Pen Pen's Evangelion
A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
Gnome Snatchers
We all know of several terrorist groups that are active in today’s world. But there is one such group that seems to stay out of the bright lights of scrutiny and media coverage. They are the Garden Gnomes Liberation Front. Based in France these horrible fiends “liberate” garden gnomes from flower beds and lawns. The Garden Gnomes Liberation Front (FLNJ, don’t ask me where they got that acronym) takes these helpless gnomes away from their well-kept lawns and owners. The group operates in seven member raids in honor of the sacred dwarves from the legendary tales of Snow White and believe she is their driving force. How could this group defame and dishonor the name of Snow White so? It is an unthinkable and despicable act. The members leave behind falsified notes that are clamed to be from the gnomes, but even if they were, they obviously force the poor gnomes to write them.
They mask themselves at night and conduct these fiendish acts. There seems to be several cells of the fiendish organization spread throughout France. Some leave notes saying they will “reeducate” the gnomes. They paint the gnomes in different colors so their owners could not identify them even if they found them. They “free” the gnomes into the forest after this. The forest where gnome-eating predators lurk. Such a horrible fate may befall these gnomes I cringe at the thought of it. There are currently three wings with the original and most radical cell based in Alencon and they have named themselves the “Historic Wing.” These groups model themselves on the guerrillas on the island of Corsica. Why can’t these people be stopped? Where is the police during these ferocious attacks upon the gnome community?
That is almost as shocking as the crime itself. Apparently, the police have not launched into an official investigation because none of the owners have filed an official complaint. I know, I was shocked as well. How could these owners not be flocking to the police stations the moment they realize their precious gnomes have been taken? It’s beyond absurd that someone could not care. Then, it hit me. The organization is threatening the owners with the lives of their beloved gnomes and if they dare report their activities to the police, they cannot hope to ever see the gnomes again. There is also another possibility. It could be that the government is harboring these terrorists for their own diabolical reasons. Who knows what they could use gnome-stealing commandoes for in their insidious plotting. Maybe the group is actually in training for a trip to other countries, to steal our gnomes! Such a thing is too horrible to fathom.
Many of the gnomes have been recovered but the owners have not identified them and come forward to claim them. After reports of these lost gnomes reached the United States, many school children sent letters asking to “adopt” these poor gnomes. Luckily, the police have said the gnomes cannot be exported. This is a good turn of events, have they forgotten that the gnomes were “reeducated?” If they came to the United States a whole network of sleeper gnomes would pop up. We have enough problems already, what with the wild killer gnomes roaming the fields of the Midwest, the last thing we need are reeducated gnomes from France. Our lawn gnomes are not assaulted in any such way and are not identified with the evil gnomes that creep about. They enjoy a quiet and prosperous life with little crime and wrongdoings. If these reeducated gnomes came to the United States it would be catastrophic for the lawn gnome community. The organization has been quiet for some time now, but who knows when their group, or one like it will strike next, and where? -11/16/03
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