and light
eyes turned slightly around and observed the new boy in class. Seldom she had seen such a beautiful boy and she
decided that he was perfect for her. She smiled to herself because she already imaged herself with him by her
side. It was just a matter of time. Up to today she always got what she wanted. Her smile fated slightly as she
saw how the boy reached under the table for the hand of the handicapped girl and hold it tight. Shortly they
exchanged glances that weren't any longer so empty as they had been some minutes ago when they were
introduced to the class. Then they concentrated on the text. Their fingers were still entwined.

***

They stood in front of the huge table. Different sheets of paper covered the green background.
“The athletics' team?” Michiru rolled next to Haruka and watched her how she wrote her name on one sheet.
“Why not? Otherwise can you imagine me in a club where I should sit calm and quiet and listen to the teacher’s
voice?”
A smile appeared on Michiru’s still pale face. She was a little bit worn-out because of the lessons. It was the first
lesson she took part since over two months. Before the accident she had been on holidays with her parents and so
she didn’t concentrate on one topic for a long time. And she wasn’t used to sit the whole lessons. Her back hurt
and often it happened that she simply forgot about her handicapped body and wanted to stand up and to go in
front of the class to explain anything in maths or in English. Quickly she remembered it as her legs didn’t obey.
Fortunately Haruka didn’t mention it. She didn’t want her best friend being more concerned about her than she
already was.
“No.” She replied and watched how Haruka went over to a page that hang too high for the smaller girl to reach.
Without hesitation the young racer wrote down the young violinist's name. Just at the next page she turned
around and looked asking at Michiru who just shook her head.
“Drawing is fine. But I don’t wanna play the violin in front of audience. Not yet.” She said then she looked
away.
“Okay, then our schedule is set. I just don’t understand why I should learn French. I am already bad enough in
English and Japanese is the hardest foreign language for me at all.”
“Don’t complain yourself, Ruka. At least you didn’t have to take the lessons in cooking I chose for myself.”
“You aren’t keen on eaten what I create.” Haruka shrugged her shoulders and put the pen aside. “And I don’t
want to miss your dinners. What we ate yesterday was delicious.”
“Hai, it was pizza from the Italian restaurant in the city. They sent it free house.” Said Michiru and made a face
but the shinning in her deep blue eyes betrayed the feelings she showed.
“But YOU was the one who put it on the plates. No one can put pizza on a plate like you do.” teased Haruka and
leaned forward. Carefully she took the young violinist’s pale face in her suddenly trembling hands and looked
with a now very serious expression on her face down at her.
“Let’s go for a walk along the beach. Do me that honour, Michi-chan. We didn’t leave the towers after we came
here one week ago.”
Michiru took a deep breathe, then she lowered her look. Her hands grabbed the armrest of the wheelchair so hard
that the wrist got white.
“Didn’t you forget anything?” she asked with a very quiet voice. “There’s all this sand and the stones and I..”
“Don’t worry about that.” Answered Haruka and forced her best friend to look back into her dark green eyes.
“Do you remember, Michi-chan, when you told me two years ago that we could handle every situation if we just
wanted to?”
The young violinist remembered too well her Haruka being very desperate at their last evening after her father
found out about them. It was the first time that Michiru saw the strong racer crying. She comforted her the whole
evening until her father came and took her away from her.
We didn’t have the chance to talk again during the following two years.
“Michi-chan?”
All I ever wanted was to be together with her. And now I am together with her and I am still sad. That’s so crazy.
She smiled a sad smile and touched Haruka’s hands gently. Her back hurt even more and she was sure that her
weak, useless legs would join it soon but she couldn’t say no when Haruka called her with that pleading voice.
She could look like a puppy with her green eyes and she knew it.
All I ever wanted to be a partner for Ruka. A partner, not a burden...
“Hai. But afterwards you’ll repair this vehicle.”
“Don’t worry, I repaired my Suzuki several times and once I’ve touched your race car it will be so fast that no
one can overcome you again.” Haruka took the handlebars of the wheelchair and turned it around and around
until Michiru started to giggle.
“Stop it or I’ll threw up my lunch.” She giggled and tried to reach for Haruka’s arms. She laid her head in her
neck and looked up in the wolfish grinning face of the racer.
“Better you do so. The canteen food wasn’t very delicious.” Replied Haruka and raced with her across the whole
entrance hall of the school tower. “And now we see Kaioh Michiru how she beats all her opponents. Soon she
will cross the finish line and then she’ll we have proved that she’s not only the most beautiful girl, but also the
fastest and the...”
“Ruka! Watch out!” The giggling of Michiru stopped and they both almost crashed into the group of girl who
left the elevator.
“Ups.” A girl with shoulder long, blonde almost white hairs and glasses jumped aside while another one with the
same hairstyle but green hairs just looked surprised at the two fellows.
“Gomen.” Said the two racers with one excusing voice.
“You are the new pupils?” asked the first girl and stretched her hand. “I am Ochi Rumiko and that’s my younger
sister Tarô. It’s nice to meet you.” They shook hands and Haruka and Michiru introduced themselves again.
“I heard you draw very well. I can’t wait to see one of your drawings in origin. They wrote a lot in the
newspapers during the past years. I am in the drawing's club, too.” Said Rumiko and smiled friendly at the girl
down in the wheelchair.
“Are you a couple?” It burst out of Tarô and she blushed deeply as she saw the warning looks of her older sister.
“Gomen, but my sister doesn’t know how to behave. Tarô! What have I told you?”
“Don’t ask too much, I know. But then I’ll stay stupid. And do you want a stupid sister?”
“You devil!”
“You jerk!”
“You idiot!”
“You baka!”
The argument of the two sisters was interrupted as the elevator opened again and a girl with long, fire red hairs
came out. She wore her hairs open and her look was determined.
“Are you arguing again? You’re a dishonour for Mugen Gakkuen!” she snapped at the girls who bowed
automatically in front of her.
“Gomen. But she’s such a baka!”
“Gomen. But she’s such a baby!”
“Ah, and you’re the new ones.” The girl looked critically at Michiru but her expression changed into something
softer as she watched Haruka from top to the toes.
“That’s Okuda Ayako.” Introduced Rumiko the pupil to the others. Michiru tried to bow in her wheelchair while
Haruka just frowned. She didn’t know why but she didn’t like that girl. She could slightly remember her
standing up to introduce herself this morning but she didn’t listen. Really listen.
“You don’t sit for long in this chair, d’ya?” asked Ayako and couldn’t hold back a satisfied smile as the smaller
girl became paler.
Maybe she thinks she’s something special just because she has his attention. But she is just a little, handicapped
girl who misuses her power she has over him. The power of sympathy. But she hasn’t deserve him. And I’ll
make it clear to her. Up to the next school year he’ll be mine. That’s for sure!
“O, I didn’t mention. Was it an accident? My nephew has to sit in a wheelchair, too after he fell down a horse.”
Said Takô who talked a lot when the day was long. “Did you suffer for a long time? Well, now you’re on Mugen
Gakkuen and surely you will be very happy here.”
“Hai, because the whole building is build for people like you, too. Because Dr. Tomoe’s daughter is such a
bloody cripple, too.”
“Ayako! Tarô! That’s enough! Don’t you feel ashamed of yourselves?” Rumiko stepped protective between the
new pupils and her friends.
“Arigato, Rumiko. It’s okay.” Michiru raised her head and looked into dark green eyes and shook slightly her
head. She didn’t want troubles in the new school. Surely not all pupils had that bad opinion. She saw how
Haruka took a deep breathe and slowly opened her fists. She reached her hand and stroke some strands of sea
green hair on the small back of her best friend.
“Let’s go, Michi-chan.” She whispered and took the handlebars of the wheelchair. They didn’t look again at the
three girls again as they left the entrance hall.
“Go?” whispered Ayako and raised one eyebrow but the two didn’t hear her. And if they did so they didn’t react.
“How could you dare?” Rumiko yelled at her friends and saw shocked the satisfied expression on Ayako’s face.
The red haired girl stepped with a giggle back in the elevator and waved towards the others. But just Tarô
followed her. Rumiko stood alone in the hall for a while and couldn’t believe the last words she heard before the
door closed.
“Soon he will recognize that she’s nothing but a bloody cripple!”

***

Cripple.
Bloody cripple.
Michiru laid awake in her bed. She couldn’t find any sleep and she knew she didn’t want it anymore. Not when
nightmares would be haunting her down.
What had begun as a wonderful afternoon ended in a disaster. She almost fell out of the wheelchair when one
wheel got caught in the sand. Desperately she tried to reach for a mussel but couldn’t get it. And after Haruka hat
picked it up for her she didn’t want it anymore. She threw it into the waves of the ocean and regretted it
immediately. It made her so sad when she looked out to the sea and knew that the days when she swam out there
like a fish were gone. Forever gone.
Then their dinner burned in the oven because she didn’t have to power to open the heavy oven door and Haruka
was under the shower and couldn’t hear her yells. When she tried to set the table she broke two plates and
knocked over her tumbler and the hot tea ruined her green skirt of her new uniform. She wanted to wash it but
she just couldn’t reach the soap Haruka had put on a higher Level of the cupboard without thinking. After she
cleaned the cloth she decided to take a bath. Of course she never used the chair before to get into the tube and
with a awkward motion she lost balance and fell into the water. Well, she couldn’t drown in the light water but
she splashed the whole bathroom and then she actually didn’t get out of that silly tube again. It was only possible
with Haruka’s help.
She went, well, she rolled directly into her bedroom and let Haruka watch the film they both wanted to watch the
whole afternoon. She didn’t want to see it anymore. She simply felt ashamed. Not that Haruka had seen her
naked. That was okay. She had nothing Haruka didn’t have, too. Michiru simply felt ashamed because her best
friend had seen her so helpless. So weak.
The young violinist switched on her CD player and pulled the headphone over her ears. She didn’t want to hear
anything more from the cruel world. Silently she listened to the soft woman’s voice. Her father gave her this CD
to her last birthday and she loved it. The songs were full of love but also full of despair. She chose a very slow,
very sad song and heard it again and again while she stared at the ceiling of her bedroom and wondered if it had
been such a good idea to come to Mugen Gakkuen. Sure it was her lifeline. She needed a goal after those terrible
weeks in hospital. All she wanted was to escape the pitying looks of the nurses and the doctors who declared her
that there was no hope for her handicap to be cursed.
Bloody cripple.
Michiru reached for the remote control and the music got louder in her ears. She didn’t want to hear the girl’s
voice anymore.
And I don’t want to cry anymore!
The young violinist pushed her icy hands upon her burning eyes and took a shaky breathe. She didn’t want to
think about the next time she had to go to the toilette. Now she couldn’t simply leave the bed and walk over to
the huge bathroom. Now she had to climb somehow into that damn wheelchair, get right through the door and
somehow get on this bloody toilette without falling on the ground.
I won’t wake Haruka up for such a normal thing.
But now for her it wasn’t normal anymore. It was also very hard for her to get dressed in the morning and to get
ready for bed in the evening. She didn't want to be dressed like a baby, although Haruka would have helped her
if she’d asked.
She always wants to help me. But I don’t need her help. I don’t need her sympathy. I don’t need...
Michiru shook her head and sighed deeply.
The doctor told her every appointment that took place twice a week that she would learn it. She had to learn so
many things from the beginning as if she was just a five year old girl. The accident was just two and a half
months ago and it needed time.
Time! Time won’t solve any problems!
Michiru tried hard to behave as normal. As she used to be before that bad accident. But deep inside she was
desperate and broken. She didn’t show it – not even Haruka. She didn’t want to concern her best friend and she
didn’t need the sympathy of any pupil in her class.
I have to handle it. As I handled so many complicate situations before in my life.
Michiru turned her head towards the open window and watched the cold wind playing with the curtains. The
young violinist laid on her blanket and her breathe froze in front of her face to dust. Her body shivered and she
was cold but she didn’t care about it.
But this is the most complicate situation of all. Well, at least Haruka seems to understand me a little bit. Without
her I wasn’t sure what to do. Without her I wouldn’t know how to carry on with all this.
She thought that going to Mugen Gakkuen would solve some of her problems. Here she would have a new home
and new teachers. And new pupils. But actually nothing changed. She used to be the rich brat in her normal
school. The spoiled child of the famous piano player.
Now I am just a bloody cripple. What a career!
Michiru turned on her side in the bed and kept staring out of the window. But the sky was cloudy and she didn’t
see any stars nor the moon. Suddenly she felt very alone.
The violinist tried to roll herself up in a ball as she used to do when she felt so sad. But today she oppressed a
sob as her hurting body refused this motion.

***

She left her shower as she heard the ringing of the door bell. Ayako frowned and covered her body with her
bathrobe. Who could this be? She didn’t expect any guests, especially not at that late hour when she had to write
an English test the next day.
“Just one moment.” She yelled and corrected quickly in the corridor mirror her still wet hair. Then she opened
the door and froze in motion as she saw the shadow standing outside. Dark green eyes shone angry down at her
but the rest of the pale face was calm and without any expression.
“Haruka?” asked the girl surprised and stepped back to let the boy in. Shortly she observed the black tracksuit he
was wearing and the messed blonde hair. It seemed as if he had already slept for a couple of hours.
He’s so be beautiful!
“Don’t you want to come in?” asked Ayako and raised an eyebrow as the boy simply shook his head. Then she
saw his clenched fists and that he breathed hard as if he ran the whole way to her door.
“If you ever call her a cripple again, you’ll regret it.” Said Haruka with a calm but dangerous quiet voice. She
didn’t want to think of the fragile shadow lying on the huge bed listening to one sad song. Again and again. Of
course she heard the oppressed sobbing as she watched the movie without really seeing it. It hurt her so much to
see her Michi-chan in pain not knowing what to do. Of course everything went wrong this evening but the young
racer was sure that it wasn’t only destiny’s fault. Since that so selfish grinning girl said those cruel words the
young violinist wasn’t the same. After those words she looked sadder, more desperately. Really lost.
And I can’t help her!
“You come at midnight to tell me such a silly thing? We’ll write a test tomorrow, don’t you remember? You
should be at bed sleeping deep and tight. After all she shouldn’t be so weak! I won’t be the last one calling her
this way. Our world is a cruel one, sweetheart.” She grinned again at Haruka and the racer stepped towards her
until only a few inches separated them.
“But you’ll be the first one stop talking to her in that way! She went through enough pain. I won’t let you hurt
her in that way again!”
“You threaten me?” Ayako managed to giggle although she was afraid of that angry expression that laid now on
the boy’s face.
He’s only a boy after all...
“No, I just made my point clear.” Haruka turned around and didn’t care about her still surprised looks that
followed her.
“She’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?” yelled Ayako suddenly after her and didn’t care to wake up the whole
neighbourhood. “But she isn’t good enough for you! She sits in a wheelchair but you want to be in motion. I see
it in your eyes. You’re unsteady. You like it to run and to drive your bike. After all you’re the Junior Champion.
She’s just a burden for you!”
Haruka clenched her fists and stepped into the elevator. The high voice died away as the door closed and Haruka
knew that she would beat this silly girl down the next time she opened her big mouth again.
The young racer sighed and leaned herself against the wall.
Michi-chan isn’t just my girlfriend. She’s all I’ve got.
Haruka yawned and ran a hand through her messed blonde hairs.
She’s all I need.

***

She awoke from her light sleep as the music stopped. Someone laid down on the bed next to her, took the
headphone away and covered her shivering body with the soft blanket.
“Ruka?” whispered Michiru with her voice full of sleep and tried to turn around. She groaned as her back started
to hurt again and she simply wasn’t able to move. Panic filled herself but it disappeared as two warm hands
started to massage her hurting shoulders. They loosed her tensed up muscles and reduced the pain in her body.
Michiru shivered again but not because of the cold that filled the room. Slowly her body relaxed and she closed
her eyes. The strong hands slowly stopped the massage and slipped under the top of her deep blue pyjama.
Tenderly they caressed the skin of her back, took away the nightmares, dispelled all her sorrows even if it was
just for some hours.
“Feeling better now?” heard Michiru her racer whisper and she felt the warm body beside her own one.
“Hai.” Replied the young violinist and suddenly the loneliness she had felt some minutes ago disappeared. She
felt how Haruka took her in her strong arms and held her tight. With an almost happy sigh she leaned her head
against the shoulder and smelled the perfume Haruka used.
Here she felt save and secure. Here no one could harm her. Here was where she belonged.
“Shall I stay for the rest of the night?” asked the young racer and buried her face in the velvet sea green hairs.
She could feel how Michiru returned her embrace and nodded against her dark pyjama.
For a long time Haruka laid there and listened to the regular breathes of her best friend. Soon Michiru relaxed in
her arms and settled into a deep, peaceful sleep. In the light from the moon that broke through the dark clouds
Haruka could see a relaxed expression on the now redden face of her young violinist. Her lips were slightly
curved in an honest smile.
I love you.
“Good night, Michi-chan.” She said instead aloud although she knew that the smaller girl couldn’t hear her.
Haruka corrected the blankets and made sure that Michiru wouldn’t freeze anymore.
I can’t heal your body. And I can’t help you to accept your destiny.
The young racer laid her head back on the soft pillow and closed her tired eyes. The warm body next to her was
appeasing and made her forget about her own, private nightmares.
All I can do is to be there for you.
Haruka squeezed Michiru gently then she followed her slowly into sleep.
Hope that’s enough.

***

Chapter two: Silent winter’s nights

At the beginning of December it started to snow and it didn’t stop. Soon nature and even the big city laid under a
thick, white blanket. It got very cold and very slippery.
“What the hell do you want in the city at a lousy day like this one?” asked Haruka as she slipped over the icy
pavement. Michiru next to her had a very concentrated expression on her face as she tried to steer the wheelchair
through the snow. More than once she lost control and more than once Haruka held her back so that she couldn’t
slip on the street where a lot of cars were passing by. For the young racer they were all too fast for the icy
asphalt.
“You know that this month’s special.” Declared Michiru and grabbed the wheels as she lost again the control.
She wore a thick robe and the scarf hide almost all of her face while a dark cap protected her hairs from the snow
that was coming down very quickly now. It barred their views and suddenly Michiru wondered why she’d left
the warmth of their apartment. She sweat under her robe but at the same time her legs were almost frozen. She
shivered but concentrated again on the wheelchair. The streets weren’t made for people like her and often
Haruka had to help her to left the pavement, cross the street and got at the next pavement.
“And you know my opinion about Christmas.” Declared Haruka and shook her head. They discussed for several
hours without getting a result. Michiru wanted to celebrate the festival of love while Haruka rather wanted to
forget about it.
The young violinist was intelligent enough to overhear the silent words of her best friend.
“Actually I wanted in this department store.” She pointed at a huge building but her smile broke as she saw the
three steps that leaded up to the entrance door. “But...” she whispered and wanted to turn the wheelchair around
as Haruka held her back.
“Hey, don’t run away. You wanted to go shopping? Now we’re here and you even have me as a victim to carry
all your bags. Like a real gentleman.” Haruka was relieved as she saw the little smile on her best friend’s pale
face as she bowed. Then she went into the department store and came back with a boy that seemed to belong to
the service staff. While Haruka carried her Michiru into the warm building the boy pushed the wheelchair into
the department store.
“Arigato.” Said Haruka and sat the young violinist down again.
She became so slim. How much weight did she loose since the accident?
“Let’s separate. I want to buy something you shouldn’t see. And otherwise you don’t wanna watch me buying
lousy clothes, do you?”
Haruka smiled as Michiru disappeared between the people in the department store. Slowly she walked through
the shelves and looked at several books. A girl with shoulder long blue hairs hold a very thick one in her hands.
She looked up and smiled at her. Haruka automatically smiled back.
“This is a very good one.” Said the girl then she headed towards the counter and was gone after she paid. One
hour passed away when Haruka started looking after her Michiru. Surely she had already bought what she
wanted and now it was time to return. It was already dark outside and the storm even increased. Haruka wanted
to be at Mugen Gakkuen before the snow covered the street completely that leaded towards the towers.
After ten minutes the young racer got worried and she wanted to go to the information as she saw the figure
sitting in the shadows near the entrance door. Michiru had lowered her head and stared with empty eyes into
nothing. Her robe was dirty and she hold her head with her trembling hands.
“Everything okay?” asked Haruka alarmed and went on her knees next to the wheelchair to take a look into her
best friend’s now expressionless pale face.
“Sure. One kid called me a cripple and splashed me with his cola. An old woman argued with me that I stood in
her way. I didn’t get quickly enough out of it. And a young woman with a baby in her arms almost fell over me
but it wasn’t her fault. I am so tiny now that she couldn’t see me!” said Michiru with a quiet, insensible voice.
“Actually I have to go to the toilette, but this wonderful chair doesn’t fit through the door and the service woman
there couldn’t help me. Maybe they have parking space for handicapped people out there, but they don’t have
one single toilette. And after all this department store is a trap! I am not even able to leave it when I want to.”
She raised her hand and pointed at the three steps.
There were no bags. Michiru obviously didn’t find what she wanted. Or she simply didn’t have the time to.
Haruka took a deep breathe then she stroke over the sea green hairs.
“Let’s return to Mugen Gakkuen.“ she said and made a mental note never to visit this store again. Michiru didn’t
reply anything. She simply nodded and buried her face in Haruka’s shoulder as she carried her downstairs out to
the cold, cruel world.

***

Haruka opened the door and looked surprised at the man who was wearing a fir. The green branches almost
touched the ground and the tree was as high as the young racer.
“Michiru?” Haruka turned around to look in the innocent smiling face of her best friend. “What the hell is that?”
The taller girl pointed at the man from the delivery service and at the tree.
“It’s our Christmas tree.” Answered the young violinist and looked with that pleading expression up to her best
friend. She rolled next to her and took the money out of her pockets to pay the man.
“I told you, no music, no mistle toes and especially no trees!” Haruka crossed her arms before her chests and her
green eyes shone cold as the man put the tree in the middle of the living-room. With a short bow he took the
money and left.
“Don’t be such a spoilsport!” declared Michiru and rolled over to the cupboard where the tree jewellery laid. It
was only white and silver and a lot of real candles. Haruka wondered if she really wanted to burn them. Maybe it
looked romantic but it was also very dangerous.
“I am not a spoilsport. I simply don’t like this crazy behaviour of people at a time like this. It’s just a method of
advertising, nothing more! They just want people to buy more.” Answered Haruka and went over in the kitchen.
She didn’t want to look in the oven. Today was Christmas Eve and of course Michiru made a special dinner. It
smelled delicious and if Haruka had been honest to herself she would have admitted that she couldn’t wait to
taste it.
“That’s not your seriousness!” she heard Michiru’s indignant voice and sighed slightly. She opened the fridge
but suddenly she had forgotten what she wanted.
“It is, Michiru!” she came back and looked critical at the Christmas tree. It wasn’t set up and it was surely too
high for the handicapped girl to reach the crown. But Haruka was too angry to care about it. She told Michiru
over the last four weeks over and over again that she didn’t want to celebrate Christmas. The smaller girl seemed
to understand. And now that silly tree!
Why can’t she respect my feelings?
Haruka clenched her fists and reached for her jacket that laid on the white couch near the huge windows.
“But it would be fun. It was always fun to celebrate Christmas with my parents.” Said the young violinist with a
suddenly quiet voice and watched her best friend getting dressed for the snowy day outside.
“Your parents are dead! Accept it!” snapped Haruka and looked straight at her boots.
As dead as my mother.
“Better I’ll go for a walk.” She declared and almost run out of the apartment. She wasn’t in the mood to argue
with Michiru. She knew she would loose control when they talked about that topic. And she didn’t want to hurt
Michiru more than she already did.
“Hai...” The young violinist took a silver shinning ball in her trembling hands and could see her sad face
reflected in it. “They’re dead.” She said with a cold voice and rolled over to the huge Christmas tree. It was too
heavy for her to set it up. She knew it. And it was too high to decorate it perfectly.
“They are dead.” Suddenly she yelled at the closed door and threw the ball at it. The silver cracked and splinters
fell upon the carpet. Michiru couldn’t held back a sob. She lowered her head and clenched her fists around the
armrest of the wheelchair she was trapped in. Even if she wanted she couldn’t chase Haruka anymore. The
young racer had been too fast two years ago but now she couldn’t even reach her if Haruka was only walking in
a normal tempo.
Cripple.
Michiru swallowed hard and didn’t want to think of the gift that laid save and secure under her bed.
Maybe she doesn’t want it.
“They are dead. But I am still alive...” It was not more than a shaky whisper.

