Sayonara
By: Sakura Seta
(Spoilers for episode 31 and volume 7 of the manga)
Author’s notes:
This is the first RK fic I ever posted. I’ve written lots of them but most of them are unfinished. Anyway, comments and constructive criticisms are very welcome. Send them at clef_loves_umi@yahoo.com. Now, on with this little fic.
Disclaimer: Kaoru and Kenshin and the rest of Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Watsuki Nobuhiro, and not to me. I just borrowed them, (along with the scene in episode 31) for this short story.
She was standing by the riverbank, her slim form illuminated by the fireflies around her. Her breathing was erratic, as though she had been running, and her hand fluttered nervously to her chest.
Kenshin stood in the shadows, watching the woman he had come to love so much for a few agonizing minutes, wondering how to tell her about his decision. It’s so much easier to just walk away, without much of a goodbye, he thought despondently. But I can’t do it. Not to her. She has given me so much. The least I can do is have the decency to say goodbye. And I have to see her, even for this last time. He straightened his shoulders with a new resolve and walked towards her. “The fireflies really are beautiful…” he commented softly.
At the sound of his voice, she whipped around to face him, a welcoming smile on her beautiful face. “Kenshin!” she greeted a little breathlessly.
He stopped in front of her, saying nothing, just looking at her softly, a sad smile playing on his lips.
Her smile faltered upon seeing his solemn expression. Her bright blue eyes dimmed. “Kenshin…” This time her voice was anxious, hesitant.
“Okubo-kyo was assassinated this morning,” he stated flatly.
“I know, we heard.”
“The criminal Shishio sent someone to kill him,” Kenshin said with a slight edge in his voice.
Her blue eyes widened with horror over his revelation. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but abruptly closed it again. He continued. “I can’t live with myself if I let Shishio get away from this so….” his voice trailed off.
He paused for a moment then plunged on. “I’m going back to Kyoto.”
Kaoru felt her heart stop. “Kyoto…” she said in disbelief. Her head lowered and she turned away from him. She looked at her feet, trying to suppress the tears that suddenly came in her eyes. She tried to keep her voice from breaking. “Let me ask you. If you go back to Kyoto, will you turn back into Battousai again?” she asked woodenly.
Kenshin looked at the stars. Would he turn into Battousai again? Does he even want to, even if it’s for the good of Japan? “I don’t know,” he replied at last. He took a deep breath, and continued. “Over the last 10 years, I thought I had put away Battousai. But fighting Saitoh made me realize that the Hitokiri was still living deep inside of me.”
Kaoru turned back to him, raising fiery blue eyes to meet his sad violet ones. “But you could get rid of him even though you came close to becoming Battousai!” she said fiercely. “Kenshin will always be Kenshin, a rurouni who doesn’t kill.”
He shook his head sadly. “If I stay here any longer, I’ll put you all in danger and slowly become Battousai again, little by little.”
Kaoru’s head dropped in defeat. Tears sprang anew in her eyes and she blinked them back to keep them from falling.
Kenshin was looking softly at her. “I’ll never forget the first time that I met you.” A wistful touched his lips. “You told me then that you didn’t care about my past, and that made me very happy.”
Kaoru bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling. Her unshed tears were threatening to fall over and she fought hard to keep them back.
Kenshin continued tenderly, “I thought that I could live a normal life with you and just be an ordinary swordsman…”
Suddenly, he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly, making Kaoru gasp in surprise. The fireflies shone around them, bathing them in their green light.
Since the first time he had met her, he had always wanted to hold her in his arms like this, her warmth a balm to his guilt-ridden emotions. But he had never imagined that it would feel this good. Nor had he imagined that it would be in a situation like this. Put in any other circumstances, he would have been overwhelmed with happiness. But not tonight. His heart was filled only with sorrow as he held her quivering form in his arms. This will be the only time he would get to hold her. And he savored each moment he had her in his arms, imprinting the way she felt in his heart and mind.
“Thank you so much, Kaoru-dono,” he whispered brokenly against her hair. “But I am a wanderer.” He looked away, his eyes melancholy. “I am continuing on my journey. Goodbye.”
The tears that Kaoru had been holding back started to flow down her cheeks at his last word. Kenshin was leaving her! She felt as though her heart were breaking.
Funny how she had always wished that he would hold her like this. But the moment he did, she almost wished he hadn’t. Not when it’s because he thought they would never see each other again. She closed her eyes, the tears falling down her cheeks rapidly, and pressed closer against him. She wanted to relish the feeling of being held closely by the man she loved, even if it’s because he’s saying goodbye.
Kenshin’s arms
tightened around her and they stayed like that for a few moments.
Gently, he pulled away and held her at arm’s length.
He looked at her face for a long moment, memorizing her lovely
features. Her blue eyes were
shimmering with her tears and her lips were swollen red from biting too hard.
Her normally porcelain complexion was blotchy and every now and then, a
pitiful hiccup escaped from her mouth. But
nevertheless, she still looked beautiful.
I will never forget you, Kaoru, he vowed silently.
He looked at her one last time, and walked away without a backward
glance, his heart shattering into little pieces with every step he took away
from her. He could still hear her
tormented sobs, each one of them a knife to his already broken heart, and
tears sprang unbidden into his own eyes as well.
More than anything else, he wanted to turn back and take her again in
his arms and comfort her. But he
couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
It would be foolish to imagine that a future with her was possible.
He was too stained with the blood of those he had killed and he
couldn’t possibly taint her purity with the touch of his unclean hands.
Maybe it’s better this way… He closed his eyes briefly and
saw in his mind’s eye Kaoru, her blue eyes alight with happiness, her lips
curved in a beautiful smile, and her arms beckoning to him.
He blinked his tears back and squared his shoulders.
Aishiteru, Kaoru. Sayonara….
Kaoru watched
Kenshin’s retreating figure in a daze, her tears streaming down her cheeks.
Kenshin! Her mind screamed.
Come back to me! “Kenshin….”
She collapsed on her knees from the grief in her heart and wept hard
over the love that had come and gone so quickly in her life. Her heart was
breaking as he heard Kenshin’s determined but receding footsteps.
“Kenshin,” she whimpered brokenly.
Aishiteru…
Author’s endnotes: