***** This is your usual disclaimer typed in small print to drive ya nuts. I don’t own Yoroiden Samurai Troopers, so please don’t sue me-I’M BROKE! Yaoi/Adult Themes. If you don’t like Male/Male relationships, don’t read! Okay with that out of the way we can continue. *****

Chapter Four

From Heartache to Tears

“Good morning Seiji. How are you feeling today?” Dr Kobe walked over to the side of the bed. He smiled and nodded at Touma who was sitting by the bed reading a book.

“I’m okay. When do I get out of here?” Seiji stared straight ahead; his voice had taken on an all too familiar robotic tone.

“Well, that depends on how the blood work-up we did this morning looks. We should have the results by this afternoon, and with any luck you should be out of here by tomorrow or the day. Now, let’s see how things look.” Kobe replied. Touma closed his book and stood up. His heart was thumping madly with the reality that his Seiji would be coming home soon.

Kobe examined Seiji’s various injuries, which were slowly healing. It had been a grueling three weeks and he finally understood why they always say that ‘Doctors make lousy patients’. Seiji had been hard on everyone; from nurses to doctors, from his family and friends to his companion... actually Touma had it worse then anyone else, he took the brunt of Seiji’s anger. Even so, Touma remained steadfast, choosing to stay by his lover’s side no matter how grouchy Seiji got.

“Yes, I think you are definitely ready to go home.” Kobe patted Seiji’s shoulder.

For the first time in quite awhile Seiji allowed a smile to spread across his face. “That would be great, thanks Kenji.” Seiji turned to look at Touma who had gone to look out the window while Kobe examined Seiji. “Did you hear Touma?”

“Sure did Seiji that’s wonderful.” Touma walked over to grasp the hand that Seiji offered him. “Everyone will be happy to hear it. I guess we should call your family and let them know.” Touma saw that light violet had returned to Seiji’s eyes, which was a whole lot better then the ‘here a late’ steel gray that occupied them.

“Let’s wait until we know for sure. Mother and grandfather had to return to Sendai and the Dojo, no sense in making them travel all the way here for nothing.” He squeezed Touma’s hand. Seiji knew he hadn’t been the best of anything to Touma over the past three weeks. In fact he had been down right awful to him, but Touma held in there and for that he was thankful.

Touma never failed to amaze him with his dedication and constant words of encouragement. For someone who had gone for so long without true friends or knowing what it really meant to love, Touma always made sure that he was well taken care of. Touma had even managed to win over his father, and Seiji felt confident that maybe his grandfather would approve of his choice of companions. Once the initial shock wore off, of course.

“Well, I shall leave you two alone for some quiet time and I’ll see you later this afternoon.” Dr Kobe said. He shook Seiji and Touma’s hands before quietly slipping out the door.

“Once you’re home you’ll be able to use Korin to heal some of your wounds, that’ll make you feel better.” Touma felt his heart fluttering due to the looks Seiji was giving him. Seiji’s eyes had softened and now Touma could see love reflecting in them. No matter how Seiji had been acting, Touma knew that one look into his lover’s eyes would have him lost in a soul that he found so beautiful.

“Touma, I’m sorry for the way I’ve been lately. Can you forgive me?” Seiji knew that in his heart he truly loved Touma, it was his head that needed convincing. The voices plagued his dreams and sometimes he could hear them when he was awake. He was really trying to push the memories of the rape deep inside his mind, but it would take more time.

~ Things had been looking better until a week and a half ago when an infection had them rushing him back into surgery. Seiji didn’t remember much about it, just that his fever shot up and he began convulsing. ~

Then there was the rape counselor who kept coming in and of course his father with his questions, which only brought the memories closer to the surface. Luckily Seiji was able to get Touma out of the room during those times, he still hadn’t told him and if he had his way... He never would.

“Hey, you’ve been through a lot; you have every reason to be angry. I understand Seiji. I love you and if I need to take some crap from you to help you through this, then I will.” Winking at him, Touma raised Seiji’s hand to his lips and lightly kissed it.

“I’m not worthy of that love, Touma.” Seiji whispered so low that Touma barely heard it.

“Don’t ever say that Seiji! I love you because of what’s in your heart and soul, not because I think you’re worthy of it. Right from the beginning I felt a connection with you, and this was even before I got to know you, so don’t give me that bullshit!” Touma’s eyes darkened as he stared at Seiji.

You wouldn’t say that if you knew what happened. Seiji thought. Turning away from Touma to stop the tears that were on the brink of falling, Seiji composed himself before looking at his lover. “I guess I’m just a little tired, sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. Seiji I’m here for you whenever you need me, you know that. All I want is to see you get better and for us to go back to the way we were before all this began.” Touma at on the edge of the bed, reaching out he stroked Seiji’s cheek smiling as Seiji leaned into the gentle touch.

Seiji wasn’t so sure that they could go back, so many things were different now, and there were a lot of demons to fight none of which Touma could help with. He closed his eyes and allowed Touma’s caresses to continue, enjoying the sensation which, was soft and pleasing. “Kiss me Touma, please?” Seiji opened his eyes to stare into the most perfect face he had ever known. Eyes that held nothing but love for him, and a smile that warmed his heart whenever he saw it.

“You’re request is my command love.” Touma leaned into Seiji, feeling the heat of his koi’s breath on his face as it caressed his. Ever so slowly their lips met, softly and gently the kiss began, Seiji moaned as he felt Touma press just a little harder into his lips. Touma’s mind was a whirlwind of emotions as he felt Seiji responding to the embrace.

// You’re filthy! You’re not worthy of something so gentle! You’ve been soiled; you have no right to taint him as well. //

Seiji heard the voice in his head and had to push Touma away. “Touma, I’m sorry, I.... I can’t... I can’t do this right now.” Seiji looked away, too disgusted with himself, ashamed of what had happened. The voice was right, he couldn’t soil Touma, his soul was too pure.

“Seiji, whatever is wrong tell me, I want to help.” Touma reached out to once again stroke Seiji’s cheek only to have him pull away quickly. “Seiji?”

“Don’t, Touma! Just stop, okay?” Seiji kept his head turned. He could sense the hurt in Touma, but he knew he had to do this.

“If that’s what you want, okay... I won’t do anything that you find uncomfortable.” Touma spoke softly; he could feel the tears trickling down his cheeks and quickly wiped them away.

“Listen, why don’t you go home for awhile and get some rest. It’ll be awhile yet before we know whether or not I can go home.” Seiji’s voice took on that robotic tone once again, void of all emotions.

“I don’t mind staying... You can rest and I have this book....”

