Pen Pen's Evangelion
A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
Failed Writings: Part 5: Pirates
Attempt 1: Pirate Haiku
Pirates chasing me
When they chase me in my dreams
They wear green top hats.
Attempt 2: The act of piracy can be traced all the way back to Sir Loin of Yorktown in 588 A.D. His first act as a pirate was a complete failure, resulting in the loss of both an eye and a leg, setting a trend for future pirates who would often mutilate themselves to appear similar to Loin. This is odd, because Loin is one of the most incompetent pirates in recorded and unrecorded history. He only captured a single vessel, it was carrying tigers and lions, after which the cages broke and his crew was eaten. However, Sir Loin later made great strides in the realms of beggary and vagrantism after “retiring” from piracy.
Attempt 3: Despite popular beliefs, if a group of pirate radio and TV operators were to go up against a group of actual pirates the pirate radio and TV operators would win. You see, years of battling against the FCC has hardened the pirate radio and TV people into a group of ruthless killers, while the pirates at sea remain cheerful, happy, and disorganized, due in large part to booze. The decline of the sea pirate can be closely associated with the reduction in shipping of valuable goods by sea, particularly gold and silver, though plenty of booze is still shipped by sea, which is of great importance to the few remaining pirates.
Attempt 4: I found a map that had the location of hidden treasure on it. I had gone to great lengths to acquire this map, which was made by a group of pirates who hid their treasure and then made a map detailing where the treasure is, in case they forget I suppose. I quickly follow the instructions, driving down 40th Street and then turning onto Armcastle Drive, getting so close. It’s a good thing the pirates of old thought to draw the map onto an existing city street map.
Attempt 5: A Pirate’s Song
Pillage, pillage, all day long, and then I like to sing this song.
Raping women in the sun, all day long, so much fun!
Attack a town full of gold, kill the young, beat the old!
Catching scurvy with my crew, with bleeding gums it’s hard to chew.
Off the plank a prisoner goes, he won’t last long down below.
Chasing ships on the seas, sinking French ones with great ease!
Attempt 6: Internet piracy is a crime and a serious one at that. Downloading movies, porn, music, video games, and even more porn illegally makes you a criminal, not only that, it actually makes you a pirate. Now, you may wonder, what exactly is a pirate? Back in the old days, pirates were stereotypically sick, disgusting, unhygienic, and downright mean people. Think about it next time you want to download something. Do you want a parrot to crap on your shoulder? Do you?
Attempt 7: O, my sweet and scurvy-ridden love
How I miss the food particles in your beard
The way your gums bleed when we kiss
The way your glass eye gleams in the moonlight
The way you tap rhythms on your wooden leg
The way your stereotypical nature enthralls me
The salty ocean waves are like the tears upon my face – 9/13/04
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