Pen Pen's Evangelion
A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
Network Naming
A film crew from the cable sports network of ESPN will soon give a Texas couple a visit with a film crew. Why you ask? Well, apparently the parents are mentally deranged, but that’s more of a cause instead of the reason. The reason is that they named their son after the network, their son, is now two years old and named “ESPN,” though it’s pronounced Espen. Can you just imagine how wonderful it will be going through life knowing that you’re named after a television channel? But that’s not all, apparently, Espen is one of at least three toddlers that have been named after the network.
Yes, this is not an isolated occurrence, not one but THREE couples have decided to name their child after a sports television network. They could have at least mixed it up and named one Espen-two. This must be some sort of disease, and it is, that disease is called stupidity. Well, it’s not so much a disease as it is a way of life. Two of the ESPN’s were born in 2000, and the latest couple to name their child after the network got the idea after hearing about one of the other couples on the radio. And the disease spreads. The interview with the parents will be aired as part of a special celebrating the network’s twenty-fifth year.
And that can only mean one thing, there will be a veritable boom in ESPNs around the country after some people think that’s a good name. And the epidemic begins. You may be thinking that such a thing couldn’t occur, that it is inconceivable that people would do that to their child, their personal miracle, their own flesh-and-blood, but I say to you, how many people you know can you easily envision laughing every single time they think about it? Now you know, people are that stupid and there’s no law to prevent this kind of child abuse. Of course, the lawmakers can’t be blamed, for only a true and pure idiot could even conceive of such a thing.
And it won’t end there, oh no, people don’t just watch ESPN, people watch lots of other networks too. There will be hoards of children named Fox, CBS (pronounced Succubus), Lifetime, WB (pronounced Web), Discovery, Spice, Spike, Bravo, HBO (pronounced Hobo), ABC (pronounced Abe-C, sort of like a rapper), and the list is as endless as there are channels, just imagine being named Showtimewest. It sends a chill down your spine. There’s no way to prevent this sort of thing from happening either, it’s as inevitable as people are stupid.
"We don't have viewers. We have fans," ESPN spokesman Dave Nagle said Saturday. "And I guess there's no better testament than when someone names their child after your product. It just shows the bond we have with people." Wow, let’s all name our children after a “product.” I don’t think of a television network as a product, that’s a stretch. Hey, I’ll name my child “Hooker” or maybe “Bud,” I don’t know though, “Booze” is a really good name. You know, maybe I was too harsh before, maybe I could give this whole name thing a try, I can see it now, little baby Gibsoncoffeemug… awww, he’s so cute. - 6/27/04
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