***

*We wish you a marry Christmas and a happy new year. We wish...*
Haruka rolled her eyes as she heard the music that filled the streets of Tokyo. She slipped over the icy pavement
and cursed herself for being so rude to Michiru. She didn’t want to behave so silly but her hot temper controlled
too often her words. More than once she said hurting things to the smaller girl at the past few weeks. Things she
regretted some minutes later when she thought about it.
*Silent night...*
Haruka stopped in front of a huge shop window and looked at the little angels and the small Santa Clauses. Of
course she brought a gift and secretly she was happy to see Michiru being interested in more than her English,
French or maths books. All that seemed to be left for the young violinist was the school. She learned hard and
got good marks. But hardly she left the towers. After the short trip to the inner city of Tokyo Michiru didn’t want
to go out anymore. Rumiko once told Haruka that the smaller girl was very good in drawing but she only did it in
the lessons. And the pictures looked different from the ones she used to draw two years ago when they first met.
After school Michiru only left the apartment for her weekly appointments at the doctor. The rest of the time she
sat in her wheelchair on her bedroom and learned. Or she simply looked out of the window with her headphones
over her ears. She only listened to one song.
Only one sad song over six weeks now!
Haruka clenched her fists and shook her head. Slowly Michiru’s behaviour changed when Christmas came. She
took part in different courses at school where they made cookies and tree jewellery. Rumiko said that she smiled
more and looked happier in those lessons and suddenly her drawing changed a little bit. She draw white forests
and a picture of one Santa Clause was even chosen for the school calendar next year because he looked so real.
Michiru took away the CD with the sad song and brought last week when she went into a job after her visit in the
hospital a CD with Christmas music.
And I fool switched off the CD player each time she wanted to listen to it.
Haruka took a deep breathe and stepped back. Snow fell down on her and soon her cap and her thick black robe
were white.
*I am dreaming of a white Christmas...*
Hai, Michiru was dreaming of such a Christmas. It was the first Christmas without her parents.
And you remembered her that they’re dead. You baka!
But I hate this festival! It took me so much! It changed my life forever. It made it to a hell I couldn’t escape for
almost ten years...
Haruka laid her head in the neck and looked up to the cloudy sky. People hurried by but she didn’t really
mention them. Today was Christmas Eve and the last people were searching for the perfect or simply for the
cheapest gift that looked a lot more expensive.
*Hark! The Herald angels sing. Glory to...*
Today’s festival of love. And Michi-chan wanted to celebrate it with me. ..
Haruka watched her breathe in the air. Soon it got darker and although it was just late afternoon dawn came. It
was a dark, cool season and she started to hate it when she was five years old.
But for Michi-chan I can try to forget this hate.
The young racer looked back into the shop window and automatically started to grin as something caught her
eyes. Something really cute she simply couldn’t leave there.
Michi-chan went through so much pain. It’s not fair from me hurting her with my silly behaviour. It isn’t her
fault that my mother died at Christmas Eve ten years ago.
The girl opened her fists and took the cape from her slightly wet blonde hairs as she entered the shop.
*I am just a poor boy, too....*

***

The bag was very big and she almost stumbled over the gift that laid in front of their apartment’s door. Haruka
swore quietly and bowed to pick it up. She heard giggle and turned around. She saw the shadows of several girls
turning around the corner towards the elevator.
Silly brats!
Haruka looked at the gift for some seconds and opened the letter under the loop. “Merry Christmas, Haruka.
Your Ayako.” She read aloud and frowned. This gift whatever it was, it was just for her. Not for her and
Michiru. But that didn’t surprise the young racer. Ayako had a crash on her although Haruka simply ignored her.
It looks as if she won’t give up that fast.
Haruka sighed and shook her head. Ayako didn’t dare to laugh over Michiru in her presence but some gestures
could hurt more than every rude word. Ayako behaved as if Michiru was only air or a burden for the whole class.
She didn’t care about the wheelchair and more than once the young violinist had to ask for help when Ayako
stood her school bag in the way. Some girls joined her club, as Haruka called the silly brats, but there were other
girls who liked Michiru. Rumiko for example. Soon she became a very good friend and she tried to defend
Michiru when Haruka wasn’t around.
Some day Ayako will pay for her behaviour!
Haruka sighed then she opened the door. Today was Christmas Eve and she didn’t want to ruin it because of
some stupid girls.
If I didn’t already ruin it by myself!
It cracked as Haruka walked over the broken silver ball. The young racer frowned and took the bag into her
bedroom. She hung her wet jacket in the bathroom and threw the still wrapped present into the dustbin without
looking at it again.
“Michi-chan?” she hesitated but then she entered the living-room. The tree leaned at the armchair where the man
from the delivery service had left it. More silver splinters laid around it on the soft carpet. The roast was still in
the oven and it smelled even more delicious as Haruka could remember. Suddenly the young racer felt guilty.
She did so much for this festival and I was just shouting at her.
“Michi-chan?” she entered the bedroom and could see the figure sitting in her wheelchair looking out of the
window. She had her headphone on but it was Christmas music she listened to, not the sad song as Haruka
recognized relieved. The young violinist moved her lips to the music and her look was sad as she stared out to
the sea. Sad and yearning.
Haruka put her arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She leaned over the smaller girl and looked
directly into those blue eyes she loved so much. Michiru winced surprised then a smile appeared on her pale face
as she saw the guilty expression on her best friend’s face.
“You’re right in time, Ruka. Dinner’s almost ready.” She declared and put the headphones from her ears. Silent
music filled the air.
*One small child in a land of a thousand, one small dream of a Saviour tonight, one small hand reaching out to
the star light...*
“Gomen, Michi-chan. I didn’t want to yell at you.” Whispered Haruka and pressed her cheek against Michiru’s
one and squeezed the smaller girl gently in her arms.
“No problem, my wild racer.” Replied Michiru in the same quiet voice and raised her hand to stroke the short
blonde hairs. She liked that feeling having her Ruka near. She knew that she was the only one Haruka had ever
asked for excuse. And she knew that she was the only one who saw the young racer the way she actually was. At
school she was detached, cold and unreachable. But with her she was a complete different person. She could be
understanding, comforting. Loving. She listened to her problems, dispelled her fears.
She’s with me in my darkest hours.
Michiru closed her eyes and enjoyed the embrace of the other girl.
Please, don’t ever let me go!
“Michi-chan?” she heard the giggle in the low voice and as she opened her eyes again she saw the grinning face
above.
“Hai?” she simply returned the smile and leaned her head against Haruka’s chest.
“Where do you want the Christmas tree to stand?”

***

“Don’t make it so exciting!” Michiru rolled next to the sparkling Christmas tree. Haruka helped her to decorate it
and the candles burned now and dove the room in a dimmed light. In a romantic atmosphere. They enjoyed the
dinner Michiru made and Haruka said more than once that it was the best Christmas roast she’d ever eaten.
Normally the gifts were given on Christmas Day and not now but they simply couldn’t wait.
“Close your eyes!” shouted Haruka from her bedroom and Michiru could hear her swearing as anything crashed
the ground loudly.
“Do you need any help?” asked the young violinist and wanted to roll over to the door as Haruka’s head
appeared in the frame.
“Are your eyes closed?”
“Hai!” Michiru took a deep breathe and did as she was told. But a happy smile laid on her now redden face. For
the first time after her accident she looked healthy again. And happy...
Haruka stayed for some moments motionless in front of the smaller girl. Her sea green hair fell over her
shoulders and she looked beautiful in the blue dress she was wearing. The candlelight surrounded her and
suddenly she looked like an angel.
My angel...
Haruka leaned forward and gave Michiru a light kiss on the nose.
“You can open your eyes again, Michi-chan.” She whispered and went on her knees next to the wheelchair.
Michiru blinked and looked surprised at the huge easel that stood now in the middle of the living-room. It was
not so high so that she could reach the top while sitting in the wheelchair. But it was very wide. Perfect for a
drawing of a landscape. Several paintbrushes and colours stood around on the ground. The young violinist rolled
toward the easel and touched quietly the linen.
“I thought you’d like to draw a real picture again. You always complain that the papers are too small in your
club and...” Haruka’s voice died away and uncertain she came to her feet. Maybe it hadn’t been such a great
idea. Maybe Michiru didn’t want to draw such complicate pictures again. She had been known in the art’s world
as a young talent with a shinning future. The old artists liked her style and she already had her first exhibition
when she was eleven years old.
When her parents had been alive...
Michiru closed her eyes still touching the easel. She heard the soft violin music the CD player played and slowly
a picture evolved in her head. Her lips curved in a smile as she felt the old feeling. The excitement she had
always felt whenever she started a new work of art.
This one is going to be better than all the others before. Because this one will be a part of me. It’ll be true.
She opened her eyes again and looked into the asking face of Haruka. She rolled over to her best friend and
touched her suddenly icy hands.
“Arigato, Ruka.” She whispered and could see the relieved expression on the young racer’s pale face.
“But that’s not all.” Haruka took a large bag from under the Christmas tree and blushed as she took the gift out
of it. “Call me a fool, but I couldn’t let it stay alone in the huge shop window.” She mumbled and ran a uncertain
hand through her short blonde hair while she watched her best friend unwrapping the gift. Michiru giggled as she
saw the big blue toy elephant in her lap. Two big dark eyes looked pleading up to her and it seemed to grin at her
with his long nose. It felt soft in her hands and the big ears moved as she touched them. Michiru looked from the
toy to the young racer and back. Then she giggled even more.
“Perfectly, Ruka. It looks like you. It is as if you gave me a picture of you. Guess I’ll call it Ruka-chan. What do
you think?”
Haruka blushed even more then she went on her knees and laid her head in Michiru’s lap beside the elephant and
looked up with that innocent expression that made her always giggle.
“Then I want to be caressed, too.” She demanded and started to purr as Michiru stroke her short blonde hair that
soon looked messed. Haruka closed her green eyes and they both enjoyed for the next moments the presence of
each other.
“My little kitten.” Whispered Michiru and giggled as the purring increased. “Don’t you want your gift, too?”
“It can’t be better than this.” Answered Haruka and looked dreamy up to her. Then she smiled and nodded.
“What is it?” she asked curiously and crept back. Michiru gave the elephant in her arms and rolled over the
Christmas tree.
“It’s nothing special. But I made it during...” she reached under the tree and frowned as she didn’t reach it. “I...”
she leaned forward but her fingers couldn’t touch it. She stretched her arm a little bit more and with a scream she
lost balance. She seized on the wheelchair but it tipped over. Michiru landed hard on the carpet and the
wheelchair hit her weak, useless legs. The young violinist wanted to stand up, wanted to kick at that bloody
vehicle and then run away. But she simply couldn’t move. Her bloody legs didn’t obey and so she laid helpless
under the tree. The gift was grabbed in her trembling right hand while she beat the carpet with the left one.
“Shit!” she swore and suddenly tears were filling her eyes.
Haruka was by her side at the next moment and put the heavy wheelchair aside.
“Everything okay?” she asked and took her into her strong arms. Michiru nodded but tears shimmered in her
deep blue eyes. She hold up the gift and the paper was now ripped. Haruka could see black cloth with a dark blue
picture on it.
“A pullover?” she asked surprised but Michiru just put the gift under the tree again.
“That’s all I am able to do now. To knit a lousy pullover.” She whispered and wanted to escape from Haruka’s
embrace but the taller girl just hold her tight.
“You’re to so much able, Michi-chan. I hated Christmas since my mother died at Christmas Eve ten years ago.
She simply went away and left me behind. Alone with my strict father who never wanted me the way I am.”
Declared Haruka and saw her pale face reflected into the sparkling tears. “But with you it’s the best festival I
ever celebrated. You taught me again what Christmas means. It’s the festival of love and for the first time after
ten years I am not alone anymore. ‘Cause I’ve got you.” Haruka leaned forward and their lips met for a few
seconds. It was a light, but very tender touch. Michiru’s eyes grew wide. Then she put her arms around the taller
girl’s neck and pulled her closer.
“Ruka...” whispered the young violinist and saw the love that shone in dark green eyes. It was such an intensive
look she had never seen on that normally tomboy face before.
“Michi-chan...” was all Haruka could reply before her voice broke. Then they kissed again. The kiss expressed
all their feelings to each other. All their longing, all their love. It lasted for a long time.
They had kissed before. Two years ago they shared a light kiss. But it had been a complete different feeling.
They both had been very young. Thirteen and twelve years old, almost children. It had been more a curious,
friendly kiss between two girls who liked each other a lot.
Now it was something different. Now they were older. They faced hell, went through it together. Now that kiss
felt no longer like a child’s kiss. Now it felt like a lover’s kiss. Deep and full of love.
After the kiss ended slowly they looked each other deep into the eyes. Michiru leaned her head against Haruka’s
shoulder and Haruka buried her face in the velvet sea green hairs. They hold each other tight for the rest of the
evening and didn’t want the other ever to let go.
Soft twilight filled the room and the candlelight created a romantic atmosphere. Sweet music hung in the air and
it didn’t stop the whole evening.
*I wish it could be Christmas every day...*
A blue toy elephant laid on the soft carpet. His big dark eyes watched the couple under the Christmas tree.
Holding each other tight. In loving silence.
The long nose of the toy elephant looked as if he grinned happily.

***

Chapter three: A long time

“I’ve heard you’re the fastest boy in your class?” asked the boy and stepped in Haruka’s way. He was one head
taller than her and two years older. He was the Champion of Mugen Gakkuen and now he felt threaten by the
younger boy with the short blonde hair who became very known. The other members of the athletics club said
that he didn’t train that much. When they practised the high jump he simply took his Walkman and ran through
the big hall until it was his turn to jump. He simply jumped and beat them all without any effort. Although he
was detached and hardly spoke to anyone he was very popular with the girls of the team and a lot of boys had a
high opinion on him.
“I am Itô Tsukasa and I am the fastest boy of whole Mugen Gakkuen.”
The boy just raised on eyebrow and looked silently up at him. Then he shrugged his shoulders and wanted to go
away. But Tsukasa grabbed his right arm and hold him back.
“I am the fastest one of Mugen Gakkuen and you will never break me!” he declared so loud that some pupils
looked curious at them.
“That’s nice for you:” answered Haruka and pulled herself free. “Congratulations to your talent.” She took her
bag over her shoulder and went away, slightly shaking her head.
She left a very angry Tsukasa behind.
Silently she entered the sport hall. Her lessons took place in the afternoon after lunch so she always came in her
dark tracksuit to the lessons. Not that she had to hide her sex. It was alike to her if the others thought of her as a
girl or a boy. She simply didn’t want anyone seeing the scars that covered her back. Michiru always told her that
they weren’t visible anymore but Haruka still felt each single one.
Haruka winced as the pain returned inside her belly. But she didn’t care about it. She took her Walkman tight in
her hands and took part at another lesson of the sport’s team. They played basket ball and everyone wanted her
to be in his team. She beat them all, she threw the most baskets. But the teacher wasn’t satisfied with her,
because it was a team’s game and not a single competition only for her own. So she finished playing after the
second try, took her Walkman again and run as she always did when the others didn’t want her.
“You look tired.” Michiru smiled up to her as she picked her up from the drawing’s club. Today they drew a rose
and the teacher was very proud about her pupils, especially Michiru.
“The rose looked so real, I almost wanted to smell at it.” Laughed Rumiko and winked goodbye as she run to the
door. Since Sylvester she had a boyfriend and could hardly wait until the lessons are over to see him again.
“Bye.” Replied Michiru and frowned as she felt how Haruka walked slower than normal. “Your time of the
month?” she asked and saw how the young racer got pale.
“Hope not.” She mumbled then her face brightened up. “What do you think about a romantic dinner at that
Italian restaurant we discovered last week?”
Michiru felt that Haruka simply wanted to change the topic but she smiled back at her while she rolled into the
elevator.
“I’d like to.”

***

Snow covered the branches of the trees, the meadows and the usually sandy ways in the park. The Italian
restaurant was in the near and they decided to go for a walk before. It was peaceful at the park, some birds who
didn’t escape the bitter cold in autumn sung and the appeasing rushes of the sea could be heard.
“I like it here.” Declared Michiru and cursed the wheelchair as one wheel split over the icy underground. Haruka
was at her side and hold it automatically.
“Hai, it’s so calm here.” Replied the young racer and took the sun glasses on. The snow could be very bright and
she didn’t want to stumble blind through the park.
“You baka! Look what you’ve done!” They heard the angry voice before they saw the two girls chasing each
other.
“You don’t deserve it better!”
“But it was my best jacket. Now it’s wet and surely ruined for all times!”
“Baka!”
Before they could react the two girls crashed into them. Haruka let go of the wheelchair and fell into the snow as
a girl with long black hair pushed her with her. The other girl wasn’t so lucky. She stumbled over a hidden stone
and landed hard on the wheelchair. Michiru gasped and automatically grabbed the arms of the girl so that she
couldn’t hurt herself anymore as she almost split from her lap and crashed on the icy way.
“What...” whispered the young violinist and looked in a innocently smiling face that was surrounded by long
blonde hairs. Two plaits jumped between a red cap as the girl came slowly on her feet again.
“Gomen...” She stammered an bowed.
“That’s typically for you!” declared the other girl and stood up. She didn’t even care about the surprised Haruka.
She made a snowball and came over to the younger girl and tried to cover her face with the snow. The blonde
girl screamed and tried to defend herself. They both lost balance and landed in the snow where they kept
fighting.
“Baka!”
“Jerk!”
“Baby!”
“Monster!”
Another girl with long brown hairs came running. She was very tall and looked very strong. Her brown eyes
shone angry down at the two and she took a deep breathe.
“Usako! Rei-chan!” she screamed and crossed her arms before her chest. “Don’t you feel ashamed at all?” She
turned around and rolled her eyes. “And you Ami-chan! Can’t you be a little bit faster? You’re as lazy as a
turtle!” Another girl with shoulder long blue hairs shook her head and gasped hard for breathe as she stopped.
She hold a thick book in her right hand and Haruka frowned. She knew that girl but she didn’t know where from.
“Gomen. Hope they didn’t kill you. But they simply can’t behave!” said the tall girl and shrugged her shoulders.
Then she tried to get the two fighting girls apart and got involved in the snow battle, as well. Her red face got
angrier as the blonde girl put snow in her collar and soon the three rolled in the now messed snow next to the
wheelchair.
“Gomen.” The girl with the book blushed ashamed and bowed. Then she stretched her hand out to the girl who
was sitting in the wheelchair. “I am Mizuno Ami. I am glad to met you.” Uncertain she looked back at the still
fighting friends. “Hope you are glad to met us, too. Don’t be afraid. They aren’t always so. Well, at least not the
whole time.”
At that moment Michiru burst out into laughter.
Haruka came to her feet again and tried to clean her jacket and her trousers. Surprised she looked up as she heard
the happy noise she hadn’t heard for over two years.
That’s the first time that I see her laugh after that terrible accident.
The other three girls stopped their fight and looked up, too, as Michiru simply couldn’t stop. Tears were running
down her now redden cheeks and she shook helpless her head.
“That’s all your fault!” declared the tall girl angry at the other two. “Now she’s laughing over you!”
“You’ve deserved it! Look at yourselves. You’re over and over covered with snow and Rei looks like a fallen
angel with her dark hair.” Giggled the girl named Ami. “You’re still children and you look so funny.”
“Children?” Three angry girls attacked Ami with snowballs and one ball hit the still laughing Michiru. She
reached for the high snow beside the way and joined the snowball battle. She lost her cap and her long sea green
hairs surrounded a happy grinning smile. She threw one ball after another and fast became a team with Ami
against the other three. Suddenly she forgot about her handicapped body and she and Ami seemed to win the
battle.
I can’t remember seeing her so happy during the past months. It’s been such a long time that she was so happy.
So free. So careless.
Haruka stood aside and watched the scene, heard the laughing and screaming of five exited girls. Automatically
Ami grabbed the handlebars of the wheelchair and the two girls chased after the other three girls in a wide circle.
No one seemed to be affected that the young violinist was handicapped. For them it seemed to be normal.
She looks so beautiful when she laughs.
Haruka sighed and kept that picture deep in her heart.
I love you so much, Michi-chan.
At that moment a snow ball hit her head and her dark cap landed in the snow. Haruka blinked and looked into a
wolfish grinning face of the dark haired girl. Haruka grinned back and formed herself a snow ball.
“You’ll regret this.” She declared and joined the others in the funny battle.

***

“You’ll miss your breakfast when you don’t hurry up!” Michiru drank the rest of her milk and rolled over to the
bathroom door. Not very patient she knocked. “And then you’ll miss our first lesson. I know you hate French,
but it is the future to talk more than one language." Michiru knocked again against the door. “And I have to fix
up my hairs! I don’t want to give...” her voice died away as Haruka finally opened the door. The taller girl was
very pale and looked confused.
“What’s wrong?” asked the young violinist alarmed and rolled into the huge bathroom. She saw the yellow
pyjama Haruka wore the past nights. And she saw that it was covered with blood.
“Do you have some sanitary towels?”
Startled blue eyes looked up into undefinable green ones.
“How old are you?” asked Michiru as she opened the wardrobe and took a plastic bag out of it. Haruka blushed
and grabbed it. Then she turned around and Michiru could hear her angry whisper before she left the bathroom.
“Certainly not old enough!”

***

“You are a bloody witch!”
Michiru looked up from her drawing as she heard the exited voices outside. Haruka was still at her sport’s club
and the young violinist decided to begin the picture she had in mind since Christmas. Her drawing teacher got ill
and so she had the whole afternoon time.
“You always wear those dark clothes and with your messed hairs you look so ugly like a witch!”
Michiru frowned and put the paintbrush aside. She cleaned her hands with a towel and rolled over to the living-
room, but the TV set was out. So was the radio.
“Where do you hide your warts? Come on, talk to me when I am talking to you!”
Now the voices where right in front of their apartment. Michiru rolled over to the door and opened it. Three girls
were jumping around a smaller one. Michiru recognized Ayako and she pressed her lips together.
“Hey! D’ya listen to me?” Ayako pushed the small girl and she stumbled. The books escaped her arms and fell
upon the ground. The girl didn’t look up as she went on her knees and tried to collect them. But another girl from
Ayako’s club took the book away and danced around the still kneeling girl. Shoulder long dark hair surrounded a
pale face. The thin body was covered with a black dress and the girl looked really sad and alone.
Like me...
“Stop it!” Michiru rolled out of their apartment and over to the girl. She tried to catch the book but she wasn’t
fast enough. Suddenly she hold her fists up to her chest and went on her knees again. She gasped hard for breath
and blood run out of her mouth and dirt her dress.
“My goddess...” whispered the young violinist and rolled protective before the small girl. She was about seven or
eight years old and her whole body started to tremble. She whimpered and her hair covered her face as she
looked down at the ground. But Michiru felt that the girl was crying silently.
“Stop it! Immediately!” she demanded and looked determined into Ayako’s light eyes. “Can’t you see that she’s
bleeding?”
“Oh, that’s Dr. Tomoe’s daughter. She’s such a bloody cripple like you, too. She’s always bleeding when she’s
exited. That doesn’t matter. It will stop when she calms down.” Declared Ayako and shrugged her shoulders.
“And she’s a witch. She has secret powers, I know it. And how she looks at other girls. Her look isn’t normal.
It’s so cold as if she was from another world.” Said another girl and threw the book down on the ground next to
the still bleeding girl. She still gasped hard for breathe and winced back as she heard the loud sound.
“Everyone who knows you better must be a witch for you. Cause who will ever look at you with a warm look?
Guess even your parents don’t love you!” Michiru spread her arms protectively as the girl came nearer.
They won’t hurt her again!
“Don’t you dare to talk about my parents, you bitch!” the girl came nearer and before Michiru could react
slapped her right into the face. It hurt but the young violinist didn’t even mention it. She just grabbed the wheels
of her wheelchair and rammed the vehicle right into the girl. Her eyes grew wide in surprise and she went on her
knees with a groan.
“You shouldn’t have done this!” screamed Ayako and raised her right hand. She hold a knife in it. But Michiru
wasn’t very cowed. “You’ll regret this!”
“Hell, now I am afraid! Do you think I am scared of this bloody knife or of pain? I had more hoses and needles
in my body as you can count. I went through hell and you can’t even reach the smallest devil I met there.”
Michiru turned away and rolled over to the still kneeling daughter of Mugen Gakkuen’s founder.
“Everything okay?” she asked and leaned forward.
“Hai, the attack will soon be over. As always.” Answered the girl breathless and kept staring on the ground. A
thin smile appeared on the white face and Michiru was suddenly sure that she was the first one of this lousy
school who had ever been concerned about her. Who had ever protected her. Who had ever cared about her at all.
“Maybe you aren’t afraid of body pain, anymore. But mental pain is worse.” Declared Ayako and helped the still
groaning girl up.
“Her bloody wheelchair broke my feet.” She lamented and groaned again.
“You’re nothing but a cripple, Kaioh Michiru. You can’t run and you can’t swim anymore. And your boyfriend
likes to run a lot. He’s the fastest boy in his club. At the moment he feels responsible for you. But he doesn’t
love you anymore. It’s just sympathy he feels but he isn’t aware of it.” Ayako yelled angry at her. Angry that the
girl down in the wheelchair didn’t respond anything. Angry that the girl didn’t react. Angry that she couldn’t see
her shocked face.
“My revenge won’t be the knife, cripple. My revenge will be that I’ll steal your boyfriend. I’ll be the one who
shows him that he doesn’t need you anymore. That he doesn’t deserve a handicapped girlfriend like me. Surely
he will understand it after I’ll convinced him. And then he’ll be my boyfriend and you’ll be alone for the rest of
your life!” Ayako laid her head in her neck and laughed a rude, loud laugh.
Michiru closed her eyes for some seconds but she couldn’t ignore the brutal noise. Then the group of girls turned
away and left the tower. Left Michiru alone with her thoughts and her fears.
“Arigato...” whispered the small girl and came very slowly on her feet. She fluctuated and had to seize on the
wall. The books still laid messed on the ground. She wiped away the blood from her face but some rests
remained and she looked horrible with that pale face and those dark, deep eyes.
Michiru swallowed then she collected the books and opened the door to her apartment again.
“Come in. You can’t walk through Mugen Gakkuen like that. What shall your father think?” she reached for the
hand of the girl and was surprised how cold it was.
“Hai, my father...” the girl coughed again and her body trembled again.
“I am Kaioh Michiru.” Introduced the young violinist herself while she guided the girl into the bathroom and
wetted a towel. Carefully she washed away the blood and the traces of the tears. The girl sat on the rim of the
tube and didn’t move until she was ready.
“I am Tomoe Hotaru. Nice to meet you.” She bowed and almost lost balance.
She doesn’t look like a child at her age. She looks a lot older. And a lot more serious.
“Do you want a warm tea, Hotaru?” Michiru rolled over to the kitchen as the girl nodded. Silently Hotaru
followed her and watched her how she took water into a pot and put it on the cooker.
“It takes some more minutes.” Said the young violinist and watched how Hotaru rose from her chair and came
over to her. When she stood she wasn’t taller than her sitting in the wheelchair. Critically Hotaru looked at her
still burning cheek and her ice cold fingers touched the hot skin.
“She slapped you very hard.” She declared with an almost insensible voice and laid the whole hand on the cheek.
The burning increased then it stopped with a sudden. As the small girl took her hand away Michiru recognized
that her face didn’t hurt anymore. She raised her hand and felt that the skin wasn’t swollen anymore.
“How did you do that?” asked the young violinist and saw how Hotaru winced away automatically. Her dark
eyes looked very sad at her and a terrified expression laid on her pale face.
“I am not a witch. I just have those powers to heal people.” She frowned and stepped nearer. Michiru didn’t
move as she put her hands upon her shoulders. Wind seemed to fill the room and a bright light surrounded them
for some seconds. As Hotaru stepped back she looked very exhausted. “But also my powers are limited.” She
declared silently and lowered her head. “Otherwise I wouldn’t be so weak myself.” Michiru almost missed the
desperate whisper. She rolled over to the girl who sat down on her chair again and raised her hand to stroke the
dark hairs.
“Don’t believe what other people say, Hotaru. They’re just ignorant and afraid of what they don’t know. That’s
normal.” She pointed at the wheelchair she was sitting in. “You’re a beautiful young girl and your powers aren’t
a curse. They’re a blessing for the people you can help. And believe me, not all people are as mean as Ayako.
There are people who love you, Hotaru. Believe me.” She whispered and could see the tears burning in those
dark eyes. Desperate eyes. Michiru knew the feelings the small girl felt just now too well.
Hotaru raised her hands and touched the one that stroke her hairs and brought it to her suddenly wet cheeks. The
small girl suddenly started to sob as if the world was going to end. Tears were running down her pale cheeks and
her body trembled uncontrollable as she lowered her head.
Michiru swallowed hard.
I know her feelings too well. I know how it is to be hated by other people just for what I am.
A bloody cripple.
I know how hard it is to find any luck on this lousy world. But I also know how it is to be loved by a person
without any doubts.
“Come here, princess.” Whispered Michiru and embraced Hotaru as she climbed on her lap and pulled her small
arms around her neck. She buried her burning face in the older one’s shoulder and cried all the sorrows out she
had collected during the past years. After the accident when her mother died. When her father didn’t have the
time for her and no one loved her. When her body became weaker with every day and the attacks worse.
Suddenly the young violinist knew that it was a long time ago that the little girl cried about her sorrows with all
her heart. Maybe it was a long time ago that someone held her tight in that loving, comforting way.
Michiru looked into the desperate face of the small girl.
Surely it’s a long time ago that someone understood her fears.
“Hush, princess. Everything will be fine.” Michiru hold her tight and rocked her gently. Slightly she frowned
because it felt so used to have this small body in her arms. For some moments she thought that she had often
hold Hotaru in that way. To comfort her. To take part at her anger or her joy. But then the memory was gone and
Michiru concentrated again on the crying girl.
Slowly Hotaru calmed down but she didn’t want to let go of the older girl. She was so warm. Here she felt save
and secure. This girl obviously liked her. She wasn’t afraid of her being different than the other people. She
didn’t call her a witch and throwing things at her. Obviously she took care of her and was concerned about her.
She’s so good.
Hotaru closed her eyes as the last tears fell down her cheeks and sighed. An almost happy smile appeared on her
normally serious and very sad looking face.
“You feel like my mother.” Whispered the small girl and suddenly felt like the eight year old girl she actually
was. She closed her eyes and slowly settled into sleep. She didn’t sleep a lot the last days because pain was
keeping her awake. But here in those tender arms she didn’t feel any pain it all. It seemed as if her illness
disappeared into nothing. As if the older girl destroyed it with her embrace.
Michiru smiled sadly and squeezed the girl in her arms softly.
“Don’t worry, princess. There’s always someone who loves you.” She whispered and looked into the now
relaxed face of the sleeping girl.

