A Pen Pen for your Thoughts

Interviewer: Today I am interviewing the creator and maintainer of the website Pen Pen’s Evangelion.

Webmaster: Hello.

Interviewer: So, how do you feel about your website so far?

Webmaster: Well, the website is still in it’s beginning stages but I hope to do great things in the future.

Interviewer: At six months, what are your plans for the future?

Webmaster: As always I am dedicated to expanding media and getting up sections that are not yet made or finished such as analysis and episode summaries.

Interviewer: But, haven’t you been promising those will be up since your website first started?

Webmaster: (starts sweating profusely) Well…um…yeah.

Interviewer: And what about the miscount on your part last month, you said it was six months when it was actually five.

Webmaster: (somewhat angrily) Well, we all make mistakes.

Interviewer: And what a mistake that was, I mean, Geez can you even count?

Webmaster: Let’s move on.

Interviewer: I mean, a whole month

Webmaster: Listen…

Interviewer: (laughing hysterically)

Webmaster: (yelling) Just Drop It!

Interviewer: chuckle… Okay, snicker, so have you searched for help concerning your numerical difficulties?

Webmaster: (angrily) Enough!

Interviewer: (in between laughs) Have you been back to Kindergarten?

Webmaster: Just move on!

Interviewer: (sitting back up) Very well…uhhh…Where was I? Oh, now that you’ve lost all credibility and respect how do you propose maintaining your website?

Webmaster: (making his hands into fists)

Interviewer: Moving on. What do you plan on doing with media?

Webmaster: Well, I hope to continue adding images and sounds. I may also reorganize the image section for convenience.

Interviewer: What is your response to reports that you are a “psychotic lunatic unable to count without using his fingers?”

Webmaster: (shocked and appalled) Who said that!?

Interviewer: (continuing)… an incompetent monkey roaming about cyberspace

Webmaster: What!?

Interviewer: (continuing) a very naughty person who is reckless, foolish, and as dumb as an ant with brain damage. One who has a short temper and it is barely understood as an amoeba such as he could type without using his mass to press random keys as he is incapable of communication due to lack of brain power.

Webmaster: (filled with rage) Who said this!?

Interviewer: I’m sorry. I am unable to reveal my sources.

Webmaster: (pummels interviewer until he admits he made it up and it was untrue)

Interviewer: (bloodied and dazed) What is the greatest part of your wonderful website, mighty Webmaster?

Webmaster: (smirking) The Pen Pen For Your Thoughts section.

Interviewer: Why?

Webmaster: It is a section completely unique to my website and is updated frequently.

Interviewer: Do you respect the fans of your website?

Webmaster: Yes, I believe so.

Interviewer: Who is your biggest fan?

Webmaster: I don’t know.

Interviewer: You are avoiding the question.

Webmaster: No

Interviewer: Why don’t you give an actual answer?

Webmaster: I don’t follow.

Interviewer: You are an incompetent fool.

Webmaster: You are the foolish one.

Interviewer: How?

Webmaster: Because of your foolishness

Interviewer: Your answers are inadequate

Webmaster: I respectfully deny your opinion

Interviewer: Why don’t your mp3s work?

Webmaster: That is due to a problem currently undergoing processing

Interviewer: What do you mean by that?

Webmaster: It has been acknowledged and will be corrected when time permits it.

Interviewer: When will that be?

Webmaster: (with a blank look)…Soon.

Interviewer: Do you plan on getting a dot COM?

Webmaster: It has been considered and it may come to fruition.

Interviewer: So you don’t know?

Webmaster: …Yes

Interviewer: Yes you know?

Webmaster: No I don’t

Interviewer: Don’t what?

Webmaster: Know

Interviewer: No as in no or as in to know?

Webmaster: What?

Interviewer: Why are you avoiding the question?

Webmaster: (confused) What is the question?

Interviewer: I just said ‘Why are you avoiding the question’?

Webmaster: No, I mean what is the question you are talking about?

Interviewer: What about reports that you are an evil genius planning to take over the world?

Webmaster: They are untrue.

Interviewer: Ah! So, you finally admit to being an idiot.

Webmaster: No!

Interviewer: So you are an evil genius.

Webmaster: No!

Interviewer: For what reason should we believe an evil genius with plans of world domination?

Webmaster: Because I’m not an evil genius

Interviewer: So you say.

Webmaster: Yes, I do.

Interviewer: Very well, can you describe your plans for world domination?

Webmaster: I just explained to you that I am not an evil genius

Interviewer: You never denied being evil or having plans for world domination. So?

Webmaster: No.

Interviewer: Ah. So the plans are secret.

Webmaster: No, they…

Interviewer: Then tell them to me.

Webmaster: There are no plans!

Interviewer: Oh. So…you plan to wing it?

Webmaster: No, I don’t

Interviewer: So do you have plans or don’t you? It’s either one or the other.

Webmaster: Listen, I am not evil and do not have plans or intend to take over the world.

Interviewer: Right (looks at him suspiciously). What mistakes did you make concerning profiles.

Webmaster: Well…after typing these files they were sabotaged without my knowing.

Interviewer: You didn’t think to check them before you put them up? Some were obvious considering one said Unit 2 contained a petting zoo, microwaves, and toasters.

Webmaster: It was not expected.

Interviewer: So they stayed up for how long?

Webmaster: Quite some time.

Interviewer: And you never noticed?

Webmaster: No.

Interviewer: What happened when you noticed?

Webmaster: I fixed them and found the perpetrator. I now take precautions before the uploading of documents and look them over.

Interviewer: So you fixed all of them immediately?

Webmaster: (nervously) Yes

Interviewer: I have reports from an inside source that some were only fixed a few weeks ago.

Webmaster: Who told you this?

Interviewer: (silent)

Webmaster: (peering maliciously)

Interviewer: (nervously looking around) I think that concludes the interview. Are you satisfied?

Webmaster: (still peering maliciously)

Interviewer: Right. (slowly gets up and runs off)

Webmaster: (still peering maliciously) -3/12/02