Pen Pen's Evangelion
A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny. To get pretty much any of the jokes please read the following: No, I Will Not Pardon Your "French", Scientific Society, Krafting America, What I Really, Really Want, Trusting the French, and The Silent Salty Killer.
Unwanted Attention
As of recent I am glad to say that a few people have noticed this site. For its content, and most of all this very Pen Penny section. It is nice to know that with hard work and effort people will look up and take notice. Specifically, organizations and other things that you may or may not have insulted in some strange section that may or may not be called Pen Penny. Although certain…um…factors provide me from discussing all the details I will just say it in a condensed fashion. For instance, the National Organization of Mad Scientists (NOMS) greeted me in a quite friendly way. You see, I had a bad case of food poisoning (courtesy of a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere, I know I shouldn't eat food that materializes out of nowhere, but I was hungry) and NOMS being the helpful kind of guys (I probably should say people, NOMS would never think of discriminating against gender) they are, they were kind enough to temporarily remove my mind from my very inconsiderate body and place it inside a monkey. After playing a fun game of electrocute the monkey and then a round of kick the monkey they placed me back inside my body, of which they had cleared out the food poisoning with a healthy dose of Drain-O.
I assume that they just forgot that you should actually never drink Drain-O. Also, obviously after transplanting my brain back (it would be absurd otherwise), I met with one of the leading members of NOMS. I really wasn't paying attention; after all I had a stomach full of Drain-O. Anyway, he said something about experimentation, me a test subject, closer to goal of world domination, and etc. He continued about how all the other domination plots were ill conceived, but at that point I was on the ground having spasms and couldn't hear too well. After regaining consciousness I found myself in a vehicle and they said they were taking me to see a Colonel, who wanted to meet me. Before I knew what he was talking about, I was in a giant arena of cheering fans (for me of course, I think) with a giant and (by the looks of it) a fairly annoyed chicken (you don't want to know how I can tell if a chicken is annoyed). I heard a bellowing laugh and heard a mysterious figure call out to begin the fight. Long story short, I ate a raw chicken. Okay, maybe that last part about a gladiator arena where overgrown chickens are pitted against those who do not bow down to the iron fist of Kentucky Fried Chicken could have been a Drain-O induced hallucination. I am not exactly sure, but I do have several beak-induced injuries (once again, you don't want to know). Also, I do remember stopping by KFC at one point (which didn't help one bit). After limping home (due to a mix of raw chicken, chicken injuries and Drain-O) I found a letter and a box.
It was a letter from some French person (I think he said his name was a Mr. Ambassador) who was very upset with some previous Pen Penny or two that insulted the French in one place or another and asked politely (upon use of force) for an apology. After some careful thought (about if I had a first aid kit somewhere) I crumpled the letter up and threw it on the floor. On the box it said in big, bold letters: Only open if you have read the attached letter and are not going to apologize. I figured well I don't think I'm going to apologize. Funny thing is, inside was some croissants, a bottle, and some other French items. I thought about it: a suspicious letter with a suspicious box that was only to be opened if I did not comply with the wishes (demands) of the sender. It was rather suspicious, but I do like croissants. After consuming the croissants (they tasted a bit…odd), drinking a little bit from the bottle (the label was somewhat damaged, I could make out "Drai" and an "O"), and throwing away something labeled: plastique, that had a clock attached to it out, I once again felt in rather poor health. This time, since I wasn't discussing plans of world domination with a high-ranking member of NOMS, I decided to go to the doctor.
I tried to start my car (which I had ironically just won in a contest held by Kraft, which I don't remember entering) but discovered that someone had changed the oil, gasoline, antifreeze, air in the tires, and car seats to Macaroni & Cheese. So I decided to walk (limp) to the doctor's which was a mere five miles away. On the way, after stopping to throw up some croissants (which still looked tasty, no I didn't eat them again, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted) I saw a small vendor on a corner. I walked up to see he was selling oversized pretzels. I introduced myself, he seemed friendly enough, and started a conversation with him. I forget his first name, but his last name was Gold and I told him about me having a website. He asked me what it was called, so I told him. He seemed surprised and said he'd wanted to meet me for a long time (it's always nice to meet a fan, okay I assume it's always nice to meet a fan). He proceeded to take another pretzel out (I thought, maybe he will give me a second one free) and beat me with it. He yelled something about ruining his business and scaring away customers. After beating me to near-death he seemed content with his business for the evening and rolled the cart over me when he went on his way. I stopped to think, an amazing amount of coincidences, and let's face it, unbelievable happenings seemed to all occur within the period of one day. Interesting. Lying in the street bleeding and thirsty, someone walking by placed a bottle next to me and ran off. I managed to say something that resembled a thank you. I took a swig from the bottle and read the label: Drain-O. Crap, I thought, this stuff's really growing on me, and took another swig. -6/30/02
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