A Pen Pen for your Thoughts

Webmaster: Greetings. Webmaster here, as you might have guessed from the whole “Webmaster” thing. Of course I do realize not all of the readers are so astute and not everyone who goes to this site has things like “common sense“ or “intelligence,” but at least they’re all literate. That’s a plus. Anyways, on to the topic. What do you all think?

Personality A: I think it’s absurd. I mean, come on, Leatherface isn’t a schizophrenic so why do they say that in the title? If I go see a movie talking about schizophrenic psychos in the title, I expect some schizo killin’ action!

Webmaster: But you aren’t offended?

Personality A: You betcha! Where’s the laws about false advertising in Greece! What are they pagans or something, or at least pagans with an outdated law system.

Webmaster: Now, let’s not get the Greeks against us, we already have the French against us, we don’t want another military might to despise us….

*All laugh*

Webmaster: I, of course, don’t mean any offense to the Greeks, the French, well that’s another matter. But anyways, I meant, are you offended as a schizophrenic yourself?

Personality A: Not me, I don’t care about that nonsense, so what if the guy in the movie is a killer and a schizophrenic (which he WASN’T)? Doesn’t affect me at all.

Personality B: Let me say, I am deeply hurt by this offensive and insufferable act by the Grecian film distribution industry, a normally proud and renowned group… I think.

Webmaster: So, this does have you upset?

Personality B: Like I just said, it does. It’s insulting and demeaning to us.

Webmaster: How?

Personality B: Well, as the Greek psychiatric community said, it reproduces the stereotype that everyone suffering from schizophrenia is violent and dangerous.

Personality A: I’ve never heard of tha-

Personality C: Kill! Kill! Rape! Pillage! Burn!

Personality A: -t stereotype ever before. I think those psychiatrists must have their own delusions. Look at all the modern schizophrenic has brought us… like, Jim Carrey was humorous as a schizophrenic. And… well, there’s probably others.

Personality B: In the movie one of his personalities was violent and angry though, perpetuating this horrible stereotype.

Personality A: No, he was just angry, he wasn’t really “violent and dangerous” or anything like that.

Personality C: You know what I think? I think we should reenact Leatherface’s noble crusade to wear skin masks and hats and kill people and other violent and unnecessary things! And wear more hats of different sorts!

Webmaster: …Well, that’s just wonderful. Any other opinions?

Personality C: Except we won’t just use a chainsaw, oh no! We’ll have a wide array of weaponry and cutting and chopping and slicing and dicing materials to cut through almost any and all materials! Say goodbye to Mister Leathershoe!

*SLICE*

Personality D: Wowie! And how much is that set of murdering and mayhem?

Personality C: Today you can get it all for the low, low price of $19.95!

Personality D: What a deal! But I’m not so sure, I could use $19.95 for a lot of things. A lot of murderin’ things.

Personality C: Well don’t worry, we’ll throw in this free stapler! It can bind pieces of paper together mercilessly and quickly! Plus, it matches your murder n’ mayhem set!

Personality D: All that for only $19.95?!

Personality C: You know what? Just for you, I’ll make it even a better deal and sell it all for just $14.99! I’ll even throw in a lifetime warranty for all of these fine products!

Personality D: What a deal! I sure can’t pass that up!

Personality E: Pen Pen’s Evangelion is not responsible if you are arrested for using the murder n’ mayhem kit as it’s meant to be used or if you accidentally use the murder n’ mayhem kit on yourself, your pet, your lawn, your property, someone else’s property or anything at all. Stapler does not include staples. If the stapler isn’t a stapler and just a block of wood, Pen Pen’s Evangelion can not be held responsible, as a block of wood could be considered a stapler in some areas. Murder n’ Mayhem kit is not guaranteed to create mayhem of any sort. Warranties void in New Hampshire and South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico and California and Texas and New York and South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan and Washington D.C. All warranties everywhere are considered null and void as soon as the package containing the kit is opened. - 2/1/04