Kiss Me
"Your voice scatters the highest swords
and returns with its cargo of violets;
it accompanies me through the sky"
Pablo Neruda "You Sing"
"So how dressy is this place?"
"Is that according to your standards or mine?"
"Good point. Uh, my standards."
"Do you want help dear?"
"No thank you, I can dress myself, thank you." Seiji cast a doubtful eye over Touma's ensemble, but said nothing.
"What about undressing? Can I help with that?"
"Of course, but that's not the issue right now. Dressier than jeans I assume. How about those black slacks . . . those are okay. What shirt Seiji? If I wear a white one I'll look like a waiter . . ." He was interrupted by a shirt tossed over his head. He pulled it off and examined it, sniffing it carefully, okay, this one then.
Seiji insisted on driving, not that he didn't trust Touma or anything, it was just that Touma was incredibly distractible. Besides, he didn't feel like trying to direct Touma all the way to the restaurant.
"This was a nice idea Seiji. It's nice to go somewhere, just us, ya know?"
"I know." Seiji responded, placing his hand on Touma's thigh, then retrieved it to shift gears. He flashed a brief grin at Touma, then returned his focus to the road. Touma sat back utterly content. He'd never really expected it to work out. In fact he'd never even intended to tell Seiji how he felt at all. If there had been a silver lining to all the emotional shit he was going through at the beginning of the break, then this was it. There was something to be said for being so depressed that one didn't give a fuck what one said or did. That was the only reason he'd said anything at all. Seiji's enthusiastic acceptance of that statement had ultimately saved his life, literally. He wished he'd passed on that whole attempted suicide thing. He ruefully lay his hand on his abdomen, on the mostly healed scar.
"You okay?"
"I'm uke, you're uke, we're all uke." Touma replied, giving the old joke one last outing before burying it again. Seiji gave him a sidelong glance, then gave in and chuckled.
"You're crazy."
"I thought we'd already established that. I am dating you, after all."
"Love you too."
The restaurant was almost exactly what Touma expected, being familiar with Seiji's tastes. Tasteful, yet comfortable, nothing ostentatious. Excellent food. After ordering, Touma sat back, sipping his tea, and looked at his lover, still not believing his luck.
"What is it?"
"Nothing."
"You've got that look."
"What look is that?"
"I don't know, you never tell me what you're thinking when you get that look." Seiji responded, exasperated. And everyone accused him of being hard to read! The difference was probably that Touma let you think you knew him, all the while hiding the largest part of himself. If you didn't bother to get to know to know Touma, you'd never even know that you didn't know him. Seiji found it fitting that even Touma's identity should be paradoxical like that. Even Seiji was only just beginning to be allowed to see that part of Touma. Seiji's mask, well, looked like a mask.
"Well, if you really want to know what I'm thinking, I'll tell you, but later. It's not something that you just announce in public."
"Some people do."
"You don't even know what I'm thinking! Besides, I'm not saying it here. Anyway, I like this place Seiji, how did you find it?"
"A friend introduced it to me. You‘re really not going to tell me, are you? You do know that‘s just cruel."
"I'll tell you later, when we're alone."
"Tease."
"I am not!"
"Oh? Then why won't you tell me!"
"I'm embarrassed to. Sorry Seiji." He grinned, "You know how I am . . ."
"Well, I should, by now. You're so weird; you don't seem shy . . ."
"I know." He waved it away. "But I am. Nothing to be done about it. It's one of those things that's hard to talk about, ya know."
"Yeah, I know." He reached under the table for Touma's knee. Touma smiled slightly and laid his hand on top of Seiji's.
"Well, now what?"
"Now you tell me what you're thinking when you get that look on your face. I'm not going to leave you alone until you do."
"I guess I do. It's no big deal, really, I was just thinking that, well, I love you, and that I can't even remember what my life was like before you." He stuttered out, before he could really think too hard about it, not even sure why making these declarations scared him so. He looked to Seiji for affirmation, but he couldn't read Seiji's face in the dark interior of the car.
"I love you Touma."
"So now what?"
"Now you wait till we're there."
"Where?"
"You have to wait to find out."
"Fine then."
Touma was beginning to get interested. They'd been driving for a half-hour, and the city had been left far behind. He looked over at Seiji, who stayed focused on the highway. Touma squirmed. He'd never been patient.
"Relax, enjoy the drive. I am."
"You know where we're going."
"If I told you it would ruin the effect."
"Uh-huh." But Touma nonetheless settled back in his seat and looked out the window. Seiji looked over when he heard Touma gasp.
"What is it?"
"The stars . . . they're so much clearer out here . . . I feel like I can see all of them."
"Good." Touma tore his gaze from the firmament as Seiji turned off the highway. "Almost there now. Follow me."
Seiji took a large duffel bag from the trunk, then joined Touma beside the car. He followed Touma's gaze to the sky. He looked away and took Touma's hand. "Come on."
Touma followed Seiji into the bamboo grove that stood away from the road. They followed a path leading deeper into the grove, the bamboo giving way to firs. The gurgle of running water reached Touma's ears. Suddenly they stepped into the open, and Touma caught his breath. The starlight was strong enough to cast shadows on the ground strewn with soft fir needles. A stream, no more than twelve feet across, ran out of the trees into the open space.
"Oh Seiji . . . how did you find this place? It's perfect."
"I'm glad you like it." He dropped the duffel bag and extracted a blanket, which he spread on the ground. He sat down on it and motioned Touma to join him. They lay down together and watched the stars wheel above them.
"Kiss me Touma."
"Okay."
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