***

“Maybe he isn’t at home.” Suspected Michiru, leaned forward in her wheelchair and knocked again at the door.
The bell seemed to be broken and she didn’t hear any noises behind it.
“Then leave a note. She can sleep with us.” Declared Haruka with a strange low voice the young violinist heard
seldom from her. She raised her head and looked at the sleeping Hotaru in the young racer’s strong arms. There
was a sparkle in her dark green eyes as Haruka stared down at the still sleeping girl. She found her together with
Michiru in the kitchen when she came home from her training down the beach as she usually called her long
walks. There were just times when she had to think.
Haruka winced as the pain returned in her belly while she stepped back.
Now I am able to get my own child, too.
The girl in her arms was warm and so light. Haruka frowned but she couldn’t ignore her own feelings any
longer.
Strange, it feels as if I’ve always hold her that way. As if I’d known her for a very long time.
“Do you want to have children some day?” asked Michiru with a sudden and two green eyes looked startled
down at her. With a sudden Haruka was very pale and automatically she stepped back for another meter while
she shook her head thoughtfully.
“I don’t know...” she whispered and swallowed hard. Again she looked into the relaxed face of the small girl in
her arms and blonde strands hang in her face now hiding her expressions in shadows.
Maybe, if my daughter would be like Hotaru...
Haruka shook her head again and automatically squeezed the little girl tighter.
Never, if I’ll ever become like my father...
She winced and looked up as Michiru gently touched her right arm and smiled sadly up to her.
“And you?” whispered Haruka as she saw the tears shinning in those blue eyes she loved so much.
“The doctors aren’t sure about it.” Declared the young violinist hesitantly and her smile broke slightly. Haruka
wanted to reply anything as the door was opened.
“Goddess, Hotaru-chan!” The man was about forty years old. His hairs were already white and he wore a lab
overall. His glasses shimmered in the light of the corridor as he stepped out of the door and took his daughter
away from Haruka.
The young racer stepped once more back and hide her suddenly disappoint expression in the shadows as she
turned away.
“She had an attack and I took her into our apartment. There she fell asleep.” Said Michiru and wondered why she
felt so miserable for a sudden.
“Hai, she often sleeps after that.” Dr. Tomoe looked with a loving smile at his daughter. “Arigato, you two. I
searched the whole evening for her and was very concerned about her. She isn’t so strong as she wants to be. But
that’s my daughter: always the will to defeat her illness. And one day she’ll be able to.” He bowed slightly with
the little girl in his arms. “Arigato.” He said. Then the door was closed and Haruka and Michiru stood there in
darkness as the light went off.
“Let’s go.” Whispered Michiru and rolled over to her young racer. Carefully she took the icy hand in her own
cold one and hold it tight. Haruka didn’t say anything. She simply nodded. Her face still hidden in deep shadows.

***

She flew against the school lockers as the boy slapped hard in her face. Her books fell on the ground and she
went on her knees.
“I challenge you to a fair competition and you don’t even talk to me!” Tsukasa looked angry at the young boy on
the ground. His fists were still clenched. “I want to defeat you and you’re running away like a chicken!” he
shouted angry at her and stepped closer.
Haruka didn’t look up as she collected her books. She winced oppressed as she came to her feet again. Her belly
ached a lot and after she crashed into the school lockers it didn’t get any better.
Stop it!
But she knew that the pain would never really stop. Not for the next thirty years.
If I am not going to die before.
“Talk to me!” shouted Tsukasa and kicked her right arm. But she didn’t react. She simply lowered her head and
wanted to go away. Some people stood around them and she could hear some girls shouting at her. That she
should defend herself. That Tsukasa was a stupid boy. That she was so much cuter than him.
“Look at me!” he screamed and pushed her from behind. She stumbled and almost fell on the ground again. A
pen escaped her fingers but she didn’t care about it. She had enough pens, she didn’t need that special one.
Maybe he gives up when I don’t mention him.
It would have been easy for her to beat him down. To yell at him and to defeat him in his silly race he was
demanding. But she simply didn’t want to. There were more important things in her life than to show that silly
boy who was the master and who the apprentice.
But Tsukasa didn’t give up. He grabbed her right arm and hold her tight. She still stared at her books and he got
even more angry with her detached behaviour.
“Look at me!” he screamed and slowly she raised her head. Her lower lip was bloody and her chin red. He
shivered as he saw her dark green eyes looking empty up at him.
“Are you ready now?” she asked with a low, cold voice and pulled her arm free. Then she turned around and
walked away.
“Give up, he’s over you.” Declared Rumiko and picked up the pen. Tsukasa only grunted and went away. For
him nothing was over. It had just begun.
Haruka sighed oppressed as she took place in the class. Her belly still ached and she didn’t know if she would
take part at the sports lessons this afternoon.
“Everything alright?” asked Michiru and frowned as she saw the pale face and the fresh blood. She took a
handkerchief out of her school bag and softly wiped the blood away. Haruka didn’t wince away, she just closed
her eyes and let her Michi-chan heal her.
“It was this Tsukasa boy again, wasn’t he?” Michiru finished her cleaning but stayed near her Ruka. The young
racer simply nodded and looked suddenly very tired.
“Why don’t you give him the competition he wants?” Michiru laid the handkerchief on the table and took
Haruka’s pale face in her warm hands. The taller girl smiled at the tender touch and sighed again.
“I don’t want to.” She declared silently and suddenly both of them forgot that they weren’t the only persons in
the class as Michiru leaned forward and gave her Ruka a light comforting kiss.
“Bitch!” Someone grabbed Michiru’s right arm and pulled her away from Haruka. The young violinist looked up
in surprise and stared into the angry face of Ayako. Haruka rose from her chair and looked very angry, too, as
the teacher entered the room. The young racer took a deep breathe and after a cold warning look at the red haired
girl she sat back on her chair.
“Hope the test isn’t so hard.” Whispered Michiru and took her pen. Haruka only shrugged her shoulders. She
wasn’t very keen on French and didn’t care a lot about her marks. Without her young violinist she would have
never been able to pass any tests.
“Don’t look so disinterested. We learned the whole evening!” Whispered Michiru as the teacher distributed the
papers. But they both knew that none of them was very keen on the marks anymore. But without a neat
education they wouldn’t be able to live a normal life afterwards.
Haruka and Michiru sighed as they saw the questions on the white paper.
At least those tests took away some hours from them. Hours they normally would have spend thinking. And both
of them knew that they thought too much during the past months.

***

She heard the noise evolving in the living-room. As she sat up she saw the light flicker through the corridor.
Michiru sighed and crept over to the edge of her bed. She rolled her eyes as her wheelchair rolled away and she
almost fell out of the bed. With a determined, almost angry expression on her face she climbed over to the hated
vehicle. With a loud sigh she sat down and corrected the position of her weak useless legs with her arms. Sweat
ran down her back under her blue night-shirt but she didn’t want to take a bath. She shivered as she thought of
the horrible chair in the tube. It was always so wet and slippery when she wanted to leave the tube and more than
once Haruka had to help her. She didn’t feel ashamed of being naked. But she felt very much ashamed of being
so helpless. So weak!
Ruka’s always so nice to me. So loving...
Michiru covered her legs with a blanket. She didn’t want to see that dead part of her still living body anymore.
Silently she rolled into the kitchen and a short time later into the living-room. Haruka laid on the huge couch.
She wore a wide white shirt and her bed blanket covered her left leg while her naked right one laid on the small
table. The young racer hold the remote control tight in her hands. Pop musicians danced over the screen but the
taller girl didn’t watch at them. Her eyes where shut and she seemed to sleep. Her blonde hairs were messed but
her face was very pale in the light of the TV set. A painful expression laid on it.
Michiru rolled nearer and watched her Ruka for some seconds in silence. Her lips curved in a tender smile. Then
she leaned forward and opened slowly the buttons of the white shirt. She knew that Haruka didn’t wear
underwear when she went to bed but that didn’t disturb her.
It’s amazing how much shame you loose when you can’t use your body probably anymore.
Michiru couldn’t count how many times Haruka had seen her naked when she wasn’t able to come out of the
tube. Or when she simply couldn’t get into her dress or her clothes fell under the bed and she couldn’t reach
them sitting in the wheelchair. How many times helped Haruka her when she had to go to toilette quickly and
couldn’t get out of the hated vehicle? The first weeks after she left hospital had been the worst. It got better
during the past months but Michiru wasn’t sure if she would ever get used to it.
To be a burden. A cripple...
Carefully she placed the warm object on Haruka’s belly and begun tenderly to caress the skin around. Slowly the
young racer turned her head towards her and green eyes looked asking up to her.
Didn’t she even sleep?
“It’s a hot-water bottle. I know that it hurts.” Whispered Michiru and her caressing hand wandered upwards on
Haruka’s body. The taller girl gasped and her eyes grew wide. “But you’ll get used to it and the pain will
decrease.” The young violinist stroke over the soft skin and felt how the other one winced.
“But I don’t wanna get used to it.” Answered Haruka quietly and took Michiru’s hand in her suddenly trembling
ones. “I’ll never have a baby and so I don’t need this silly nature thing.” She took Michiru’s hand to her right
cheek and leaned her head against it. She closed her eyes and didn’t care about her shirt that didn’t cover her
slim body anymore.
“But it’s part of you, too.” Answered Michiru and leaned forward in her wheelchair. Before Haruka could reply
anything she kissed her tenderly. “And I like you very much, Ruka. With everything that belongs to you.” She
whispered near those warm lips she loved so much to touch. The young racer sat up and reached for her.
Haruka’s eyes shone treacherous as she wrapped her arms around Michiru’s waist and pulled her out of the
wheelchair to her lap.
“The couch is too small for both of us.” Tried Michiru to protest but then she sighed and embraced her young
racer too as Haruka buried her hot face in her girlfriend’s shoulder. For a long time they simply hold each other
tight. In a warm, understanding silence. After a while Haruka raised her head and kissed her Michi-chan again. It
begun as a sweet kiss but fast it became very passionately and slowly turned into a loving touch again.
“I need you.” Whispered Haruka with a suddenly shaky voice between two kisses. Michiru smiled at her Ruka’s
lips. She knew Haruka didn’t mean sex. They had enough time for this chapter in their lives. This night Haruka
just wanted to be near her Michi-chan. To hold her tight. To feel that she wasn’t alone in this cruel world. That
there was someone who still loved her. The way she was...
“I am always here, Ruka.” Answered the young violinist silently. “I’ll never leave you.”
“I’ll never leave you, too, Michi-chan.” Haruka rose from the couch still holding her Michiru in her strong arms.
Slowly she went over to her sleeping room and laid the sea green haired girl down. Then she covered her with
the soft blanket and crept beside her under it. She took her again in her arms and hold her tight as if her life
depended on it. As if the young violinist was her only life line.
Michiru gave her Ruka another loving kiss and started again to stroke over the certainly still hurting belly.
Haruka relaxed slowly and settled into a light but dreamless sleep. Free of fears. Free of nightmares.
Michiru hold her tight and knew that she would never be able to ever let her go. As she had to do two years ago
when they didn’t have another chance.
The young violinist thought at the wheelchair which still stood in the living-room and oppressed a sad sigh.
Do we have a chance this time?
She didn’t know.

***
Chapter four: Silent pain, part one

The sun shine from a cloudless sky, the first birds returned from their long journey from the south. Slowly the
branches of the trees got greener and all plants in Japan stood in blossom. Spring came and bought wonderful
weather with it. The snow disappeared and the bitter cold was dispelled by a nice warm breeze.
Soft wind played with the white curtains near the open window. Bright light flood the blank underground and
soon it looked like a river of rainbows.
“Your boyfriend’s coming.” Declared the nurse and returned from the window to her patient. The girl laid on a
mat on the ground and tried hard to move her weak legs. But they didn’t even shake. They laid there on the cold
ground. Motionless. Dead.
“You’re doing well.” Said the nurse and smiled at her with her knowing smile Michiru begun to hate during the
last months. The young violinist knew that the nurse wanted to help her but with every week that passed without
big progress, Michiru started to believe that they all told her a silly fairy tale. That even the doctor lied to her
when he told her that there was a slight chance that she would ever be able to walk again – even if it was just
with the help of crutches.
“You made big progresses during the last weeks. Guess it’s the nice weather. Your body can feel it, too.”
Michiru just rolled her eyes as she heard the happy words.
There’s no progress I’ve ever made. All I achieved is that I can go to the toilette without peeing on the tiles!
Now I can dress myself without being strangled by the pullover! Now I can take my shoes without falling out of
that bloody wheelchair! Now I can watch other people running by while I keep sitting...
Michiru wanted to kick the woman away. She wanted to beat her down. But she wasn’t even able to run away.
“Hello, Mrs. Araki.” Haruka entered the room and bowed before the nurse. “Am I too earlier?” Two green eyes
looked concerned down into angry blue ones.
“No, we’re just ready. Miss Kaioh is doing very well.” The nurse smiled as Haruka helped her girlfriend into the
wheelchair and gave her the brown jacket. Although it was a very nice spring day it could be very fresh,
especially at the Mugen Gakkuen near the sea.
“Sure...”
Haruka looked up as she heard the silent voice next to her. The cynicism in it. The pain.
With another bow Haruka opened the door while Michiru kept her head down as they left the hospital. The taller
girl didn’t ask. She felt that her girlfriend needed some time to think. That was the way she always had treated
her problems.
Until the one problem that’s too big to be handled...
“There’re some training at the arena near Mugen Gakkuen. You know there’ll be contests between Mugen
Gakkuen and other schools in summer. And the famous school wants to win.” Declared Haruka the black
tracksuit she was wearing while she put the wheelchair into the boot and took place behind the steering wheel.
“May I come with you?” Still Michiru didn’t look up and suddenly Haruka regretted that she accept the offer of
her athletics' club to fight at the contents for Mugen Gakkuen. The young racer reached for her girlfriend’s ice
cold hands in her lap and hold them tenderly. Sadly she smiled as Michiru didn’t look up yet. She leaned forward
and gave her a quick kiss on the left cheek.
“Of course.”

***

Her usual pale face was redden and the wind played with her long sea green hairs. A soft blanket covered her
legs but she didn’t even think about her handicapped body now. All she thought about were the pictures in her
head. A sketchbook laid in her lap and her fingers glided over the paper as if the pen would stroke it. The picture
of a young woman evolved on the white underground. A girl who bet all her opponents. Her feet didn’t even
touch the ground when she run and the wind seemed to be with her. Her short hair looked messed and a tomboy
expression laid on her face while she crossed the finish line – as a winner.
Michiru raised her head and watched how Haruka run with the others in circles to warm herself up. Happy green
eyes met thoughtful blue ones. Then Haruka raised her hand and winked at her.
“Amazing. Normally he doesn’t notice anyone when he does his training.”
Michiru winced because she didn’t hear him coming. She looked up and blinked against the sun. Of course she
knew about Tsukasa. And of course she heard how he treated Haruka. Mostly the young racer didn’t tell about it
by herself. Mostly Michiru got to know about the newest fights from Rumiko or from a team colleague.
“You must be the cripple, Ayako mentions so often.”
Michiru took a deep breathe then she concentrated again on her picture. Her hand trembled slightly but she did
so many drawings that she was almost a profi.
“Go away.” She whispered and begun to shade the environment. But he leaned forward and before she could
react he hold the sketchbook in his hands. He stepped back and she couldn’t follow him so fast over the stony
underground. “Give it back!” she demanded but at the same time she knew that he would never obey her.
“You’re not only a cripple.” He declared and looked at the drawled girl. Tsukasa raised his head and watch
Haruka how he run through the arena. The boy was very fast. Almost as fast as the wind as some guys whispered
behind his back. And he was definitely not a girl! “You’re also a pervert.” Tsukasa threw the sketchbook on the
dirty ground and stepped on the white paper as Michiru reached for it.
“Why...?” she frowned and looked up to him with an empty expression on her beautiful face that made him
automatically shiver. The young violinist stared for some seconds at the sketchbook under his feet, then she
shrugged her shoulders and reached for the wheels. She wanted to turn away. To leave this place. To escape
forever.
But he didn’t let her go. Tsukasa grabbed the handlebars of the wheelchair and wanted to say something. But he
was interrupted by a low, quiet but very sharp voice.
“Leave her in peace!”
He raised his head and looked into two angry shinning green eyes that normally seemed so uninterested. So
detached. So absent. Haruka pushed him aside and stepped protectively between the wheelchair and Tsukasa.
Her fists were clenched and the determined expression on her slightly redden face made clear that she would
beat him if he ever tried to hurt the handicapped girl.
Tsukasa stared from the fast boy to the slow girl and back. He winced as Haruka grabbed the sketchbook and
gave it back to the smaller girl. Shortly they exchanged glances but Tsukasa was sure that there was more
between them but just a short look. Michiru shook her head and smiled sadly at the dirty paper while Haruka
took a deep breathe. She opened her fists as she returned to Tsukasa.
“Next Friday after school. Here. Then you’ll get your silly battle.” Haruka declared with her icy voice and took
the handlebars of the wheelchair.
“Haruka! Our training isn’t over yet!” shouted another pupil from the team but the girl only waved her hand.
“I trained enough for today.” She shouted back and the two strange pupils left the arena. They always seemed to
isolate themselves from the other pupils and obviously they didn’t want any society from their fellow students.
Both of them were silent and mysterious. They talked to a few people but often they were alone. Often it seemed
as if they didn’t need anything else than each other.
Tsukasa watched them very confused as they left the arena and headed towards the big towers of Mugen
Gakkuen. Confused and surprised. Because this was the first time that Tenô Haruka cared for anything. He never
reacted when he shouted at this silly boy. He never looked up when Tsukasa beat him or pushed his books to the
ground. He terrorised the reserved boy for so many weeks now and he never cared about it. He just passed by
when he could and disappeared silent between the other pupils. He never defended himself or shouted back.
Until today...
Tsukasa was very surprised. With a sudden Haruka accepted the contest. Just because he treated that
handicapped girl.
Strange...
Tsukasa frowned and looked down at his hands that had hold the crazy picture the smaller girl had drawn.
It was the first time that this cool boy had been concerned about someone. And of all people, this someone was
the cripple half of the girls hated.

***

The water was fresh but she liked it that way. Cool wind was playing with the waves as she walked out of them.
Her black swimsuit fitted perfectly to her slim body. She returned and faced the wide ocean behind. The sun was
setting and the horizon burned. The girl sighed happily and laid her head in her neck to watch the first stars
above. She felt her long wet hair in her back and shivered automatically.
“Do you wanna go for a ride?”
The girl giggled as she heard the known low voice behind. She spun around and run towards her best friend. The
Suzuki shimmered red in the dying daylight. The taller girl already wore her race suit and her helmet. She looked
up to her and nodded.
“Hai.” She whispered and wondered why she felt so free with a sudden. So happy.
Haven’t I been so happy all this time? Wasn’t I always free?
But she didn’t care about her feelings. She simply took seat behind the taller girl and wrapped her arms around
her waist. The second helmet was for her. She knew that the other bought it just for her.
“Ready?” The motorbike speeded up as she nodded. Wind played with her still wet swimsuit and she felt again
so free. Like a bird. She leaned back and spread her arms wide to enjoy that feeling. She could hear the tender
laughter she loved so much as she closed her eyes.
“Watch out!”
The girl opened her eyes again as she heard her mother’s scream. She sat on the backseat of her parents silver
Ferrari. Now she wore a blue summer dress and looked terrified out of the front window. Something was on the
road. She couldn’t define it. Maybe it was a car, maybe it was a human being. Maybe it was nothing of them at
all. That thing shouted at them and then it raised arms that hold so many knifes. The edges sparkled in the moon
light and she could see the insane shinning of eyes that weren’t real eyes. Her father tried to evade that
something and lost control over the car. He screamed as the silver Ferrari turned around and slipped for some
seconds on the roof. Then there was a wall and a loud crash. Then there was the insane laughter of that thing.
Then there was silence. And darkness.
“No!” Michiru sat upright in her bed. She still reached with her hands for something that wasn’t there anymore.
Sweat covered her pale face and her night-dress pasted to her trembling body. The young violinist wanted to
scream but her throat was too dry to. Tears burned in her deep blue eyes and very slowly her nerves calmed
down.
Again that terrible nightmare!
She couldn’t remember the time of the accident. It was normal said the doctors. Her brain wanted to defend itself
before the bad seconds.
Is that the truth? Did this cruel thing happen to my parents? And to me?
Michiru looked down at her trembling body and then over to the wheelchair that stood motionless beside the bed.
Near but still unreachable.
Is that thing guilty for the hell I am living in?
The young violinist took the headphone that laid next to her on the pillow and the remote control. She closed her
eyes and sighed as the sad music evolved in her ears. Michiru touched the remote control and the volume
increased until the melody filled her whole world. Tears sparkled under her lashes but she wasn’t willing to let
them fall. Crying wouldn’t change anything. She didn’t even fell better afterwards. No, she felt worse when she
cried. More helpless. Weaker.
Is that thing guilty for my useless body?
She didn’t know. She didn’t find any answer of her questions. Nor did she find any sleep for the rest of the night.