Seiji cut him off abruptly. “I said go home! I don’t need a damn babysitter!” He snapped, and when he turned and saw the look on Touma’s face and the tears, he was shocked to discover that he felt nothing. “Go home Touma!”

“Sure, whatever you want.” Touma’s voice cracked. He stuffed his books into his duffle bag and gave Seiji one last look before walking out of the room.

“I don’t deserve you Touma... How can I make you see that? I’m useless, weak and unworthy of anyone’s love... Why can’t they see that? Why?” He spoke to the empty room as his tears streamed down over his cheeks. He hated being this weak, and he hated the person he was becoming, but he knew he had to regain control. “I’m sorry Touma, but I have to put the walls back up, I was a fool to let them fall in the first place. Forgive me.”

********************************************************************************

Touma took the stairs down to the lobby, it was five flights and he knew he needed the solitude right now. Seiji had become unpredictable lately, one minute he was happy and loving, the next he was snapping at the slightest annoyance and driving a wedge between them.

“God Seiji, what have I done? Why does it seem that you can’t stand being near me?” He sat down on the stairs. “I love you so much, I want to help, don’t push me away...” With a heavy heart Touma laid his head on his arms and cried.

********************************************************************************

The next morning Seiji seemed to be in better spirits when Touma showed up. He was out of bed and Sitting in a chair by the window. It was obvious to Touma that someone had helped Seiji get a shower since the swordsman’s hair was still damp.

“Good morning Touma, you’re up early.” Seiji smiled and waited for him to grab the other chair. “Did you sleep well?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, slept like a baby.” [A crying baby that is.] Touma placed the chair so he could face Seiji, still stunned that he was acting like nothing had happened yesterday.

~ When Touma returned yesterday afternoon, Seiji had given him the cold shoulder, barely speaking to him at all, even when Shu and Ming stopped in for a visit. Dr Kobe had given them the good news that Seiji would be released in two days and even that didn’t get a reaction from Seiji.

When Touma had offered to call and let his family know the news, Seiji snapped at him and told him that it was HIS family and he would tell them. Before Touma knew what was happening, he and Seiji were exchanging words, ending with Touma storming out of the room.

Touma had tried to call Seiji later only to have his lover hang up on him. He spent most of the night up on the roof of their home crying, trying to figure out what was going on, where he had gone wrong and what exactly he was going to do about it all. ~

Given all that, Touma had been shocked when he heard the answering machine this morning with Seiji leaving a message for him. “Touma-chan, I am so sorry my love. Forgive me, please? Would you please come in to see me today, I miss you. Touma, I love you... I really do.”

Upon hearing the sadness in Seiji’s voice, Touma quickly grabbed a shower, ate breakfast in a hurry and nearly got a speeding ticket on his way to the hospital.

“Touma about yesterday...” Seiji began as he looked down at his hands.

“Hey you were tired, plus this place must be getting to you by now.” Touma replied forcing a slight smile.

“Still... I had no right to act that way. I was being a real prick and I am so sorry.” Seiji’s violet eyes filled with tears that just melted Touma’s heart. Sliding off the chair and onto his knees he took Seiji’s hands in his.

“It’s okay Seiji... Really.” Touma reached out to push the hair from Seiji’s face. “I wasn’t any better and I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“Touma... I don’t know what’s happening to me. I can’t seem to control this anger inside of me, and I’m scared I may wind up hurting someone.” Seiji shut his eyes as the tears rolled down his cheek.

“Oh Gods Seiji, please love, it’s okay.” Touma released Seiji’s hands to cradle Seiji’s face between them. Using his thumbs he swiped at the tears that fell.

“Touma? Do you really love me?” Seiji stared into the archer’s eyes now, waiting for a reply.

“Of course I do Seiji. I’ve loved you from the beginning and I’ll love you till the end. My love for you is unending, no matter what, it will always remain steadfast and true. I promise you that much.” Touma couldn’t help himself as his own tears began to fall he leaned into Seiji and started kissing away the swordsman’s tears.

Touma was very surprised when Seiji threw his arms around his neck and began to kiss him back. Soon their lips brushed...Once... Twice... Three times... before locking together. Seiji began pressing his lips harder against Touma’s. Touma let out a small gasp when he felt Seiji’s tongue lick his bottom lip and automatically his lips parted.

Seiji found himself riding a wave of emotions as he deepened the kiss, and when Touma accepted his tongue’s intrusion he hungrily explored the sweet mouth he knew so well. Seiji’s hands went up to grasp blue hair as he pressed his mouth against Touma’s all the while pushing the archer’s head into the kiss.

// That’s it show him you’re in control. You decide when, where and how. You’re in charge now. // Seiji tried to ignore the voice, concentrating on the kiss he was giving and the one he was receiving.

// No one is going to take that control away ever again... Touma will learn to submit to you if you remain strong. //

Seiji smiled from inside, he was indeed in control and Touma would just have to learn to deal with it.

********************************************************************************

“Be careful Shu, watch the door!” Shin directed as Shu carried Seiji into the house. At first Seiji had rejected Shu’s offer to carry him into the house. There was ice on the driveway and no way was Shu going to risk Seiji slipping. So after a few heated words, Shu picked up the swordsman telling him to ‘shut up and enjoy the ride’.

“I’m trying.” Shu shouted over his shoulder as he gently turned to get past the door. “Home at Last Seiji.” He smiled his usual big grin, but Seiji just turned and looked away.

“We have the room all set up for you Seiji. Lorelei and Nasuti have been helping me all morning.” Touma was glad to have Seiji home finally. It had been three weeks since that fateful night when they all rushed to the hospital and waited to find out the condition of their fallen friend.

“I want to sit in the living room for awhile. Shu you can put me down now! I can walk on my own you know.” Seiji pointed towards the living room, he was tired of lying in a bed plus he felt helpless having Shu carry him. He wasn’t thrilled when Shu had lifted him out of the car, after all he wasn’t a baby, but Shu wouldn’t have it any other way and he didn‘t have the strength to argue with him.

Seiji was kind of glad though since walking was a little difficult due to the incision in his abdomen as well as the injuries that were much lower on his body. Hell sitting up was an accomplishment in itself, he wasn’t sure what hurt more, his stomach or his ass, both still required quite a bit of healing. Korin will help move that along. He thought to himself.

“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in bed?” Shin asked as he carried in several vases of flowers and quite a few balloons, Ryo was right behind him with more flowers and balloons.

“I’m sick and tired of beds; all I want is to sit in my own damn living room.” Seiji snapped. He immediately regretted what he said when he saw the hurt look in Shin’s eyes, but that was how it went lately. He was finding it hard to control the emotions that seem to overwhelm him at times and he hated it. “Shin, I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.”

