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Koi (Love)
A CCS oneshot by Sakura [kinomoto@edsamail.com.ph]
Standard disclaimers apply.
NOTE:
Events in this oneshot take place at the same time events in my other
fic 'Akogare' do, so if some things don't make much sense, it would probably
help to check out the latter (shameless plugging, but what the hey -_-).
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It
was the third one he got that week.
Li
Syaoran dumbly stared at the small white envelope in his shoe locker, fighting
the urge to bang his head against the locker in utter frustration. Not again!
Ever since he had transferred to Tomoeda Junior High School, there had
been letters like that popping up in his locker, his desk, between the pages of
his workbook --- all of them professions of love from girls he didn't know.
He
frowned and pulled out the letter, opening it and skimming through the
contents. It wasn't that he didn't like
the attention; in fact he was quite flattered for he never even considered
himself crush material, but he just wasn't used to being admired so...well,
openly. The letter in his hand read, if
it's all right with you, would you please come to the back of the school after
class today? He stifled a groan at
that. What good would that do? It would be the same scene all over again
--- the awkward confession, then he shifting his weight uneasily, slowly, carefully
saying sorry, there's someone else that I like. He always hated that part.
It was hard enough saying no to someone he never even laid eyes on
before in his whole life, but then there had to be the horribly embarrassing
statement of the obvious. I like
someone else. And unless you've been
walking around all this time with your eyes closed, you should know by now who
it is.
Sakura's
face flashed in his mind briefly, and Syaoran heaved a sigh. It had been so hard keeping everything a
secret from her --- hiding the letters and sneaking out to meet whoever it was
just to apologize and say he didn't, no, couldn't feel the same way
because he already had Sakura and she was all he needed. He and Sakura told each other everything,
but for some reason this was the one thing he couldn't bring himself to let her
know about. He sighed, slipping back
the letter into the torn envelope. He
had no choice; he couldn't stand this girl up, he had to make up some excuse to
meet her after class. What would he
tell Sakura then? That he wanted to go
check out the soccer team practice that afternoon just to get an idea of what
it would be like before attending the tryouts?
But she knew he wasn't into soccer that much, so that wouldn't do. How about saying that he had to go to the
post office and settle his last payment for the rent? That sounded more credible, although that would mean that he'd
have to run around the block just to get back to the school in time...but wait,
what if she came along? No, that
wouldn't do ei---
There
was a tap on his shoulder and Syaoran let out a yelp, jumping high enough to
hit the ceiling.
"Oh
my," Tomoyo blinked, taken aback by his reaction.
"D-Daidouji,"
he gasped, leaning a hand against the lockers to steady himself. "You scared me."
"Sorry,"
she apologized, then her eyes fell on his half-open locker door. With amazing speed he slammed it shut,
praying that she didn't notice anything.
Fat chance. She curiously
glanced at the locker, then at his flushed face. "Did I just see something there?"
"N-No,"
he stammered, cursing himself silently for being so careless.
Her
smile widened into a knowing smirk.
"I think I did."
He
glowered at her and turned around to put on his school shoes. Damn, now Tomoyo was on to him. Keeping anything from her was virtually
impossible; he even used to think that she had eyes at the back of her
head. If she found out about
everything, she'd tell Sakura for sure---
Syaoran stopped at that thought.
Last night Sakura had called him up and told him in a wavering voice
that she just hurt Tomoyo's feelings. I
didn't know what I was saying, she whispered, and I don't blame her if
she hates me now. And he wanted to
tell her, she probably hates my guts even more. For he was actually the one to blame --- he
was the one who came in between.
The
one who took her away.
She
was still putting on her shoes. He went
over to her side and leaned against the lockers, waiting for her to
finish. He started talking about how
early she was for school and how cold it was in winter, but in truth his mind
was mulling over the possibility of saying what he longed to (but didn't get
to) say ever since he came back to Tomoeda for the first time in years.
Thank
you so much.
And
I'm really very sorry.
However,
it wasn't the time for that. As they
made their way to the classroom he vowed to tell her soon, before this rift
finally drew her and Sakura apart. A
broken friendship was the last thing he wanted...
But
first, there was a love letter problem to reckon with.
"By
the way, Daidouji ---" he began.