***

“What do you think? Who will win?”
“Of course Haruka!”
“Hai, he’s the smartest boy I ever met!”
“Met? You mean saw! He hardly speaks with anyone.”
“But he’s so cute!”
“And he’s so much faster than Tsukasa.”
“But don’t underestimate Tsukasa!”
“Hai, he’s fast, too.”
“But Haruka is faster!”
“Hai!”
Ayako listened to the girls around her while she stood beside the track watching the two boys getting ready for
their contest. Haruka wore her black tracksuit as always. Her green eyes were hidden behind sunglasses. She
didn’t warm herself up as Tsukasa did. The young racer just stood there. Waiting.
One teacher stood next to them. He volunteered to play the referee. For him it was a good contest. The boys
proved that they were fast enough to beat the other school’s pupils in summer.
“Ready?” he asked and the two boys kneeled down on the dirty ground. Haruka raised her head for some
seconds and looked over to another direction. Then she stared at the earth again and took a deep breathe.
Why the hell am I doing this silly competition?
“Steady?”
Automatically she raised her backside and tightened all the muscles in her body. The aching disappeared from
her belly the last weekend, but she knew it would return the next month.
“Go!”
Haruka stopped to think as she started the race. It was arranged that they both had to ran two laps of the arena.
Who crossed the finish line as first racer would win. She heard the cheers of the girls and the shouting of the
boys next to the them. Almost whole of Mugen Gakkuen was here to watch them. Half of the pupils wanted
Tsukasa to win, the rest, mostly girls, shouted for Haruka.
Ayako frowned as she saw how Haruka raised her head shortly before the teacher gave them the start signal. The
red haired girl followed the look and saw the other girl sitting in her wheelchair. Well hidden in the shadows of a
huge tree. Ayako bit on her upper lip, then she slowly left her friends and walked over to Michiru. The
handicapped girl didn’t see her come. She sat there and stared concentrated on the sketchbook down in her lap.
Her fingers flew over the paper and only shortly she looked up, watched her boyfriend running and concentrated
again on the picture. A thin smile laid on her redden face and she silently moved her lips to a melody only she
could hear.
“Haruka’s very fast.” Declared Ayako and stepped next to the wheelchair. The girl winced slightly as if she
awoke from a deep dream. She didn’t look up and her hands didn’t hesitate on the paper.
“Hai.” Was all Michiru repeated. She took a deep breathe and tried to concentrate again on the picture.
Go away!
But she knew Ayako would never leave her alone so easy. And she would have betrayed her feelings if she had
ever asked her to go. To leave her in peace. To leave her alone with the small dream that didn’t die last
September.
“And you’re very slowly.” Continued Ayako and Michiru rolled her eyes. She knew what would follow. And she
knew that she wouldn’t escape the offensive words. Not in her wheelchair.
“Don’t you see what you’re doing to him? You trap him in your small world. But he has a shinning future, a big
destiny. If you don’t stand in his way. Can’t you see that he needs his freedom? His independence?”
Michiru continued to draw and slightly shook her head.
Don’t you see that Haruka needs carefulness and love?
“He needs someone he can walk with through life, Kaioh Michiru! Walk, not roll!”
And you’re this person? Are you really so blind that you don’t see that Haruka needs so much more than your
beauty look and your pleading eyes?
“Believe me, the only reason why he didn’t leave you already is that he feels guilty for you. Guess he thinks that
it’s his duty to be with you. Maybe you think it’s love, but I know it better: It’s sympathy. Nothing more than
simple sympathy for a handicapped girl that will never be able to live a proper life of her own!”
Go away!!!!!
Michiru took another deep breathe and shortly looked up. The two pupils started the second lap and Haruka was
in the leading position. Surely she would win that race. As so many races before.
Hope Tsukasa leaves her in peace after that contest!
“Hey, cripple! I am talking to you!” Ayako stepped forward and grabbed the sketchbook. Michiru rolled her eyes
and reached for it but the red haired girl was faster. Of course she was faster. She stepped back and looked at the
running Haruka on the paper.
She’s talented.
Ayako swallowed hard and automatically shook her head.
But she’s still a bloody cripple. And she’s the girlfriend of the boy who should be mine!
“Give it back to me, please!” Michiru said quietly and sighed. She decided that this was the last time she draw in
the presence of other people than her Ruka. They all seemed to want destroy her pictures and she was tired of
redrawing them again at home. And she was tired of Haruka’s sad looks when another crumbled paper went into
the dustbin.
“Okay. If you want it...” Ayako turned again towards her and threw the sketchbook in the air. Single sheets of
paper flew softly to the ground and covered the earth around the wheelchair. It was almost impossible for
Michiru to collect them without driving over them with her heavy wheelchair. And Ayako knew it as well.
“... then catch them!” she shouted and laughed a rude laugh. The red haired girl wanted to leave as her eyes
caught one picture Michiru was reaching for. It laid directly before the wheelchair and moved slightly in the
warm spring wind. It showed a sleeping Haruka. Her short hairs were messed and a soft expression laid on her
relaxed face Ayako had never seen before. The blanket covered her body but the shoulders and the right leg let
suppose that  she didn’t wear a pyjama.
“You bitch!” whispered Ayako and jealousy sparkled in her light eyes as she leaned forward and slapped
Michiru right in her face. The handicapped girl didn’t even wince away. She just sat there and watched her with
those deep blue eyes that made her mad.
“I can’t believe it!” Ayako took a deep breathe, her fists were still clenched. “What do you have? What is it, you
cripple? You can’t walk with him, you can’t run with him! Certainly you’re a burden for him. He must take care
where ever you are. You can’t live your whole life in Mugen Gakkuen and what after you finished your school?
Maybe you’re talented, but you won’t find a proper job out there. They don’t wanna cripples! They wanna
young, attractive, dynamic young people. Guess you can’t even go to toilette alone!” Ayako’s voice increased
but it wasn’t heard. The shouting of the other pupils were louder.
“What is it that he wants from you, bloody cripple? Is he so keen on washing you? Feeding you? Driving you
with his big car around to the doctor’s appointment? Guess the doctor only wants to see you because you brings
him money. There’s no cure for you cripple, but you pay good for the hopes he gives you. I am right, hai?”
Michiru lowered her head and covered her ears with her trembling hands.
“Be silent!” she said and her shaky voice broke. Tears burned in her eyes as she heard the rude words. The true
words...
“What the hell gets him into your bed that you can draw such pictures?” Ayako didn’t want to be silent. She was
jealous and suddenly very hurt. She had to shout at the handicapped girl. Otherwise she would beat her down.
“What the hell does he sees in you, you bloody cripple?! Guess you’re even unable to make proper love. With
that dead body you’re surely a lousy lover. And what about children? Doesn’t he want to have some one day?
Don’t tell me that you think you’re able to get one with that wreck of a body, you cripple!” Ayako still clenched
her fists and stepped nearer. “Don’t you think it’s unfair to betray Haruka in that way? To abuse his sympathy
for you?!”
That was the moment when Michiru defended herself for the first time Ayako knew her. Well, she often
defended Hotaru or some other girl she knew against her club, but what happened to her seemed to be alike to
her. Up to now. The young violinist reached for the now empty sketchbook and threw it with all her powers at
the red haired girl. Some pens and a ruler followed.
Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!
Ayako winced surprised because the flying objects hitting her body hurt.
She’s strong!
“Why can’t you accept the truth, you bloody cripple? You belong in a hospital for all times and he belongs to
normal people – like me!”
“Don’t you dare to talk about things you don’t know. You don’t understand!” answered Michiru and reached for
her lunch in her bag. She didn’t eat it because she wasn’t hungry. It was an apple and an orange. Now she threw
the fruits at the red haired girl. Tears sparkled in her deep blue eyes but she simply couldn’t cry.
Ayako evaded them and grabbed Michiru’s arm. With one pull the handicapped girl laid in the dirt. Too weak to
defend herself. Too helpless to get back into the wheelchair again.
“Comprehend finally! You’re a bloody cripple!” snapped Ayako and tried to ignore the empty look that seemed
to perforate her.
Haruka closed her eyes while she run. She felt the wind playing with her clothes, heard the rushes of the near
see. She recognized that old feeling she almost forgotten. She lost almost half a year ago when she left her father
for good. At those times she ran as fast as she could. She raced the Suzuki as far as she could – just to escape her
father. To escape her dark life. To escape her hopeless future.
And now, what are you escaping from this time?
Haruka didn’t know. She didn’t hear the screams around her. Of course she got the leading position although
Tsukasa was very fast himself. When she would win she would gratulate him that he was such a good opponent.
He was very good in his sports and she didn’t want to hurt him. He asked of this contest and now he would get it.
But she didn’t want to take his pride.
We would be good partners in a relay race in the summer’s competitions.
They reached the second lap and the shouting increased. Just two more minutes and the contest would be over.
And hopefully the terror of Tsukasa, too. Haruka never ever wanted him seeing threaten her Michi-chan again.
She didn’t know what she would do the next time.
Haruka opened her eyes for the last meters. There were only one or two hundred meters to the finish line and
although Tsukasa fought hard he was behind her. Only one shadow length but it was enough for her to win.
At that moment she saw the motion at the rim of the arena. Michiru was there in the shadows of a huge tree.
Haruka frowned and got slower as she recognized that her girlfriend wasn’t alone there. Then she saw how the
young violinist fell out of the wheelchair.
Haruka didn’t care about Tsukasa who overtook her easily. She didn’t hear the shouting of the pupils as the tall
boy crossed the finish line as winner. She didn’t care about the disappointed and suddenly very surprised looks
as she simply left the sandy underground and walked determined over to the huge tree. The race had never been
very important to her. Okay, Tsukasa won now. It didn’t matter to her. If he left her in peace now, it was okay.
All that mattered to her was Michiru who laid in the dirt and supported her weak body with her elbows. Pictures
laid around her in the grass and an angry looking Ayako stood over her.
Haruka simply pushed the red haired girl aside as she went on her knees next to her girlfriend. She looked into
tear filled blue eyes and sighed slightly. She looked down at the picture Michiru held tight in her trembling
hands and smiled a bit as she saw her sleeping I.
“And you told me you weren’t awake for so long.” Declared the young racer and stroke some strands of sea
green hairs out of a very pale face.
“Hai...” whispered Michiru with a shaky voice and swallowed hard. Haruka could see how she fought against her
own tears. Tears she didn’t cry since the terrible accident that took her her parents and a lot of dreams away.
Probably forever...
“Everything okay?” Haruka looked concerned at her girlfriend who laughed a sad laugh.
“Of course, Ruka. Everything is okay!” snapped Michiru back and wiped away some tears she couldn’t hold
back any longer with a quick motion as if she was ashamed of them. “I am trapped in this damn wheelchair for
the rest of my life! My doctor says that I’ll never be able to walk again. I’ll never be able to swim again or to
ride. I won so many prices with my swimming and I was really fast. Now I almost drown in this bloody tube! I
will never be able to run with you along the beach! I will never drive with you on your Suzuki again and I don’t
dream of a normal life anymore. I am paralysed, Ruka! My legs won’t hold my no more and who wants to listen
to a handicapped musician, after all?” Michiru’s voice was shaky again and she took a deep breathe. “I am a
bloody cripple for the rest of my life. I need help for the rest of my life. Hell, I can’t even dress properly! I am so
fed up to stood in front of the supermarket and can’t go in because there’re steps at the front door. I’ll never be
able to live in my parents beach house, because there’s a big staircase and it’s twenty miles away from Tokyo!
And even if there was a bus I would never get into it with that bloody wheelchair!” Michiru raised one hand and
hit the metal hard. It hurt a lot but she didn’t even mention it. “My parents would be ashamed of me to see me
like this! It would have been better if I’d have died with them.” Suddenly Michiru’s voice was very silent and
she couldn’t held back a desperate sob.
“Don’t say such silly words, Michi-chan.” Whispered Haruka and sighed sadly.
“Why not? It’s true! It would be better for me being dead! After all who wants a bloody cripple?” Some tears
were running down her cheeks but she raised her now hurting hand again to wipe them quickly away.
“Michi-chan, you know, I would never...”
“I don’t need your sympathy!” It was a desperate scream before Michiru covered her burning face with her icy
hands and started desperately to sob. Haruka just took her into her strong arms and hold her tight as she wanted
to escape. The young racer pulled her girlfriend closer and rocked her gently. Michiru’s body trembled like
leaves in the cold autumn wind but she gave up her fight and leaned herself against Haruka’s warm chest.
“You know it’s so much more than sympathy.” Whispered Haruka near her ear and swallowed hard. She could
feel how she blushed but she knew that Michiru needed her words more than her hidden gestures. “You know
it’s even more than simple love, Michi-chan.”
Those words broke the invisible wall. Michiru wrapped her arms around Haruka’s neck, hide her burning face in
her girlfriend’s shoulder and let all the tears fall she fought back the last months. She felt how Haruka’s
embracement became stronger and didn’t oppress her desperate sobs anymore.
"I thought I could begin a new life here. Without any memories of my talents I used to have. Without thinking of
how great it was to play the violin before so many people. How great it was to win the swimming competitions.
Hey, they wanted me to take for the Olympic Games!" cried Michiru against her shoulder and Haruka wondered
how she could have been so blind. She saw a smiling, a laughing Michiru and didn't see the wrecked girl behind
that facade. She only saw a Michiru who didn't argue with Ayako, who defended Hotaru and cared a lot for
Haruka. Who never really complaint about her situation. Who just went on with her life and didn't give up. Who
learned how to handle the wheelchair, who had very good marks at school and started drawing again.
"I thought this was a place where I don't see my parents in each corner. But I've been wrong." Michiru pulled
herself nearer and  coughed. Haruka held her tighter. How could she be so naive? After Christmas and after the
exiting snowball battle she had almost thought that Michiru was over her mourning. That she had accepted her
destiny and faced encouraged her future. But Haruka had been wrong. Now she saw that the young violinist
needed more time than a short half year.
I was so happy to be with her that I didn't see the signs.
"No one wants me here. They all hate me." Cried Michiru with a shaky voice that broke. Haruka sighed deeply
and started to stroke the sea green hairs tenderly.
"I love you." Whispered the young racer next to her girlfriend's ear and blushed even more. Michiru raised her
head and Haruka saw into tear filled, deep blue eyes. They lived together since they moved into Mugen
Gakkuen. Two years ago it was so naturally that they belonged to another even if Haruka's father disagreed.
They shared their free time. Their angers and sorrows. But also their joys. They kissed more than once and
sometimes they went out like a loving couple. But Haruka did never say those special words. She simply thought
that Michiru knew her feelings. And she had never been so good in words. Only in situations she knew that
words were more needed than her hidden gestures.
Haruka raised her hands and took her girlfriend's hot face into them. Seriously she looked down at Michiru and
wiped away the tears. They were replaced by new ones.
"Remember what I told you in the hospital, Michi-chan? I promised you that I'd never leave you. I meant it
honestly." Haruka leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss. "If you don't want to stay here, it's okay. We can
leave Mugen Gakkuen  and go somewhere else in Japan or the world."
"With your English knowledge?" asked Michiru and Haruka was relieved when she saw a tiny smile on her
girlfriend's pale face. She didn't like to see her Michi-chan so sad. So desperate. Then the young violinist shook
her head and the smile disappeared. "It wouldn't make any difference. All people are the same. They would only
see the cripple outside..."
"Not all people are, Michi-chan." Answered Haruka very quietly and thought at the young girls chasing
themselves in the snow. Arguing friendly with another. Involving Michiru in their game as if she had always
been part of their community.
Michiru leaned her head again against Haruka's shoulder. Silently she cried again. And the young racer held her
again tight and tried to comfort her the best she could.
They both didn't mention the pupils who stood very quietly around and stared shocked at the couple down in the
dirt. Who looked asking at each other.
Who looked very guilty with a sudden.

***

"Arigato." Haruka took the bowls from the delivering man and gave him the money. Then she balanced their
dinner in the kitchen. Michiru wasn't in the mood of cooking and the young racer didn't want to poison them. So
they decided to order something from the Italian restaurant they had been some times since Christmas.
I decided for ordering.
Haruka sighed as she put the bowls down on the round table. They contained salad and spaghetti.
Hope she wants to eat at least anything of it.
The young racer ran a trembling hand through her short blonde hair and went over to her girlfriend's bedroom.
When they came home the young violinist went into her room and didn't get out. Haruka let Michiru her peace
but two hours were enough now. Haruka started to get worried and she didn't want to spend the evening on her
own. Alone.
"Michi-chan?" Silently she opened the door and entered the room. The smaller girl laid on her bed. Sad music
filled the air from the headphone. Michiru's eyes were closed and from the regular breathing recognized Haruka
that her girlfriend actually fell asleep.
How many nights didn't she sleep properly? Or didn't she sleep at all?
Haruka sat down on the bed next to her girlfriend and took her right hand into her own ones and held it tight.
Then she leaned against the wall with a sigh and froze in motion. She frowned and her dark green eyes stared
confused on the huge easel she gave her Michi-chan on Christmas. The whole easel was full with colours and it
smelled very intensive of oil colours.
When did she finish it?
She could remember Michiru starting it two months ago. The young violinist threw a brush after her when she
wanted to look at it. Michiru declared determined that no one would see it until it was ready.
Now I know why. Because it's very personal.
The main colours were a light green and a dark blue. And black. It showed an ocean. Deep under the surface
swam a young girl of maybe five years. Happily she laughed at the observer outside the picture. Her blue eyes
shone full of luck and joy. The tiny hands reached out for coloured fishes that surrounded her in her blue heaven.
Sea green hairs surrounded a redden face and the girl looked like Neptune's daughter. Neptune, the god of the sea
and emperor of all waters.
Like a mermaid.
Haruka swallowed hard as she saw the black lines that followed the happy child. Dark and threatening. Slowly
they filled the blue sea from behind and soon they would do the little mermaid harm. The black lines reached the
surface. Over the water there was no light. No sun. No heaven. There was only a shadow at the shore. Standing
silently there. Motionless.
Haruka's eyes grew wide as she recognized that the shadow was a girl sitting in a wheelchair. No face was
recognisable because she had covered it with her hands. As if she wasn't able any more to watch the happy girl
she once had been.
She never would be again.

***

"What are we doing here?" Michiru yawned and rubbed her eyes. She awoke half an hour ago and after she ate a
little bit of her spaghetti Haruka bought her to the swimming pool of Mugen Gakkuen. With tired blue eyes
stared the young violinist in the water. The half moon reflected on the calm surface and steam rose in the cold
night air. Although it had been a very nice and warm spring day, it soon got colder when the sun disappeared.
"It's in the middle of the night!"
Haruka kneeled before the swimming pool and tested the water temperature. She only wore her black shorts and
a white t-shirt. Satisfied with the water being warm she came to her feet and over to her girlfriend.
"We're going to take a bath." She declared and took Michiru's hands before she could grab the wheels. The
young violinist looked up to her with big blue eyes. Slightly she shook her head and swallowed hard.
"I won't go into the water." Said Michiru and shook her head again. "I am too young to drown." She wanted to
escape but she knew she would loose against her Haruka. She knew she would even if she wasn't trapped in this
bloody wheelchair. Haruka had always been faster. And when the young racer was determined no one could stop
her.
"But I don't have a swim suit." It was a last, weak try to convince her girlfriend but Haruka didn't listen.
"Your dress is a perfect swim suit." Before Michiru could protest anymore Haruka hold her in her strong arms
and went over to the swimming pool. Michiru wrapped her arms around her neck and stared frightened at the
water that wasn't so deep but for her paralysed legs it was deeper than the deepest ocean. The young violinist
gasped for breathe as she felt the warm water around her as they both entered the swimming pool. Haruka held
her tight and kissed her on the suddenly pale cheeks.
"Don't be afraid, Michi-chan. I am here. I won't let you drown." Whispered the young racer and took another step
until they were surrounded by water up to their chests. Michiru's embracement got stronger and suddenly her
whole body trembled although the water was very warm.
"You loved the water. We got to know each other by the sea at your parent's house." Haruka turned Michiru
around until she could see into those big, frightened eyes. "Can't you remember how I tried to chase you in the
ocean and you was simply faster? The water's your element, Michi-chan. It belongs to you how you belong to it.
Here you could even beat me and you know how shocked I was that you, that someone on this earth could be
faster than I." Haruka smiled tender in the pale face. "Down in the water you always looked like another person
Like mermaid. You didn't win all those competition just because you trained every day. You simply won them
because you're part of the sea, Michi-chan. I can see it in your eyes when you look out of the window and watch
the waves. And even if you don't believe me now, you're still part of it. Even after all what happened during the
last half year."
Michiru smiled back and took a deep breathe. She saw how her girlfriend blushed. As always when she said
more than some single words. As always when her Ruka tried to comfort her. To tell her feelings to her.
Very slowly the young violinist let go of Haruka's neck and her hands and later her arms dove into the pleasant
warm water. She felt how the young racer tightened her embracement.
She won't ever leave my side.
Michiru took another deep breathe and felt the water playing with her body as she moved slightly.
Maybe she's right.
The young violinist closed her eyes and for the first time after the accident she heard the music again in her head.
The music the water and waves made. Like tender whispers the sea's voices surrounded her. A bird screamed
high above and she smelled the salt in the air again. It had always been there during the past months but she
didn't care about it.
A smile appeared on her pale face and some tears sparkled behind her lashes.
I didn't realize how much I missed it.
Here she had been at home for so many times. Every time she felt lonely when her parents were far away with
their business company or her father was on tour and she couldn't come with them because of her school. The
waves comforted her after Haruka's father came and took the screaming girl with him. Shouting. Beating.
Hating...
Under the water it was so quiet. So peaceful. Here she heard the music she wrote afterwards for her violin. It was
her father's will to learn an instrument. But it was her will to learn it so well. Because every time she could play
she was again in her under water world.
How could I forget this?
Michiru opened her eyes again and the music increased. She looked into a smiling face of Haruka and
automatically raised her wet hand and stroke the wild strands of the short blonde hair.
"Arigato, Ruka." She whispered and kissed her girlfriend tenderly. Haruka held her tight and returned the kiss
with all her love. Michiru giggled at her lips as the taller girl didn't want to let this touch end.
"We should do this more often." Declared the young violinist and suddenly a new music evolved in her head. It
was the first time since the accident that she heard the music again and it made her happy. She thought she had
lost it with her leg's powers, too. But the truth was that she hide it behind her self pity. Over half a year of
mourning was enough.
I am still alive!
Michiru looked into dreamy green eyes and gave her girlfriend another kiss.
And I am loved!
"What? Taking a bath or kissing?" asked Haruka after a while teasing and shivered as fresh wind played with her
now wet hairs.
"Both!" answered Michiru laughing. She looked into the water and saw the reflection of them both on the
surface. The picture shook. Michiru laid her head against Haruka's now wet shoulder and stroke over the calm
water. She liked what she saw in the water's mirror.
We're a nice couple.
She embraced her girlfriend tighter and enjoyed the standing position. Here in the water her legs were still
paralysed but the water carried her. Here she wouldn't break down or laying helpless on the ground. Here she
was strong again and no one could see that she was handicapped.
Here I am not a cripple anymore!
"I love you." She whispered and looked again up into the now dark red face of her Haruka. The racer only
nodded and kissed her tenderly. Michiru smiled and returned the sweet touch.
"Hey, you two! It's forbidden to swim at night!" shouted an angry voice suddenly near the rim. They both
separated partly and looked surprised at an angry Ayako. "Dr. Tomoe would be very disappointed if his best
athlete would have drown." Ayako clenched her fists and tried to hide her jealousy behind her rough voice. She
didn't like to see that cripple kissing the boy who was meant to be hers. "Get out of the water. Now! And go back
to your rooms before I have to report this incident to Miss Kaori!"
Haruka sighed but she knew that it was enough for now as she looked into tired blue eyes. And she knew that she
achieved what she wanted as Michiru smiled happily. The young racer took her girlfriend into her strong arms
and carried her out of the water back into the wheelchair. She covered Michiru's wet body with a huge towel she
brought with her and looked around for her own one.
Ayako gasped for breathe as she saw the unambiguous female outlines of the fast athlete. The wet t-shirt pasted
to her slim body and Ayako could see the breasts under the white cloth.
"You're a girl?" asked the red haired girl and her voice sounded high and strange in her own ears. Haruka didn't
look up as she reached for her own towel.
"I never said I am a boy." She declared and covered her own body with her towel. She shivered slightly. It was
really very cold outside the warm water. Better they got back into their apartment before they both could get a
cold.
"Then you're... you're..." stammered Ayako and shook her head as all her dreams died away like a bubble stung
by a needle. "You're..."
"What? Pervert?" asked Haruka with a dangerous quiet voice and stepped behind the wheelchair. Slowly she
took it's handlebars into the suddenly trembling hands and wanted to turn away. "Or simply in love?”
Michiru just watched her girlfriend and frowned. She knew that Haruka had always been slim. She trained a lot
and didn't like sweets. But today Michiru had seen her  ribs under the wet t-shirt for the first time.
Did she loose weight during the last weeks?
Michiru couldn't remember how much the young racer ate. She had been to occupied with her self pity that she
didn't take care of it.
Hai, Ruka was always slime. But today she looks skinny. Almost starved...
"You're bloody lesbians!" screamed Ayako and Michiru wondered why she didn't wake up other pupils. But the
windows stayed shut. No light went on. "You're so ill!!!"
The young violinist simply shook her head and covered her legs with her towel. She froze and suddenly she was
very tired.
"Maybe I am a cripple but I am not handicapped in my brain." She declared silently. Then Haruka turned the
wheelchair around and they both returned into the living-tower. Leaving a raging Ayako behind.

