Who Are You?
By Lars the Goddess
It was two years after the Marimaya crises when we first started to notice the changes. Before now, none of us other pilots had been around him much and didn't know him well enough to notice his brief abnormal episodes. However, we have long since overcome our differences and bonded in a way that only we could as Gundam pilots and troubled youths.
Soon after we went our separate ways, we each found that there was an empty spot that we couldn't fill with a normal life. We immediately decided that it must be from the lack of fighting and soon found ourselves being reunited when we each joined the Preventers. While learning to work together more willingly than before, we initially found what had been missing. We had all been looking for someone who could understand the trauma we were unfortunate to experience during our so-called childhood.
Although we never shared our stories, we had a silent understanding that gave us comfort and allowed us to continue on with our lives as we wished while enjoying the new found companionship we had formed.
We found ourselves hanging out constantly, from eating to just going out to unwind after a hard week of work. I wasn't around as much as the others because of my business which I was left to run, but I didn't let it stop me from forming unbreakable relationships with each of my fellow pilots.
This relationship was what drew my attention to my dearest friend’s strange behavior. It was only a month ago that I noticed, and even then I tried to explain it away as a delayed side effect from the long, hard battles we've had to fight as trouble continued to brew. We were on a mission when his behavior announced itself for the first time to my knowledge.
***
Working for the Preventers every once in a while wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be as they proved that they did understand my pacifistic ways and only sent me out on missions that wouldn't include killing. I guess they understand how much I loathe taking a life, no matter if they are the enemy. However, they can't always know when things won't be peaceful and I occasionally have to go against my beliefs when things go a little wrong.
Duo and I were on one of those aforementioned missions and neither one of us were aware of what would lay ahead as we went in with ever confidence that it would be a piece of cake. Unlucky for us, the fates proved that they were against us that day...
"Hey, Quatre," the braided pilot called to get his blond partner's attention.
"What is it?" Quatre asked as he continued to scan the crowd for the man they were looking for. They were across the street from a nice outdoors cafe where the leader of a small time resistance organization was known to conduct business. Their job was to simply make a quick and quiet arrest, the intelligence report informing them that security appeared to be non existent around this over confident man. However, even with the lack of guards, the man was proving to be hard to spot as the Arabian started his third scan of the crowded cafe.
"I think I found him," the violet-eyed man said, drawing Quatre's attention to where his gaze was directed.
"That's him alright! Let's arrest him and get this over with," the smaller man said as he headed out of the cover of the newspaper stand and quickly crossed the street with Duo following right behind him. The look of determination and their Preventers uniforms made their crossing easy as a small path opened up among the thick human traffic, allowing them to reach their target with little trouble.
Their quarry was sitting at a table towards the back of the sidewalk cafe, most likely to ensure privacy during any business transactions he might make there. He appeared to be alone at the moment, but as much as they would like to take in and question anyone who might meet him there, they neither had the time or the orders to do so. The blond soldier nodded as Duo gestured for him to circle around the other way as the braided pilot went to the right of the small circular table and it's occupant.
The man definitely had the look of money around him, from his Armani suit to his high-priced haircut that seemed designed to try and hide the gray hairs that invaded the man's dark locks. Moving quickly, the Arabian was almost to his position when Duo did an amazingly sporadic thing, completely baffling his partner.
Quatre watched in disbelief as the American sat down at the table with the surprised looking man. He had no idea what his friend had planned, but he didn't like it at all as he rushed to hear what he was saying. Deathscythe's pilot had a cold look on his face as he focused on the man across from him. He was sitting with his right hand on his gun while the other rested on the table, something glinting in the sunlight underneath of it.
The man had recovered from his momentary shock and was now returning the look as if he had nothing to worry about that he was in the company of a Preventer soldier who looked intent to kill him. The pale haired pilot came up behind Duo, watching his braid sway back and forth in the light breeze as his voice carried back to him.
"So, are you prepared to meet Shinigami? Because I have a feeling life is going to get very complicated for you if you don't do as I ask," he said as he lifted his right hand to reveal his gold cross lying on the table while looking completely innocent except for the fact that Quatre knew his friend never took it off for any reason. So why did he have it off now?
Not liking the situation at all, Sandrocks pilot placed his hand on the gun and made sure it was clear of its holster for a quick draw. He definitely didn't want to get caught off guard, especially when things were so confusing.
"And who is this Shinigami?" the man asked in a pompous voice.