"Hmm?"
"Don't
tell Sakura what you saw back at the lockers, okay?" he said, quietly, and
after a brief pause she nodded her assent.
Knowing
that Tomoyo kept her promises, he felt so relieved that he actually went on to
confide in her.
"This
is the third time, actually," he confessed, "I just don't know what
to do with them..."
Sakura
came in late for class.
That
wasn't particularly unusual, but he straightened up in his seat when he saw her
green eyes nervously wandering around the room as if searching for something,
then finally alighting on Tomoyo. Then
she quickly darted a look at him, and he saw the turmoil in those green depths. I'm scared.
Help me. He smiled reassuringly
as if to say, don't worry. Everything
will be all right. She nodded
gravely. The teacher was saying,
"You may take your seat now..."
She
quickly walked down the aisle to her seat, which was in front of his desk.
"Ohayou,"
she whispered.
"Ohayou,"
he smiled. And more quietly, "Good
luck."
She
nodded, determination set in her face.
And as she settled down, she took a deep breath and faced the pale
dark-haired girl sitting at the desk to her right. "O-Ohayou, Tomoyo-chan."
Tomoyo
looked up, startled. Syaoran tensed. Everything was going to ride on this one
seemingly trivial scene --- if her best friend rejects this one simple gesture,
it would be all over between the two of them.
He set his textbook in front of him and crossed his fingers tightly,
expecting the worst...
But
Tomoyo smiled. "Ohayou,
Sakura-chan."
Sakura
blinked for a moment, taken aback by her reaction. Then she started to smile.
Syaoran
hid his own grin behind his textbook and pretended to concentrate on the day's
lesson. The Japanese Imperial
Army. Think about the Japanese Imperial
Army. Hmm. In his opinion they were basically poor hapless guys carried off
to war like---
He
sneaked a glance at them again.
They
were secretly whispering to each other under their breaths, giggling behind
their textbooks.
"Kinomoto, Daidouji," the
teacher called out, "would you mind sharing with the class whatever it is
you two are talking about?"
They
guiltily straightened up in their seats and chorused, "Sumimasen."
As
the teacher turned back to the blackboard, they hid behind their books,
grinning at each other mischievously.
Syaoran
gave an inward sigh of relief. Thank
goodness, things were finally back to normal...
A
sigh echoing his relief sounded out from somewhere to his right. Out of the corner of his eye he spied
Hiiragizawa Eriol, who was sitting behind Tomoyo, smiling at her back in a
congratulatory --- then somewhat wistful --- way.
Syaoran
raised an eyebrow at that.
Well,
some things were back to normal, but some things had obviously changed for
good.
Class
had finally ended, and Syaoran slumped forward on his desk with a groan. There was a girl waiting for him at the back
of the school --- either that or she was probably making her way to that place
this very instant --- and here he was still stuck in the classroom, pretending
to finish his homework. Crouched over
his math book like that he looked like he was absorbed in geometry, but in
truth he was racking his head for an excuse.
Think,
dammit. Soccer team practice option
out. That goes for the post office
option too. Consultation for that
English project? Too suspicious. Library?
That would seem more likely to do, but--
"Syaoran-kun?"
It was Sakura, chin propped up on one hand, looking at him. "Are you finished? Can we go now?"
"Huh?"
he gaped at her.
She
smiled and playfully tugged at a tendril of his dark brown hair. "Helllooooo? Anybody home?"
He
stared at her, lost for a moment. God,
she can be so cute when she---
Then
he recovered, blushing. "G-Give me
a second, okay."
"Okay,"
she beamed.
Damn. This was going to be hard. How could he give her a decent excuse AND
make her believe it when all she had to do was smile at him and right then and
there his brain would melt into mush?
But there was no time; he had to come up with something, and fast. What excuses had he already used
before? What did he do? Was it just him or was this whole thing
easier to pull off back then?
Why
did he always have to bother meeting these girls, anyway? Why couldn't he be like those other guys who
just stuffed the letters in their pockets --- or worse, in the garbage can ---
and left them there to be forgotten?
Maybe it was because of empathy.
He knew very well how it felt to feel so much for someone who didn't
feel the same way in return. Love is
time-consuming, nerve-wracking, and extremely painful. But what pains one more --- the ache of
being unnoticed, or the sting of rejection?
