A Pen Pen for your Thoughts

61. The first person to say kissy-wissy was executed, for kissy-wissying people to death

62. Ants are nature's way of saying, I'm hungry

63. Captain Frank isn't a captain, unless you count being in charge of a boat as being a Captain

64. The real reason the Spanish Armada was defeated by the British is that Gary got drunk on duty again and set himself on fire because he thought he was covered in gasoline

65. The backpack was never used for packing backs, until I came along

66. Sir Edmund Hillary climbed Mount Everest "because it was there" this was his same response when he was asked why he tripped over a stick

67. Crossword puzzles weren't discovered until an amateur Paleontologist found the remains of one from the Triassic Period in 1911

68. The most evil type of paper is tissue paper

69. Pluto's status is now been scientifically designated as a "Wussy Planet"

70. Jake stumbled upon a way to make cold fusion, until he realized his refrigerator was plugged in

71. Thingamajigs are more useful than Whatzits, unless of course it's a Whatzit mis-categorized, as often happens

72. Gobstoppers should not be fired from paintball guns, you just can't eat them that way

73. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, except for Jack Wattenheimer of Dayton, Ohio; he lost his opinion privileges

74. Of all the monsters that lurk at night, zombies are the most likely to invite you over for dinner and be kind enough to kill you after the meal

75. The most preposterous thing is NOT me getting a date with a beautiful model, that's only in the top ten or so

76. A penny saved is a penny earned, unless you found it on the street corner

77. If you ever need a life-time companion, go to the cemetery, but be sure to bring a shovel, or you can get one from Dave at the nightshift, just tell him I sent you

78. Cows are chosen for experimentation by extraterrestrials because they really like milk, and don't want to have to go all the way to the store

79. Scientists have proven that steam does not exit your ears when someone gets angry, although Disney has a special genetics research facility to fix that problem

80. The term "bite me" was actually coined by Socrates when one of his students questioned the questioning of the Socratic method -9/21/03