Ok, hi everyone. We’re here to interview the important characters in Pokemon *gestures to Jessie, James and Meowth*, the slightly less important characters *gestures to Misty and Brock*, and the totally useless filler character *gestures to Ash*.
Important? Us? We’re finally getting the recognition we deserve!
Hey! I’m not useless! I’m important too!
*scoffs* You wish, twerp!
You’re just jealous because you’re not as cool as us!
If anyone’s useless, it’s Tracey! You guys have bad taste in replacements!
We didn’t want him! He invited himself so he could meet Professor Oak! *sobs* He was using us! *breaks down in tears*
Geez. You don’t have to get so emotional.
Shut up, Ash Ketchum! YOU don’t even HAVE emotions!
That brings us to one of my questions. How did you guys feel about Tracey?
I hate him! HE TOOK MY PLACE, THAT STUPID WATCHER!
He wasn’t that bad, Brock. *hopefully* You’re still a better cook.
Don’t give me that! You tried to replace me!
He was ok, I guess.
I sort of liked him. He always fell for everything.
That’s because he was an idiot!
So James- what’s with the rose?
Well, as you know, roses are the flowers of love. Plus they’re a good accessory.
*snickers* Yeah, very fashionable.
*pulls out mallet and hits Ash* You leave him alone, you little brat!
*also pulls out mallet* You asked for it, twerp! Nobody insults Team Rocket!
*whining* Hey! Why are you on their side? I’m the good guy! I’m the hero! You’re supposed to root for me! Me!
Ash is right. Why are you standing up for Team Rocket? We’re supposed to have the fans, not them!
Yeah! Next you’ll be standing up for Tracey! *pouts*
Yeah right, spikes! She only roots for the cool people and that’s us!
You can’t say she has bad taste, you know. After all, Jess, she is on our side.
*thoughtfully* She’s definitely Team Rocket material. And Boss says young recruits are best… how old are you?
I’m thirteen, not that it’s any of your business. I’M the interviewer here. Besides… *grins* I’m already a member. Team Rocket member #104. Mondo’s my partner. *laughs* Now let’s get on with the interview. Team Twerp, why is it that even when Team Rocket tries to make a peaceful retreat, you just HAVE to blast them off, little mister Thundershock-is-neato?
Mondo?
MONDO has a partner?
I only joined last week. *looks at the twerps* NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION, KETCHUM!
Ok! Ok! *saintly look and preachy voice* It’s because they’re the villains and they’re evil, that’s why. I blast them off because they deserve it!
Wrong answer! *pulls out mallet and hits him*
*pulls out mallet and gives Ash a good wham* WE DO NOT DESERVE IT!! *veins start popping out on her forehead*
*soothingly* Calm down, Jess, calm down…
THEY DO TOO DESERVE IT!
DO NOT!
DO TOO!
DO NOT!
SHUT UP! YOU CAN ARGUE ABOUT THAT LATER!
*fury-swipes each twerp*
Good job, Meowth. Now, moving on... Ash, why is it that Gary is a better trainer than you?
*whines* He is not!
*smirks* Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, Ketchum. *laughs*
*laughs*
*laughs*
*laughs*
Yes he is, twerpo. He always beats you.
*defensively* Ash IS a good trainer!
Ooh, looks like Misty’s got a little CRUSH…
*slyly* Not half as bad as Brock and NURSE JOY… *laughs*
*laughs*
*laughs*
*laughs* You said it!
Ash? Where’s Pikachu?
I don’t know, Misty…
He was with us in the waiting room…
*smiles* Oh, Pikachu? He’s in “daycare” with Mondo… *laughs evilly* Whether or not you get to say goodbye before he goes to meet the Boss depends on how well you cooperate.
*impressed* She’s good.
*smiles* At long last… Pikachu’s finally out of the way!
How’d you do it?
Oh, Mondo just grabbed him when the twerps were walking in. Piece of cake. Now, Misty, why is it that you treat Psyduck so badly?
*whines* It’s not my fault that Psyduck is weak and useless!