***

The next day at school wasn't very eventful. Ayako didn't came to the lessons and some said that she had a very
bad cold and had to stay at bed. Rumiko told them some jokes and pleaded Michiru for helping her with her
picture about a rose. It still didn't look very realistic and she wanted to gave it to her mother on her birthday.
Rumiko and some other girls talked to them. The rest of the pupils seemed to evade them. They looked at them
curiously but they actually didn't dare to talk to them.
"I am home." Shouted Michiru as she entered their apartment. Her drawing lesson was over now and Rumiko
had to do something in the city. But later she wanted to come together with some other girls for dinner. They all
wanted to watch a movie on TV and Michiru wanted to make dinner.
Ruka's right. Not all people are as mean as Ayako.
"Ruka?" Michiru laid her sketchbook down on the table and opened the fridge. She decided for chicken and
chips. Every girl liked the meal and it wasn't very hard to get it ready.
"Ruka?" The young violinist rolled over to the living-room. The TV was on and some musician danced over the
screen but there was no sign of the young racer. Then Michiru heard the sound of water. Obviously Haruka was
taking a shower.
Hope it doesn't last so long.
Michiru took the remote control and switched off the TV set. She needed someone who took the chairs of the
kitchen into the living-room so that they all would have enough place around the TV set. The young violinist
waited patiently for another fifteen minutes. Then she rolled over to the bathroom. The door wasn't closed and
Michiru could hear that the shower still worked. As she wanted to enter the room she could see Haruka. Her
hairs were wet and the towel laid next to her on the ground. Her dark green eyes stared empty on her reflection in
the huge mirror. She was naked and Michiru gasped as she saw the bones under the pale skin. The girl looked
more like a skeleton than a living human.
Haruka didn't see the young violinist. Slowly the young racer raised her hands and touched her small but well
formed breasts. Tears burned in her normally dry eyes.
"It's alike what I do, they're still growing." Whispered Haruka in a desperate voice. Then she went back into the
shower, closed the door and the waterfall increased.
Michiru covered her mouth with her hand while she silently rolled back into the kitchen. Shocked she stared at
the chicken and automatically prepared their dinner. But her thoughts were still at the skinny appearance of her
girlfriend while she heated the cooker and set the table.
Slowly Michiru recognized that she wasn't the only one who had problems with her body and her destiny.
Big problems.

***

Chapter five: Silent pain, part two

Spring went on and the days got longer and hotter. All trees were now green in whole Japan and all flowers
stood in blossom. Birds sung happily and the sun shone from an endless sky. As always it was busy in the city of
Tokyo. It was late afternoon and most people run by hectically. Some went back from work some went to work.
Some simply went from one work to another. But other people seemed to have time. They walked along the
small shops and looked into the windows. Or they ate in romantic restaurants. Some of them were tourists. Some
of them were pensioner and some were teenagers who didn’t have any school this day.
“You spent your whole money for that silly toy! I am not stupid! I won’t invite you to an ice cream!” shouted a
girl and her long dark hairs flew behind her as she chased another girl with two blonde plaids. “And now give
me back my bag!”
“But you promised me yesterday to give me an ice cream!” responded the blonde but didn’t stop her run.
“That was before you ruined my red skirt!”
“But it was just cola and it wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t see the root.”
“You couldn’t?! Open your eyes, you blind, stupid...”
“AH!!!!” The blonde raised her arms in protection but it was too late. She couldn’t stop anymore. With a scream
she crashed into the girl who sat near a shop window and looked at the jewellery inside. The blonde landed on
the other girl’s lap and the wheelchair started to move. The street was steep and slowly they both rolled
backwards. Fast they reached speed and Michiru tried to catch the wheels. But the blonde did hinder her and so
she couldn’t stop that damn vehicle.
“You jerk!” The dark haired girl shouted and tried to follow them. But she wasn’t fast enough. A tall girl with
long brown hairs and a different school uniform overtook her and was some seconds by the side of the
wheelchair. Her strong hands grabbed the handlebars and with all her powers she forced the wheelchair to stop.
“That was tight!” she declared and took a deep breathe.
“You baka! You idiot!” The black haired girl soon reached the wheelchair and looked very angry down at the
shocked blonde. Her big blue eyes filled quickly with tears and she started to sob.
“Gomen.” Another girl came to them and bowed politely. Her shoulder long blue hairs covered her face but
Michiru could see that she felt really ashamed. Her skin was redden.
“Gomen!” The other two bowed too, just the blonde didn’t get from her lap. She just sat there, crying in silence.
“Hey, stop crying, you baka! All you do is chaos!” The dark haired girl grabbed the blonde and shook her head
in disbelieve. “Do you know what could have happen to you and her?!”
“Gomen...” whispered the blonde and cried even more.
Michiru raised her head and recognized the four girls standing around her. She remembered a cold winter’s day
with a snow battle when those girls brought a shinning light into her dark life.
“Ami was right. You’re always as crazy as then.” Said Michiru and helped the blonde from her lap. She giggled
as she saw that the others recognized her, too. Ami blushed even more and the black haired girl, Michiru
remembered her called Rei, looked even angrier. Usagi, the clumsy creature, cried more. She went on her knees
and grabbed Rei’s red skirt to dry her face. Rei started to argue again as she heard the blowing noise from the
younger girl’s nose and chaos was again perfect.
“You baka! First you splash it with cola and now with your bloody... Oh, you disgusting little...”
“But, Rei... waahhhh!!!”
Makoto saved the moment when she stepped protectively between the two.
“May we invite you to an ice cream?” asked Ami and bowed before the giggling Michiru. Her face was still red
but a honest smile laid on it.
“An ice cream?” asked Usagi and suddenly forgot to cry. “I wanna one, too.”
“But you don’t have the money for.” Remembered Rei and Usagi immediately started to cry again.
“You’re so...”
“It would be an honour for me.” Responded Michiru and giggled again. “When I am allowed to invite this nice
girl to an ice cream, too.” The young violinist giggled more as Usagi rose from the ground, came over to her and
wrapped her arms around her chest.
“She’s a friend.” She declared and the tears dried quickly on her now smiling face. Challenging she looked at
Rei who just took a deep breathe. “She’s so much nicer to me than you are!”
At that moment Rei screamed again and the two girls chased again after each other. Ami blushed again while
Makoto just shook her head in disbelieve.
“They’re so terrible.” She declared and sighed worn-out.
“But you like them.” It wasn’t a real question. Michiru knew that the tall girl did and she understood why.
Maybe the girls argued quite a lot, but they were the deepest friends. They were there when they were needed.
“Hai.” Sighed Makoto but her smile betrayed her feelings.
“What are you waiting for?” Ami took her book again in her bag. “When we don’t hurry they both eat the ice
cream all alone.”
Michiru and Makoto giggled happily and the three followed the other two.

***

Her face got more worried with every minute. She wanted to meet her girlfriend at six near the huge park and
now it was almost seven and there was no sign of her.
I’ve been late, too.
Haruka clenched her fists while she walked along the street near the park. Small shops passed by as her steps got
faster with every minute. She was there half past six. The car wasn’t ready when she wanted to pick it up and she
waited until the mechanics finished. Because she needed the car today.
“And then Usagi stumbled over her own feet and fell into the water. It was in the middle of February and it was
very cold. Can you believe how loud she screamed?”
“It’s unbelievable that I am not deaf now.”
“That sounds as if it was great fun for me!”
Haruka stopped as she heard the exited voices. She looked around and saw her girlfriend sitting on a big table
outside an Italian restaurant. Soft wind played with her sea green hairs and she wore the dark red summer dress
she bought one week ago.
She’s so beautiful in it!
Haruka stepped nearer and didn’t even mention the four girls sitting on the table, too. Nor did she mention the
other girl who followed her since she left her car.
She’s always beautiful, my Michi-chan.
Haruka embraced her girlfriend from behind and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. She felt how Michiru
winced surprised and then giggled. The young racer took a small box out of her blue jeans and hold it up.
“Happy birthday, Michi-chan.” She whispered and looked into surprised blue eyes.
“Did anyone say birthday?” shouted a blonde girl from behind and stepped next to Michiru. Her long hairs
covered her back and her light eyes sparkled. “You have birthday?” she asked and it looked as if tiny hearts
danced in her shinning eyes. A light red shape covered her now exited face. Ami blushed again but Usagi only
giggled as Minako raised one hand and pointed up to the cloudless sky above. “Let’s party!” she shouted and no
one doubted that she would organise a great party.
“What is it?” Curiously Usagi leaned forward and ignored the warning looks of Rei although the black haired
girl looked very curious, too. While Minako run through the Italian restaurant to organise a great Happy Birthday
Dinner Michiru unwrapped the tiny box. Her heart beat increased as she opened it and she held her breathe as
she saw the wonderful ear rings. The silver sparkled in the sunlight. Little diamonds formed tiny fishes. Happily
they seemed to swim through deep water. Happily and free. Their eyes were made of rubies and it seemed as if
they looked understanding at her. Michiru raised her head and the fishes started to dance through the air. Each
one was connected to a tiny chain which leaded to the plug that was another white jewel. It sparkled in all lights
of the rainbow.
“Arigato, Ruka.” Whispered Michiru and suddenly tears filled her eyes. She was not only grateful for the
wonderful present. She was also touched that her girlfriend remembered her birthday. Actually Michiru only
mentioned it by the way two years ago. After the accident she wanted to forget about it, because she knew that
she would never be able to celebrate it with her parents, again. But Haruka remembered it and together with
those nice girls her birthday became to something special again.
It seemed as if Haruka wanted to say anything more, but she was interrupted by Usagi who rose from her chair
and looked curiously at the ear rings.
“They are so beautiful!” she shouted and her big eyes stared at the sparkling diamonds. “I wish I had such a nice
boyfriend who would give me such nice presents to my birthday!” dreamed the blonde and her face got angry
again when she heard Rei’s cold voice: “There’s no boy who would ever survive your clumsy character!”
“But one day I’ll be a fantastic bride and then we will live together for all times. And I wanna a daughter.”
“But before you should finish school.” Warned Ami and looked up from her book. She obviously forgot her
learning the next few minutes and stared at the ear rings, too.
“And don’t think we’re going to baby-sitting your daughter!” answered Rei and Usagi looked even more hurt.
“But she will be a nice child. Just like me.”
“Hai, that’s what I was afraid of.”
“Oh, Rei!”
“Oh, baka!”
Again they argued and Makoto laughed happy about them. Then she joined Minako and helped her to set the
dinner on the table. Haruka took one chair and sat down next to her girlfriend.
“Happy birthday to you...” started the girls to sing as Makoto put down the huge cake. It was covered with
several burning candles. There were too less, but it didn’t matter.
“Is that for me?” asked Michiru and two tears run down her redden cheeks as she watched the singing and
laughing girls around the table.
Haruka looked at her Michiru and smiled as the girl leaned forward in her wheelchair and blew the candles out
with one big breathe. The girls cheered and then they begun to eat.
It’s so good that she’s not so sad anymore.
The young racer watched the other girls, then she took herself a tiny piece of the cake. She wasn’t very hungry
but she knew it would have been impolite not the eat the birthday cake the others had organised.
It’s so good that she sees that there are other girls who like her the way she is. Who accept her without any
consequences. Who simply take her into her community. Her. And me, too...
Minako put a CD player, no one knew where she suddenly get it from, on the next table and loud music started
to fill the air around the restaurant.
“Let’s party” she screamed and danced happily around the table.
And they had a great party.

***

“There’s another present I wanna give to you.” Declared Haruka as they entered the parking space near the park.
The other girls went home and it was now very late. It was Friday and so they wouldn’t have much anger with
their parents for being home so late.
“More presents? I guess I can’t carry any more.” Laughed Michiru and pointed at the several gifts down in her
lap. The girls got them from somewhere. Time by time one girl disappeared and came back after twenty minutes
with a small present. She got a book about Shakespeare, a necklace that was a strong talisman which should
protect her against all bad forces of this world, a big teddy bear, a CD of the newest boy group and a self made
bread that smelled delicious.
And my ear rings...
Haruka took the presents into a bag and put it carefully on the back seat. Then she opened the door and took
Michiru into her strong arms.
“Hey, I can do this by myself.” Protested the young violinist and shook her head. “And you use the wrong side!”
Her deep blue eyes grew wide as she sat on the driver’s seat. There were different apparatuses around her she
didn’t know. Haruka drove the car for so many months now but Michiru was sure that she had never seen one of
the switches before.
“What...” she whispered as Haruka sat down next to her and reached for the safety belt.
“You’ll drive.” Declared the young racer simply and smiled as she saw the still confused look on her girlfriend’s
face. “This switcher’s for the gas, this one is the break. You don’t have to use a dome, this car has automatic.
You only turn the key around, then you push the switcher from you and you drive. If you wanna break then pull
it to your body. The rest of the car is handled with the steering wheel and the several buttons around.”
“But...” whispered Michiru and her trembling hand touched the switcher. She pushed it and cut see how the
accelerator next to her weak legs moved. Then she pulled the switcher and the break moved.
“Hey, you’re fifteen now, soon you’re able to drive a car and I wanna you to drive already perfectly before you
start learning in it such a damn school where the teachers or the examiner are prejudiced.” Declared Haruka and
gave her the car keys.
“Just some circles on the parking space. So that you can get used to the feeling. Here nothing will happen and at
this time no one is here who could hinder you.” Calmed Haruka her girlfriend down and Michiru turned the key
with trembling hands. The engine started and it sounded like the purring of a wild cat. Slowly Michiru pushed
the switcher and the car slowly started to roll. She moved the steering wheel and the car turned to the right.
“I am driving!” shouted Michiru exited and she pushed the switcher a little bit more. The car got faster and at the
next corner she broke carefully. She could hear the automatic work. Slowly she drove back to the start and
turned the keys again. The engine died away and it was very silent again on the parking space.
“And you told me that something was broken!” she scold Haruka softly and the taller girl shrugged her
shoulders.
“What else should I have told you? That I am going to rebuilt this car so that we both can drive it?”
Michiru smiled then she leaned over and gave her girlfriend a quick kiss.
“Arigato, Ruka.” She whispered and looked deep into dark green eyes. Haruka blushed slightly and smiled
tenderly.
“It was your first birthday without your parents. I wanted it to be something special.” Declared the young racer
and kissed her girlfriend back. It was a light, soft touch. Michiru raised one hand and ran it through Haruka’s
short blonde hair. Soon it looked messed and the young violinist giggled.
“It was, Ruka. ‘Cause it was my first birthday with you.”
Haruka reached for her and pulled her girlfriend over on her lap. Then she embraced her and kissed her tenderly.
That kiss lasted longer then the first ones and Michiru giggled as it slowly ended.
“I love you too, Ruka.”

***

It was late in the evening when she returned to their apartment. Haruka yawned and took her sports bag down on
the ground. The training for the summer’s competition lasted very long and took her a long time to get
everything ready for the next day. She hoped that her girlfriend didn’t ask for more explanations, because it
should be a surprise.
Haruka entered the kitchen and saw her dinner on the table. It was covered with a plate and the young racer
could smell that it was steak and potatoes. She sighed and drank instead the rest of the cooled cola. She had been
hungry some hours ago but now she was only tired. The last night she didn’t sleep well and there were strange
nightmares that haunted her until dawn. At school they wrote a bloody French test and after school there was the
training. For the first time it had been really exhausting for her. She didn’t let the others recognize it but her legs
trembled when it was over and she climbed into her car.
Maybe it had been too hot.
Haruka put her dinner back into the fridge and went over to the bathroom. Quickly she took a shower and
changed into her wide shirt she misused for a night skirt. Slowly she walked through the corridor over to her
bedroom and hesitated. The door to Michiru’s room wasn’t closed and she could hear the boys singing sweet
love songs. It was the CD the young violinist got from Minako to her birthday. Tempting Haruka looked into the
darkness of her girlfriend’s room and stepped some inches nearer before she stopped again.
“Ruka?” Suddenly she heard the sleepy voice and slowly she entered Michiru’s room. She could see her
girlfriend laying under a thin blanket. The window was wide open and the stars sparkled on a cloudless sky. The
music died away and Michiru put away the remote control.
Did she wait for me?
Haruka swallowed hard and stood still hesitating in the middle of the room. There was the wheelchair on the
other side of the bed and there were Michiru’s clothes on the desk. Michiru lifted her blanket and smiled tired at
the taller girl.
“Come in, Ruka.” She invited her girlfriend in and wrapped her arm with the blanket around Haruka’s suddenly
freezing body. It was still very warm but she didn’t get enough sleep the last nights.
“Gomen, I am so late. But the training lasted very long.”
“There’s no need to excuse.” Michiru pulled herself closer, leaned her head against Haruka’s strong shoulder and
closed her eyes. She sighed deeply and settled slowly into sleep. “Just get some sleep and tomorrow we’ll have a
proper breakfast.”
Haruka frowned then her tiredness took over the control of her body. She felt Michiru’s warm body beside her
and suddenly she felt save and secure.
Wanted. Needed. Loved.

***

They drove almost two hours on the highway near the sea. First Michiru asked a lot and was very curiously over
their one day trip, but Haruka kept silent. She said that it was a surprise for her and she didn’t betray anything.
So the young violinist listened to the radio, watched the wide ocean and wondered where they were going to.
“There we are.” Said Haruka after they entered the parking space of a great arena. Michiru frowned and got into
the wheelchair her girlfriend brought out of the boot. It was another warm day of a nice summer and today she
wore a white skirt covered with flowers. Her summer hat covered only partly her long sea green hairs. Haruka
wore her short blue jeans and a black t-shirt as always. Now she wore her sunglasses and her black gap again and
she looked like a real tomboy.
I love this tomboy.
Michiru smiled and rolled next to her young racer as they slowly entered the arena.
“Haruka?” shouted an old man in disbelieve and the spanner landed loudly on the dirty ground. He run over to
the tall girl and embraced her before she could react. “I didn’t know if you’d really come. After all that
happened. After all those months...” declared the old mechanic and looked first at Haruka and then at the girl
sitting in a wheelchair.
“May I invite? Michiru, that’s Ochi Yamado, my old mechanic and one of my best friends at the race track.
Yamado, that’s Kaioh Michiru. She’s my girlfriend.” Added Haruka after some seconds of hesitation and
blushed behind her sunglasses. She wasn’t ashamed of anything, she simply couldn’t speak about her feelings so
open. At least not as open as Michiru. And especially not as open as Usagi.
The old mechanic bowed before the handicapped girl and smiled friendly down at her.
“So you’re the one who saved my charge’s life.” He declared after Haruka had entered the box. Michiru could
hear her inside but it was too dark than she could have seen what her girlfriend was actually doing. The young
violinist frowned as she heard the strange words but the old man smiled so friendly that she couldn’t be afraid of
him.
“Keep an eye on her, Miss Kaioh. Haruka would never admit it, but she needs lots of love. She simply needs the
feeling of being wanted. Then she would walk through hell with you.” The old mechanic observed the
wheelchair for some seconds, then he nodded thoughtful. “She already did, didn’t she?”
“Hai.” Michiru sighed then she cheered up. “Don’t worry, Mr. Ochi. I love Haruka. I am not going to leave her if
it’s my will.” She pointed at the chair she was sitting in. “But we can’t determine our lives.”
“But we can give them a direction and never loose the hope for a good future.” Declared Yamado. At that
moment Haruka came out of the box into the shinning sun. She made a face as she pushed the heavy Suzuki.
“I almost forgot how heavy she was!”
Michiru stared at the motorbike with big blue eyes.
“But I thought you’d sold it.”
“Hai, I sold it to Yamado. I won’t ever give her in the hands of strangers.” Haruka took one of the two helmets
from the bike’s seat and walked over to Michiru. She gave the helmet into Michiru’s icy hands and looked deep
into confused blue eyes.
“I wanna go for a ride. Do you wanna join me?” she asked and smiled confident as Michiru stared in disbelieve
at the Suzuki and than at her girlfriend. All she was able to do was nod although she didn’t know how it should
be possible. Her legs were paralysed. But after the past weeks she got to know that there was a lot possible if she
only wanted to.

***

The wind played with her summer skirt and her sea green hairs blew behind her under the helmet. She had
wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. A special construction helped her staying on the motorbike.
Haruka didn’t drive so fast but it was an incredible feeling to drive with her along the beach. The endless sea
shimmered next to them in the bright summer’s sun. Sea birds cried above and it was such a lovely day Michiru
automatically had to laugh.
That drive remembered her on her first meeting with her Ruka. They drove together almost the whole day, spend
the evening in a nice café and the half of the night at the beach. They hardly talked to another the first days. They
simply sat there, holding each other’s hand or looking her deep into the eyes. They didn’t need many words.
They already knew about their feelings.
 Michiru let go off of her girlfriend and spread her arms to feel the wild wind around and to hear the steady
rushes of the wide ocean.
Here she didn’t feel handicapped any longer. Here she wasn’t a cripple any longer. Here she was wanted.
Needed. Loved.
Free.

