Amusement Park Part Four
By Kapok
Let me start by saying that I wouldn’t get all excited over a big flash of light. I’ve been seeing that kinda thing all my life. Disco’s, strobe lights, - in my old school, a guy gave us a magnificent light show after eating a large meal and lighting a match in the vincity of his . . . I won’t go there. So . . . well . . . um . . . That was A lot more violent than your usual, light-hearted . . . stuff . . . scary . . . but, if we are going into that ring of the circus . . . (heh heh heh)
Piccolo: (running to retrospective cabinets, drawers, cases, trunks and shelves) My TV! My stereo! My CD’s! my (gasp) liquor! My unlicensed guns! My illicit drugs! My Nuclear Warhead! And – (runs over to goldfish floating upside-down in an aquarium full of beer) GOLDIE! NOOOOO!
Rass: (belches)
Saba: I never knew you smoked! That’s it, I’m leaving you! (looks in ceiling mirror) ugh. Right after I use your bathroom. I’m a mess. (opens door, looks inside) uh, sorry! (quickly closes door) I’ll use the other bathroom.
Rass: (struggles to sit up) oh, no, baby, don’t go, don’t g – SABA?
Kapok: Sooo . . . Mizz . . . welcome to our quaint city . . .
Mizz: . . .
LATER THAT DAY – Rass had a pounding headache, Piccolo was rejoicing after, failing to revive Goldie via mouth to mouth, had managed to get a senzu from somewhere, and so had “bought him back”. Saba had cleaned herself up, Kapok had evicted the bathroom residents (it had taken a strong stomach), and Mizz had gotten over the “all-blinding-panic-near-hysteria” stage in fearing Saba.
Kapok: So, can we go to the Amusement Park now pleez (puppy eyes) canwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwecanwe?
Piccolo: fine with me.
Rass: Yeah! Let’s go!
Saba: wait. (everyone looks at her)
Rass: what is it now?
Saba: all is not cocher with the persons in this room. There is a problem.
All: problem?
Saba: Yes. Problem. Now, class – I mean, um, Mizz. It’s between you and me. I suggest you talk. Now.
Mizz: (drops to knees) I’m sorry, so sorry. Please, spare me!
Kapok: what the . . .?
Saba: . . . I don’t get it .
Mizz: oh no! now I’ve angered her! Please, don’t ashify me!
All others: (seriously crack up on floor, rolling around, clutching their sides etc)
Mizz: wha . . .
Saba: you thought . . . (in between laughs. Others desperately trying not to choke)
Mizz: (realises Saba not to be feared. Stands up and brushes himself off) it’s not funny. (eyes flash. All suddenly stop laughing.)
Piccolo: of course not. Anyone can see that incident in the airport left you deeply traumatised.
Kapok: don’t sweat about it. Rue has been bugging Saba LONG time, with his alleged proclamations of love. This wouldn’t have been possible for him to do if he couldn’t take a few scorchings.
Rass: why, even as we speak, now he knows Saba is in the city, he’s probably tracking her down. (there’s a knock at the door everyone freezes)
Saba: let’s take the window.
Piccolo: (glaring. In small very dangerous voice) I see it’s open . . .
Rass: (nervous) heh heh . . . (edges away from Piccolo)
At the Amusement Park. They jump the fence – I mean, why pay if you don’t need to? It’s like those donation things. Rational self interest. Yeah?
Saba: I wanna go on the wheel of terror!
Piccolo: the ghost train!
Kapok: the roller coaster!
Mizz: the sideshows!
Rass: The Tunnel of Love! (everyone looks at his dubiously)
Piccolo: an – ee – way. Which one first?
Kapok: roller coaster!
Rass: nah, let’s get something to eat first!
All: sure. I’m starving. Mmm . . . food . . . I hear the candy calling . . . (much drooling)
Mizz: wait, I mean, are you sure that you wanna tempt fate like that?
Rass: (raises fist to the sky) yeah!
Mizz: oh, um, okay . (looks around. Everyone else has already gone off to get whatever food they want. He spots Piccolo. (he’s kinda conspicuous, green an’ all). Goes over. Piccolo’s arms are full of fairy floss, pizza, chips, hotdogs, and he is buying donuts.)
Mizz: wow, piccolo, I didn’t know you ate anything but senzu beans and water.
Piccolo: (looking kinda guilty) urrr . . . ummm . . . I didn’t, uh, I got it all for you. (hands it all over)
Mizz: oh, thanks! (others come back. Relieve Mizz of some of the food)
Saba: (mouth full of popcorn, kebabs, + corn on the cob) let’sh goph fend daph voller-cophta!
Kapok: mmheeaah! (while eating a hamburger, ice-cream and candy spontaneously. Slurps milkshake and swallows pie) whose got money?