“That’s okay Seiji, I guess I didn’t stop to realize just how long you had been stuck lying in that hospital bed.” Shin’s bright smile returned as his eyes locked onto Seiji’s. “Living room it is!”

“Shu I can walk you know.” Seiji tried to break free of Shu’s grasp but he wasn’t about to let go just yet.

“I’ll let you go as soon as you’re safely seated.” Shu remarked. Walking into the living room to put Seiji on the couch, Shu didn’t see Orion, the cat, lying in front of it. He did, however, hear the scream the cat let out as he stepped on its tail. Startled, Shu fell forward and Seiji wound up falling onto the couch quite hard.

Pain shot through Seiji’s body like needles. “OH GOD!” He cried out clutching his abdomen, of course his ass didn’t fair any better since it took the brunt of the fall, but he couldn‘t let on about that. None of them, not even Touma, knew about those injuries, Seiji had made sure of that. He was too ashamed about it all, five men had raped him, and his dignity had been stripped from him.

“Seiji! Oh God Seiji! I’m so sorry. I didn’t see the cat.” Shu reached out to help Seiji only to have his hands slapped away.

“Dammit Shu, why are you such a klutz! I told you to let me walk you baka!” Once again Seiji felt the blind rage burning deep within him and once again he struggled to control it. This was the trade off though, it seemed that the harder he pushed the memories down the easier it was for him to lose his temper.

“I said I was sorry! What more do you want?” Shu was one of the few not afraid to go toe to toe with Seiji Date. Sure he was truly sorry for hurting Seiji, but it was an accident and he had more then he could take of the blonde’s outbursts.

“How about... TO BE LEFT ALONE!” Seiji shot right back his eyes took on the dark steel gray color that they would change to whenever his anger reached a boiling point. Touma saw this right away and quickly stepped in between the two.

“Stop it, please?” His voice was calm as his eyes fixed onto Seiji. “This isn’t the way you’re homecoming was to work out. Sorry Love.” Touma reached out to stroke Seiji’s cheek but Seiji just pulled away from it. Swallowing the lump that was in his throat, Touma made an effort to smile. “Sorry” He said meekly. It was as though Seiji couldn’t stand his touch anymore.

“Maybe we should just get Seiji set up with a few necessities and allow him some time to adjust to being home.” Lorelei finally spoke up. It was hard on her to see the guys fighting, but what really scared her was the wall Seiji seemed to be placing between Touma and himself.

“Lors is right. You tell us what you want in order to be comfortable, we’ll get it, then leave you in peace.” Touma smiled through his hurt.

“Just a few pillows and something to drink for now. Some tea would be nice. Thanks Touma.” Seiji winced at the pain he saw in his lover’s eyes. “I guess I’m just overwhelmed by everything and everyone. Sorry if I hurt you.” Seiji took Touma’s hand in his and held it tightly.

He really did love Touma but right now he didn’t want people touching him unless he initiated it, not even Touma. Holding his hand was okay because he had chosen to do so. He was controlling the situation and as long as he could do that he was fine.

“That’s okay.” Touma forgot himself and started to lean in to kiss him but stopped short and quickly straightened up. He knew Seiji needed time to work through it all, so for now Touma would have to practice self-control. He would take whatever Seiji was willing to give him and nothing more. Maybe once his injuries heal the old Seiji will return. He thought.

Touma grabbed a few throw pillows and placed them where Seiji wanted them. He then retrieved a stack of mail for Seiji to look over. Most of the important things Touma had given to him each day in the hospital, what was left were just some odds and ends.

Once that was taken care of, all of them left Seiji alone as they retreated to the kitchen, Touma turned to give Seiji a quick smile before following the rest.

Seiji just sighed, tossing the unopened mail onto the coffee table. He felt bad about the way he had acted, especially since it was so obvious that they had all gone to great effort to make his homecoming special. He did feel a little better when Touma flash him that smile he always loved and so he sat back and closed his eyes, he needed to push the memories further away, that he was sure of.

********************************************************************************

Lors, can you take the tea to Seiji?” Touma’s request was soft and sad.

“Don’t you want to do this?” Lorelei looked up at him, trying to see his eyes. When she did, she saw the hurt they held and her heart cried for him. This was one of her best friends, Seiji was as well, and to see them like this, just about tore her apart.

“I’d better not, after all I‘m the king of klutzes, remember? I‘d probably spill it on him and then we’d be rushing him back to the hospital. He wouldn‘t be too happy to receive burns to his... Uhm... You know what I mean.” Touma blushed slightly giving everyone in the kitchen his patented half smiles.

“Touma! How can you say such a thing! What happened was an accident; I‘m sure Seiji understands that. Yeah he‘s a little cranky, but we have to remember that he‘s been through more then any of can imagine.” Shin broke in. He was standing behind his wife with his arms around her waist and lightly rubbing her slightly bulging tummy.

“Oh just forget I said it. Maybe I’m more tired then I realize.” Touma yawned and stretched in hopes of hiding his truer feelings from his friends. He really didn’t want to get into it, not yet anyway.

None of them were aware of how bad things had gotten between the two, especially over the last day or so. One minute Seiji was his soft-spoken self, and then the next he was flying off the handle. Several times he had grabbed Touma and kissed him so hard that Touma’s lips bled. Seiji was never aggressive with him and this scared Touma somewhat.

“Why don’t you go take a nap? I know Ryo, Nasuti and Shu have to leave but Lorelei and I can handle things for awhile.” Shin smiled. “You do look like you could stand to catch a few Z’s.”

“Shin’s right. Touma you need to take care of yourself as well. Now scoot and I’ll take the tea to Blondie.” Lorelei walked over to him and took the tray then leaned in to plant a kiss on Touma‘s cheek. Touma‘s blushed and reached out to pat her tummy.

“Thanks guys, you too Lors.” He smiled and this time it was a true smile, one that came from his heart. “Shu if I don’t see you later, please tell Ming thanks for everything, give her a hug from me and one for SinJin as well.”

“Will do buddy. SinJin is teething right now and a tad cranky or else she would have been here, you know that.” Shu replied.

“Ryo, Nasuti, thanks for taking care of things here for me, I really appreciated it.” He hugged Nasuti and reached out to shake Ryo‘s hand.

“Hey, that’s what friends are for you goof!” Ryo grabbed Touma and hugged him. “Give him time man, he’ll come around.” Touma smiled. Same old Ryo, always knowing when one of his friends needed a few words of encouragement. They then heard Seiji call, shout actually, inquiring about his tea.