WRONG! MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY TRAINED YOUR POKEMON ONCE IN A WHILE YOUR PSYDUCK WOULD BE USEABLE! AND YOU PURPOSELY GIVE IT HEADACHES TO MAKE IT BATTLE! YOU’RE A HORRIBLE TRAINER! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, YOU LOUSY EXCUSE FOR A GYM LEADER! YOU’RE A PUSHOVER! EVEN ASH CAN BEAT YOU!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN EVEN ME?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M A PUSHOVER?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M- oh, wait. You didn’t say anything about me!
*smiles* Yet. Meowth, why can’t you use Pay Day?
Because he’s a lousy Pokemon!
Shut up, twerp! *fury-swipes him*
*mallet-whacks Ash*
*hits Ash with frying pan* How dare you insult my friend!
Leave Meowth alone!
Don’t hit Ash!
*wailing* GIVE BACK MY PIKACHU!! WAAAAHHH!!!
Don’t be a crybaby, you lousy little brat!
You know, Silver, you are pretty for a Rocket…how about din-
Don’t even think about it, Squinty, I already have a boyfriend! Leave me alone- go hit on Misty!
And what do you mean- for a Rocket? Do you think Team Rocket members are uglier than normal people? *pulls out mallet and hits Brock*
Leave Misty alone!
Ooh… Ashy-boy’s got a GIRLFRIEND…*evil grin* Wait till GARY OAK hears…
No! She isn’t my girlfriend! And don’t tell Gary anything!
*looks pissed*
*laughs* Looks like little Ashy’s SCARED… *smiles*
Actually, I can’t use Pay Day because I used up so much strength learning to talk human and walk on two legs.
Jessie, what do you think of Giovanni?
I don’t really know him that well, even though we were kids together.
Giovanni’s evil! He runs Team Rocket!
*pulls out her mallet* THAT’S MY BOSS YOU’RE INSULTING, BRAT-BOY! AND HE’S THE VIRIDIAN CITY GYM LEADER TOO!
Nobody asked for your opinion, twerp!
Keep your thoughts to yourself! *fury-swipes Ash*
So Brock, what REALLY happened with Professor Ivy on Valencia Island?
*curls up in corner groaning and turns blue* That…name…Don’t say that name…
What’s with him?
Guess we’ll never know.
Ok. Whatever. *checks watch* Oh GREAT. This is just wonderful. We still have two hours to go! Ok, so here’s one for everybody. What do you think of *grimaces* Jessebelle?
Aagh! No! I hate her!
That stupid little Kentucky-fried freak! She’s horrible!
Why do you hate her, Jessie? After all, she looks just like you.
NO SHE DOES NOT!! SHE ISN’T HALF AS BEAUTIFUL AS I AM!
She’s an unholy terror!
She DOES look like Jessie, actually. Same hair color, same persona-
I AM NOT ONE BIT LIKE THAT LITTLE @#$%&!!
Why are you so upset, Jess? She’s practically your twin.
SHE IS NOT!!! She’s a @#$%&! I HATE HER! SHE IS EVIL!
Anyway, Ash, are you EVER going to pay Misty back for her bike? You know, the one you totally destroyed? Fried? Smashed? Wrecked? Demolished? Mutilated?
Hey, thanks for reminding me. *yelling* YOU BETTER PAY ME BACK FOR MY BROKEN BIKE, ASH KETCHUM!!
I WILL, MISTY! I JUST DON’T HAVE ENOUGH CASH RIGHT NOW!!
Excuse me, but Misty, why are you following Ash around anyway? Why not just go home and wait for Ash to send you a check?
Because if I don’t remind him, he’ll forget to pay me! And I’m not going home anyway. My sisters would just make fun of me. And he probably doesn’t even have a bank account anyway. So he can’t send a check.
Why not buy yourself another one? Bikes aren’t that expensive.
Because HE wrecked it!
Yeah, Misty, buy yourself another one!
You heard her, bikes aren’t that expensive. You wrecked it, so YOU can buy me another.
And you’re apparently not that great at reminding Ashy-boy about it. I just had to remind you.
So?! He STILL owes me!
*choking back laughter*
*rolling on the floor laughing*
*laughing and crying from it*
*laughs* Ok, the next question is for everybody. What’s your opinion on Pikachu?
Pikachu is my best friend! WAAH! I WANT PIKACHU BACK!!
I thought I was your best friend!