* Rass and Piccolo point to each other*
Saba: go halves.
Rest: cool.
Rass + Piccolo: yeah. Cool. (glare at each other. Get on rollercoaster)
Saba: (finished food. To operator) put it on the fastest!
All: yeah!
Operator: all right, kids, but I warned you. (pulls switches)
- 60 seconds later –
Kapok: that was lame.
Piccolo: I go faster flying.
Mizz: I go faster driving.
Kapok: I go faster walking.
Saba: let’s go on something better – the WHEEL OF TERROR!!!
All: YEAH! (jump out of roller coaster. Rass is still sitting there, looking kinda green.)
Saba: come on, Rass. I hear the wheel calling. . . (screams in background. Grabs Rass by the arm and runs after the others. Get to wheel, look up in awe.)
All: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Saba: (picks up ticket guy – dorky teenager, like from DDMM – in one fist, aims the other at his face. Ticket Guy hands over tickets. Go into wheel of terror, which is one if those things where people sit inside a big ring, which turns around and round, on the side, upsidedown etc. get seated, the wheel starts spinning.)
All: wwWWWwwooOOOoooaaaaAAAAaaaahhhHHHHHhhhhh!!!
(as the wheel spins round and round. – SLAM – (some random comes loose, and slammed into the other side of the wheel before flying out of the stratosphere. The ride ends, and they stumble out, dizzy as first time drunks. They stumble to a back alley. Some big guy in leopard print loin cloth stands on a wooden platform. Next to him is a giant oversized set of barbells.
Strongman Tailored in Extravantly Razor-stripe Orange Intricately-patterned Drawers: roll up! Roll up! Come one and all! Anyone who can lift these weights can win themselves a pass to all the rides and sideshows in the fair! Anyone can try! roll up, roll up!
Piccolo: are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Rass: (staring at a leggy blonde sauntering past) probably not.
Mizz: yes! Such a pass would be just what we need!
Piccolo: Saba, do you wanna do the honours? Beating up men seems to be your thing.
Saba: hmm . . . I dunno . . . I prefer daring acts of skill over blunt force . . . gives me time to toy with them . . .
Kapok: then go in the wood-chopping. (points further down alley)
Saba: while I’m this dizzy? I’d loose a leg . again.
Piccolo: (looks over to where Rass is drooling at a well endured red-head) well, that leaves you, Kapok. Obviously I can’t do it, I’m not human. It wouldn’t be fair.
Kapok: like that’s ever stopped you before, plant man. But I’ll do it. To make my point about the species. And for women’s liberation. To prevent whaling whales, and allow us our god given right to wear furs. And while I’m at it, (strikes another heroic pose) kids, always wear sun screen. Protect the rainforest! For where else (save filters, phytoplankton, other trees and Piccolo) would we get our oxygen from? And we should eat less junk food, and wait, did I say less?? I mean –
Saba: just do it. (popular shoe slogan flashes up)
*NOTE: NIKE does not endorse this product. And visa versa.*
Kapok: fine. (steps up on stage)
Strongman Tailored in Extravagantly Razor-stripe Orange Intricately-patterned Drawers: We have a contester! Everyone give a round of applause for the beautiful young lady. She will challenge the mighty Karoth in a series of . . . challengers! First, to prove her worthiness, she will lift this barbell. To prove that this task is not impossible, the mighty Karoth will lift the weights first! (crowd gathers. Strongman Tailored in Extravagantly Razor-stripe Orange Intricately-patterned Drawers bends over, picks up weights and laboriously lifts them above his head. Huffs and puffs, face goes red. Holds them there a moment, before dropping them. The platform splinters and nearly breaks under them. Kapok looks at him with interest and slight amusement. He breathes out, then turns to her. Gestures at Barbells.
Kapok: (bends + with seemingly no effort picks up weights, exposing a soft metal core with a coil around it, under the barbells) well. (twirls barbells like baton) there you have it. Electromagnet I can break, but for all the hells, I can’t get chewing gum off shoes.
STEROID: (jaw drops.)
Crowd: yeah!
Kapok: (throughs down barbell, which smashes hole in stage. Struts and bows, playing to the crowd)
STEROID: well . . . that’s the pliminery challenge . . . I see you’re a worthy candidate . . . okay, next challenge, an endurance test.
Kapok: endurance test?
Steroid: yes. A race. First one to stop running in a circuit around the fairground looses.
Kapok: that's usually the way. But, (determined glint in eye) if you say so . . .
Saba: I've seen her like this before, guys. Are you sure you wanna lose a coupla hours, or however long it takes for STEROID to drop to this?
Rass: no.
