Pen Pen's Evangelion
A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
In order to fully understand this Pen Penny it would be best for you to consult Dining With Cannibals first.
Tree Nationality
I was watching TV and saw a commercial that asked me to vote for the U.S. national tree. I wondered would we be able to vote for foreign and imported trees or are they not considered because they aren’t actual tree citizens? What if the winner declines to be the national tree because they don’t want to live in the national spotlight, instead of the sunlight [rim shot (I know that wasn’t really funny, I apologize)]? At the end of the commercial I believe they said to call some number or you could go to their website arborday.org. Well, I had some free time and decided I would vote for some tree or another. Now keep in mind I just saw this commercial a few days ago. I did not see anything about the National Tree poll at first so I searched around. One of the things I noticed was the online tree store that gave the advice to give a tree as a gift. Perfect I thought, this is just what I was looking for it will go great with the manbeef.com gifts I like to give out. Think of it, human flesh and a tree in one great gift package. You could cannibalize the human flesh in the tree like a true savage or you could use symbolism to state dramatically your views of the horrors of what man does to nature and that man deserves to be cut down like the great forests of yester year. Or, you could burn the tree to cook your meat because however savage I may be a nice cooked piece of human flesh sits better in my stomach than when it is raw. Anyway, back to the site. There was a kid’s corner and the link featured a picture of a Cardinal (no, the bird) in a top hat and with a bow tie. However, when I clicked on the link the Cardinal it showed had neither a top hat nor a bow tie, much to my disappointment and dismay. However you could play such classic games like “Who wants to be a TREElionare?” or how about “TREEvial Pursuit.” Anyway I then went to the media page, whoopee. It included a history of Arbor Day and had excerpts from “historic speeches,” and let me say they are as epic and historic as any Gettysburg Address. There was also a helpful section telling me how I can repair my trees after a storm. It also told me to beware of scary people pretending to be “Arborists.” I must ask these people, you call yourselves scam artists? You impersonate an expert on trees! Where’s the money in scamming that profession. Get into the medical field or better yet, corporate business or politics. At least do something that really gets people right in the pocket book. Can you really sustain a conversation about trees if someone (although the chance is rather small) is actually interested? There is also a page with illustrations of dying and injured trees, but be warned they are graphic in nature (oh, the humanity). Another page shows tree first aid, however I would not attempt such medical practices on injured trees without a license, you never know when a tree malpractice suit is going to come up out of nowhere. Trust me they aren’t pretty, just because of all the deforestation the final judgment is usually influenced by pity for the tree community in general. All the trees do is cry and say the bad man touched me in a sensitive area (Okay, my hand may have brushed against it) and he didn’t do a good job healing me, I had a bad infestation next season and then it breaks down sobbing again. At that point most people should be able to tell it’s an act (I really didn’t touch it there). Anyway, after awhile I got tired of this (and the bitter memories) and decided to find the national tree poll. I searched for “national tree” and clicked the most promising result. It took me back to the main page. I tried again, and it took me back to the main page. I then decided to look on the main page again and saw a little box off to the side talking about the poll, so I clicked on it. The page it took me to said something startling, “It was National Arbor Day — Friday, April. 27, 2001 — and with a four-month voting process that ended at midnight the night before, the American people had chosen a National Tree — the Oak (at this point you are supposed to gasp in horror as I did).” Whaaaaaa? Hey, does the National Arbor Day Foundation have enough extra cash to keep running a year and a half old commercial on TV? Maybe, or they may just be mocking me, laughing that I did not get to vote for the national tree (sob). Regardless what I would have voted for (I was leaning toward Oak actually) this upset me. When was this ceremony? Okay, obviously it was April 27th, 2001; but that’s not what I meant. Would it have been so much trouble to take the time to inform me? This will not go unanswered, National Arbor Day Foundation. You know who you mock!? Huh? In retaliation I will NOT plant a tree next Arbor Day (although I actually never have before), HA! Maybe I won’t give trees as a gift despite the compatibility with human flesh for a gift. Eat that! –6/12/02
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