***

Michiru sighed as she opened the fridge to prepare their dinner. She didn’t know when Haruka would return
from their training. It lasted very long the last evenings and some girls complaint already that it was slavery what
they did with their boyfriends. But Mugen Gakkuen wanted to win the competitions and so the pupils trained
very hard.
Again she didn’t eat her dinner the last day.
Michiru sighed again. She didn’t even know if Haruka ate anything for lunch, because her drawing club started
earlier the past week and the mornings had been too busy – as always – as that she could have watched her
girlfriend eat. The young violinist shivered as she thought at Haruka’s skinny body in the bathroom, but she
actually didn’t have the time to speak about it. There was a lot of training and after it Haruka was mostly too
tired to talk. And when they had a day free Haruka surprised her and let her secret wishes become true. Then
Michiru didn’t want to ruin the day and decided to talk to her girlfriend the next day. And at the next day she
didn’t find any opportunity, because there was again school, tests and training.
Last weekend they went together to a quiet place at the sea and Haruka went swimming with her. It was the first
time after the accident that Michiru swam into the ocean and she realized how much she missed it. It was a
perfect weekend. And a busy week followed. Now it was already Friday again and Michiru didn’t know what
Haruka had planned for the next weekend. But this time, she was sure, she would talk seriously to her girlfriend.
Even if it would ruin the nice weekend.
Michiru prepared the salad, then she rolled over in her room. It was at seven and she would wait for another hour
until she would eat something and slowly get ready for bed. Thoughtful she took the violin in her hands and
closed her eyes. The music evolved in her head and she simply played it. After she swam in the swimming pool
she had to play again. She pulled her violin out of the wardrobe where it had been well hidden the past months
and started to play again. When Haruka had time she came to her and simply listened to her. She could do it for
hours and never the tall girl looked bored. Just once she settled into sleep but it had been a very busy day and
Michiru played a very slowly and very quiet melody.
“Michiru?”
The young violinist winced as someone touched slightly her shoulder. She looked up and saw a pale Rumiko
standing next to her. Her eyes looked worried and Michiru laid the instrument carefully aside.
“I didn’t hear you come. What’s up?” she asked alarmed, because she didn’t know how the girl got into her
apartment. Nor did she like the concerned look of her friend’s eyes.
“Haruka broke down during the training. She almost fainted and didn’t move for some minutes. The doctor
couldn’t find anything. He just says she’s too tired. Maybe she didn’t find enough sleep. There’re the tests in
some months and then these silly competition. All pupils say that the sports club is working too hard but no one
hears of us. The teacher and I brought her home. She’s now in her room. Hope she’ll be fine soon. The doc said
we should let her sleep and she shouldn’t train the next week.” Rumiko sighed and shrugged helplessly her
shoulders. No one had ever seen strong Haruka weak. “Maybe it’s the beginning of the summer flu. Half of the
school’s already ill and the first symptoms are as light as these. But he isn’t sure. Next week we’ll know more.”
Michiru didn’t say anything. She just nodded and grabbed with her hands hard her wheels.
But I am sure. She doesn’t have a flu. And even if she has one of those terrible nightmares she gets enough sleep.
And Haruka has never been worried about an exam.
“Arigato, Rumiko, for bringing her home.” Said Michiru and didn’t even mention that she called this apartment
home. It was for the first time.
“You needn’t thank me. You’re so nice friends and I am really concerned if you’re feeling ill. You’ve got my
number. If anything’s wrong or if you need any help, just call me.”
“You’re a good friend. Rumiko.”
“I hope so.” The girl laughed as she stepped out at the corridor. “Best wished to Haruka.” Rumiko knew that
Haruka was a girl and she knew that they both were in love with each other. But she stayed their loyal friend and
left the rest of the pupil in the believe that Haruka was a boy. For her privacy was really important. Her father
was a politician. She knew too well what happened if anyone broke the privacy and brought it into the public.
Families could be separated and whole lives could be destroyed with one single word.
“I do.” Michiru waved shortly then she closed the door. She took a deep breathe and looked over to Haruka’s
room. The door was open and she could see the red light of the setting sun covering the white carpet. Slowly
Michiru rolled over and entered her girlfriend’s room. Haruka laid on her bed. Her hairs were wet and she
already wore her wide shirt. Her naked legs were covered with the thin blanket. She had spread her arms and
stared obstinately at the white ceiling. She breathed hard as if she run a long way and suddenly she looked very
alone. Almost lost.
“Ruka?” Michiru rolled nearer and could see how the young racer blinked. As if she would awake from a deep
dream. As Haruka turned her head and stared now at her girlfriend the young violinist knew that it had been a
really bad nightmare. “Do you want anything for dinner?”
Haruka shook her head, then she stared back at the ceiling.
“When did you eat your last proper meal?” asked Michiru quietly. Her voice didn’t charge her. It didn’t sound
angry or disappointed. It simply sounded concerned. And understanding.
“I don’t know.” Whispered Haruka after a while Michiru waited patiently for an answer. Haruka kept staring on
the ceiling and it didn’t look as if she was going to do anything else for the rest of the night. Dark shadows under
her eyes betrayed Michiru that the young racer wouldn’t find any sleep – as the last night, too.
“But you have to eat. Otherwise your body’s going to be weaker with every week and breakdowns like today
will be more often. Until you won’t have any power at all. Do you really want to sit in such a bloody wheelchair,
too, because your legs simply don’t have the strength anymore to hold your body, even if you weigh too less for
your seize?” Michiru’s voice was still very calm and so warm. She reached for Haruka’s hand and the young
racer could feel tears burning in her eyes. “If you don’t change your way of life, you’ll starve to death, Ruka.
And I don’t wanna lose you. You’re the most important person in my life. What shall I do without you?”
Haruka swallowed hard and closed her eyes.
“But I don’t wanna this body. When I eat I am thicker and I have more female outlines. Then my breasts are
bigger and it’s harder to hide them any longer. And when I start eating again I’ll have my period again.”
Michiru kept silent. Shocked that she didn’t see how much Haruka suffered during the past weeks. Okay she
mentioned that the young racer wasn’t very happy about her period but she had never thought that she would
start starving only to get rid of it.
“How many weights did you loose since January?” she asked very silently and held the suddenly ice cold hand
tight.
“About twenty pound. Or twenty five. I don’t know.” Haruka sighed worn-out and tears burned behind her
lashes. But she didn't allow them to fall. She heard how Michiru gasped for breathe but she felt so tired that she
didn’t even think of running away.
I was so blind. Me and my bloody self pity!
Michiru clenched her fists around her girlfriend’s hand and lowered her head. Her sea green hairs fell over her
shoulders and her pale face disappeared into shadows. “Why?” was all she asked.
“Because my father always wanted a boy who could overtake the family’s tradition and honour. After my birth
my mother became very ill and wasn’t allowed to get any more babies. It was a wonder that she survived all
those years and finally died on Christmas when I was five years old. After that day my father raised me like a
boy. I should full fill his dream of being the best motorbike racer in Japan, guess even in the whole world. Often
he called me his good boy and introduced me to other persons as his son. First it didn’t matter to me. But when I
got older I recognized that he only loved me when he thought of me as a boy. Guess he recognized that I am a
girl when I met you, Michi-chan. I fell in love with you and wanted you to be my girlfriend. My father went mad
and took me home and he never gave me the chance again to escape. He beat me for more than just one time
when I couldn’t reach his dream. And more than once he beat me because I am a girl. I started to hate my body
and it got worse when I grew up. Those silly things...” she pointed with her free hand on her breasts under the
wide cloth and sighed. “They grew, too. I don’t need them. I’ll never feed a child with them, because I’ll never
have an own child. I would be a terrible mother and after all I’ll never sleep with a boy.” She sighed and it
sounded very tired. “And then I got my first period. The pain didn’t matter that much, but I hated the idea that I
was now able to get an own child and... hell, I was so ashamed of it, Michi-chan!” Haruka pulled her free arm
over her face but Michiru could see two tears running down her girlfriend’s pale face.
“But that’s all part of you.”
“It isn’t, Michi-chan. All at school think I am a boy. Remember Ayako’s hateful looks when she got to know the
truth about my gender.”
Michiru looked silently at her girlfriend, then she let go of the now warm hand and leaned forward. Slowly she
unbuttoned Haruka’s wide shirt and tenderly she caressed over Haruka’s naked, skinny body.
“Believe me, it’s all part of you. Your breasts...” she heard her girlfriend’s gasp as she touched the intensive
skin. “... your female outlines...” she caressed her girlfriend’s hips. “... and your period as well.” Haruka took
away her arm but she didn’t defend herself. She simply stared at Michiru and tears were shimmering in her dark
green eyes. Suddenly she looked weak and helpless. The young violinist had never seen her that way before and
it almost made her heart break.
“You’re a girl, Ruka. You won’t change your gender just by stopping to eat. That will lead you to nothing, only
to death some day. Sooner than later.” Michiru swallowed hard and touched the ribs under the thin skin. “You
don’t have to be a boy, Haruka. I love you the way you are. I love you being a girl. I love your character but I
also love your body.” Michiru whispered and tears burned in her eyes, too. “And you’re very attractive, Ruka.”
The young violinist smiled a sad smile. “Please don’t leave me, Ruka. I need you.” Michiru’s voice shook and
with a last whisper it broke: “I love you so much, Ruka.” Then she buried her burning face at her girlfriend’s
slim belly and started desperately to sob. Haruka laid there motionless and listened to her for some moments.
What have I done?
As for so many questions she couldn’t find an answer.
At last she could free herself out of her trance. She reached for her Michi-chan and pulled her out of the
wheelchair. She hold her tight with the rest of strength and searched for her mouth. The kiss was full of
desperate passion and it tasted salty. Both of their cheeks were wet as they finally separated partly. Haruka held
her girlfriend so tight as if she didn’t ever want her to let go. And Michiru didn’t want to leave this bed either.
“It sounds so simple when you talk this way.” Declared Haruka silently after a while they simply hold each other
tight. “But I fear it isn’t as simply as that.”
Michiru looked up to her and gave her another sweet kiss. Then she pointed at her weak, useless legs and at the
wheelchair beside the bed.
“We went more than once through hell and survived it every time. Why shouldn’t we handle this situation, too?”
she asked and wiped tenderly away Haruka’s tears. “You showed me with your love that I am not a bloody
cripple. Why can’t I show you with my love that you’re the most beautiful and most attractive girl I’ve ever
seen?”
“I am not sure if I can believe it.”
Michiru smiled an understanding smile and stroke through he short blonde hairs.
“I know it’s hard to believe in anything when you’re down. When you dig in the dirt and can’t see any light in
your bloody dark life. But one thing is for sure: I’ll never let you down, Ruka. I’ll never let you go. You
promised me never to leave me. I never promised anything but you should know that I would never leave you
alone. As long as I live.”
Haruka smiled though her tears and kissed her girlfriend again.
Those words were indeed something she was able to believe in.

***

“It’s another nice Saturday. I called Rumiko and she wants to join us if we want to go to the beach.” Declared
Michiru as Haruka entered the kitchen. It was noon but Haruka still wore her wide shirt. Her hairs were messed
and she still looked very tired. The young violinist smiled as Haruka yawned and sat down on the table. She
loved those private moments. They insured her that her Ruka trusted her. That they were kind of a small family...
“Sure. Everything is fine.” Whispered Haruka and almost fell into sleep again as Michiru set the table. It smelled
delicious and suddenly Haruka asked herself when she enjoyed the last time one of her girlfriend’s meals. In the
evenings she only pushed them back into the fridge and at the past weekends they had been too busy.
“What are you cooking?”
“Okonomiyaki.” Declared Michiru and giggled proudly as she saw how Haruka looked up in surprise. Her dark
green eyes were still sleepy.
“You’re lucky that I didn’t try it. It sounds very complicate. And it sounds as if it could burn easily.”
“Oh, it’s easy – if you‘re able to handle the cooker.”
“I am a lousy housewife.”
“You have other qualities.”
Haruka had the politeness to blush.
“Dinner’s ready.” Michiru looked into the oven while Haruka opened the water bottle. “Do you want anything?”
The young car racer raised her head as she heard her girlfriend’s suddenly very uncertain voice. Haruka took a
deep breathe. Then she looked at the delicious smelling okonomyaki and her belly started to protest that she
couldn’t waste it.
The young car racer tried hard to ignore the memory of her body in the bathroom’s mirror. Then she
remembered her Michi-chan who obviously loved the body she hated so much.
Again Haruka looked at the dinner again and into deep blue eyes. Then she lowered her head and nodded.

***

Chapter six: Loud rage

“You won it!!!” Rumiko danced around Haruka and Michiru and laughed happily. “You even beat Tsukasa!”
It was a very warm day and the competition took place in the huge arena of Tokyo. The sprints were over now
and of course Haruka had won.
“Congratulations. I’ve never seen anyone being as fast as you.” Ami bowed but her book laid open next to the
big blanket.
“Hai.” Agreed Usagi and wanted to steal another sandwich out of the picnic basket Makoto made for them.
Although the tall girl was only twelve years old she was very talented in making food and especially sandwiches.
“You greedy jerk!” scold Rei and tried hard to hide the rest of her sandwich behind her back. Soon the both
argued again while Makoto brought her picnic basket into safety. It was also made for the racer and the
handicapped beauty. Usagi and Rei shouldn’t eat everything.
“That’s a good reason for party.” Declared Minako laughing and switched on the CD player. Loud pop music
filled the air but it wasn’t louder then the yelling of the pupils as the high jump started.
Michiru smiled up to her girlfriend. Haruka looked healthier now. She needed over six weeks to get fifteen
pounds back and there were a lot of serious talks between them when Haruka tried to start her dangerous starving
again. Two weeks ago she had her second period of her life but she handled it well. She trained hard for the
competition and now she was finally able to end the contest between Tsukasa and her. Michiru trained playing
the violin again and she already thought about giving a concert. Her doctor declared that she made big progresses
and even if she didn’t believe him, she felt that she could be happy with her handicapped body each time she was
able to swim in the sea. Haruka bought her a swim ring and for the last five weeks she took part in special
courses for paralysed people. There she learned step by step that it was possible to swim without the use of legs.
Michiru raised her head as Haruka thanked for the congratulations and went over to her and sat down next to her
on the huge blanket. The wheelchair stood somewhere in the shadow of the big tree above. Without saying a
word Haruka embraced her girlfriend and held her tight.
Hai, we both survived our darkest hours.
“Tenô Haruka?” The young racer looked up as she heard the low voice and blinked against the sun. Tsukasa
stood there. He hold the silver medal in his hands and smiled friendly down at her. “Congratulations, you’re the
best athlete of Mugen Gakkuen. You was it even when I beat you in spring. But you didn’t really loose because
you stopped before the finish line. ‘Cause you wanted to help her.” Tsukasa looked down at Michiru and bowed
slightly. “Gomen, that I called you a cripple.”
Michiru simply smiled back and reached her hand to touch his right arm.
“Don’t worry, Tsukasa. We all make our own faults time by time.” She declared.
“You’re a very good opponent.” Added Haruka and nodded agreeing. Tsukasa bowed again and wanted to go as
Makoto opened her picnic basket again.
“Do you want anything to eat, Tsukasa?” she asked and held a sandwich up. Usagi looked greedy at it and tried
to catch it. But Makoto was faster.
“I’d like to.” Said the tall boy and took it.
The crying of Usagi could be heard all over the arena. And the laughter of the other girls, too.

***

Haruka rose from her bed and looked shocked into the darkness that surrounded her. Only slowly she could see
some light again that shone through the open window. The young racer took a deep breathe and ran a trembling
hand through her now sweaty short hair. Desperately she tried to calm down her body and her nerves. She closed
her eyes again and shook slightly her head. Then she recognized that she was observed. Haruka turned her head
and looked into Michiru’s big blue eyes. The smaller girl looked very frightened, too.
“Did you have this nightmare, too?” asked Haruka and laid back on the pillow. She preferred to go to take a
shower but as Michiru took her into a comforting, loving embrace she only wanted to stay there.
“That the whole world’s going to end? That some strange messiah will destroy it until something is found?”
Michiru’s voice was shaky but in her girlfriend’s near it all looked like a lousy nightmare. It was only very
strange that they shared the same nightmare. And that it came back, almost every night.
“Hai.” Haruka leaned her head against Michiru’s and yawned again. Although the dream had been very scary she
was very tired. It was in the middle of the night the next day was going to be the last one of this school year.
Haruka and Michiru didn’t really decide what to do in their holidays but Haruka often mentioned that they
should go and visit Europe as Michiru always wanted to. The young violinist still hesitated because she wasn’t
sure if it was possible to enjoy such a long journey in a wheelchair. But Haruka was certain that she would
convince her girlfriend the next week.
“It was just a silly nightmare.” Declared Michiru quietly and embraced her girlfriend tighter.
“Hai.” Agreed Haruka with he same quiet voice.
But both couldn’t believe their own words any longer.

***

“Are you satisfied with your report?” asked Michiru and put down the paper on the table. They sat together on
their balcony and enjoyed the nice weather. The coffee smelled well and the cake was delicious Makoto gave
them some days before. “Because it isn’t so good as mine.” Teased the young violinist and leaned back on her
deckchair. Her weak legs were covered with a thin blanket and she wore a dark blue summer dress. She hold her
sea green hairs to a knot in her neck but some strands already moved in the warm breeze around her ears.
“Actually it’s the best report I ever had.” Declared Haruka and stared in disbelieve at the good mark she got in
French. She didn’t know how she reached it but she knew that it had to do something with those hours she spend
with her girlfriend practising for the next test.
At least she’s not as serious about it as Ami.
Haruka smiled when she thought at those lessons in their living-room which ended always on the comfortable
couch. After two hours of learning Haruka needed something completely different. And kissing her Michi-chan
was the greatest pleasure for her. Even more when Michiru forgot over their tender kisses that she actually
wanted to ask her Ruka some vocabulary.
“And no one will beat me for it.” Declared Haruka very silently with a sudden and put her report to Michiru’s.
The young violinist looked up, then she knocked on the free space of her deckchair.
“Come over, Ruka.”
The young racer did as she said and soon they kissed again.
I love you, Ruka.
I love you. Michi-chan.
At that moment the bell rang and interrupted their romantic atmosphere. Haruka rolled her eyes while Michiru
only giggled.
“Guess it’s Rumiko. Or Usagi and her crazy friends.”
“Maybe she wants to cry because of her bad report.”
“She’s only twelve. She has so much time to learn so much more.”
“Don’t tell that Ami.”
“I won’t.” Michiru giggled again and leaned back on her deckchair to enjoy the shinning of the sun. Haruka went
into their shadowy apartment to open the door.
“If your want to go to swim, Rumiko, we...” said the young racer but her voice died slowly away as she saw the
figure standing outside on the corridor. It wasn’t the always laughing girl. “What...” whispered Haruka shocked
and blinked but the shadow didn’t disappear. Nor did the anger in that redden face the young racer learned to
hate so much during her childhood.
“You traitor!” her father slapped her hard into the face as he entered the apartment. He was faster then the
surprised girl and so Haruka couldn’t close the door in time. She whimpered as she hit the floor hard. Her father
grabbed the collar of her school uniform’s shirt and lifted her up again. “How could you dare to run away! You
almost won the Grand Prix and then you disappeared. The referees had to disqualify you although you was the
best racer!” He slapped her again right into the face and Haruka felt the hot fluid running down her chin. Her
nose hurt a lot and she asked herself how long she would have to wore her sunglasses this time. “Why did you
just leave without ever telling me that you’re still alive! Why did you hide yourself in that bloody school? I’ve
chosen the best school for you and you simply took this one!” He beat her again but this time she defended
herself and he let go of her. Hard she fell on the carpet again and coughed as blood got into her throat.
“You’re such a dishonour. All I wanted was a nice boy and all I got was you! How could you even dare to betray
me in that way!”
“Leave her in peace!”
The tall man looked up in surprise as he heard the high voice from the balcony. He turned his head and stared in
disbelieve at the girl down in the wheelchair. He watched her how she rolled protectively between him and his
daughter.
“You’re still together with this witch?” asked the tall man and looked down at the smaller girl in disbelieve.
Soon his expression turned from surprise into disgust and finally into hate.
“I told you she’s just a spoiled brat. She will use you until she’s sick of you. Then she will leave you and where
will you go then?” declared Mr. Tenô icy. “Be a good boy, Haruka, and come home with me. You always loved
the race track and you was satisfied with your nice life you lived in my great house. You was good at school and
you won so many races. You just can’t let this end just like that.” He stepped forward and tried to grab Haruka’s
arm. The girl shook silently her head. Blood run over her chin and dropped on her school uniform’s shirt. She
squinted and her eyes quickly swelled. Her body trembled as she leaned forward and seized on the wheelchair’s
handlebars.
“I said leave her in peace!” Michiru’s blue eyes looked determined up to him. Her love for the taller girl was
stronger than any fear before the man that was her girlfriend’s father.
“Haruka is a girl. She’s my girlfriend. And she won’t go anywhere. Especially not with you!” declared the young
violinist and her voice made sure that she would do anything to protect the taller girl. Anything. Even if it was
not in her might now.
“No!” The man pushed the wheelchair aside before Michiru could react and grabbed the bloody shirt of his
daughter again. “No, you’re my beloved son! You’re the future World’s Champion. You will keep our family
tradition and our name alive!” he declared while he pulled Haruka towards the still open door. “You don’t
belong to this crazy school. To this cripple. She only misuses you. Don’t ya see, my boy, that she’s a witch? She
will bring you so much bad luck as your mother did to me. She will leave you before you can say goodbye.
Before you can really love her. No, her feelings aren’t love. Her feeling are just lust. She’ll be a terrible mother
and when you’ll have a child one day she will disappear into nothing and leave you with that crying bundle
behind. Trust me, all women are the same!” The man looked with wild eyes at Michiru but the young violinist
wasn’t sure if he still saw her. Or if he confused her with another woman. Maybe with his own wife...
“Maybe she’s good in bed. That’s what they all are first. But she will never see your soul and you’ll never be
able to reach her heart.” His sad eyes got angry again. “And now, let’s go, Haruka!”
“No!” Haruka choked because of the blood that run in her throat. She tried to pull herself free but he was still
taller and still stronger than her. “Michi-chan’s the person I belong to. I love her and she loves me. I won’t return
in the hell I escaped when I left you!”
She winced back as he slapped her hard again into the face. Her nose bleed even more and tears burned in her
dark green eyes as the pain increased.
“You’re a stupid, love-drunken jerk. But it will soon be over when you recognize that she’s just a bloody bitch as
all the other women, too. She’s a whore. When you’re gone she’ll take the next guy in her bed and forget about
you very fast. The same way you will did, my son. I know it. I...”
“You know nothing!” Haruka finally pulled herself free and shook her aching head. She reeled and almost
crashed against the wall. Her bloody face was almost as white as the wallpaper behind her. Michiru wanted to
roll over but suddenly she didn’t have the power anymore. Her whole body seemed to be paralysed, not only her
weak legs. With big blue eyes she watched her girlfriend and the man who almost killed her – without using a
weapon...
“Michi-chan’s my savior! Without her I would be dead! I didn’t want to live anymore under your dictatorship. I
was so fed up with you beating me for every tiny fault. I was so sick of seeing you drunk almost every evening.
And I was so tired of you calling me your good boy. Hell, father, I am a girl. I was it when I was born and I will
still be a girl when I’ll die one day. Really, I wanted to finish with all this bloody hell you created for me. My
life was dark and hopeless. And then I met Michi-chan. She’s my light in my darkness. She’s the one who’s
keeping me going on. She’s the only reason for me being alive! Not you or your bloody races. She’s the one I am
living for.” Haruka didn’t even mention that tears were running down her pale cheeks. She swallowed hard and
her own blood tasted salty.
Her father blinked, then he grabbed her collar with a sudden and threw her out of the apartment.
“She bewitched you. I knew it. But everything will be right, when she’s gone. When she leaves you the same
way your mother did to me!”
Haruka whimpered as she landed hard on the floor. She raised her head and her look blurred. But she
concentrated and forced herself not to become unconscious. The young racer mentioned a motion near the
elevators. Slowly she turned her head and saw a small girl standing near the door. She wore a long black dress
and her dark eyes looked sadly at her.
Haruka-papa!
Haruka frowned as she heard the happy child’s voice in her head. A so well known voice she seemed to know all
her life although she had never heard it before.
The small girl seemed to hold a huge staff in her hands. It was taller than her body and metal sparkled in the
bright sunlight. Haruka blinked again and saw the big scythe in the small girl’s hands. Then the vision was gone.
The girl spun around and disappeared into the elevator again.
Michiru-mama!
Haruka heard the scream evolving inside the apartment. It took her all her powers to get on her feet again. The
whole world spun around her but she didn’t give in her dizzy feelings.
“My boy will be mine again when you disappear out of his mind!” declared her father and raised his right hand.
Haruka gasped as she saw the knife in his hard fingers that hurt her more than once. The blade shimmered silver
in the sunlight. Michiru tried to escape but she laid helpless on the white carpet. The wheelchair laid next to her.
Turned upside down. Blood covered her cheeks as well and suddenly Haruka knew that her father had slapped
her, too.
No, not her. She went through so much pain, he mustn’t hurt her the same way he did to me! He mustn’t... He
mustn’t... Michi-chan!
“No!” Haruka didn’t think of anything but her girlfriend as she jumped protectively between her father and the
young violinist. She covered Michiru with her own body and closed her eyes as the knife made it’s way
downwards.
“You aren’t my good boy! Where the hell is my good boy? You’re just another weak girl. Another unfaithful
woman. You aren’t my good boy! You’re just a bloody lesbian being in a crazy relationship to a bloody cripple.
You aren’t my good boy anymore! Where the hell did you put my good boy? Where the hell do you hide my
good Haruka?” screamed the tall man and the knife drove into Haruka’s right arm. She bit on her lips and
embraced her girlfriend tighter. He had to kill her first before he could do her Michi-chan any hurt.
“Never you will hurt her again!” cried Michiru suddenly and raised her head. A strange, blue sign shone on her
forehead and wind that wasn’t there before played with her long sea green hairs. The knife came nearer again but
this time it was stopped at the blue light that surrounded them suddenly.
“What...?” whispered the man confused and looked surprised at his knife. The blade was bloody and it escaped
his trembling hands. He watched how his daughter, no, his son, stood up. But suddenly the person before him
wasn’t his good boy any longer. Instead he saw a girl. She wore a short school uniform which accentuate her
female outlines. Her dark green eyes shone angry at her.
“You’ll never ever hurt Michi-chan again. As long as I live you’ll never get another chance to hurt her, I swear!”
he could hear her screaming. He stepped back and shook his head in disbelieve. “EARTH SHAKING!” He
didn’t know what happened. But suddenly he was lifted up and pushed against the next wall. Breathe escaped his
lung and black shadows danced over his eyes as he fell down on the white carpet. But he didn’t feel it’s softness.
His head ached too much and he wasn’t able any longer to move his legs or even his arms. Dreamy he stared at
the ceiling and waited... For what? He didn’t know. He didn’t know anything than that his Haruka had always
been a good boy. And that his child would always be his good child. The future World Champion. The honour of
the Tenô’s family. He would continue with the family’s tradition. The honourable name Tenô would never die
out.
The man smiled while his look got darker and darker.
“My good boy...” he whispered and took a deep breathe. Then he laid calm on the ground. In a silence that
would never hurt his daughter again. Never he would rage loudly at her again, never he would hurt her any more,
leave her in silent pain. Now his daughter wasn’t afraid of him any loner. Of his silly war he played over all
those terrible years. Haruka had seen worse. She went through hell, through the coldest winter. He couldn’t do
her any harm any more.
No, never again. Now I am free of him. At last. Now I can be myself again...
Haruka sighed and collapsed slowly. Michiru was there when she went on her knees. Two soft arms embraced
her tenderly and pulled her towards a warm body. It was so comforting there. So save. So secure.
He will never hurt me again. Now I am there where I belong.
Haruka sobbed quietly while Michiru simply hold her tight and rocked her gently.
Now I am loved. At last...
They both didn’t mention the police men who rushed stormy into their apartment. A man with almost white hairs
and a small girl who wore her school uniform followed.
“Is this the man who attacked one of my most talented pupils, Hotaru-chan?” asked Dr. Tomoe and looked
terrified around. He had always thought that his school was secure. That no one could do such a massacre in his
Mugen Gakkuen.
“Hai.” Whispered the girl and slowly left her father’s side.
“Oh, he smells like a whole beer barrel!” said one of the police man and laid the tall man in handcuffs.
“He will have a big headache when he awakes.” Declared another police man.
“And he’ll have the worst headache of his life when he recognises that he almost killed innocent teenagers.
Guess the judge won’t be very happy about him.”
Dr. Tomoe talked to the police men while they checked the apartment and called an ambulance after a look of
the injured boy. His brown and green school uniform was bloody. None of them saw how Hotaru slowly went
over to the two girls. No one saw how she kneeled before them in the blood that dirt the white carpet. And no
one saw how she tried to embrace them both with her small arms to comfort them with all the love a small girl of
her age was able to feel.