Piccolo: let's go and look at sometjing else.
Mizz: alright. (they walk off. On the way out Saba pauses by Kapok, running past)
Saba: Kapok, were just going for a minute. We'll be back in a while to see you win.
Kapok: whatever. Just don't miss the grand finale
They leave Kapok running in circles around the park, the Strong Man looking slightly red, running next to her. The group wanders down a side alley into a different street.
Piccolo: soo . . . what should we do?
Rass: Tunnel of Love!
Others: (groan) nah. No thanks. I'll pass.
Rass: oh, come on! It'll be fun. I'll buy the tickets.
Saba: but it's a couples thing, and we just broke up.
Rass: you eva been on one?
Saba, Mizz and Piccolo: (shake heads)
Rass: so how'd you know what it's like? Come on, you gotta at least TRY it.
Saba, Mizz and Piccolo: . . .
- A couple of minutes later -
The four are seated in a big swan - shaped boat - Saba and Rass in the frount seat, Mizz and Piccolo in the back.
Piccolo: ( to Mizz) you know I'm a bisexual.
Mizz: I thought it was asexual.
Piccolo: um . . . yeah. i keep getting that mixed up . . .
The boat takes off and goes into the pitch black tunnel
- Meanwhile back at the circuit -
Steroid: (panting, clutching at paunch) okay. You. Win. The. Endurance. (straightens) but now for the fight.
Kapok: Fight? You mean . . . what exactly?
Steroid: Fight. You know . . . like . . . boxing. Punching - an all out fight.
Kapok: your inviting me to cause you pain?
Steroid: on contraire, mon pretty. I will not be hurt at all. Just conform to standard boxing rules.
Kapok: which are?
Steroid: dunno. Just keep it above the belt.
Kapok: (looks at Steroid's loin cloth. There is no belt) can do. ( they go into the ring, which has been set up on the mended platform. An umpire, in black and white stripes comes in and speaks in a mike suspended on rope - unusual seeing as how their out doors, and there is no ceiling. Anyhoo.
Umpire: In this corner, we have the mighty Strong man! (crowd cheers) and in this corner stands Kapok! (crowd roars). Challenger, are you ready? (Kapok nods) Gladator, are you ready? (steroid nods) FIGHT!
Crowd: (chanting) Fight! Fight! Fight!
- and back in the tunnel of love -
Mizz: (sitting idly. Then hears sucking noise. Lifts ewebrow. Sucking noise gets louder) Saba?
Saba: mmm?
Mizz: Is that you?
Saba: is wha - . . . no . . .
Mizz: well it's not me . . .
Saba: but that means . . .
Saba and Mizz: - GULP -
- and once more to the ring -
Kapok decks the steroid one on the jaw. He goes flying backwards, into the ropes. He bounces back, and tries to use the momentum from the ropes to rebound into Kapok. She dodges and trips him up. Steroid falls on his face, and starts to get up, his mouth full of loose teeth. Kapok puts a foot on his shoulder, pushing him back down, where he slumps, out of it.
Umpire: (bends down and starts counting) One . . . Two . . . . . . . . . Three . . . . Four . .
Crowd: (starts booing as umpire trys stalling for time for the Steroid to get back up)
Umpire: um, okay . . . we have a winner! (holds up Kapok's fist) Challenger Kapok has formally defeated the formally undefeated Strong Man, winning herself a pass to all the rides and sideshows in this fair. (a man in a sky blue Tuxedo and a matching top hat comes over)
Ring Leader: congradulations, Kapok. That was magnificent.
Kapok: uh ' hurr . . .
Ring Leader: he didn't even get a hit in. I would never have thought someone like YOU could beat him.
Kapok: what's that supposed to mean?
Ring leader: uh, what I meant to say, was, would you like to join our Fair?
Kapok: what? Me, a professional sideshow freak?
Ring Leader: we prefer to refer to ourselves as "very special people"
Kapok: I dunno . . .
Ring Leader: Come on . . . isn't every kids dream to run away and join the circus?
Kapok: run away? you expect me to drop everything and move here?
Ring Leader: um, wrong choice of words, again, err, I meant like, just aspire to be in the circus?
Kapok: hmm, let me see . . . (ticks them off on her fingers) Astronaught, Lawyer, ATF, Mafia, psycologist, anthropologist, economist, dole bludger . . . nope, sorry, no circus.
Ring Leader: Well, The Pay's lousy, and the hours will ruin your social life, but I'm sure you'll find it really rewarding.
Kapok: (looks over to where audience are pelting food at the still unconsioius Steroid) um . . .
So.
Will Kapok join the circuis?
What exactly is happening in the tunnel of love?
For these Ephifinies and more, Saba must Remi.