Your best friend is a little yellow rat? GET A LIFE, KETCHUM!
Pikachu’s ok, I guess. He always blasts Team Rocket off for us.
I don’t like Pikachu! When the twerps thought we had died when the St. Anne sank and then found out we were really alive, it snapped its fingers in that “Darn it!” way like it had wanted us dead!
You can’t blame him.
*mallet whack* Shut up, twerp!
*mallet whack* WHAT WAS THAT?
Nothing! Nothing!
It better be nothing, brat-boy!
Ok, ok. So what are your REAL Pokemon signs?
I am a Pokemon. I don’t got a sign.
I’m a Pikachu! *wailing* Waah! I want Pikachu back!
*sighs* Can we have him removed from the interview?
I’m afraid not. If he gets out, our perfect plan may be ruined. Plus we can’t torture him… but I wish I didn’t have to put up with him.
*wearily* Join the club. And by the way, I’m not telling my sign. The twerps will laugh at me.
*snickers* So what else is new?
*pulls out mallet and hits Misty* Leave him alone, brat! And what are YOU? You probably aren’t so great yourself!
I’m… *shamefully* a Psyduck.
*bursts out laughing*
*laughs*
*laughs*
*laughs*
I’m a Jigglypuff. *smiles hopefully at Silver11016*
Bug off, Squinty. And I’m a Suicune. *smiles at her Suicune, who is sitting by Silver’s chair* Alright, next question. How old is everyone?
17.
17.
I dunno. I don’t keep track.
15.
12.
10.
Ash, is it true that your father is Giovanni? Or is he…PROFESSOR OAK? *ominous music*
What? No! At least… I don’t THINK so. I don’t know who my dad is.
Or so you claim.
No! I really don’t know!
That’s what you want us to think.
No! Ew! If Professor Oak were my father, I’d be related to Gary!
You’d be his uncle, actually.
EW! GROSS!
But you haven’t said if Boss was your dad. Inquiring minds want to know.
*defensively* That’s none of your business!
*smugly* Oh, yeah, Ash DEFINITELY has a girlfriend. Gary will love this…
*panicking* Don’t tell Gary anything!
*opens door and pokes head into the room* Hey Silver, what do you want me to do with the tape when this is over? This is a laugh riot!
WE’RE ON TAPE!?!?!
Keep it. It’ll be great next time there’s nothing on TV. *grins and laughs evilly*
Ok. *looks around* Hi Jessie. Hi James, Meowth.
Hi.
H’lo.
Hello. *waves*
*enters, closes door, locks it, and sits down in an extra chair*
Uh, Mondo? Where’s the rat?
It’s in storage. Some of the minions are Pokemon-sitting it. So what’s up?
I WANT MY PIKACHU!! WAAH!
Ok, so that’s Misty *points to Misty, who is looking at Ash concernedly*, Brock *indicates Brock, who is still gazing at her*-
*shoots glare at Brock*
-and Ash is the one having the nervous breakdown.
Uh, yeah… *edges his chair away from Ash*
GIVE BACK MY PIKACHU!!! I WANT MY POKEMON!!
*shares an evil smile with her fellow Rockets* Oh, Ash…
Yeah?
I have something here that might interest you. *pulls out a tape player* Jessie, James, and Meowth were kind enough to make this very, um… interesting tape for me. *presses the play button and smiles*
*sweatdrops*
*feigns sympathy* Why, what’s wrong, Misty? Don’t you want to hear this? *tape begins with Ash, Misty, and Brock saying good night to each other. Then, Misty begins to sing.*
(Tape-Misty) I wanna tell you what I’m feeling but I don’t know how to start. I wanna tell you but now I’m afraid that you might break my heart. Oh, why should anything so easy ever be so hard to do? I wanna tell you what I’m feeling and to say that- I love you.
(Real Misty) That isn’t me! I- I’ve never heard that song before! Really! And my singing voice doesn’t sound a bit like that!
*smirks* Care to prove it?
*shrinks down in her chair*
I didn’t think so. *checks her Pokegear* Oh, man. I don’t believe this. We’ve only killed forty-five minutes! However, I have news that will comfort Jessie and James. Domino, Butch and Cassidy are currently experiencing the same torture at the hands of my little sister Angel. Two other twerps by the names Duplica and Richie are also suffering in there.