***

It rained outside. It was a cool, ugly late summer's day. The first leaves changed their colours and flew from the
huge trees around the old building.
Haruka listened to the steady sound of raindrops falling against the window pane. She didn't see the other people
passing by, talking exited. She didn't see the flashes that lightened the dark corridor a little bit. She didn't even
mention that the reporters took photos of her. Two reporters came over to her but she only looked confused in
their faces as they asked her some questions.
"What do you think of your father's  conviction?"
"What do you think about his behaviour?"
Haruka corrected her sunglasses and turned away from them. Slowly she walked over to the window and
watched the rain falling down.
Slightly she remembered the negotiation. She sat there in the first row and followed the judge's words as if she
wasn't there. As if she was another person. Watching the play from outside. Haruka couldn't recall what she said
to the judge as she had to talk as a witness. All she could remember was that she didn't want to took off her
sunglasses. She swore on the holy bible and had to say some other odd stuff but she didn't want to show them her
scars. That was too personally.
"What do you think about your father's outbreak after the judgement?" The reporter had followed her but still she
didn't answer. With an empty expression on her face she stared out of the window and winced as she suddenly
heard the loud voice in her head again:
"She's lying! I never hurt my good Haruka! Whom do you believe? A honourable business man like me or a
bloody lesbian like her?"
Still she heard his loud rage that filled the whole air of the court. He yelled at her, at her girlfriend and finally at
the police men and the judge. 
"What do you think...?"
"Can't you see that she doesn't want to talk to you?" declared a clear voice and Haruka returned from her
nightmare back into reality. She lowered her head and looked into a determined face of the smaller girl. Michiru
rolled protectively between her and the reporters.
"You must be the other girl who was also attacked by Mr. Tenô. What do you think about this whole story?" the
reporter came nearer and Michiru clenched her fists. She looked as if she would beat him if he'd continue to ask
another stupid question.
"I said..."
"Are you two a real couple?" The next reporter came nearer and flashes crossed the air again. Michiru squinted
and blushed in anger. She reached her right hand towards the camera but she couldn't touch it. Couldn't take it
away. Couldn't break it.
"Leave us in peace." Said Haruka with a quiet voice and was amazed that she was still able to speak. Her head
ached more and more with every second and although she left the hospital two days ago her arm still hurt a lot.
Suddenly she felt very tired and very sad. All she wanted now was to go back to Mugen Gakkuen, lay down on
her bed and sleep. Being embraced by her girlfriend. Being comforted until she was able to forget her personal
nightmares. Until she was able to live with the memories of the past days. Of the last two years. Of his rude
hands beating her more than once...
The reporter seemed to say anything more as they brought the tall man out. He still yelled at the judge and the
police men had a hard job to keep him under their control. Flashes crossed again through the air and Mr. Tenô
was now surrounded by the media. He said something to them and stayed longer near the door than necessary.
His dark eyes looked for a long while in empty green ones.
"My good boy..." he whispered before the police men pushed them with him. Haruka winced and watched the
man who used to be her father until he left the building to go in another one. For a very long time.
You never loved me.
Haruka swallowed hard. Then she felt the warm hand that hold her icy one tight. It was soft touch and as the
taller girl looked at her girlfriend she had to take a deep breathe. It was very hard for her not to destroy the walls
she establish protectively around herself. Around her heart. Around her soul. Around her thoughts. It was very
hard not to break down sobbing to be embraced by those warm, those comforting arms. To hear those
understanding words and to know that there was still someone who wanted her.
Michi-chan loves me...
Haruka smiled a shaky smile. Michiru had been by her side the whole time. She hold her hands during the
negotiation and she was there when she needed her. Since the last September the young violinist had always
been there. For her. And even if she had her own problems, her own nightmare, her personal hell she went
through after she had to accept her parent's death and her body being paralysed she never left her alone.
Michiru looked loving up in desperate green eyes and squeezed the icy hand stronger.
"Let's go home, Ruka." She whispered and hold her lover's hand towards her cheek.
You're the light in my darkness...
Haruka only nodded.

***

The dinner smelled delicious. But she actually wasn't hungry. Nor did she have any appetite. Silently she stared
on her plate and knew that she should eat something. The steak looked very good and she loved chips. With a lot
of tomato ketchup. Haruka sighed slightly. Michiru was still in her room and changed her clothes. She wanted to
join her in about two minutes.
The young racer stood up and walked out of the balcony. There she sat down on one deckchair and watched
motionless at the endless ocean. The air still smelled of rain and the water was dark now. You could see no
ground and maybe it was groundless. Under the surface it was calm. No voices could be heard. No shouting, no
loud rages...
"Ruka?" Haruka winced but she didn't look up. Slowly Michiru entered the great balcony. Her girlfriend just
kept staring out to the wide horizon. Wind played with her short blonde hair and suddenly Haruka looked like a
long forgotten hero. From a long forgotten legend.
"It's not your fault." Whispered the young violinist and embraced her girlfriend tenderly. Haruka sighed, then she
looked up. There were no tears in her dark green eyes but her expression was still very sad. And Michiru felt
how the young racer fought against her own feelings. She wanted to be strong. Strong enough for both of them.
To show their destinies without any fears. And it scared her every time she had to admit that she wasn't that
strong at all.
Not alone...
"I know..." Haruka replied very quietly and leaned her forehead against Michiru's one. "I know, Michi-chan. But
still it hurts. The wound will heal and maybe the scars will disappear some day. But I am not sure, if..."
"But I am sure." Before Haruka could say anything more Michiru had pulled her girlfriend closer and gave her a
long and loving kiss. The young racer smiled a shaky smile against her lips and returned her kiss with the love
she felt for her. With all her passion. With all the strong feelings she wasn't able to explain with simple words.
"Happy birthday." Whispered Michiru and reached for the bag that hung over her wheelchair's handlebars. She
smiled at her girlfriend as she took the gift in her hands.
"You remember it?" asked Haruka surprised and swallowed hard Suddenly her cold hands trembled.
"Of course. You mentioned it over two years ago."
"Now three years..." answered Haruka and raised her hand to shake the gift. She frowned as she heard nothing?
"What is it?" she asked curiously and the sad expression slowly disappeared from her now redden face. It was
replaced by an attentive smile. Impatient she unwrapped it. Her smile faded and she made a disappointed face as
she saw the make up box. She turned it for some times around but it didn't change into something more suitable.
"Do you like it?" asked Michiru and looked at her with that look Haruka couldn't resist.
"Well..." answered the young carer unsure and asked herself how she should use it. She never wore make up and
she didn't know why she should begin with it now. "Well..."
Michiru giggled and took the make up box away. She giggled even more as she saw the obviously disappointed
expression on Haruka's face.
"Hey, at least it's my present! You can't steal it. Michi-chan!" Panic grew in Haruka's face as the young violinist
put the make up box into the bag again.
"You should see your face!" laughed Michiru and took another gift, a tiny box, out of the bag. "The make up box
is mine. I bought it because my old one is empty now. I just wanted to see your shocked look. And Ruka, believe
me, it was worth it." The young violinist laughed even more as she gave the small box into Haruka's still icy
hands. "Don't worry, I won't force you to use make up or to wear skirts. You know I love you the way you are.
That's your real gift, honey. Happy birthday."
Haruka looked for some seconds in silence at the wrapped box in her hands.
That’s the first real birthday present I got since I was five.
She frowned slightly as she remembered fuzzy at different clothes and socks.
Guess it’s the first real birthday present in my whole life. Surely it’s the first present given with so much love...
“What is it now? A lipstick?” asked Haruka while she unwrapped the paper impatiently.
“Of course. A pink one.” Laughed Michiru and was relieved that her girlfriend didn't look so depressed anymore.
The young violinist didn't like to see Haruka so sad. She wanted to see her happy. All of her life.
I only want to see you laughing, never crying again.
It was a wish she knew she couldn't full fill. But it was dream to begin with.
"What..." Haruka looked puzzled at the key jiggling in her hands. The trailer was a silver model of a motor bike.
It sparkled in the setting sun that finally broke through the thick rain clouds. Then the young racer watched her
girlfriend in disbelieve. Michiru only giggled and rolled over to the rim of the balcony.
"Come over here." She said and very slowly Haruka followed her. She frowned as she recognized the well
known motor bike standing next to the big car on the parking space.
"It can't be..." whispered Haruka as she recognized her old Suzuki.
"I bought it from Yamado. He said it's yours, even if your father once paid it." Michiru raised her hand and
touched her girlfriend's healthy arm. Suddenly the young violinist was very unsure as Haruka didn't reply
anything. She just stood there. Motionless. Staring down at the motor bike as if she had seen a ghost. "I know
you went through hell and I know that driving your motor bike was only a chance to escape reality. But you
loved to race through the arena. To race along the beach. Can you remember the first time we met? You almost
crashed into me with that Suzuki and even if you hate it now, I am sure you'll enjoy a ride on her in some years."
Michiru sighed slightly and lowered her head. Once it had been a good idea. But that had been before the attack
of Haruka's father. Now after the horrible day at court she wasn't sure any longer if Haruka wasn't even more
hurt by her gift than delighted.
"Gomen." Whispered Michiru and turned her wheelchair around. "If you don't like it then sell it. We can buy
another gift for you." As she wanted to roll over to the living-room she felt two arms who embraced her from
behind. Haruka leaned her head against Michiru's and held her tight.
"Arigato, Michi-chan." Replied the young racer and gave her a light kiss an the now pale cheeks. "But give me a
little more time."
"You've got as much time as you need." Michiru smiled again and raised her hands to ran them through the short
blonde hairs. "But in the meantime we should eat our dinner before it's frozen."
Haruka closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of having her Michiru near beside her.
"Good idea. But there's something I have to do before." Declared the young racer quietly and leaned lightly
forward.
"And that is?" Michiru raised one eyebrow but a curious smile laid on her again happy face.
"To kiss you." Laughed Haruka and took her girlfriend into their strong arms. Both eyes were closed as their lips
met and there was no word spoken in the next half hour.

***

"But only five minutes!"
She heard the familiar voice and frowned without opening her eyes. It was seldom that Kaori, her father's
assistant, looked after her before dawn. The door was closed and she sighed deeply. Her whole body hurt and her
head was going to explode. She was used to her attacks but this one had been one of the worst until the last half
year. Her father looked very concerned down at her but he couldn't help her. Not really. All those pain killers
couldn't help her for long. The pain increased and slowly it became resistant against the medicine. Those bitter
pills she had to eat regularly.
"Himme-chan?" She heard another voice. It was so different from Kaori's. So warm. So full of love.
"Michiru?" whispered the little girl and opened her eyes. The room was dark. Of course it was dark. The curtains
hung before the windows and dispelled all day's light. Hotaru couldn't held back a sob as she saw the older girl
sitting next to her bed.
Is this only a nice dream that will be gone when I'll awake?
The little girl reached her hands towards the young violinist and automatically winced as she felt the soft fingers
that touched her cold skin.
As if my body was already dead...
"Why are you here?" asked Hotaru and coughed. Her whole body trembled with a sudden and she felt as if she
burned under her icy skin.
"We heard of your attack and wanted to cheer you up." Answered another voice and Hotaru felt how someone
sat down on the other side of the bed. She turned her head and looked with her big dark eyes at the grinning
tomboy.
"That's for you." Haruka laid down a small present and helped the little girl to sat upright in the bed. Hotaru
leaned exhausted against her pillow but a thin smile laid on her face that was almost as white as the wall behind
her.
"A card play?" whispered Hotaru and her matt eyes shimmered a bit as her fingers touched the new cards. "How
could you know that I always wanted to have such a play? Kaori said that I am too old for it." Declared the little
girl and observed the joker.
"Your father gave us that tip." Haruka couldn't resist and stroke over the shoulder long dark hairs. They were
sweaty but they still felt like velvet.
Something is strange about this girl I can't define.
The young racer swallowed hard as she saw the plasters covering the tiny arms. Certainly there were wound of
injections under them. The little girl was too slim and looked very ill. But her eyes shone as she laid down one
card by the next one on the blanket.
I don't know what I should think about her. But I know for sure that I love her.
Haruka frowned but her hand kept stroking.
But it's a different love than the one I feel for my Michi-chan.
"Arigato..." whispered Hotaru and smiled at them both. Her smile faded surprised as she saw the huge yellow
dragon that sat on Michiru's lap.
"Oh, I've almost forgotten. That's a magic dragon. He'll care for you when you're feeling ill." Declared Michiru
and laid the dragon in Hotaru suddenly trembling hands.
"I knew it." Whispered the girl and big tears run down her cheeks. "You were saying goodbye. Why else should
you have visited me? People only talk to me to say goodbye or to say that there is no other way..." declared
Hotaru and looked a lot older than her eight years as she lowered her head. She couldn't hold back her sobs and
some cards fell on the carpet as she brought her legs up to her chest. It was a protective gesture and it broke
Haruka and Michiru almost their hearts. Silently the two older girls exchanged glances. Then Michiru reached
over to the girl and pulled her on her lap. Hotaru didn't defend. She just sat there and cried desperately.
"Himme-chan..." whispered the young violinist and kissed gently Hotaru's sweaty forehead. "We won't leave
you. We are your friends - as long as we live. We just heard of your attack and wanted to cheer you up."
"The dragon was my idea. I have a teddy bear myself and it's my best friend - besides my Michi-chan, of
course." Declared Haruka and stepped over to the wheelchair. "But if you don't want it..."
"I like it." Sobbed the little girl and looked up with such a desperate look that hurt Haruka deeply. "But I don't
wanna any substitutes any more."
"Don't worry, you can keep it." Haruka went automatically on her knees besides the wheelchair and looked
loving into two serious black eyes. "And we're your friends. We don't leave you." She didn't know why she
promised such a strange promise. She hardly knew the little girl but it felt as if she belonged to her. To her and to
Michiru.
"And know stop crying, dear." Whispered the young violinist and squeezed the little girl on her leap tenderly.
"There are many reasons for crying. But there's no reason at the moment."
Hotaru looked up at her and nodded bravely. Then she wrapped her arms around Michiru's neck and leaned her
head against the warm shoulder. Here she felt save and secure. The little girl smiled and the tears dried on her
cheeks as she felt those strong hands again that stroke carefully through her dark hairs.
"I love you." Whispered the little girl honestly and wished this moment to stay forever. Never to end. To become
reality for the rest of her life.
Haruka-papa.
Michiru-mama.
The two older girls smiled loving at Hotaru.
"We love you, too." It was not more than a whisper but it was all the little girl had ever dreamed of.
Himme-chan.
They stayed until dawn and when they left Hotaru knew that they would return.

***

Chapter seven: These wars

It was a lovely Sunday. The sun shone from a cloudless sky and it was a very hot day of a wonderful summer.
Michiru rolled over to the ice cream shop and smiled as she read the offer. She wore a white summer dress and a
summer hat covered her head.
"What do you want, love?" asked Haruka and came nearer. She wore her short blue jeans and a wide, sleeveless
shirt. The first three bottoms were open and Michiru liked it to look at her girlfriend. Today she looked really
sexy. She wore her sunglasses again, but today she didn't misuse them to hide her bruises. The scars disappeared
during the last weeks and now nothing remembered anymore of the rude attack of her own father. Nothing but
her nightmares and time by time her depressed mood. But Michiru was there every time she felt sad and she
hindered her to try her dangerous starving again.
She convinced me that she loves me the way I am.
"I can't decide. It all sounds so delicious." Answered the smaller girl and sighed unsure.
"I wanna a chocolate ice cream." Demanded a high voice and Haruka felt how someone grabbed her right hand.
She looked down at the redden cheeks of the little girl. Dark eyes looked pleading up into smiling green ones.
"Please, Haruka!!!" Hotaru blinked and looked at her with that look Haruka couldn't resist. The little girl wore a
long black dress and Haruka wondered for the maybe tenth time if she didn't sweat a lot.
"You'll get one, princess." Laughed Haruka and saw that her girlfriend finally decided for an ice cream herself. It
was lemon.
"Two." Hotaru ducked because she had been too cheeky but Haruka only laughed more. Then she nodded and
ordered the ice creams. With a happy grin on her face Hotaru took the waffle and ran along the sandy way by the
sea. On the one side there was the huge park of Tokyo and on the other side there was the wide ocean. Haruka
loved that peaceful way and it wasn't too stony for Michiru's wheelchair. First they wanted to go on holidays but
after the visit with the ill girl they decided to stay at Mugen Gakkuen  during their school holidays. So they went
out with Hotaru as many times as the girl was strong enough to leave her bed. Dr. Tomoe thanked them often
that they cared about his daughter because he simply didn't have to time to. Only Kaori looked angry at them
each time they took the little girl and left the door.
"She's so different now." Whispered Haruka and watched Hotaru running over the sand and waving at the
seabirds above.
"Hai, maybe she's ill, but she's still a little girl who wants to be free." Answered Michiru and smiled as the little
girl turned around and waved at them. Then her face got paler as she saw how Hotaru gasped for breathe. The ice
cream fell upon the sandy ground and the little girl went into her knees. Her dark hairs covered her face as she
winced again. Silently she whimpered while she tried to catch enough breathe to carry on.
"Princess..." The next minute Haruka was by her side and took her carefully into her strong arms. Hotaru looked
up and her face was very white. She looked as if she would faint and tears burned in her dark eyes.
"It's over in a minute..." groaned Hotaru and mad such a sad face that almost broke Haruka's heart. She felt how
the little body in her arms trembled and could feel that it was too hot for Hotaru in her dark dress. Determined
she opened the bottoms and tried to help the little girl out of her clothes.
"No..." whimpered Hotaru and tried to shake her head. The roundabout she seemed to sit in increased it's speed
and suddenly the little girl coughed. Haruka held her as she threw up her breakfast. The young racer didn't wince
away. She simply supported her as she leaned back against her chest.
"You need to get out of your armor, princess. It's too hot and you can hardly breathe." Declared Haruka and
looked up at Michiru who rolled next to her. The young violinist was very pale herself and looked very
concerned down at the small girl.
"No..." declared Hotaru in a weak voice, but she couldn't defend herself as Haruka stripped her dress and freed
her from her prison that took her breathe away. "Don't look at my body. It's so ugly..." whispered the little girl
and turned her head away. Tears burned in her dark eyes but she couldn't let them fall. She was simply to weak
for.
Haruka looked shocked at the scars that covered the little body. A small, pale body. A fragile body... Shortly the
young racer and Michiru exchanged glances. Then Haruka stood up with the girl in her arms and went over to
the sparkling water. She knew about the accident Dr. Tomoe's daughter survived some years ago. But she didn't
know that Hotaru escaped death so tight.
I didn't suspect that she already knows how rude this world is.
Slowly Haruka entered the water and forced herself to go deeper into it, because it was still cool and she wasn't
the person who swam with every temperature. She wasn't a fish like her girlfriend.
I didn't know that Hotaru went through the same bloody hell we experienced, too.
"You aren't ugly, princess. You're beautiful." Whispered Haruka and wondered how shaky her voice suddenly
was.
Hotaru gasped but a tiny smile appeared on her pale face as she felt the nice cool water of her hot skin. Suddenly
she could breathe again and the dizziness disappeared partly from her mind.
"Better now?" asked Haruka and looked concerned down at the little girl in her strong arms.
"Hai..." answered Hotaru and touched carefully the ocean's surface. Then her dark eyes grew wide. "But now
you're wet all over and..."
"I wanted to take a bath this evening and so I did it now. Nothing to worry about, princess." Haruka laid her head
in the neck and looked up to the endless sky above. "Do you see the sea bird there?" asked the car racer and dark
eyes followed her look. Hotaru nodded and suddenly wrapped her arms around Haruka's neck.
"It was also weak when it was young. But it got stronger with every day it grew up. One day you'll be as free as
that bird out there, Himme-chan." said the young racer and stroke over the velvet hairs. The little girl watched
silently the animal flying careless in the sea wind.
For a long while they stood in the waves and watched the animal. They simply enjoyed the presence of each
other and Hotaru felt so safe and secure she never felt with her father. Not after the terrible accident.
"Last night I had a strange dream." Declared Hotaru finally very quietly and Haruka almost missed her words. "I
wasn't ill anymore and you called me your daughter." The little girl sighed and it sounded older than her eight
years. "I wish you were my parents."
The young racer swallowed. She didn't know what to say.
What shall I reply? That I'd like to call you my daughter? That you're the only child I'd be able to love without
fearing to become as rude and as ignorant as my father?
Haruka sighed slightly and shook her head without mention it.
She's too small. She wouldn't understand it.
So the older girl only squeezed her little friend in her arms tighter and together they watched the sea bird
screaming near heaven. Michiru sat in her wheelchair next to the water and glanced over to them. A thin smile
laid on her face as she watched the two persons she loved more than anyone else on this world.

***

"You'd be a fantastic mother." Said Michiru and drank from her ice cool cola. They sat on a huge blanket in the
park. It was already in the evening and they decided to make a picnic.
"Nani?" Haruka looked surprised up. Michiru only pointed at the little girl laying on the blanket. She had laid her
head into the young racer's lap and slept deep and tight. Thoughtless Haruka stroke through the black hairs. Now
Hotaru wore Haruka's white shirt instead of her dark dress. So Michiru could admire the black narrow top her
girlfriend wore under it. Haruka looked really sexy and the young violinist smiled when she thought what she
would do with the young racer as soon as they got home.
"I don't think that I'd be a fantastic mother. My whole life I hated children and I really can't imagine myself
being pregnant. I never wanted to become like my father." Haruka sighed deeply but she cheered up and leaned
herself against the trunk of a huge tree that gave them pleasant shadows.
"You'll never be like him, Ruka. And when I see you with Himme-chan, I can imagine you very good as a loving
and caring parent." Michiru smiled tenderly at her girlfriend. Then she leaned forward and their noses met.
"It's a complete another thing with our princess. She isn't like the other children. She's not impatient, she doesn't
scream at us and she's simply a nice little girl. She's something special." Haruka shrugged her shoulders and
Michiru giggled happily.
"You should hear yourself! You sound like a proud mother talking about her daughter!" Before Haruka could
reply anything Michiru had kissed her tenderly. The young racer smiled as she wrapped her right arm around
Michiru's waist and pulled her closer. Then she closed her eyes and kissed her with all her love back. The kiss
lasted for a very long time and as always they forgot everything around them.
"Do you wanna go back?" asked Michiru after the soft kiss ended slowly. She leaned her head against her
girlfriend's shoulder and watched the beginning dawn.
Haruka first looked down at the sleeping Hotaru and then at the smiling Michiru and shook her head.
I don't wanna ever let you go. Here's were I belong.
The young racer frowned but her next thought was so naturally that it didn't really surprise her.
Here's my family.
"Nope, just a few more minutes." Whispered Haruka and stroke over the soft skin over her lover's right arm.
Michiru shivered slightly and giggled.
"Okay." She answered and her smile grew wider. She took her girlfriend's hand and held it tight. Both of them
watched the sun set without saying a word. It wasn't necessary. They understood each other with big words.
Sometimes it was enough jut to sit next to the other one and enjoy her presence.
To feel that I am not alone.
So it was this time.

***

She sat there. Her eyes were closed while she listened to her music. The violin was a familiar weight on her
shoulders. Her fingers moved over the strings and a soft melody filled the air. It evolved in her head some
months ago and the more she played it the more it changed it's style. The more she loved it. It was kind of a love
song and what once begun with a sad and desperate melody ended slowly in a sweet and tender one.
Michiru didn't open her eyes, as she heard the familiar piano in the background. The player seemed to
understand her music and the feelings in it. The second instrument followed her violin as if it has always been
that way. Softly it accompanied the high melody and complemented it perfectly. These two parts fitted together
perfectly.
The audience stood up as the song ended. It was the last song on her first concert she gave after the accident.
Michiru opened her eyes and smiles into the bright arena's light. Flash lights danced through the air and she was
sure that her picture would be on every newspaper the next day. At last, after a long year the daughter of the
famous piano player Kaioh Gendo returned into the art's world.  And it was a great come back. The halls were
sold out and the people obviously seemed to love her music.
And no one every felt affected that I sit in a wheelchair.
Michiru turned slightly her head and looked over to her girlfriend. Haruka wore a white tuxedo and she looked
really beautiful, Of course the young racer wanted her to accompany in her violin play. Haruka had always been
very good with the piano and the audience seemed to like her play as well. But Michiru was, of course, the star
of the evening.
>Arigato.< Michiru formed the words silently with her mouth. It had been Haruka's idea to give some concerts
again. And now the young violinist knew that it had been the right decision.
>I love you.< A tender smile appeared on the tomboy's face and Michiru couldn't help but she returned the smile
with all her strong feelings towards her girlfriend.
>I love you, too.<
Then she rolled nearer at the rim of the stage, took the micro and thanked the audience for coming. Haruka
watched her and enjoyed the smile on her lover's now redden face.
Maybe there's no cure for her paralysed legs. Maybe she will never be able to walk again.
Haruka sighed slightly but she knew that there was no reason for sadness anymore. The deep blue eyes of her
girlfriend sparkled exited.
Maybe she will be dependent of this wheelchair the rest of her life. But she won't moan to death anymore. Now
she's happy again. Maybe that's what all the doctor's always wanted although they couldn't repair her backbone.
Maybe they simply wanted to heal her soul.
Slowly Haruka rose from her chair and came over to the young violinist as she winked after her.
With a strong soul everything is possible. Even with a weak body.

***

The audience yelled as the winners splashed themselves with champagne on the huge race track's stage. The
Grand Prix of Japan just started and this year all of the journalists were sure that only one person could win it:
Tenô Haruka. The son of the jailed business man Daisaku Tenô finally returned to the race track with his fast
Suzuki. With the red motor bike his opponents knew and feared too well.
It was a great comeback. He was very fast and of course he won the first race of this year's Grand Prix. And no
one doubt that he wouldn't lose any race at all.
"You was great." Michiru smiled up to her girlfriend as a wet Haruka came laughing from the stage. She wore a
heavy trophy in her hand and she looked really cute with the wet race suit and the messed blonde hairs.
Haruka simply laid the trophy down then she took her girlfriend into her strong arms and swirled around with her
without saying a word.
"Hey!" laughed Michiru surprised and looked down at happily shinning green eyes.
"I love you." Whispered the young racer and smiled softly up to her. A smile only she knew. Especially here on
the race track.
"I love you, too." Replied Michiru and they shared a long and loving kiss. Not mention that the flash lights flew
through the air again and that there would be other pictures on tomorrow's newspaper than simply a smiling
winner up on the stage.
>She simply needs love.< heard the young violinist Yamado's voice inside her head. Michiru smiled while the
kiss became more and more passionate.
She already has my heart. And I'll love her with all consequences.
The young violinist giggled as Haruka slowly finished the kiss and looked up with her with that dreamy look in
her eyes that always remembered Michiru of a small child. And at the same time of a very cheeky young woman.
She know about my love. About our love.
"Do you wanna take a shower with me? 'Cause now you're almost as wet as me." Whispered Haruka and Michiru
laughed because there was no regret in her girlfriend eyes. All she found were complete different feelings.
With that love we can reach every goal.