The American shrugged, "None other than the God of Death."
"So, are you claiming to be him?"
Quatre waited with baited breath for the answer to the question that the other pilots were afraid to ask, but was cheated of the chance when all hell broke loose.
Three armed men came out of the crowd, pointing their firearms at the two Preventer soldiers. Unfortunately for them, Duo seemed to already have been aware of them and was standing and pointing his gun at the closest one before they could even make their first smug comment.
Quatre had also drawn his gun and was already covering the two men who were at Duo's back. One was pointing his gun the braided soldier's back while the other met Quatre's eyes and stance. Things were definitely not looking good for them.
"I'll give you one chance," Duo growled dangerously at the man in front of him and in his sights. "Either put down the gun or I'll shoot, claiming your soul for mine. Remember, the God of Death doesn't give second chances."
The man stared at him for one second in disbelief before doing the stupidest and last move of his lifetime. He twitched his trigger finger as he thought about killing his opponent which was all the prodding that the braided soldier needed. With an evil grin, Duo shot the man in the forehead, rolling to the right a second after as the dead mans finger convulsed against the trigger, sending a bullet in the direction the American had been seconds ago.
At the first sound of gunshots, the frozen crowd began to clear out in a panic as they realized the imminent danger that was now around them. As they rushed around him, knocking over tables and fellow humans, Quatre wasted no time as he dropped to the ground and rolled as well, not wishing to become an easy target. He didn't survive the war just to die in a simple shoot out, after all.
Coming up behind a toppled table, he aimed carefully, knowing that a stray bullet in the quickly thinning crowd could be tragic. Aiming to injure, he shot the man who had been facing him in the right shoulder, causing him to drop his gun as he fell to the ground with a cry of pain.
Looking to check on Duo as he rushed to collect the gun and cuff the man, he watched as his friend gunned down the last guard, even as a bullet grazed his left arm. Ignoring it, Duo swung around to the now sweating man as he stood up from his table in an attempt to run. The
violet-eyed man obviously wasn't going to have that, though, as he took a flying leap over the table and tackled the man to the hard concrete. The blond pilot watched in shock as Duo elbowed the man brutally in the face before slapping the handcuffs on. He then proceeded to elbow him one more time, hitting his head off the concrete, before dragging him to his feet and throwing him beside Quatre's prisoner.
He couldn't remember a time when Duo had been more ruthless as he stared at his friend’s disturbingly evil expression. "Duo?" he asked, drawing the man's face towards him, a confused look passing over his handsome features.
"What?" he asked as he looked at the prisoners with wonder.
"Umm...d...don't forget your cross," he said, afraid of the man that he had known for over two years now.
"Huh?" the American asked as his brow furrowed in confusion.
Quatre gestured towards the table their prisoner had been sitting at and Duo noticed his necklace sitting there, still shining in the afternoon sun.
"Oh, thanks," he said, turning to hide the strange expression that had crossed over his face at seeing his cross anywhere but around his neck. The braided pilot walked over and picked it up, quickly placing it back around his neck while Quatre began to haul the men to their feet so he could get them in their car and back to HQ where they could get medical attention before their interrogation.
The police and an ambulance arrived just as he was placing the resistance leader inside the back of the car and Quatre quickly gave them instructions to make a report on the site and have the bodies ready for an investigator from Preventers HQ to look at later. After, he climbed into the driver’s seat and turned on the sirens in order to get the four of them back to headquarters before someone bled to death or Duo went psycho again. He just had to figure his friend was a little tightly wound from the extra stress of late, but his actions could have gotten innocent people killed and he was going to confront him about it later.
***
Quatre watched from the doorway as his partner sat on the table looking like a lost child attempting to be brave while the doctor placed a few stitches in his arm where the bullet had passed. Duo had never seemed to be affected by such trivial pain like this before, and the blond man was wondering what could be wrong. He frowned as he watched the braided man stare at the ceiling an attempt to become lost in the plain white tiles high above.
The doctor apologized softly as Duo flinched from her ministrations, causing her to give a small smile. It was doubtful she ever had male patients acting like the violet-eyed man was now. She looked up into those eyes now, which had dimmed slightly as if seeing a memory from long ago. Her eyes softened at that almost timid look on the usually rambunctious soldier.
"There, all done," she said as she gestured for him to get up.
However, he didn’t budge as he began to hum a song softly to himself while rocking back and forth slightly, his right hand covering the fresh bandage on his arm.