Duplica and Richie? How are they?
*smiles* I doubt they’re enjoying themselves. Now, you guys do know what Rocketshipping is, right?
*sweatdrops and blushes*
*sweatdrops and blushes*
Uh…what’s Rocketshipping?
*facefaults* You don’t KNOW? Are you that ignorant? You actually DON’T KNOW what Rocketshipping IS?
So? I don’t know either!
Rocketshipping is only THE most important, most widely recognized, relationship! Rocketshipping is an INSTITUTION! Rocketshipping is CLASSIC!
SO WHAT IS IT?
Rocketshipping is Jessie-and-James relationshipping, you twerpy little dolt!
They can’t be in LOVE! She always hits him!
*mallets Ash* Shut up!
*snickers* Like I said, you always hurt the one you love!
Thank you, Meowth.
Well, I personally prefer Silvershipping. *smiles at Silver*
*blushes*
Are there any good ships with ME in them? Preferably involving you too?
*glares at Brock*
*malletwhacks Brock* Let’s see, Brock ships…well, there’s Sissyshipping- that’s you and Wilhelmina-
Ah… *hearts replace eyes* Wilhelmina…
Brocketshipping- you and Jessie-
*gags*
*gags*
*chokes* Over my dead body!
-Gymshipping/Jarishipping- you and Misty-
*smiles*
*smiles*
*chokes* NO!
*singing* Ash likes Misty, Ash likes Misty!
Koishipping- that’s you and James-
*screams*
*screams*
*mallets Brock*
*to Brock* You scream like a girl, you know that? And there’s Bouldershipping, which is you and Ash-
*gags*
*screams*
You stay away from Ash! *mallets Brock*
*holding head in hands* Today is NOT my day…
*singing* Misty and Ash, sitting in a tree!
*also singing* K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
*also singing* First comes love, then comes marriage-
*still singing* Then comes Ashy with a baby carriage!
*laughs* -Succubushipping- you and Professor Ivy-
*curls up in corner groaning and turns blue* That name…DON’T SAY THAT NAME!
-and finally, Hellshipping. That would be you and Gary Oak.
EW! *makes puking sounds*
GARY? EW!
So who here is a Rocketshipper?
*blushes and sweatdrops* Maybe.
*blushes* Maybe.
*snickers*
*mallets Ash* Shut up, twerp! Can’t you live without spoiling a perfectly good semi-Rocketshippy moment?
No.
*singing* Wrong answer…
Definitely! And Arbok, Weezing, Wobuffet, and Victreebel are all Rocketshippers too; I introduced them to the term ages ago!
Well, I think it’s sweet.
So you’re a Rocketshipper? Hmm…maybe you’ll turn out all right after all.
No, it’s not sweet! They’re evil! Evil people don’t HAVE feelings like that!
Hey! We’re bad, not insensitive!
Evil! Something that Team Rocket IS! Here’s a little news flash for you, twerp. Team + Rocket = evil. Got that?
Uh…I think so. *writes it down*
*facefaults and checks watch* We have half an hour left. Good. I can’t take much more of this.
Why don’t we go out for coffee after this?
Sure. Ash, why don’t you ever train your Pokemon?
*whining* I do too train!
Oh yeah? When? Tell me, when was the last time you trained?
Um…I dunno.
See? You never train! You haven’t trained since before your match for the Plain Badge!
She has a point, Ash.
Thank you, Misty! Now go out for coffee and take Brock with you.
NOOOO! Misty and Brock can’t go out together!
Well, maybe I DO want to be with Brock! I’m leaving! Come on, Brock, let’s go. *exits with Brock*
Cool. Score two for Silver.
That’s the first time I chased out my interviewees. *thoughtfully* Y’know, that was kinda fun.
Mind if we go too? *takes James’s hand* We’re going for lunch now. Bye!
We’re walking off again! *exits with Jessie and Meowth*
Let’s go, Mondo. We can get the rat out of storage, take it to Boss, and then get our much-deserved coffee. *looks at Ash, who is whining about Pikachu* And maybe some aspirin while we’re at it. *exits hand-in-hand with Mondo*
*whining* Hey! What about me? Doesn’t anyone care about me?