“Oops, better get this to grumpy-san before he blows a gasket.” Lorelei replied, smiling when Touma let out a chuckle at her description of his lover.

Walking into the living room, Lorelei set the tray on the coffee table and poured Seiji a cup. “You’re tea is served, Sir.” She smirked at him.

“Well, it’s about time. Did you go to China to get the tea?” He remarked as he took a sip. It was Shin’s famous blend, which Seiji always loved and it never failed to put him in a relaxed mood.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I did have to go to China for the tea. I hope you appreciate it more.” She saw his eyes start to smile and knew she got his attention.

“Sorry. I apologize for my rudeness.” He looked down into his cup of tea; a sad expression crossed his usual soft features.

“Seiji, what’s wrong?” Lorelei asked; her concern could no longer be hidden. “I mean we all know you went through what can only be described as a horrific experience, but what’s going on in here (she touched his head) and here (she placed her hand on his heart)?” She watched his face carefully. “Despite everything, you needn’t be so mean to those who care, Touma especially.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Seiji simply said. The tea was working, he could feel his whole body relax, actually he was feeling a little drowsy. “Did Shin mix in that sleep herb?” His voice had gotten softer; in fact his whole body began to relax.

“Yes, I told him to. Listen you need to relax and regain more of you strength before you call on Korin, you’ve been way too stressed lately.” She sat down beside him. “Soon sitting will be a major challenge.” She smiled when she heard Seiji laugh a little.

“Wait until you try and get up from a seated position.” Seiji laughed again when she groaned and gave him a ‘thanks a lot’ stare. Seiji turned to look at her. “You’re right, I have been rude to everyone. I’m sorry. Lors, where is Touma?” He asked as he placed his teacup down then sat back and closed his eyes.

“We made him go take a nap; he’s been working like a madman to get things ready for your homecoming. You know he stayed up almost all night last night to put in temporary bars in the bathroom so you could use it by yourself, and take a shower unassisted?” She saw Seiji lean a little towards her so she scooted over. The tea was slowly putting him to sleep.

“He did?” Seiji opened his eyes and looked at her, feeling quite guilty about the way he shunned Touma. “He’s so good to me. I don’t deserve it. With the way I have been lately I don’t deserve anything from him.” The effects of the tea were working on him and he lowered his head onto Lorelei’s shoulder. “I don’t deserve him.”

“Nonsense Blondie! He does these things because he loves you and that love is unconditional. He knows you’re going through a rough time right now and all he wants to do is make it easier for you.” She kissed the top of his head. Looking up to she saw Ryo, Shu and Nasuti walk in to say goodbye before leaving. Lorelei signaled for them to wait, she could tell that Seiji was close to falling asleep.

“Lors, could you get someone to help me to the bathroom, and then I’d like to lie down for awhile please.” Seiji asked in a semi drowsy state. “I feel so sleepy.”

“You’ve got it Blondie.” She waved Ryo and Shu over. “You heard the man, bathroom and bed.” Lorelei told them. “Touma put out clean pajamas earlier for Seiji. They should be on his bed”

This time Ryo picked Seiji up and carefully carried him upstairs with Shu bringing up the rear. They took him into the bathroom then waited just outside the door till he finished.

Once done Ryo helped him over to the bed and with Shu’s help, managed to get Seiji out of his clothes and into his pajamas. Ryo pulled the blankets up over him and brushed the hair out Seiji’s eyes. “Sleep well Seiji.” He whispered and then both quietly slipped out of the room.

Seiji’s sleep was far from peaceful as images danced in his mind. Five men stood above him holding enormous and deformed penis’ at him. Their words were garbled but Seiji knew what was about to happen. Then he saw Touma and tried to reach out for him only to have the man he loved turn his back on him.

* “You disgust me. You’re dirty now Seiji, you’re vile and filthy.” *

“No Touma, I know you and you would never say those things.”

* “You let these men do all those things to you. You were weak Seiji.” *

“I tried to fight them Touma, I really did. They out numbered me, they drugged me...”

* “You’re nothing more then used goods to me now. Good for a quick shag but you’re not worthy of my love. You’re weak Seiji... Take control or else!” *

“No Touma, oh god, nooo!

The image of Touma began to fade, Seiji tried desperately to grab him but he was gone. The five men had taken his place and now they were touching him, ripping his clothes off, poking him with their deformed sex.

He tried to fight and when he opened his mouth to scream no sound came out. He was trapped, powerless to do anything, so he used his mind to call for help. No please don’t no. Touma help me, someone help me! TOUMA!!

********************************************************************************

Touma awoke with a start. Something wasn’t right, he could sense it. “Seiji?” He jumped out of bed and dashed across the hall to the room they normally shared; though for now Touma was staying in the spare room.

Touma’s heart was pounding madly as he raced into the room to find Seiji thrashing around, fighting some unseen demon in his sleep. Shin and Lorelei were not too far behind and Shin raced to Seiji’s side along with Touma.

Touma spoke softly in an attempt at calming the sleeper down. “Seiji, it’s okay, you’re safe, and you’re home now.” He reached out to pin Seiji’s arms down but the swordsman was too quick and Touma caught a left hook to his nose. “OH SHIT!” Touma yelled. Blood began flowing rapidly down over his face and shirt, as he brought his hands up to stem the flow.

“Touma!” Shin yelled as he tried to pin Seiji down. “Lorelei, help Touma, I’ll try and settle him down.” Shin shouted to Lorelei then turned his attention back to the figure on the bed. “Seiji! Seiji! Come on Seiji, wake up dammit!”

Lorelei raced over to Touma to help him to his feet, she didn’t see Seiji’s arm swing out, but Touma did. “Lors watch it!” Touma pulled her out of the way and this time he took a fist in the groin.

Screaming in pain he collapsed to the floor once again. “Lors... Are... you okay.” He asked in between gasps for air. Slowly getting to his feet despite the pain, Touma reached for the pitcher of water and dumped it on Seiji.

Seiji sat straight up, fully awake now and glared at Touma who still held the pitcher in his hand. “What the hell are you doing?” He snapped. “Look at me I’m soaked, God Touma you are such a fucking idiot!”

“SEIJI!” Shin shouted at him. “You were having a nightmare, he didn’t know what else to do. You bloodied Touma’s nose and damn near hit Lorelei.” Shin was more then just a little angry now. “Touma only did what he did in order to wake you up.”

“I...was having a nightmare?” Seiji looked at them with confused eyes. Then he remembered the dream and covered his face, trying to shake the images from his mind. “I’m so sorry. Lorelei, forgive me, you too Shin.”