She watched him for a moment, a slight look of worry in her eyes before she came to a decision. "I know it hurts a little, but the pain killers I gave you should start working at any minute. Until then, though, since you were such a good patient, perhaps you'd like a lollipop," she said as she produced a Blowpop from the pocket of her white coat.
Duo's eyes immediately lit up with childish glee as he was presented with one of his favorite snacks. Accepting it, he gave her a quick hug in thank you before pocketing it for later.
The doctor only laughed at this display, figuring it to be yet another of Deathscythe's pilot’s usual flirtations that he happily showered on any female in the Preventers that would accept them. Quatre, on the other hand, was having trouble believing that everything was all right no matter how many times he tried to convince himself. There was nothing he could do, though, at least not until he was sure, so he would settle for giving his friend a piece of his mind for the rash behavior he had displayed during the mission.
Walking up to the braided soldier who was just jumping down from the table, he stopped in front of him and locked eyes with him, his normally warm blue burning into the others face. He didn't even wait for the man to greet him before he laid into him, using a tone so harsh he could barely recognize his own voice.
"What were you thinking? You knew about those men, so why didn't you take them out quietly? Innocent people could have died!" he said, his voice raising to the point of almost yelling he was so upset.
Duo's eyes snapped up to his as they gained a little bit of their normal attitude once more. "Look man, I had everything under control," he said as he placed his hands behind his head.
"Yeah? You think so? What would you have done if someone had gotten hurt I the crossfire?" Quatre paused, too upset to continue for a moment. It just wasn't like Duo to risk innocent people so willingly. "Just promise me you'll think of that next time," Quatre said a little calmer before turning and walking away, giving Heero a nod as he passed by the Japanese pilot.
"What's wrong with him?" he asked as he approached the braided pilot.
"Awww, he's just mad because he had to shoot at someone. He'll be fine," Deathscythe's pilot said nonchalantly as he flung his leather Preventers jacket on.
The messy haired pilot gave him a funny look before shaking off the strange feeling those words gave him. It had to be nothing. Looking at his friend, he noticed the tear in his jacket. "You were hurt," he said, motioning to the large jagged tear that ran along the upper left arm of the coat.
Duo looked to the side to examine the split fabric carefully, "Awww, man, what am I gonna do?"
Heero just stood there watching, his entire body tensing when Duo's entire stance seemed to take on a completely different attitude.
"I...I have to go," the braided man said before passing his friend mumbling something that sounded strangely like Sister Helen as he turned and ran down the hall.
The Japanese pilot just shrugged, "Must be stress."
***
Duo sat in his room of his simple apartment, curled up on his unmade bed, his knees pulled up to his chest as he hugged his ruined jacket to his him. He had long since gave up studying the tear that now marred the otherwise perfect leather and was now mumbling to himself unintelligibly.
"Sister Helen...mad...she'll be...why'd I get into a fight...outfit nice...better...I’m ungrateful...I deSERVE MY RAGS!!!!!" he suddenly shouted as he threw the coat across the room to land on top of a lamp sitting near the edge of his dresser.
He watched in awe as it slowly started to wobble off balance before plummeting to the floor, the crystalline glass shattering as it skittered across the floor in every direction. He sat there silently, long after the sound had dissipated, staring in wonder at the shards of glittering glass that littered his wooden floor.
Slowly, he started to rock as he wrapped his arms around his legs and buried his face in the crook. He began to whimper as he rocked faster and faster, unable to still himself as the springs began to creak from the violence of his motion. The whimper began to grow louder as he thought of how he would have to face the sister's disappointed look and he soon found himself letting loose long, inhuman screams as the tears continued to stream down his face unchecked.
***
Two weeks had passed and Duo's mood swings were becoming more obvious and close together. At Quatre's request, he was taken off all missions and given 'important' paperwork that needed completed.
As with all paper work that was filed at Preventers HQ, someone always
found the time to double-check it in order to ensure the reliability of their files. Wufei was looking over some of the documents that his fellow pilot had handed over to him an hour ago when he noticed something strange. It was a report on a victim of an illness that was supposed to be long dead. The disease had originated on L2 but somehow managed to make its way to Earth years after the last reported incident.
The Chinese man read Duo's scrawled comments once more, being extra careful to make sure he hadn't made a mistake...
"Solo, why'd you leave me? How will we survive without you? You were our leader, but now they want me to take over. I don't think I can...I miss you."
