Pen Pen's Evangelion
A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
Juicer Quest
There once was a lad from Oslo, Sweden who sought a large juicer for the legendary mammoth oranges of his native land, which inevitably sent him and a small party of other lads off on a journey to the far corners of the world, but first he stopped to buy a miniature cougar from a local shop dealer who he then called Phil even though Tom was the shopkeeper’s name. He then named his mini-cougar “Phil.” As he journeyed onward to the neighboring country of New Hampshire, he noticed the population of local cave-dwelling squirrels was sick with a vicious disease that spread rapidly among their ranks through “doing the nasty,” but after many tries he was unable to help the wavering squirrel population. During this time he mysteriously lost half his party to disease.
He set sail from the lands of New Hampshire in search of some sort of specialty store for giant juicers. He immediately came across one, but rejected it, because it was one of the fabled evil juicers of old that chopped the skin and everything else you put in it into juice as well, so due to this immense evil the brave lad decided to sail on, well, also due to the fact that it required giant batteries. So off he went, until a terrible storm blew him off-course, or as far off-course as you can be when wandering the ocean looking for juicers, to a land filled with roaming buffalo driving Toyotas. After two fatal hit-and-runs perpetrated by the buffalos, they departed, but not before setting fire to the island. In their haste to leave the blazing isle they sailed into a one of the dreaded tolled seas, spending quite a bit of time trying to find pocket change as angry buffalo chased them in their special Toyota boats.
Following the crudely connect-the-dots map they got from the back of a kid’s menu, they managed to sail around the giant sea snakes, sea dragons, sea urchins, sea buffalo, sea squirrels, and sea salespeople. But halfway through their journey the helmsman realized that someone had mis-connected the dots and they were well off-course, yet again. The helmsman was then thrown overboard to have the life sucked out of him by a pack of dreaded sea salespeople they had sailed close to. The small party was growing restless, thinking that the journey should have been done by now, so the young lad bought them all coloring books and a single box of crayons. However, this led to several deaths as they fought over use of the one black crayon. One good thing for the lad, they had plenty of foodstuffs for the journey due to all the death they kept encountering.
Word of mutiny was murmured quietly by the crew as the days passed without finding a juicer. Probably the only thing that kept the crew in a murmur instead of an uproar was the menacing presence of the foot-tall cougar. He had grown a full inch and a half since the lad bought him and proved to be his most loyal ally in these difficult times. Luckily mutiny was prevented, however it wasn’t in the best of circumstances, so after the ship sunk killing everyone but the lad, Phil, and his helmsman Tom, who was not at all related to the shopkeeper from earlier. They floated on a life boat for weeks, until the hunger forced the lad to say goodbye to his good friend, he didn’t really have a choice given the circumstances, Phil had killed Tom during the night. So they feasted until they were full.
Then, as if by magic they arrived at the steps of a giant juicer store. However, there was only one left and another buyer was trying to purchase the item. James, as he was known, wanted the juicer to make peach juice. The lad challenged the young James to a duel, to be carried out by their animal companions. Phil was placed in a ring with a large insect, but the mini-cougar was fast and quickly dispatched the insect. James then summoned a group of armed buffalo to dispatch the lad and Phil. All seemed hopeless. However, at the last possible moment the remaining squirrels of New Hampshire came to the rescue and the buffalo, known for their fear of infection and disease, retreated. The lad then purchased the juicer, completing his quest and sent the juicer back to his land. He took a plane. - 4/5/04
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