He then looked over at Touma who had blood all over him and tears were now mixing with the blood to wash it down his face. Shocked by the whole thing Seiji reached out towards Touma. “Oh god Touma, what have I done? I’m so sorry. I...”

Touma didn’t wait for him to finish, he turned and ran from the room his heart breaking, feeling as though his whole world was crashing down on him.

“Touma!” Lorelei shouted, but it was no use they could hear his footsteps racing down the stairs and then the bang as the front door was slammed shut. Shin, let’s get Seiji cleaned up and then go see if you can find and talk to him.” She said.

Shin helped Seiji into the bathroom while Lorelei stripped the bed, after which Shin flipped the mattress over. Eventually they got Seiji back into a dry bed and happy once again. Shin then left to talk to Touma who he found out in the woods behind the house. After about an hour Shin managed to coax Touma back to the house.

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After about a week things began to settle down around the house, most of that was due to the fact that Touma avoided Seiji whenever he saw signs that Seiji was not in the mood to have him near.

He got into the habit of checking Seiji’s eyes whenever the swordsman and he were in the same room. If they were violet, Touma stayed, if they were steel gray, Touma did what was expected of him then left the room.

The whole thing was exhausting, both mentally and physically, but Touma was determined to ride out the rough weather in hopes that calmer days would follow.

At least Seiji’s nightmares had subsided, those were the hardest to deal with and usually Touma came out of the whole melee with a fresh bruise. The difficult part was trying to wake his lover up from the nightmares; he couldn’t link into his mind. Seiji still had that closed off to him, so he came up with other ways.

Usually it meant getting a cold washcloth to put on Seiji’s feet, which had the tendency to awaken him quite quickly, though it normally meant Touma got cursed at for it.

Things got better as Seiji used Korin to heal his wounds, though he never allowed Touma to stay with him while he did so. Touma gauged the healings by the look of the incision he saw whenever he helped Seiji change the bandages.

Touma was happiest when Seiji acted like his old self that’s when he could sit and cuddle with him and the two would talk for quite awhile. Last night Seiji went as far as asking Touma to lay down and cuddle with him and of course he obliged, he had missed the warmth of Seiji’s body lying next to his more then anything.

When Touma woke up in the morning Seiji was already awake and watching him.

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Seiji stirred slightly, vaguely aware of the form pressing against his back. Opening his eyes he felt the sunlight warming his face and then he felt the arm draped across his chest. He felt panic inching its way into his mind until he saw the blue hair sticking out from under the blankets and realized that he and Touma were still fully clothed in their pajamas.

Smiling to himself he carefully turned to face the archer who was sound asleep and then he realized that he had gone through the whole night without any nightmares.

Gently he lowered the covers to reveal Touma’s slumbering face; softly he placed a light kiss on his cheek. Thank you Touma. I know I don’t deserve your kindness or your love, but I’m forever grateful for your willingness to give it to me anyway. Propping his head up on his hand he lightly stroked his lover’s cheek happy that Touma was sleeping so he could enjoy the moment on his own.

Kissing his cheek once again, he watched as Touma’s eyes slid open. “Good morning.” Seiji whispered.

“Seiji! I’m sorry... I guess I fell asleep. I meant to go to my own room after you went to sleep but I...” His explanation was cut off by lips covering his own. “Mmmm” Touma melted into the kiss, it had been a month since the abduction and beating and it felt so good to be lying in bed with the man he loved as they kissed.

Touma placed his hands on Seiji’s hips and pulled him closer, he was completely lost in the waves of desire as Seiji’s tongue worked its way into his mouth. Pulling him closer still so their bodies touched Touma could feel himself harden. He was hesitant to do anything but Seiji’s kiss was growing more passionate and so he slid his hands up under Seiji’s pajama top making contact with his skin.

Touma pushed his hips into Seiji a little harder, surprised that Seiji didn’t seem to be aroused at all. Still Seiji continued the assault on his mouth as they took tiny breaks to grab a gulp of air.

Seiji felt Touma pull their bodies together and when he felt Touma’s erection he immediately lost his, yet he couldn’t break the kiss, something inside of him wanted to push forward and so he did. He soon became aware of Touma’s hand making its way down his back stopping at the waistband to his pajama bottoms.

He could feel Touma grinding against him, he felt the heat of Touma’s sex through the double layers of material, then Touma’s hand moved to the front and began snaking its way under the elastic heading for its final destination.

// No don’t let him, you’re in control. He doesn’t care about your pain; he’s too horny. //

* No Touma don’t ruin it. * Seiji’s mind screamed.

Still Seiji felt the hand moving, pushing past the elastic waist band and then fingertips began rubbing the hairs as it got closer.

//You want this Seiji, you enjoy having someone control you! It turns you on to have someone forcing themselves on you. You are weak Seiji! You’re pathetic. //

Seiji felt the tears stinging his eyes, his heart was pounding and he knew he had to regain control. Breaking the kiss he used his strength to push Touma away. “Stop it! STOP IT!” He screamed.

“Seiji, what is it? Did I hurt you?” Touma had been so lost in the emotions that now he was having trouble comprehending what was going on.

“Get out of my bed!” Seiji shouted at him. “Damn you Touma, can’t we even cuddle without you trying to screw me?” Seiji’s anger was building.

“Seiji... I’m sorry... I got caught up in the moment.” Touma sat up and looked over at Seiji, his eyes pleaded with him for forgiveness.

“Touma, I want to be left alone for awhile. Just go away.” Seiji’s voice was stern; he kept his eyes staring straight ahead and his fists tightened.

“Seiji, please... I... God Seiji...” Touma began to cry, he was so confused and hurt by Seiji’s banishment.

“Touma, just go before I do or say anything I may regret later! GO NOW!” Seiji turned to face Touma, his eyes darkened as he stared the archer down.

Touma felt his own anger building as he slid off the bed. “I’m going! I said I was sorry, okay? If that’s not good enough for you... then fuck you Seiji Date!” Touma quickly made his way to the door. “I’ll get you your breakfast right after I take a shower, if that’s okay with you.”

“That’s fine. I’m not hungry right now anyway.” Seiji shot back just as rudely. Touma didn’t reply he just slammed the door as he walked out, leaving a tearful Seiji to cry in silence.

********************************************************************************

Touma felt the hot water hit his face mixing with and then washing away the flood of tears that covered his it. “You stupid JERK! What the hell were you thinking? As if Seiji would want to make out with you right now...So stupid! So frigging stupid!” Touma punched the shower wall and immediately regretted it when he heard a crack. “Just my frigging luck! I broke a frigging bone!”

