A Pen Pen for your Thoughts

Not too long ago a little over a hundred Swiss soldiers invaded Lichtenstein “accidentally.” Sure, that’s what the government holed up in their mountain stronghold want us to believe, but no one is fooled by their watches, chocolate or bank accounts. Swiss deception is well-renowned and documented; unfortunately those documents are in Swiss bank accounts which cannot be accessed, such duplicity. This almost feels like a staged event, sure they “accidentally” invade and then Lichtenstein responds, perhaps with harsh words, then the Swiss can seemingly be in the right if they happen to re-re-retaliate. It’s the new “Poland destroyed our radio station” ploy. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a prepared statement talking about the Swiss peoples trapped within the borders of Lichtenstein that must be reunited.

Though it is unlikely a legitimate mistake, it would be hard to blame them for wandering into a different country. After all, Switzerland is pretty tiny; they probably have a Lichtenstein inferiority complex or something. I am actually surprised this doesn’t happen more often. It’s what, the size of a city or two? Though, really it’s Lichtenstein who should be making this sort of mistake. They’re about the size of a football field. Their tank corps probably consists of one tank that has to turn around every five seconds and on weekends they can’t train because of sporting events – the whole country being one tiny stadium. If their tread breaks, they’ll have a piece of stationary artillery that could reach anywhere within their borders.

It’s not like Lichtenstein couldn’t be taken over in five seconds even if it was the Swiss to attack. Considering the single company that wandered into the country probably had the Lichtenstein military outnumbered at least two to one. No one would really miss them except maybe the people in the country. And who knows, maybe they’re suffering from the oppressive Lichtenstein government. It would certainly make geography class a lot simpler by getting rid of these tiny city-countries. I don’t know if they speak Lichtenese but a reduction in languages wouldn’t hurt either. Preferably to a few or perhaps just one, I was thinking English. It just sort of popped in my head. I don’t mean cockney ‘watch your telly’ English. I mean American. I can’t go around learning all these new words in England-speak.

We might as well reorganize the map since the Swiss are planning to do it anyways. I’d suggest them as the primary agent to enforce the new map (much to cartographers’ delight) but their whole reverse Red Cross flag emblem thing is way too easily confused for medics which make the whole thing seem unfair. And if you can’t be sporting in your invasion plans, you might as well stay home and eat your chocolate. Plus, I don’t like them. The Vatican can have Italy because it’s Italy. Seriously, the only good thing to come out of there in the last thirty years is Mario and that was through adoptive Japanese parents who immigrate to America about six months to a year after he does anything substantial anyways. Let’s bring back the Soviet Union too. Not the communism or the totalitarian regime that crushes civil liberties (not that we’d need to bring that back anyways considering), but just the absorbing all these other nations so we don’t have to remember as many. Even if it’s divided into little republics, we’d never be expected to remember those anyways, just like state capitals. - 3/6/07