***

The city around her fell apart. Darkness covered the sky and made day to night. People ran by. Screaming.
Crying. Blooding. Some of them fell on the ground and she was suddenly certain that they would never stand up
again.
“What...” she whispered and heard the thunder roll above her. She ducked as flashes crossed the sky and in their
lights she could see the whole destruction. The skyscraper did not longer touch the horizon. Now they looked
like broken teeth. The streets were full of people in panic. But they couldn’t escape their destiny and many of the
died before they could reach their cars. And some who did, died by an accident. Because no one drove normal at
this time. At these wars.
“What...” whispered Michiru again and walked slowly through the chaos. Her whole body hurt but she didn’t
even mention that she could walk again. The wheelchair was no were and the costume she was wearing was so
strange and at the same time so familiar. It looked a little bit like her school uniform, but the colours were
darker. Maybe a dark blue or a dark green. She couldn’t define in the twilight. The skirt was very short and
normally she had been ashamed about it. It showed all her legs and almost her button.
Guess Ruka would love to see me that way.
Michiru grinned but her smile froze as she saw the figure suddenly appearing next to her. She kneeled on the
ground and hold a shadow in her strong arms. Her shoulders trembled and it seemed as if the person was crying.
In silence. Oppressed. But obviously in great pain.
Michiru frowned as she stepped nearer. She knew the figure too well and she would have recognized that voice
everywhere.
“Ruka?” she asked and shivered as her lover raised her head. Tears ran openly over her pale cheeks. Her dark
green eyes looked up to her with so much despair in them Michiru hadn’t seen during the last year at Mugen
Gakkuen. She hadn’t even seen when Mr. Tenô took his daughter home two years ago.
I’ve only seen her so desperate once.
Michiru swallowed as she stepped closer to look over the shadow in her girlfriend’s arms.
When Ruka thought I’d die and leave her forever...
The young violinist gasped as she saw the little girl laying there on the ground. Motionless. Lifeless. Her small
face was whiter than the wall. Blood covered her dark dress and her dark eyes looked up to the sky with no more
expression in them. Michiru felt like hot tears burned in her eyes. Hotaru couldn’t see her anymore. Now she
looked at another world. At a peaceful place beyond this life...
“What happened?” asked the young violinist with a shaky voice and noticed that Haruka wore a similar costume
as Haruka simply shook her head. More tears ran down her cheeks while she squeezed the body in her arms
tenderly. As if she would be able with that desperate gesture to keep the life that was long gone.
“I’ve never wanted...” cried the blonde and ignored the loud crash as another skyscraper exploded in the dark
night. Then there was only the sobbing of the two girls left. All other sounds seemed to die away.
“They said that it’s our mission to rescue this world. To find the talismans and to prevent... to prevent... to...” she
swallowed hard and stared down on her hands that still hold the little girl’s arms tight. “I wanted to rescue, not to
kill...”
“What happened to Himme-chan?” asked Michiru and sobbed shocked. She couldn’t trust her lover’s words.
“She was the messiah! The world could only win this battle when she’s dead. When the messiah of silence
would have never been born at all...”
Michiru shook her head and swallowed hard while she watched again the city around falling apart. No, not only
the city, the whole world was falling apart.
“We’ve won the battle but lost the war.” Whispered the young violinist and went slowly on her knees beside her
girlfriend.
“So I killed her...” whispered Haruka and her voice broke finally. Her sobbing increased and she buried her her
face in the bloody velvet hairs she loved to stroke so much. “This price wasn’t worth it...”
Michiru leaned forward and embraced her lover and the dead girl from behind and grabbed them is if they were
her only lifeline.
This all can’t be true!
At that moment there was a loud sound like the exploding of a bomb.
Then there was only silence...
“NOOO!!!” Michiru raised from her bed and looked wild into her bedroom’s darkness. She laid back and took a
deep breathe. Tears were burning in her eyes but she didn’t want to let them fall. She didn’t want to be weak. To
remember that strange dream.
The dream I have so often in the last weeks.
The young violinist reached over to the bed’s other side and found the second pillow empty. At that moment she
heard the shower and the loud music that filled the whole apartment. It was the sad song she heard for so many
times during her darkest hours after her accident. When she thought she was weak and a burden. After Haruka
convinced her from the opposite she took the CD away and swore never listen to it again. It was a very sad love
song and it ended in a tragedy.
“Ruka?” whispered Michiru and rolled over to her bed’s rim. It took her all her powers to get into the
wheelchair. She didn’t care that she only wore her thin night skirt. The cloth pasted to her still trembling body
and her hairs felt sweaty. She took another deep breathe and rolled over to the bathroom. This time she used the
automatic. She was simply too exited and her hands trembled to much to use the normal way.
“Ruka?” The music received her as she slowly entered the bathroom. The shower was on and steam filled the air.
Michiru turned the sad melody quieter and rolled over to the open cabin. Her girlfriend crouched on the ground
of the shower and stared into nothing. She had wrapped her arms around her knees and she looked very alone.
Water ran down her body and she still wore her wide shirt. It was now wet and pasted to her body. Haruka put a
little bit on weight during the last weeks but now Michiru only saw the trembling that went through the body she
loved so much.
“Ruka?” asked the young violinist and cursed her wheelchair. She wanted to go out of it, to enter the cabin and
to embrace her lover. To hold her tight and to show her that she wasn’t alone with her fears. With the strange
nightmares.
Haruka slowly raised her head and seemed to awake from her trance as she saw her girlfriend sitting next to the
shower. Looking down at her in concern.
Michi-chan’s looks as shocked as me...
“You had that nightmare, too?” asked the young violinist and Haruka only nodded. The water was very hot and it
almost burned her skin. But she didn’t want to leave it. To go to that terrible world outside again.
“Come out, Ruka.” Whispered Michiru and reached for her.
It’s a cruel world out there.
Haruka blinked and turned off the shower. She reeled as she came on her still trembling legs.
But there’s my Michi-chan out there. With her I am able to face everything.
The taller girl left the shower. But she didn’t reach for a towel. Instead she kneeled down before the wheelchair
and laid her head on her lover’s lap. She wrapped her arms around Michiru’s waist and closed her eyes as the
smaller girl started to stroke comforting through her short wet hair.
“I don’t know what it all means.” Whispered Michiru and sighed. Haruka only squeezed her harder and didn’t
even mention that she wetted her lover, too. The young violinist hold her tight. She didn’t move. She simply
stroke her girlfriend’s hairs and tried to forget her own nightmares as well. Finally, after maybe an hour, they
just sat there in that position, Haruka spoke. Her voice was shaky and it were only a few words. They sounded
like a whispered that only Michiru could hear.
“I’ll never want to hurt you. Nor her.”

***

The morning light woke her up. It was maybe one hour after dawn and the cloudless sky promised a wonderful
late summer day.
Michiru yawned and smiled as she felt the warm body beside her. They both laid on the living-room’s couch and
only a thin blanket covered their naked bodies. After a while they both started to freeze in the bathroom. Both of
them took a towel and silently they went over to the living-room. They sat down on the couch and watched some
music videos without saying a word. They simply held each other tight. In a loving and comforting embrace.
They didn’t talk. They didn’t need to. They could feel the other’s fear. They understood it.
Sometime during the night Haruka fell asleep at last. Michiru switched off the tv-set, embraced her lover tighter
and followed her into a dreamless, peaceful sleep.
Was it just a nightmare?
Michiru looked down in her girlfriend’s now relaxed face. Her hairs were now dry again but helpless messed.
The young violinist giggled quietly. She loved those intime moments. Only she was able to see the tomboy in
such a scene.
She’s really cute!
Michiru didn’t want to wake her girlfriend up, but she simply couldn’t resist. She leaned forward and kissed her
lover slightly on her lips. Haruka smiled against her lips, tightened her embrace and pulled her nearer. Then she
returned the kiss with all her love.
“And I thought you’re a late riser.” Teased Michiru and looked into sleepy green eyes.
“I’d stand up every day at five in the morning when you’re the princess who’s kissing me awake.” Replied the
young racer and Michiru was relieved as she saw the smile on her still pale lover’s face. The young violinist
grinned and her hand slipped under the blanket and touched Haruka’s soft skin. The taller girl groaned. Then she
closed her eyes and kissed her Michi-chan with all her strong feelings.
"I see, you've already discovered your love." Declared suddenly a high voice next to them. The two girls
interrupted their kiss immediately and looked up in surprise.
A figure stood in the bright sunlight. She wore a white dress and long white hairs covered her back and almost
touched the ground. She held a strange staff in her hands and with the long sleeves of her dress she almost
looked like an angel.
“Who the hell are you?” asked Haruka with an suddenly angry expression on her face. Quickly she left the bed
and covered her nakedness with one of the towels which still laid on the carpet. Michiru grabbed the blanket
tighter and looked at the young woman in surprise. Maybe she was twenty five. The young violinist couldn’t
define. But something was in those blue eyes that made her look a lot older. Her look was so wise, she could
have been older than twenty five years.
She’s many centuries old...
Michiru blinked but she didn’t know where that strange thought came from.
“What are you doing in our apartment?” Haruka was now really angry. She took the remote control as a kind of
weapon and stepped nearer to the figure. The appearance only smiled loving at her.
Like my mother...
Haruka frowned but she concentrated on her attack. She jumped and landed hard on the ground as the young
woman simply stepped aside.
“As wild as ever.” Giggled the figure and shook her head. “But that’s why you’re part of the big mission I’ll
have to give you, Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune.”
Haruka came to her feet again and shook her head. Protectively she stepped between the shinning woman and
her girlfriend.
“Whatever you’re telling us, it’s nonsense. And now, leave our apartment. NOW!!!” she declared cold and
pointed at the door. She still hold the remote control in her suddenly trembling hands.
“You’ve already had those nightmares. Don’t you?”
Haruka and Michiru exchanged short glances and the young violinist pulled the blanket tighter around her
suddenly freezing body.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but...”
“They’re all true.” Declared the young woman and her look was not longer amused. Now it was concerned and
very serious.
Normally she doesn’t look that serious.
Michiru  frowned over her strange thought and saw how Haruka clenched her fists.
“No!” she shouted, but it was too late. Haruka had already attacked the strange person again. But without any
effort. Again she landed on the carpet and she almost lost her towel.
“These wars can’t be true!” whispered the young racer and shook her head as she looked up with a hateful look
to the shinning woman. “I won’t hurt Himme-chan!”
“Himme-chan?” answered the figure and raised one eyebrow. Then she sighed and sat down on the chair next to
the couch. Suddenly the shinning woman looked very exhausted. “It’s all beginning again, isn’t it? And I don’t
have the power to prevent it. And my daughter isn’t awake now. It will take another two years until she’ll know
again that she’s your Princess and your future Queen.”
“What are you saying?” whispered Michiru and smiled shaky at Haruka who still laid on the soft carpet. Her
body trembled and the young violinist saw that the nightmare was still alive in her lover’s head.
“I am simply telling you about your destiny. You are Sailor Neptune... and you’re Sailor Uranus.” Declared the
shinning woman and pointed over to the taller girl. “You have to find the three talismans to prevent that the
messiah of silence will be reborn. Because he will destroy this world with all it’s living creatures. My daughter
isn’t strong enough to defend the messiah by herself. She’s too small now and still too weak. So I’ll give you the
task to search for the talismans. You’re the strongest of all senshi and I know that you never betrayed the Moon
Kingdom’s family in the past. I know about your loyalty and about your great powers. And about your strong
will to reach every goal.”
Haruka stared speechless at the shinning woman. The imagination of the dead Hotaru in her arms was still very
lively in her mind and she didn’t want to believe that this nightmare could become true. One day...
“Hai, we have a strong will.” Declared Michiru and laughed a sad laugh Haruka had heard a lot during the last
year. “Maybe we’re even the senshi you’re looking after.” Michiru thought about the light that rescued Haruka
and her before the deadly blade of Haruka’s father. The young violinist could remember too well the strange
uniform and the strange powers that helped Haruka to defeat her insane father.
She screamed “Earth Shaking” and a huge golden light hit her father and he fainted. It looked like a big planet.
Maybe Uranus? And then all these terrible nightmares... All these wars...
“Maybe this mission is our destiny. Maybe we have to fight in these wars. But Queen...” automatically she used
that name without knowing why. “there’s something you didn’t mention at all. We aren’t so strong as you might
think. At least I am not so strong.” Michiru smiled a sad smile and pointed over to the chair the shinning woman
was sitting in. “How should I protect the world in such a thing?”
The Queen looked down at the chair, saw the wheels at both sides. Her blue eyes grew wide and she opened her
mouth for several times and shut it again. Silently she stared at the now kneeling Haruka and at a Michiru who
stared determined back.
“Oh my god...” whispered the shinning woman and left the wheelchair as quick as possible. “Oh my god...” she
repeated suddenly out of breathe. Without saying a word she came over to the couch and took the blanket away
before Michiru could react. The young violinist blushed deeply but she couldn’t escape.
“I am paralysed.” Declared Michiru with a quiet voice and lowered her head. “My legs are too weak to carry my
body any longer.”
At the next moment Haruka was by her side and grabbed the blanket back from the shinning woman with a
warning look on her now redden face. Carefully she covered her lover again with the clothe and took her into her
strong arms.
“What happened?” asked the Queen obviously shocked and shook her head again. Tears burned in the deep blue
eyes and Michiru wondered where she knew that reaction so well. But she simply couldn’t remember.
“It was a car accident. My parents died and I survived. As a cripple...” she swallowed hard and felt how her lover
embraced her tighter.
“You’re no cripple, Michi-chan. And that woman’s simply nuts.” She growled and Michiru was sure that her
Ruka would try to attack the Queen again if she tried to hurt her somehow.
“Paralysed? But you’re Sailor Neptune! You can’t be paralysed! That wasn’t suppose to happen!” said the
Queen with a tone in her voice that made quiet Michiru very angry.
“No, it wasn’t suppose to happen! Often I asked myself, why? Why me? But as time passed by I started to accept
my destiny. Maybe you’re right and I am that Neptune, but then you’ll have to accept a handicapped senshi!” she
screamed and suddenly tears burned in her eyes. “Maybe I’ll have to ask someone to help me into the building or
where ever those talismans are, because there’re a lot of steps. Maybe I can’t run away when the messiah of
silence will be reborn and maybe I’ll awake every night screaming in my bed because of some strange
nightmares. Maybe I’ll have to fall out of the bed every night to take a shower afterwards, because my bloody
wheelchairs rolls away from the rim?! Well, but it all wasn’t suppose to happen, was it?” Michiru started
desperately to sob and buried her face in Haruka’s shoulder.
“Okay, that’s enough, Ayako. You can come out now.” Declared the young racer and pressed her lips together.
But no red haired girl stepped laughing out of the corner. Nor did anything else happen.
“I don’t know about an Ayako. I am you future Princess’s mother. It is my task to tell you about your destiny
and about...” she shook her head and stepped nearer. Haruka looked wild up to her. Wild as an animal. Ready for
the big jump to defeat the shinning woman forever.
“You can’t defeat me, because I am your Queen.” Giggled the figure but her blue eyes were still very serious.
“Trust me, Uranus. I won’t ever do you any harm.” The shinning woman leaned forward and stroke thoughtful
through the long sea green hairs. “That wasn’t meant to happen. You have a hard mission and I can’t risk of
loosing you because of that accident.” She looked from a tear wet face into an angry one. She frowned and got
paler as she saw the scars only she was able to see because of her powers. “And it wasn’t meant that such a bad
thing happens to you. But I didn’t know...” The shinning woman sighed worn out and stroke over Haruka’s pale
cheeks. The young racer winced away but didn’t defend herself. “I thought it would be better to leave you in
your old lives as long as your mission isn’t needed. But I didn’t know about the hell you went through. If I had
known about it, I...” she sobbed and bowed her head. “Gomen, Uranus and Neptune. I want to be a good Queen
but I left you alone. So many things happened that shouldn’t have happened at all!” As she raised her head again
her cheeks were as wet as Michiru’s. She reached again for the blanket and pulled it slowly away. Michiru
lowered her head and felt how Haruka squeezed her harder. None of them dared to move nor to think. There was
something in the shinning woman’s voice that told them that they could trust her.
“I can’t take away the scars from your soul, Uranus. And I can’t bring back you parents, Neptune. I have a lot of
powers but there’re points when they’re limited.” She sighed worn out and raised her golden staff. A golden light
filled the room and the two girls closed automatically their eyes. “But there are things I can change. Well, at least
I can help you. It’s your will to accept it.”
Michiru could feel the pain that went through her body. She gasped and felt how her lover pulled her closer.
Then the pain was gone and she felt very tired. She couldn’t open her eyes again. She was too exhausted. She
simply laid her head against Haruka’s shoulder and felt the blanket on her freezing skin again. Then she settled
slowly into a deep but peaceful sleep.
“What have you done?” asked Haruka surprised and rocked her sleeping Michi-chan gently.
What the hell was that for a bright light? So strange but yet so known...
“I gave her new hope.” Declared the shinning woman and lowered the staff a little bit. She looked as tired as the
smaller girl and reeled a bit as she stepped back.
“Where are you going?”
“Where I belong. But I’ll come back as soon as you’re ready to take your mission and full fill it. Now isn’t the
right moment, Uranus. But we have to hurry up. The enemy’s slowly wake up and we don’t have a lot time until
the final battle.” The young woman waved and automatically the young racer waved back. Suddenly she was
sure that she knew that strange person. And that she could trust her.
“Queen?” An unsure smiled appeared on the tomboy’s face.
“Hai?” The shinning woman returned for a last time before she vanished into the bright sunlight.
“Michi-chan and I... that wasn’t supposed to happen, was it?”
The Queen smiled tenderly down at the sleeping face of the future Sailor Neptune and then at the concerned one
of Sailor Uranus and nodded slightly.
“Don’t worry, Uranus. You’re meant to be together.”

Epilogue: But life without you. I don’t know.

It stopped raining at dawn. Soon the raising sun broke soon through the dark clouds that had covered the sky for
the last days. In the bright light the last raindrops started to sparkle and it looked as if nature was covered with
shinning pearls. Fresh wind played with the coloured leaves of the trees. Some danced exited in the morning dust
and the rushing was almost appeasing. Surely it was going to be one of those days why this months was
sometimes called golden September.
The wheels screamed as the car stopped sharply at the parking space near the hospital. A tall girl jumped out of it
and forgot to lock it. Wild wind played with her short blonde hair as she ran towards the main entrance. She
wore a dark shirt over her blue jeans and she stumbled more than once as she ran upstairs. She lost her car keys
and swore as she picked them up in a hurry. She took her sunglasses away with an energetic motion and her dark
green eyes looked very concerned as she pushed open the door. With an determined expression her face she went
over to the nurse at the reception and almost crashed against the counter.
“Where’s Michi-chan?!” demanded Haruka and the nurse looked at her in surprise. She was new and so she
didn’t know her. Nor the handicapped girl who visited her doctor twice a weak since a year.
“Where’s Kaioh Michiru?! Your colleague, nurse Oshima, called me up and told I should hurry up. That it’s an
emergency and that something happened...” Haruka shook her head with a wild motion and took a deep breathe
to calm her exited nerves down.
Everything is all right! Michi-chan’s okay! The accident was about one year ago. She was doing so fine during
the last months. There can’t be a bad accident.
Haruka clenched and opened her fists while she waited impatient as the nurse tipped her girlfriend’s name into
the computer.
But what if there was a relapse? Her back bone had a very bad damage and...
“No, please!” whispered the young racer and slammed at the counter as the nurse didn’t find her lover’s name.
“I can’t find a Laioh Michiru here.” She answered and Haruka rolled her eyes.
“Kaioh Michiru!” she screamed at the new nurse and took another deep breathe. “Kaioh and not Laioh! And they
told me it’s an emergency! I don’t have any time to...!” she shook her head, clenched her fists and turned around.
And froze in motion.
She opened her mouth but she couldn’t say anything. Her mind started to spin around and a dizziness controlled
her thoughts.
“Ruka?” The smaller girl stepped out of the corridor’s shadow. She reeled slightly as she walked very slowly
over the white underground. Sweat covered a very concentrated face but her deep blue eyes shone happily. Her
arms trembled but she held herself tight at the crutch. It seemed to take her all her powers to move her legs. One
after another and still it looked very clumsy. But Haruka was suddenly sure that Michiru would be able to run
again. To swim and to dance. If she only trained hard and worked concentrated with her body.
You have the power to defeat your illness.
Haruka swallowed hard as she finally could escape her trance. It jingled as the car keys crashed the ground but
she didn’t even hear it. Hesitantly she stepped over to her girlfriend. Still unsure if this all wasn’t just a nice
dream and she would awake the next moment.
You have so much power to make our both lives fulfil.
“Michi-chan...” whispered Haruka and caught her girlfriend as she simply let go of her crutches and wrapped her
arms around her neck. They both didn’t have enough strength anymore and so they went down on the ground.
Holding each other tight.
You have enough will to live for the both of us...
“Ruka...” sobbed Michiru but Haruka was certain that those tears weren’t tears of sorrow which run down her
girlfriend’s cheeks. Those were tears of happiness and endless joy. They looked each other deep into the eyes.
Then they shared a long and loving kiss.
An older nurse snort silently into her handkerchief while the doctor stood at the other end of the corridor and
smiled a satisfied smile. The word >Wonder< filled the air like a steady whisper while more and more nurses
watched the couple kneeling on the ground. They all knew about the accident and they all knew about the
wonder that happened one year ago. When they all thought that Kaioh Gendo’s daughter would die. But she
awoke from her deep coma and carried on with her life. With a life in a wheelchair. Trapped in a handicapped
body for the rest of her time on earth. And now a second wonder happened. Now she was able to walk again. At
the moment with the help of crutches but they all were sure that she wouldn’t need them for long.
Behind the doctor stood another man in a white overall. His white hairs were messed and the sun reflected in the
glasses he wore. His right hand laid on his daughter’s shoulder. The little girl watched over to the couple and a
happy smile appeared on her normally pale face. Her dark eyes shone with all the love a small girl could
experience and she knew that everything would be okay. Some day...
Haruka-papa!
Michiru-mama!
“I love you.” Whispered Haruka between two kisses and pulled her Michi-chan a little bit closer. Michiru smiled
against her girlfriend lips and deep green eyes looked deep into shinning blue ones.
“I love you, too.”
Who ever the strange woman was. Whatever the three talisman or the messiah of silence meant. Maybe there
dreams were a vision of future? Maybe they two were really those Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune? Maybe the
Queen had been right about their destiny?
Those were questions she couldn’t really answer. All they could do was to wait and to start a new life. A life
together. After Haruka’s father, after the deadly accident. They needed one year to recognize that they could
overcome everything as long as they were together. They went through hell. More than once. It was alike what
would follow. If the Queen’s words were true or they had been a vision of a bad nightmare, they would see some
day. And whatever would happen after those words they were sure that they would overcome it, too.
The kiss become more passionate. More loving.
It’s alike what will happen as long as we’re together.
>You’re my saviour, Michi-chan.<
>You’re the light in my darkness, Ruka.<
They knew silence for a long time. For more than only two years it determined their lives.
They both knew it’s violence. Michiru could remember too well all those nights she laid awake in her bed and
heard the rushes of the near sea. Knowing that she would never be able to swim again with her paralysed legs.
But she remembered also how her Ruka was there every time she couldn’t bare her destiny anymore. Every time
she wanted to die her girlfriend was there. She comforted her and step by step she gave her back her will to live.
To carry on. No matter what happened.
They knew loud rage and silent pain. Haruka could remember too well each time her father did hit her. Her body
hurt almost one week after every attack. And she remembered too well that evening when she broke down at the
arena and Rumiko and her teacher brought her home. How her Michi-chan helped her to understand and to love
her own body again.
They experienced a lot during the past year. They went through hell and back. They knew how it was to be sad.
To be desperate. To be at the end of one’s power. To be comforted. To be needed. To be loved.
But life without the other one, they didn’t know.

The End

At the end Michiru was able to live with her handicapped body. She accepted it and she could do her hobbies
again. She started to swim, to play her violin on big concerts and she even learned to drive the car (of course
with her Ruka’s help). And she went out with her girlfriend and her Himme-chan. Actually there was no need for
a cure, because the real cure had been the one in her mind. To accept and to love her body again was more
important than to learn to walk again. And of course Haruka was a big help for her on that long, stony way.
But at the end I decided for a healing by the Queen, because for her mission Sailor Neptune needs a strong body.
She would be in great danger to search after the talismans in a wheelchair.
I simply thought about this story as an alternative how Haruka and Michiru’s love could have been evolved.
They both needed each other. Together they could walk through hell together but alone they’re lost or at least
very alone. Maybe they could live without the other one but they wouldn’t be happy. They wouldn’t be loved.
Really loved.

I know this story is very dark and maybe it’s very depressive at some scenes. For all people who are handicapped
or live with a handicapped person maybe it’s a little unreal. Especially the ending. I simply imagined myself how
it could be to sit in a wheelchair without a chance of running away. I know that there’s often now chance of a
cure (especially not for a wonder like that). Some other aspects of this story are experienced.

Again, if I used wrong details or mentioned anything that hurt anyone, then I am sorry.

37.07.2000 – 26.08.2000

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