Touma looked at his hand, which was already beginning to swell; slowly he uncurled the fist, wincing as the pain shot up his arm. “Damn that hurts! Okay try and finish this stupid shower, maybe I can put ice on it while I make ‘His Royal Grumpiness’ some breakfast.” It wasn’t easy finishing his shower or getting dressed since he could barely move his left hand, but he managed.

Once he had breakfast ready and on the tray he pondered how he would get the tray up to Seiji without spilling anything since his hand hurt like hell. The ice had helped some but he knew it would take more then that for it to heal. He was about to just ignore the pain and take the tray up anyway when the doorbell rang.

“Great! Seiji will get cold food and that’ll be another thing for him to bitch about.” Touma walked into answer the door. He smiled when he saw that it was Seiji’s dad. Well I’ve got a way to get the tray to Seiji.

“Sir, good morning.” Touma took his coat and hung it in the hall closet.

“Is my son up yet?” Mr. Date asked.

“Yes he is. He’s still in his room though. Sir when you go up to him, would you mind taking his breakfast tray up? I kind of hurt my hand.” Touma hoped he wouldn’t ask how it happened since he already felt stupid about the whole thing.

“Sure thing Touma.” Touma showed him the tray and then showed him upstairs, thanking himself that he actually had gotten a lot better at not being so messy. Seiji’s neatness obsession was rubbing off on him. Knocking on the door, Touma waited for a reply then opened it.

“Seiji. You have a visitor.” Touma stepped aside so Seiji’s dad could get by.

“Father.” Seiji bowed to him. Noticing the tray he looked over at Touma, who looked to the floor, then back at his dad. “You should have let Touma carry this.” Seiji took the tray and set it on the table.

“Well seems Touma banged his hand up but good. Maybe you ought to have a look at it. Since there are no new bruises on you... I assume he hit something else.” He instructed Seiji. Mr. Date sensed the tension between the two immediately and frowned. Something tells me that Seiji is making a mistake by not telling Touma everything.

“Touma let me see your hand.” Seiji walked over to him, concerned was now etched on his face. Immediately he began regretting the way he had treated Touma earlier.

“It’s nothing Seiji... Really.” Touma attempted to hide his hand, afraid of making a scene in front of Seiji’s dad.

“I’ll be the judge of that now let me see it.” Even though Seiji’s voice was stern, his eyes told another story and of course Touma melted. Holding out his hand, he watched as Seiji’s expression turned to shock. Touma‘s hand had swollen to twice its normal size, an ugly purple bruise covered the knuckles as well as a nasty gash. “Touma what happened? You’ve definitely broken a bone, maybe more then one.” Forgetting all about his dad, Seiji put the bruised hand to his lips and kissed it.

Embarrassed Touma looked to the floor. “I’d rather not say.” He felt Seiji’s finger under his chin lifting his head to look at him. Not the eyes Seiji, please don’t give me those looks. Damn! He’s doing it anyway.

“Touma? What happened love? Tell me.” Seiji caressed Touma’s cheek.

“I... I uhm... Islammedmyfistintotheshowerwall. There, you happy?” Touma could feel the burn of humiliation in his cheeks.

“Oh god Touma. I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.” Seiji pulled Touma to him, hugging him tightly but being mindful of the injured hand. Touma noticed that Seiji’s dad, who had been watching the exchange, suddenly turned his back to look the other way, giving the men as much privacy as possible considering where they were at the moment.

“It’ll be fine.” Touma said, pulling from the hug, though he really didn’t want to. Seiji grasped Touma’s hand again and closed his eyes. Touma then felt the all too familiar flow of Korin as it began to work at healing his hand. It was soothing and warm, touching not only his heart, but his soul as well. “Seiji. You need to save your strength.”

“Shhhhh Koi.” Seiji concentrated on healing Touma’s hand and sensed a deep sadness in his lover’s soul. After he finished, he pulled Touma close to him. “We’ll talk later. Okay? I love you Touma, don’t ever forget that.” Seiji leaned in and brushed his lips against Touma’s.

“Hey don’t keep your dad waiting. I guess I’d better reheat your breakfast as well.” Touma walked over and grabbed the tray, happy to feel that his hand was fairing much better. “I’ll bring this right back.” Touma smiled as he walked past Seiji who stopped him for a quick kiss.

********************************************************************************

Mr. Date thought it was best to allow his son to eat first before telling him why he was really there and so he waited, engaging in small talk till Seiji finished.

“Seiji I think you are making a big mistake by not telling Touma everything. It’s obvious the man loves you, I know he’d understand.” Mr. Date looked at his son. He was happy to see the color back in his cheeks.

“Father, I have my reason’s okay. Now, is this a casual visit or police business?” Seiji walked over to the window.

“I need you to take a look at a few photos, if you don’t mind.” Pulling out an envelope he placed the picture in a line on the table. Seiji walked over, closing his eyes for a moment to gather his composure. “Study them carefully son, and tell me if you recognize any of them.”

Slowly Seiji opened his eyes and looked down and instantly regretted it. The breakfast that Touma had made then reheated began to regurgitate itself and Seiji rushed into the bathroom. Leaning over the toilet he hacked away till nothing more came out. His dad stood behind him waiting for him to calm down. “Those... Those are four of the men.” Seiji’s tears slid down his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away.

“Seiji I’m sorry I had to put you through this.” He handed him a glass of water.

“It’s okay father.” Seiji stood on wobbly legs as he rinsed out the taste with mouthwash. “I apologize for my behavior just now.” Seiji commented and exited the bathroom. Walking over he sat down on the bed; he could feel a headache coming on and began to rub his temples. “I assume they have been arrested?”

“Not exactly, Seiji they were found dead last night. Two from gunshot wounds were found in the woods where you were found and two in a vacant building from what looks like drug overdoses.”

Mr. Date saw the look of fear in his son’s eyes though he tried to hide it. “I would have come to talk to you last night but I wanted to wait for the blood test results. Seiji all four were HIV negative, and we already know Augustus is HIV negative.”

Seiji sat on the bed stunned, happy to know that AIDS was no longer a threat for him, but scared that this Augustus was a possible killer. He didn’t fear for his own life as much as he did for his family’s and for Touma’s. The flow of tears started again and this time he couldn’t stop them.

“Seiji, I’m so sorry son. I’m so sorry...” Mr. Date sat next to him and wrapped his arms around him.

//They pity you because you’re so pathetic. //

* That’s not true. They love me. *

//You don’t deserve it, you’re weak, useless, dirty...//

*No it can’t be, it just can’t*

“Seiji we all love you... Let us....”

“NO! Don’t touch me! I’m not worthy of anyone’s love!” Seiji pushed his dad away and sat further back on the bed. “I’m tainted now. Can’t you see? I‘ve dishonored my family.” Drawing his knees to his chest he cried and when his dad came closer he flinched.

