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A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
Cheese Hurling
A protester, who I will now casually and without any regard to this man’s intentions, dub “the Cheese Hurler”, recently attacked Prime Minister Howard of the great, wonderful, and well-groomed continent of Australia. Luckily, the weapon used in the incident missed the Prime Minister, the weapon in question being a bag of cheese. As of yet, I have not been able to locate any reports detailing what kind of cheese was in the bag. However, you can bet my nonexistent journalistic integrity and devotion that I’ll find out somehow.
It may have even been some sort of foul-smelling cheese, adding insult to the non-inflicted injury. I have been searching for different kinds of Australian cheese and found two prominent kinds, both of which are aged, so stinky is likely if the now infamous “Cheese Hurler” used a specifically Australian type of cheese. And if I happen to order these in quantities of $75 or more I’ll have them shipped to me for absolutely free, a tempting offer indeed.
The “Cheese Hurler” said, “I’m going to present this cheese to you because you and your mate are past your used by date and you’ll soon be looking for jobs.” Which, isn’t something that you can chant very well, though the little rhyme in the middle is a nice touch. It is not clear why cheese was chosen, though it’s been speculated it was because one of the Prime Minister’s lawmakers was called “a lying rodent,” or the issue of the deregulation of the dairy industry, or perhaps the man had some cheese and a bag lying around and figured it’d be better than some sort of bomb, or maybe it was an attack on his hygiene, or it could have been a reference to his governing abilities being similar to a bag of cheese, which is insulting I’m guessing.
I guess the reason will remain one of life’s greatest mysteries, unless someone, you know, asks Mr. Cheese Hurler. At least one other person in Australia agrees with this assessment of the Prime Minister, making some remark about his parents being unmarried and other obviously good-spirited challenges to his “policies.” This attack took place at a campaign stop near Tweed River, probably named for the leader of the infamous Tweed Ring in New York, that or the luggage manufacturing company. The throw was done in front of a large group of media, meaning there’s probably dramatic slow motion of the cheese flying through the air somewhere.
If cheese hurling were to be made an Olympic sport, which some sources tell me is quite likely given the influence of the cheese hurling industry, this man would undoubtedly have failed to medal, considering the bag of cheese landed at the Prime Minister’s feet. Unless of course that was his goal, but that’s kind of absurd, I mean, if you’re throwing a bag of cheese at someone, you’ll aim for the head, because an impact to the head would produce the most humorous result. - 9/5/04
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