Getting up, the dark haired man made his way to Duo's office with the strange document in hand. Entering the others small work space, he found the braided pilot sitting at his cluttered desk, staring at a muffin that was sitting on a pedestal of unfinished paper work with a strange look on his face.
"Duo?" Wufei said. There was no response as the violet-eyed boy remained focused on the round baked good. "What is this?" he tried to continue, hoping he could get the braided man's attention, even as his skin began to crawl from his friends odd behavior.
The other only began to mumble something and the Chinese soldier had to strain to make sense of what he was saying. "There isn't enough for everyone. I'll have to give up my share again so the younger ones can eat. If only I could have stolen more..."
"Duo, are you alright?" Wufei asked with worry etched into his slanted eyes. "Maybe I should get someone," he added to himself as he turned to leave.
Suddenly, the braided soldier looked up. "Hey, Wu-man. What do you need?" the cheery voice rang out across the room, bringing the Chinese pilot around seconds before he had exited the room. Thinking quickly, Wufei came up with an excuse. "Uh, nothing. I just came to see if you wanted to go to lunch, but I see you already have. See ya," the dark haired man said before beating a hasty retreat.
"Huh, usually he complains when I call him that. I wonder what's wrong with him," the American thought as he went back to work.
***
Things could only be said to get worse from there as the four of us started to take note of every moment he acted strange. We were congregated in the break room, each giving our reports on Duo's strange behavior as we tried to figure out how we should help him. Heero had tried to confront him earlier that week, but the braided pilot had only smiled and claimed he didn't know what he was talking about, which we decided could be entirely possible. We found that during the time when he was his old self, he continued on with life as he normally would when he wasn't suffering another attack from his personalities.
We had all long since agreed that our dear friend was a victim of multiple personality disorder and yet we were in denial. None of us wanted to see him locked up in a room after all he had been through to gain peace. He deserved a chance to experience that peace, and so, against our better judgement, we continued to pretend we didn't notice a thing. In doing so, we kept our routines the same when it came to eating lunch with him and hanging out after work. I think that we all were hoping that if he spent enough time with us, he would just snap out of it and be instantly cured, normal again.
I looked up as Trowa trailed off in the middle of one of his more disturbing tails of what Duo had done earlier this morning. The door had been flung open violently, and we were all frozen in surprise as the violet eyed soldier came flying through in a swirl of black, his hair loose and flowing out behind him. At that moment, I wanted to curse my empathic abilities as I was caught in an onslaught of his confused emotions, the strongest being a red-hot hatred. However, all I could do was hold my breath as I watched him walk towards us, clad in a pitch-black cloak that covered his Preventers uniform. Even at that moment, the only clear thought I could form was the question of where he could have found the flowing garment.
He stopped and stood in the middle of the room for a moment, his violet eyes gazing coldly at the group of us. I was finally forced to take a breath as I began to grow faint under his scrutiny. Finally, he ended the torture as he spoke, his voice low and ominous as his gaze fixed on Heero.
"Death has come for you," he said as he slowly glided towards the Japanese soldier. "You have tried to halt death on his mission and now you must relinquish your soul."
Heero's cold Prussian eyes followed his friend as he showed no reaction to what he had just heard. I could only guess that Duo was focusing on Heero because he had tried to help him. After all, the two got along wonderfully with only minor disagreements under normal situations. Unfortunately, this was not a normal situation. As he steadily neared the messy haired pilot, there was no smile on the man's face as the image of him with is thick chestnut hair surrounding him gave him an ethereal appearance. Moving seemed to be out of the question at that moment. Luckily, the others didn't seem to feel the same way as Trowa caught Wufei's eye.
Nodding to the dark haired soldier, they both acknowledged that they shared the same plan just in case Duo really meant to take Heero's soul. As one, they jumped behind the longhaired man and restrained his arms as best they could, considering they were concealed underneath the thick black cloak. The deranged man began to struggle for a few minutes before he lost his balance and toppled to the floor with the two pilots pinning him there. One held him down as the other pulled back the cloak to reveal his hand. Everyone's eyes grew wide as they saw the miniature scythe letter opener clutched tightly in their friends right hand. Duo had really meant to kill Heero.
Trowa was trying to pry the letter opener out of his longhaired friend's hand when the boy gave him a funny look. "Hey, what's the idea? If you really want to open a letter that bad, I'll just lend it to ya," he said cheerily as he began to sit up, releasing the scythe as he did so.
