A Pen Pen for your Thoughts

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER: The Great Train Robbery

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW: Crushing Your Citizens' Hopes: A Guide for Dictators

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME: Hangman, naturally

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Walking Weekly

5. FAVORITE SMELL? BLOOD

6. FAVORITE SOUND? BLOOD

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Not being able to think of something witty and clever for a question asking for the worst feeling in the world in some online quiz that has been sent to you, and the answer of the person who sent it was witty, putting more pressure on me to think of something really clever and then failing miserably

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Will they find the body today?

FAVORITE COMFORT FOOD? Baked Cat

10. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? Cat in the Box

11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Alexander Rodriguez William Nicholas Fredrique the Third

12. FINISH THIS STATEMENT: "IF I WON THE LOTTERY, I WOULD... purchase a small island and establish my own military fortress with which to threaten the world

13. DO YOU DRIVE FAST? Only if the cops are chasing me

14. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Yes, I had my pet Possum, Snugglepuff, stuffed by a taxidermist

15. STORMS--COOL OR SCARY? Cool, if my enemies are struck by lightning

16. CAR? 1917 Jalopy

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT: "IF I HAD ALL THE TIME THAT I WANTED, I WOULD LOVE TO... stab random objects at will… but I do that anyway

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? And fall into the trap of the Broccoli Conspiracy? I think not.

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Transparent

20. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Half full, of deadly poison being used to try and kill me

21. HOW MANY DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS HAVE YOU LIVED IN? Does my mind count as a separate city, or a whole bunch of cities?

22. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX? On top of a freight train en route.

23. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Strip Curling

24. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS: They are neat.

25. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? Me.

26. TOILET PAPER AND PAPER TOWELS--OVER OR UNDER: Over or under the toilet?

27. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU E-MAILED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY RESPOND? Myself, in which case I would respond, in which case I would respond to myself, then myself will respond to me.

28. LEAST LIKELY? A rotted corpse.

29. WHAT'S THE FURTHEST YOU'VE TRAVELED FROM HOME ON VACATION? About 2030 furlongs.

30. FAVORITE AMERICAN PRESIDENT? Me.

31. FAVORITE ANIMAL? Ebola virus

32. FAVORITE ANCIENT CIVILIZATION? The Canadians.

33. WHAT'S YOUR PHOBIA? Toasters

34. LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL? cat

35. FAVORITE RESTAURANT? Al's Butchery

36. LEAST ENJOYABLE TRIP YOU'VE EVER BEEN ON? To Al's Butchery Store

37. MOST INTRIGUING HISTORICAL FIGURE: Gilbert Godfrey

38. IF YOU WERE GIVEN $100 RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU BUY? A large hat

39. WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU WOULD NEVER EAT? Pepsi -2/15/03