A Pen Pen for your Thoughts

April 1926
I saw Eva Braun again today, sometimes I feel she doesn’t know I exist. I hope one day to stick out in the crowd. People at work made fun of my moustache again today. They have no idea how much that hurts me. One day I’ll show them, perhaps I should just tell them how I feel, or I could bundle all my feelings into a little ball of hatred and then unleash it upon the world. I love my little ball of hatred. That and snicker doodles.

December 1933
I finally did it! I finally became Chancellor. Oh, I have such plans! Eva Braun looked at me again today too! Oh, I’m so giddy! Today I feel like I’m the happiest superior human being on the face of the earth (which will incidentally soon be under my Aryan thumb!). Well, I got to go, Himmler’s calling, he’s such an odd chicken farmer and he makes such a delectable chicken stew too. I’ve got places to be and genocides to plan!

May 1941
I’m so happy! Soon I’ll be attacking that gruff old Stalin! He has no chance to stand against my armies! I got some flowers today from some lovely Aryan woman. They smell so nice. I put them in a little vase on the mantle at my mountain retreat. I also went shopping today and bought myself another pair of tan pants. I just love tan so much. It really accentuates my megalomania, or at least that’s what Goebbels tells me. He’s such a sweet little guy, I could just eat him up!

February 1942
Sometimes I feel like nobody likes me! I was looking through a newspaper from America and they had this cartoon of me acting like an idiot! Sometimes I feel so alone as head of an evil empire trying to reach around the world and purge all who I think undesirable. It’s not an easy thing to do all the time. I’m worried about Göring. He’s gotten so heavy, I keep telling him to watch what he’s eating, but he doesn’t do it! One day I’ll have to just tell him “no more steak or no more planes!” I might have to tell him that soon anyways, because we’re being bombed a lot. They sure do look like pretty fireworks sometimes.

July 1944
Well, those meanie Americans are on our land now! Sometimes I just get so mad it makes wish I could kill more people than I am already! I overslept on the day of the invasion, I know I shouldn’t stay up late watching TV but those weekly sitcoms about the Aryan way of life are just so darned entertaining! I don’t think I could ever give them up, why, I’d rather shoot myself while simultaneously taking a poison tablet and then have my body burned! Of course that’s just silly talk.

April 1945
Guess what? I finally got the courage to ask Eva to marry me! And… she said YES!! I’m so happy, I’d probably be happier if my empire wasn’t collapsing around this very room, but you can only wish for so much in life as my mom always said. I’ll probably have to kill her and myself soon though. That’s kind of a downer, but I’m still so darned excited! Well, I got to go give my old dog a cyanide tablet, bye! -4/25/04