He didn't know. He didn't want
to think about it anymore.
He,
Sakura, Tomoyo, and Eriol were already halfway outside the school gates and he
was secretly praying that the girl waiting for him at the back of the school
wasn't angry or anything when suddenly Sakura stopped in her tracks, a hand
flying to her mouth. "Oh no!"
They
all stopped.
Tomoyo
blinked. "What is it,
Sakura-chan?"
"I
forgot my history book back at the classroom!
We have homework for tomorrow, right?
I have to bring it home with me or else..."
For
some reason Tomoyo and Eriol looked like they knew what was coming, but all was
lost on him. "You can borrow
mine," he offered automatically, but to his surprise, Sakura grabbed his
arm and pulled him back towards the school instead.
"O-Oi,
what are you---"
"You're
coming with me," she suddenly hissed, and his eyes widened.
There
was a feeble protest behind them; it was probably Tomoyo, but Sakura just went
on, yelling something over her shoulder.
"Tomoyo-chan! Eriol-kun! Go on ahead; we'll catch up
later!"
Then
her hand tightened on his arm and they were off, running faster than they had
ever run before.
When
they made it to the deserted school front hall, they wearily stumbled in and
leaned against a wall, catching their breaths.
"Sa..."
Syaoran gasped, raking a hand through his hair. "Sakura, just what the hell was that all about?!"
She
was clutching a hand to her chest as well, breathing hard. "It was...it was a plan."
"A
plan?"
She
bowed her head for a moment longer before she straightened up, smiling at him
triumphantly. "I decided to give
them some time to be alone." His
mind was muddled with the exhaustion of running too fast --- as well as the
nagging thought that there was a girl at the back of the school waiting for him
--- so it took him a while to realize whom she was talking about.
"H-Hiiragizawa
and Daidouji?!" he sputtered.
"Correct!"
she sang, nimbly taking off before he could stop her.
"Hey,
now where are you going?"
"To
the classroom; I forgot my history book, remember?"
"I
thought that was just an excuse for---"
"Just
wait there for me, okay?"
And
she was gone.
Syaoran
sighed, impatiently shifting his feet.
Man, what a day. First, a letter
in his locker, then a five-second dash across the schoolyard, and now this
waiting in the school front hall which was...
Silent.
And
completely deserted.
Just
like the back of the school, where someone was waiting for him to come.
His
heart pounded. Now's his chance. He had to go. His feet started to move toward the exit,
but he stopped. What would Sakura say if
she came back and found him missing?
What would she do then? He
couldn't leave. But he had to go! Torn between his worry for the waiting girl
at the back of the school and his guilt over breaking a promise to stay in the
front hall, he clutched at his head and angrily cursed himself. Kusssoooo.
Not
good. What should he do, then? Think, think, THINK!
I
can't think anymore! he screamed at the panicking voice in his head, and before
he knew it, he was running to the foot of the stairs, yelling loud enough for someone three floors above him to hear,
"SAKURA, I HAVE TO GO MEET SOMEONE!!!"
Then
he sprinted out of the hall as fast as his feet would carry him.
Sakura,
I'm sorry.
Sakura,
I'm sorry.
Sakura,
I'm sorry.
When
he finally got to the back, breathless and sweaty, there was nobody there.
For
a moment he wanted to hit his head against a wall. Hard.
"Great,"
he groaned. "This is just
great."
He
wearily took off his muffler; it was incredibly hot all of a sudden. To top it all off, his mouth was dry. Spying the vending machine in the corner, he
decided to buy a drink. Then he
froze. Peeking out from the side of the
vending machine was the telltale edge of a skirt. It was her, the one who gave him the letter!
"Anou,"
he hesitated, "excuse me?"
The
afternoon sun drew back from behind the clouds, leaving the frost-covered
grounds sparkling. The girl didn't move
from where she was hiding, but when the sun filtered through the cracked tin
roof, her shadow fell across the floor, right before his eyes.
"Excuse
me," he tried again, "but are you the one who..."
The
shadow nodded.
Well. She was certainly shy, whoever she was.
"I'm
sorry if I was late; I had trouble getting away, so..."
