Admit the Obsession
by rikachu, 5-26-00
Rating: PG-13. It ain't pretty, but it's the truth.
Category: Can we say...ANGST?
Disclaimer: A feminist wrote this. Guys, don't take it too hard, 'k? And I don't own Jessie, she's just my hero.
Summary: Jessie ponders her "love life".
Feedback: Do or die. Not really. But I'll take it ^_^ rikachu@juno.com
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Love is just some dumbass misconception.

I mean, what the hell’s the point of it? You fall into so-called *love*, you have the hots for each other for all of two weeks, feel each other up on a regular basis, and then you’re dumped out on the street like yesterday’s garbage.

Correct me if I’m wrong. Is this some sicko’s idea of fun?

All men are *exactly* the same about it, too...

“Hey baby. You’re looking good.”

Okay, I’ve been getting that for years. About the same amount of years that I’ve had breasts. And I still don’t know how to respond to it.

So I ignore ‘em.

According to male sexist *pigs*, this is called playing hard-to-get.

“Nice ass, sweetie.”

Is this supposed to be a turn-on? Screw this, I’m leaving.

“Bye, baby.”

Bye, you misogynistic bastard...

See? All men are like that.

Well...

Okay, not *all* men.

My best friend isn’t like that.

Okay, he whines pathetically and giggles like a girl. But at least he’s *nice* to me.

And that’s my problem. Right there.

I think I’m in love with him.

Oooh, this sounds *so* stupid! “Wow, gee, I’m in love with a wimpy guy who cries more than I do!” A *hot* wimpy guy. Does that even it out a bit? Maybe. I’ll look into it.

The sad thing is, he doesn’t even realize it. And *I’m* sure as hell not going to bring it up! I can still remember the last time I hit on a guy...

“Hey. You come here often?”

Okay, so I’m not good at coming up with clever pick-up lines. Sue me.

“Yeah, sexy.” I hate it when guys call me that. But I went with it.

“So what are you doing?”

“I wish it was you.”

I think you get the idea. Not one of my finer moments. But hey, I’m a seriously depressed teenage girl. I grew up in poverty, my mom is dead, and I get my ass kicked every other day by a ten year old and his electric rodent.

A girl’s gotta have fun once in a while.

Okay, so it wasn’t really *that* much fun.

But it was a change. Change is good.

I think the change would be *better* if it involved someone I actually loved, but hey, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Okay, whoa, BAD analogy.

Anyway...

Where was I?

Oh yeah, I’m lusting madly after my partner’s body.

That’s not entirely true. I think I love him, too.

Really.

He’s grown on me, ya know? We used to have this strictly business relationship...we’d go, we’d kick the cat, we’d fight the brat troop, we’d get our asses kicked to kingdom come, we’d dry clean our uniforms and go home.

Occasionally, we’d cross-dress.

Okay, I have to be honest with myself. I really don’t like cross-dressing. Men’s clothes are so...baggy. Yuck.

And I *really* hate the way he looks in a dress.

Or a tutu.

Or a wedding dress.

Or that...bikini.

Oh god. Bad memories.

But the thing is, if we dressed *correctly*, he’d look really, really good.

And I tend to weird out around hot guys. So I do what I can to keep him from looking hot. That way I don’t trip over my jaw and drown in a puddle of my own drool. It’s a tough sacrifice, but I make it.

Even so...there are times...

Like on that grapefruit island, when he wore the hypnotist outfit. Yowza.

I just want you to know, I did *not* authorize that costume. Nooo way.

Anyway, I feel like our friendship has grown so much from those early days.

Now we hug all the time.

Sigh.

I have to confess, sometimes I just pretend I’m afraid so I have a good excuse to throw my arms around his neck.

Because every time I do that, he puts his hands on my waist and I slip off into my happy dream world. Hell, I’d slip off anything he wants.

The trouble is, I just don’t think he feels the same way about me.

Come on! I’m pretty, right? I’ve got a good body, I’ve got boobs, I’ve got nice hair.

So what if I’m bitchy and irritable and tend to slap him around? I just don’t express my feelings well!!

That’s the trouble with me.

If I were different...if I were a *nicer* person, he’d like me.

But my life sucks! And I’m too afraid to fall in love again, because my experience tells me that all guys are mean and worthless.

At least all the guys I’ve had in the past...

Maybe I’m just not cut out for this love business. I never seem to handle it right.

You know what my ultimate dream is? To just...throw away my reservations and timidity about men, walk up to him, slide my arms around his neck...

...and kiss him for all I’m worth.

For all *he’s* worth.

Believe me, he’s worth a lot.

Love’s not a dumbass misconception. It’s something really cool...really special. Something that’s meant to be shared between two people. Even someone like me.

And him, too.

God, I love him.

I just don’t know where to start