A Pen Pen for your Thoughts

1. An alien told me he'd reveal life's secrets to me for my doughnut. I licked the doughnut and said, "You still want it?" He didn't.

2. The currency of Iceland is Klondike Bars.

3. I cry myself to sleep at night.

4. Despite it's draining capabilities in the sink, Drain-O lingers in your stomach for days.

5. I like chicken.

6. Would you be surprised if I told you Gummy Bears were made out of Jelly Fish? Probably.

7. I have both a pet cantaloupe and a thought to be mythical jackalope and sometimes get them confused.

8. If animal waste is in the woods and nobody is around, does it leave a smell? Yes, a stinky one.

9. The sky is actually red, but you're just too stupid to realize it.

10. If a drain drains, does a ditch ditch? Yes.

11. If "this land is your land, this land is my land" I have a right to shoot you because you're trespassing on my land.

12. Don't try catching a tiger by its toe, it isn't pretty.

13. Your shoe is untied.

14. Colonel Sander's secret chicken recipe is mostly squirrel.

15. I know where you live.

16. Burger King is actually still the Burger Prince of Wales and hasn't ascended to the royal throne.

17. Someone once told me they see dead people. Later I found out it was actually just a threat.

18. If you tell people that a rabbit talked to you, you'll be declared insane. Why is that?

19. In The Two Towers, one of the towers was originally going to be a water tower.

20. Alec Baldwin is Stephen Baldwin's secret identity.

21. Contrary to popular belief, George Washington is named after the Washington Monument, not the other way around.

22. My face is on Mount Rushmore; I chiseled it inside Lincoln's nose.

23. The "D" in CD actually stands for "Dave."

24. Bounty isn't the quicker-picker-upper, but the quickest-picker-upper.

25. Would a rose by any other molecular combination smell as sweet? No, of course not.

26. The original name for Liu Kang in the Mortal Kombat video games was Frank Adams.

27. Bonjour actually means: "I surrender."

28. The "I know you are but what am I" phrase was first used by Adolf Hitler when being given advice by others.

29. Zebras aren't a type of horse they are actually birds.

30. The green light on Daisy's dock is in reality just a nuclear waste spill that needs to be cleaned up.

31. Uzbekistan has the best burial plots in the world.

32. Santa Claus only checks his list once. That whole twice thing is a blatant lie.

33. I know you know what I know about you know, you know what I mean?

34. There are three kittens in a kitten burger, not two as some people think.

35. If you call a woman a dog, she gets angry. -12/29/02