Pen Pen's Evangelion
A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
Published Author
For those of you who read the title, realization must be setting in. Probably starting with disbelief and shock, followed by suspicions that I'm lying, followed by utter denial and eventually, acceptance. Yes, it actually happened. I am now and forever will be a published author. And yes, I will flaunt this forever and ever. In the future, whenever people look at my crappy writings and say, "look at those crappy writings, they're all crappy and such" I'll be able to inform them much to their dismay, that I am a published author, and not even a celebrity, yet. One thing has now been proven; the system doesn't work very well. No matter how crazy I become and no matter how random these entries become, I will mock those who aren't published authors. Why? For the simple yet important reason that is: I can.
Despite this acknowledgement that I am indeed superior to the majority of common folk that will probably read this, I will continue to spend my valuable time, that of a published author, to entertain you with whimsical and entertaining updates. I know, I know, you can all hold your applause, but do be sure to avert your gaze from my presence. I do not wish to inadvertently blind you with my sheer and unrefined greatness, which would be a pity, for afterwards you could only have my great writings read to you by others, or you could get them specially published in brail. Which is entirely possible, because I am just that good.
The mere fact that my work took less than five minutes to think up and write is testament to my outrageously great, wonderful, and spectacular skills (and yes I'm going to keep praising myself). Now, now, I'm sure several of you out there all wonder how I accomplished such a feat. True, I did succeed easily with a single submitted work and a single try, but that will not be the case for everyone. You see, I am what is called brilliant, or a genius, or say someone who has "The Magnificent" placed at the end of their name. Some people will have to do things like "try" and "work" to accomplish the same that I have, but do not give up after you probably fail the first ten or so times. You must remember that in order to be a published author your work must be appreciated by the masses of unpublished authors.
Another key point is that when (if) you succeed, you do not alienate the lower persons from you. This is because people have an inferiority complex, due to their inferiority. You must be gentle with these people, because their puny intellects can easily misinterpret your (seemingly) good intentions. You must reassure them that they do matter to you and that they're opinion is valued. I know, I don't like lying either, but sometimes the mongrels just don't understand their status. After all, if the huge groups of the unpublished run unchecked and enter the arena of the published author, all prestige will fade and a special group within published authors would have to be created to identify those who are superior. And, really, that's just a big hassle.
It can also be a helpful conversation piece. However, one must be careful to drop this bit of information into a conversation smoothly, so that the others do not think that you are bragging. For instance, walking up to people in the middle of a conversation and announcing that you are a published author is rude and you will be looked down upon, despite being superior to them (unless of course there are other published authors in the group). Having someone go into the conversation before you and having them mention the fact that you are now a published author as you walk up to greet them, is a sly way to bring it up, as they will most likely ask you about it. Another way, is to hire a trumpeter to play a short and blaring call as you enter and have him shout: now enters a published author. Be sure to wave and smile politely during the ensuing applause and cheers. -8/14/03
Home