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A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
Jimmy Fallon: A PP Biography
A few weeks ago, A&E aired a biography on actor/comedian/all-around annoying person Jimmy Fallon, despite the fact that he is still rather young and is not yet dead from some horrible/well-deserved tragedy. In order to correct this, we will take a look at what the future of Jimmy Fallon holds, based on scientific breakthroughs in the realm of quantum physics and a large box of apple juice, we proudly present – Jimmy Fallon: A PP Biography:
Today we’ll take a look at the tragic life and death of Jimmy Fallon and the bomb-filled career leading up to it.
Due to a contractual obligation that was either overlooked or ignored when signing onto the first Taxi film, the contract stipulated that Fallon was to do three more sequels as well. The producer of the third Taxi film comments, “by the fifth day of shooting he was showing up to the set with a hangover from the night before. Strangely, his acting didn’t get any worse, it’s possibly because he was never really good in the first place, but we weren’t allowed to talk about his abilities and lack thereof in front of him or he’d get upset.”
On an occasion such as this a crewmember commented on Fallon’s poor performance that day and Fallon is said to have responded by making unfortunate remarks about the crewmember’s mother before he started to cry and curled into the fetal position on the floor of the set while cameras were still rolling. Part of this made it into the final cut of the film because it made it look like Fallon was actually showing emotion in his acting.
After completing the film and having no other offers for work, and due to an oncoming bankruptcy from an expensive Cheez-Its habit, Fallon tried to go back to his start, Saturday Night Live. After rejoining the show, his performance seemed below par, even for Jimmy Fallon. It didn’t make things any easier when he was informed that his previous position on the show as “funny song guy” had been replaced by a new cast member impersonating Jimmy Fallon’s comedy style, impersonating Adam Sandler’s comedy style.
A close personal friend commented, “It was tragic to him, absolutely tragic. After that, he… he, uh, went even further into the Cheez-Its box.” After this incident, Fallon’s addiction to Cheez-Its only grew when he was introduced to the other kinds of Cheez-Its available out there. It was a box he would never be able to crawl out of, and certainly couldn’t act his way out of.
When it came time to make the fourth installment of the Taxi franchise, Fallon had become overweight and only slightly more obnoxious than he already was. Taxi would have been categorized as a “buddy comedy” even though it was a complete failure and not worth the money to make it. However, in between Taxi 3 and Taxi 4, the “buddy” role had become vacant. America was made well aware of the dangers of trying to eat wild boars while they’re still alive after the tragic death of Queen Latifah and the establishment of the Eating Wild Boars Is Not A Good Idea Foundation or EWINAGIF.
In her place, a seal named Bubbles was cast to fill the role. Being slightly more attractive, the creator’s were hoping to bring in a small amount of sexual appeal in hopes of at least breaking even monetarily this time. However, the film would never see the light of day. Shortly after filming started, tragedy struck. The first person to come across the bloated body of Jimmy Fallon comments, “It was just… such a horrible sight, he, he was lying there with the… the partially eaten body of Bubbles lying next to him. Poor Bubbles. Poor, poor Bubbles.”
Whilst in the midst of one of his Cheez-It binges, Jimmy Fallon’s box ran out, and so had his time. After running out of Cheez-Its to eat, Fallon started eating anything in sight to sate his desire. Unfortunately for Bubbles, a meeting between the two was scheduled to go over part of the script that evening. After attacking Bubbles in his frenzy and biting his neck Fallon continued on his rampage. Bubbles was killed almost instantly. Fallon eventually bit into a mercury thermometer that happened to be lying around, killing him. Such ended the life of Jimmy Fallon, and his career, although that had already died some time earlier. –11/14/04
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