“Seiji you haven’t done anything wrong. You have not dishonored the family.” Mr. Date watched as Seiji began to shake uncontrollably, his own tears were now snaking their way down over his cheeks leaving a slick trail in their path.

“Yes I have father. I’m having a relationship with another man, I’ve shunned my duties with the Dojo, to pursue my own dreams and worst of all, I let this happen. I was weak! I should have fought harder!” He rocked himself as his sobs racked his body.

“The worst part is... I allowed my body to be used and it reacted father! I had... I couldn’t stop it... I had several... OH GOD!” He felt so ashamed; so much so that he couldn’t bear to look his father in the eyes.

“Seiji, listen to me! You can’t blame yourself... What occurred was beyond your control... The important thing is you survived it. That’s all that matters to your mother your grandfather and me. I’m certain that’s how Touma feels as well.”

The volume of his tears doubled as he watched the torment envelop his son. “Seiji you need to get help. The hospital says you haven’t kept your appointments with the Rape Counselor, they can help you deal with this.”

“No Father. I am to blame! I should have had better control over my own body, if I would have, then I wouldn’t have had orgasms during the rape. I was weak! Maybe I couldn’t prevent the rape, but I sure as hell should have been strong enough to keep myself from becoming aroused!” Seiji hid his face, too humiliated to look at his father.

“Seiji what about seeking professional help?” He wanted so much to just hold his son to him but every time he made a move to do so, Seiji backed further away from him.

“I said no! I will deal with this on my own.” Seiji picked his head up, wiping his tears away he stood up to face his father. “I have to regain control; I’m the only one who can do this. Now if that’s all you have to say, would you mind leaving? I mean no disrespect but I’m tired.” Seiji looked right through his dad.

“Seiji...” He realized it was a no-win situation and decided to let things alone for now. “Maybe once you’ve had some time to think things through you’ll get help.”

“Father would you tell Touma that I’m going to rest for awhile and I don’t want to be disturbed. Tell him that if I need something I’ll let him know.” Seiji walked back to the window and sat down at the seat. “Give mother and grandfather my love.”

Giving into defeat Mr. Date collected his things as well as the tray and started to leave.

“Father, remember... Not a word to Touma about any of this. Don’t betray my trust in you.” His voice was cold and distant and his father couldn’t help but feel a chill run down his spine.

“Yes son.” He walked silently out of the room. God I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come. Seiji needs help and soon. I just hope that he comes to his senses and gets it.

Seiji’s eyes glazed a dark steel gray as he sat staring out the window. “I am in control, and I will prove it. I will regain what was taken from me if it’s the last thing I do.” Slowly Seiji’s eyes returned to a light violet as he went about preparing to do some meditating.

********************************************************************************

That evening Touma got Seiji’s dinner ready. Seiji had only called on him once and that was just a while ago to inform him that he was hungry.

~ When he had gone up, Seiji had just stepped out of the shower, he was toweling his hair as he walked across the room. It was a breathtaking sight to the archer and though Seiji had lost a bit of muscle tone over the past month, he still struck quite a handsome pose.

Drops of water snaked their way down his back and the towel that was wrapped around his waist did very little to cover his assets. He had to look away finally and when he walked out of the room he couldn’t help but rub the bulge protruding from the front of his sweat pants. “I’m going to go insane, that’s all there is to it.” He had sighed as he walked down the stairs. ~

********************************************************************************

Walking into the room, Touma set the tray down and looked over at Seiji. “Hey I have dinner ready for you if you want it?” Seiji was sitting on the window seat resting his head against the cool windowpane; eyes shut in thought and Touma couldn’t help but find the whole scene mesmerizing.

“Thanks Touma.” Seiji opened his eyes and smiled. Getting up slowly he walked over to the small table Touma had put in the room for him. It was still uncomfortable for him to take the stairs, so this was easier for him to get his meals. “Smells great, I’m starving.” He sat down then looked up his lover. “Join me? Please?”

“Are you sure?” Touma hesitated at first studying Seiji’s eyes. A smile spread across his face when he saw that the violet color he loved, was the color staring back at him. Eagerly Touma sat down, more then happy to have these moments with Seiji.

Touma served Seiji some of the Stir-fry and rice and then himself, he always brought up extra everything just in case he could eat with Seiji rather then by himself in the kitchen.

Scooting closer to Touma, Seiji took the plate and sat it down in front of him. “Thanks love, you’ve become quite the cook.” They ate their meal in virtual silence though Seiji did act a little more playful then what had become normal for him, much to Touma’s delight.

“That was great Touma-chan. Thank you.” Seiji’s smile was lighting up his face, which had Touma blushing.

“Thanks. Do you want any more? Would you rather have some tea and dessert? It’ll only take a few minutes to bring up.” Touma couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this nervous. Seiji was looking him over, smiling and giving him what Touma always called ‘His bedroom eyes’ stare.

“Maybe later.” Seiji leaned over and nuzzled his face into Touma’s hair. “Hmmm you’re using a different shampoo, I like it.” Seiji kissed Touma’s temple holding his lips against the warm skin for a few seconds.

Touma shivered slightly from the sensation of Seiji’s cool lips on his warm face. It took ever ounce of control he had not to pull him into his arms and kiss him. He knew that would most likely end the pleasant scene they were having.

Seiji began kissing down the side of Touma’s face and when he made his way over the archer’s cheek he pulled Touma closer to him. “I love the way you smell, feel and taste.” Seiji’s voice was gentle.

“Are you feeling okay Seiji? Maybe you shoul...Hmpf.” Seiji had cut Touma off by kissing him. Touma stiffened at first, too afraid of doing anything that would ruin the moment, but when he felt Seiji’s hands caressing his back he started to relax.

Touma’s hands went up to Seiji’s shoulders holding him as Seiji deepened the kiss. Soon he felt Seiji’s hands go up into his hair and Touma braced himself for what was next... This was becoming a routine with Seiji; one Touma wasn’t thrilled about at all.

Seiji began pressing his lips to Touma’s harder, as he pushed Touma’s head into the kiss. Touma could feel his lips pressing against his teeth and he tried to open his mouth slightly. Harder the pressure became and soon Touma was tasting his own blood, he stiffened again, waiting for Seiji to break his hold.

