Pen Pen's Evangelion
A Pen Pen for your Thoughts
This section will just be for, basically random thoughts and feelings. Since my thought process is mostly random you can probably expect this to be updated frequently. Back to Previous Pennys. Back to Pen Penny.
Witch-Doctor Malpractice
Police in the country of Nigeria have arrested a group of thirty witch-doctors in a raid on “fetish shrines” in the southeast area of Anambra. Over fifty decomposing bodies and more than twenty human skulls were discovered there. "We saw more than 50 bodies in various coffins. There were several skulls, some of them really fresh," Anambra police spokesman Kolapo Shofoluwe said. I know, the aroma of human flesh permeated the air and salivated the mouth. There were also some scented candles that witch-doctors like to keep around to give the place a non-evil sorcerer feel when trying to lure in new victims.
The report stated, “the heads, genitals, and other vital parts of some of the bodies, found in a teak forest in Okija village, had been severed, a sign they might have been killed for ritual,” either that, or were injured for ritual and the population of headless, genital-less and “vital part”-less people in the area have been increased tenfold. Hey, enough people survive here in America who have cut off their genitals for one reason or another, why not Nigeria? And who knows, there’s sci-fi movies with heads sitting around talking, so it’s a bit early to assume they’re “dead,” except for the decomposing part. Zombie talking heads anyone?
Ritual killing is rather common in some parts of Nigeria where many people believe they can become instant millionaires by using human organs to make potent charms, sort of like a Regis Philbin of the third world. However, evidence suggests that such charms don’t actually work, despite very promising guarantees that are offered with the product, though evidence has suggested that charms with goat organs make you fifty percent more likely to either find a quarter in a parking lot or get run over by a medieval catapult. So the chances for that quarter are pretty good.
The preliminary investigations by the police show that the people died after being engaged in a special ritual, in which a part of it was to pledge their property and bank accounts to a deity upon their death. Apparently the deity in question must very poor in order to be forced to swindle bank accounts from people and also weak as it can‘t just figure out the bank codes for itself or create a pile of money, which would eliminate most deities from the suspect list. However, police have made no announcements about a search for the deity involved and just give you a funny look when you ask them.
In fact police have said "we are looking beyond the deity," continuing an unjust favoritism of fictional deities that has long hampered Nigeria in its development of equality between people and fictional creatures. For instance, unicorns are not subject to having their droppings picked up after them because they are “distinctive and extraordinary creatures whose droppings are filled with wonderment and magic,” or at least that’s the explanation to their policy. Anyways, the police spokeswoman quoted a villager who had tipped police off, as saying the sorcerers ate the flesh of some of their victims, the villager first became aware of this after turning down the tantalizing offer of a “Bring Your Own Decomposing Human Flesh” BBQ. - 8/8/04
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