The green-eyed man immediately set the sharp object out of reach as Wufei helped the sick man up. Duo looked at the others with a curious gaze, "Hey, what's with all the strange looks? Don't you like the cloak? I figure it will make a killer Halloween costume. I have a friend who throws the best parties and every year we compete to see who can create the best one."
"You're right, it's a great costume," Quatre said, trying to hide the sadness in his voice because of his friend’s situation. He wasn't even going to mention that Halloween was another seven months away. Duo was too young and deserved better than what life had handed him. The fates were definitely against his friend and there didn't seem any way to combat them, unless they could convince him to see a psychiatrist.
"You know, Duo," Quatre began as he nodded to Heero who was already shutting the door in the hopes of giving them the chance to tell their fellow soldier their thoughts. "We're all worried about you. You haven't been acting yourself and we think you should maybe see a doctor," the Arabian boy said in a rush, his superior sensitivity failing him at the moment he needed it most.
Duo gave him an injured look. "You too? Why does everyone think there is something wrong with me just because I like to enjoy life? I don't need any type of help. I was a Gundam pilot for God's sake. I don't have to listen to this and you are obviously not my friends. NONE OF YOU!" he shouted the last as he shoved Heero aside and slammed the door open.
Everyone shared a look. They now knew that there was no helping him. They only hoped that the American pilot would realize the truth and seek help on his own. As much as it hurt, they now classified him as a lost cause.
***
Three hours had passed and the workday was over. Duo was still shut in his office where he had stormed after their brief talk with him. Quatre had finally decided that he would brave his friend’s anger if it only meant he would go home and get some rest.
Stopping in front of the nondescript door, he gave a soft knock and waited. After receiving no answer, he called out, before finally opening the door and letting himself in. Stepping through, he found the room was dark except for the light that spilled in through the open door. Quatre stood there, silhouetted in the fluorescent brilliance for many minutes, too afraid to go any farther for a moment.
Finally, he sucked in a deep, calming breath. "Duo?" he called out again as he reached out for the light switch. Still there was no answer as the blond flipped the switch, shedding yellow illumination throughout the room.
Looking towards the desk that sat alone in the middle of the small, impersonal office, Quatre found the longhaired man sitting there with his head resting on a large pile of paper work. He shook his head, assuming that after his outburst Duo had returned and worked himself to the point of exhaustion in an attempt to forget. Walking to his friend’s side, Quatre placed a hand lightly on the boy's muscular shoulder and gave him a gentle shake. "Duo, you should really go home now. A good night's sleep in your own bed will do you wonders I’m sure," he said as he shook his friend again.
The man didn't respond, causing the Arabian to become worried. "Duo? Duo...wake up!" he yelled as he shook the boy harder.
Long chestnut hair spilled to the side as his head lolled to the right, giving Quatre a view of his glassy eyes as they stared wide and lifeless at the wall to the side of his desk. "No...no...no," the blond whispered to himself as the truth of the matter soaked in to his mind.
Just then, the other guys showed up to check on him and make sure everything was all right when he took so long. One look at the scene told them what had happened as Heero began to pull a now frantic Quatre away from the American's side and Trowa reached tentatively towards a piece of paper that was lying on the desk where Duo's head had been laying before.
Picking it up, he read it out loud.
"I know you guys think I’m sick, and I’m beginning to agree with you. I've found myself missing entire chinks of my day, and waking up in strange places and situations. I don't completely understand it all, but I know something isn't right about me. The looks you all direct towards me when you don't think I’m looking are enough to prove it. However, when you said that I should seek help, I immediately knew I couldn't go through with it. I didn't fight in a damn war to spend the peace and my freedom locked up in some loony bin. I truly think that it's better this way. And, hey, I plan on doing it without a mess, so don't worry. I'm going to take this entire bottle of prescription painkillers that I had for these killer headaches I’ve been getting. Well, I hope you all have a great life and never have to go through what I’ve been through. You guys were the greatest friends in the world, no matter what I said earlier. Your Grateful and Loving Friend, Duo Maxwell"
Trowa's voice faded to silence after the last syllable and everyone stood in silence, each lost in their own deep thoughts. Finally, they looked towards Duo and nodded. "We wish you well, friend, in your new life," Trowa said before turning and leaving, the other three following behind him. They would call an ambulance to get his body and then prepare a funeral appropriate for their brave friend and fellow Gundam pilot.