Pen Pen's Evangelion
A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
Interesting Conspiracy
I've heard some strange and laughable theories at different points in time. I've heard illogic coming forth from people as if it were the mighty Mississippi. I've heard screams at night and little elves whispering in my ears to burn things from time to time. Now, I have heard an unbelievable theory that must be shared with the world, although not for credibility. I held a very interesting conversation with someone about the current Iraq situation. And apparently, our goal is to put McDonalds' throughout Iraq. This was also our goal in Afghanistan and Russia. I guess the destruction of the Taliban and the Soviet Union was only a secondary goal to the spreading of Big Macs and Happy Meals. Now you may be thinking this isn't credible at all, but let the whole argument flesh out a bit more.
The next stage of the discussion went on with even more new details revealed. Apparently, freedom and democracy is just a cover for McDonalds' plan to rule the world or serve it delicious meals, he didn't really elaborate about that part too much and I was too astounded by this new revelation as to try and clarify. I mean, its been going on right under our noses, which have been cleverly deceived by the intoxicating smells of fries and meat patties. How blinded have we been by the welcoming smile of Birdie? Perhaps Hamburglar is trying to help us; after all they've obviously imprisoned him for something, look at his outfit. Of course Grimace is on the side of good as well. They are leading the resistance against the evil mastermind of this plot.
The evil head of the McDonald's plot is obviously Ronald McDonald himself. Just look at him, with his red hair and make-up; the color of blood I might add. His power reigns supreme over the rest of The Corporation, as he calls it. The Fryguys shake in terror at his very stare. When his afro casts a shadow upon the floor, his servant McNuggets avert their eyes and fear permeates every pore of their nuggety bodies. Mountains of cows sacrifice themselves in honor of him and give up their young ones in his very name. His hands reach every portion of every "restaurant," and grasp young teenagers named Ted and Kyle for his cause. Do not be upset, for they know not what they do. These young ones are just lost and looking for some sort of rebellion, with the end goal of international conquest, but who hasn't been involved or even led a scheme of world domination at least once. I know I have, I'm currently leading one in fact, which is all the more reason to stop this at once.
Of course one main course of the plot is probably to bring the youth into his grasp. Such is the reason that videos have come with Happy Meals about his adventures, a form of propaganda that has slipped past many unwatchful eyes. He is truly devious. How has Ronald survived all of this time anyways? He never ages and has been around for years. Perhaps he is a vampire; think about it, the clothes cover his entire body except for his face, which is buried in red hair and endless layers of make-up to protect him from the sun. He may even be Dracula himself. Although I have no proof of this, do any McDonald's meals have garlic? I think that speaks for itself. Is this plot just a front for another one to advance the vampiric agenda?
How has this plot escaped the eye of the world press and governments? Just what kind of contacts does Ronald have? Are other fast-food chains involved, know of the plot, or are they in cahoots with McDonald's and all the "competition" is just a clever ploy? Will the Burger King submit unquestionably to the rule of Emperor Ronald? These questions filled my mind immediately after this startling revelation. This person had somehow uncovered this devious and cunning scheme. And at first I laughed at it. Recently, the McDonalds' in Great Britain announced they would be serving fruit and low calorie salads. What place this serves in the conquest plot can only be speculated. They say it is to offer more variety to their menu, but I will not be so easily fooled.
I know that Ronald would do nothing without advancing his agenda. It is possible that the lawsuits against the company for making people "obese" were actually set up by Ronald. Now, he will start offering healthier food items and after getting our health back, we will pledge our love for McDonalds' and any ill will towards them will vanish. At this point, with support of healthy new allies, and his armies of food chains throughout Iraq and the rest of the world, Ronald will strike and all will be lost. For nothing of mortal manufacture can oppose the might of an evil clown. It will truly be a dark day for all, except for Ronald, which will probably be a bright day for the demented clown of fast foods. We must prepare for this day. We must be ready to fight.
At this point, the wise sage who had exposed this plot to me revealed the final part of this dastardly and maniacal scheme. He said that in order for the plan to succeed Ronald had a key ally. Finally, I thought, his one weakness. To eliminate this "ally," would destroy every hope of his conquest. Whoever this ally, this enemy of all that is good, this scourge of the earth, this not nice group or person, this ally that deserves to live in scum and garbage, this ally that should be beaten with large boards, this bad, evil, debauched, merciless, cruel, unsavory, unscrupulous, shameless, naughty, causer of lactose intolerance, kicker of cute bunny rabbits, hater of nice people, and all around rude person or group must be destroyed in a way befitting of such a long and unnecessary sentence. The ally was cats... Cats? Now that's just absurd. What kind of lunatic is this person? Cats!? Sure they're evil, but they wouldn't ally with Ronald or anyone. What a ridiculous thing to say. At that point I realized that this person was actually crazy and his argument held no basis in reality… with the cats thing at least. -3/2/03
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