// That’s it, keep in control. Pain equals pleasure, make him hurt Seiji. //

*No stop I don’t like doing this. *

// Yes you do. You enjoyed it while they raped you, didn’t you? Look how your body gave into the things they were doing! //

*No I didn’t like it! I hated it! They violated me. They hurt me. *

// They pleasured you Seiji. They made you cum. Pain equals pleasure. //

*Stop it! Get out of my head. Please? No more. I can’t take anymore. *

Touma started to panic when the kiss didn’t break when it should have. Needing air and relief from the pressure being placed on his mouth, Touma began to push Seiji away. He had to use quite a bit of strength to break the hold.

“Seiji! What do you think you’re doing?” Touma wiped at the blood on his lips. “Jeez you don’t have to be so rough!”

//Careful! He’s trying to take your control away, don’t let him. //

*I hurt him, he’s bleeding. *

//So were you, but your body still received pleasure. //

*I was ashamed, that wasn’t pleasure. I hated what was done to me. *

//If it was so bad how come you spilled your seed, time after time? Your body liked it. //

*NO! I DID NOT! I didn’t have control! *

//Then take control Seiji, take control now! //

Seiji reached out to grab Touma, pulling him in for another kiss, but Touma wasn’t willing and struggled to break free. “Seiji! Knock it the hell off! What has gotten into you? You’re acting like... I don’t know... An animal.” Touma allowed his voice to soften just a bit. “It doesn’t have to be like this. I love you.”

“Love Touma? You want love? I’ll show you love!” With that Seiji’s eyes grayed over as he grabbed Touma by the wrists and pulled him over to the bed.

“Seiji! Stop it!” Touma began to struggle but not as hard as he could, he didn’t want to hurt Seiji, he just wanted him to let go. “LET GO NOW!” Touma shouted in hopes of startling the swordsman who appeared to be in a trance like state. Touma broke the hold and began to back away from Seiji only to have himself knocked to the floor by his lover’s weight as he jumped him.

“I’m in control now and it’s about time you realized that Touma!” Seiji pressed his mouth against Touma’s. Doing the only thing he could think of... Touma began pounding his fists on Seiji’s back, trying to get Seiji off of him. He was scared now, this wasn’t Seiji at all, he didn’t know this Seiji and it frightened the living hell out of him.

“Stop it Touma!” Seiji had broken the kiss but still kept the blue-haired archer pinned to the floor. When Touma tried to break free Seiji’s anger hit maximum overdrive. “I SAID STOP IT!” A sword calloused hand came down to make contact with Touma’s cheek.

Touma lay there too stunned to move. “Now stop fighting me.” Seiji’s eyes were almost black, something Touma had never seen before.

Seiji once again claimed his lover’s mouth and once again the struggle began. “That’s it!” Seiji slapped Touma several times before lowering his face to his. “You have tried to get into my pants even before I left the hospital! Well Touma you’re going to get your wish. We’re going to make love, but we’re going to do it my way!”

Touma’s eyes widened, something was terribly wrong with Seiji, he would have never hit him other wise. That just wasn’t Seiji. Sure he had a temper but never anything like this. “Seiji please stop this, you need help. Whatever it is we’ll get through it together.” Tears began falling from the archer’s midnight blue eyes as Seiji held his hands above his head while his free hand began pushing his sweat pants down.

“Shut up! You’ve wanted this, you’ve been asking for it and now I’m going to give it to you!” Seiji held Touma’s hands above his head and began kissing him again, grinding his erection against him. “See what you do to me Touma? You’ll feel it soon enough.”

“Oh gods Seiji! Please? Not like this, I never wanted you like this.” Touma began crying harder, his body was trembling and he shut his eyes tightly, praying that Seiji would come to his senses soon. “You’re hurting me Seiji. Please Stop!!”

“Don’t worry, your body will enjoy it! I know it will.” Pushing Touma’s sweatpants off and then his underwear, Seiji began to use his free hand to undo his own pants sliding them down just enough to expose his hardened length.

Touma had stopped struggling, and now all he did was lay there, his tears running down the sides of his face. He was too exhausted to fight back, and despite what was happening, he loved Seiji, and couldn’t bring himself to hurting him.

“Please Seiji, oh... God Don’t...I love you Seiji! I truly do, please stop it love.” Touma cried more. He felt Seiji’s sex poking at the unprepared dry entrance to his body and began screaming. His whole body was shaking with fear and he shut his eyes. “SEIJI! NO! DON’T! PLEASE? NOT LIKE THIS... NOT LIKE THIS... OH GOD! NOT LIKE THIS.” One last terrifying scream escaped his throat before silence filled the room.

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Seiji looked down into Touma’s face, bruises were registering on his cheeks from the slaps, but what was worse was the blank emotionless stare his eyes held. At first Seiji was confused, not sure about what had happened, then the fog began to lift and the reality of what had occurred set it.

“Oh my god what have I done! What have I done!” Seiji felt his stomach convulse and his throat tighten, slapping a hand over his mouth he reached for the trash can and immediately threw up in it.

“Oh god Touma! I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry...” His head was pounding, and tears flowed like torrents from his eyes, as he tried to get a response from Touma.

Staring at the ceiling and still in a state of shock, Touma laid still. Seiji checked for a pulse, which was strong and then, became sick again. “Forgive me Touma. I don’t deserve you. I’ve been soiled and now I’ve done the same to you.”

Seiji’s tears spilled out of his eyes as he pulled his pants up and grabbed his car keys off the dresser. “I don’t deserve to live. I have ruined everything, my life, my family’s and now yours. Ashamed and disgusted with himself Seiji raced out of the house.

Jumping into his SUV he pulled out and sped off into the night. His body was racked with sobs as tears blur his vision. Crying for himself... his family... his friends... but he cried mostly for the one who loved him enough to allow himself to be raped.

********************************************************************************

Touma remained on the floor curled into a ball, sore, bloodied and beaten as tears streamed down his face. He shivered but didn’t bother to cover his nude body. Hearing the screeching of tires, as they grew more distant he spoke softly. “Come back... Please? Come back... Seiji, I love you... Don’t leave me here all alone.”

~*~*~*~*~

End of Chapter 4!

Chapter 5 is about to be started on.

Okay, here’s the deal... If ya want a chapter 5 you’ll have to let me know! No sense in wasting my time if no one is reading this thing. I love to write almost as much as I love my Touma-chan, so drop me a line and let me know what you think.

Author’s notes: I know Seiji may seem OOC here but keep in mind all he’s been through-He’s someone who is use to being in control of his emotions, so he is bound to crack big time from something so horrific as a rape, anyone would. Also I think I may have stated it once before, but I’ll do so again. I am not an expert on Japanese customs or traditions and therefore I an avoiding them. I know Seiji is suppose to be taking over the family Dojo, but I also feel that he has come to realize that sometimes you have to pursue your own dreams, rather then someone else’s.