So. That was supposed to be her cue. But the girl didn't say anything, nor did
she move from where she was hiding.
Syaoran scratched his head confusedly.
"Um, didn't you...um, call me here because you...um, wanted to say
something to me?"
The
shadow nodded.
Don't
just nod there, dammit! he wanted to scream.
Come on and spill it out so I can tell you what I have to!
But
she still didn't say anything, her shadow immobile. A few more seconds ticked by before Syaoran decided to be direct,
however embarrassing it was. "Can
I ask a question? Do you...do you like
me?"
The
shadow nodded without hesitation.
"Well,
you said so in your letter, so that really doesn't come across as much of a
surprise... Ha ha, that was stupid,
wasn't it...."
Pause.
"Thank
you... I know I really should be saying
'thank you', but..."
The
sun disappeared behind a cloud, and her shadow was gone.
"But
I'm afraid I can't feel the same way about you."
There,
he finally said it. But much to his
surprise, the words continued to come before he could stop himself. "And I'm afraid I can't feel the same
way about anyone else anymore, because there is someone I like."
Pause.
"I
like Kinomoto Sakura. No, wait, that's
wrong. I...I love her."
There
was silence, save for the steady hum of the vending machine.
"And
I can never imagine myself with anyone else.
I probably never will."
The
sun came out again, and the girl's shadow fell across the floor. It was moving.
He
bowed. "I'm very sorry."
"Syaoran-kun."
His
eyes widened at the familiar voice, and he practically fell over when the girl
stepped out from behind the vending machine. "S-Sakura?"
She
walked up to him and stared at him. She
wasn't smiling, but her green eyes were soft.
He
paled. "Sakura, did you--"
"Yes,
I was the one who put that letter in your locker."
"But
why?"
She
finally smiled. "It was part of my
plan."
"Not
that again," he snapped.
"Seriously, what were you thinking?"
She
sobered. "Did you really think I
didn't know about those letters?"
His
mouth hung open. "H-How did
you---"
"You
don't seem to realize," she softly said, "how popular you are."
There
was an awkward silence for a moment.
"Anyway,
I did this just because I wanted to hear it straight from you."
"Hear
what?" he blinked.
"What
you just said a while ago." The smile
was back, and a flush of red tinged her cheeks. "You know what I mean."
His
eyes softened. "But Sakura, you
didn't have to do all this just for that. You could've just asked me."
"I
wanted to be sure," she looked away, uncertain for a moment. Then the impish grin was back. "But
it's much more fun this way."
Before
he could say anything, she suddenly threw her arms around his neck and hugged
him tightly.
"If
you had lied," she whispered, "and said that you were going to the
library or to the post office or anywhere else instead of saying that you were
going to meet somebody, I would've been very very mad at you."
He
gulped. "Then it was good that I
yelled where I was going before I came here."
She
giggled, burying her face in his shoulder, her voice muffled in his coat. "It's a good thing you yell loudly
enough for the whole town to hear."
"Excuse
me," he pretended to be offended, gently pulling away so he could look at
her, "I do not yell that loud."
Her
green eyes sparkled. "Oh, but you
do. Loud enough for the whole of Japan
to hear, even."
He
looked wounded at that, but his amber eyes were whimsical. "Oh sure, make fun of me after I go
through all this humiliation."
She
protested, but he put a silencing finger on her lips. "Not only that, you also made me run all around the school
like crazy."
"I'm
sorry," she immediately said, but he smiled.
"I'll
forgive you," he began, leaning closer, "if you let me do this just
once."
And
his lips brushed against hers, tenderly.
Now,
a word to our readers from the hero of the story himself, Li Syaoran.
Did
I really say that love was nerve-wracking and extremely painful?
Let
me take that back.
Love
is dizzyingly maddeningly overwhelmingly breathtakingly wonderful.
And you
can quote me on that.
The
next day, he arrived at school to find Sakura at her shoe locker, looking
dazed.
"Ohayou,"
he smiled, then lifted an eyebrow when she turned to him with a slightly
panicked look on her face. "What's
the matter?"
"This,"
she weakly raised something in front of his eyes.
It
was a love letter.
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*stretches* Ah, owatta, owatta.
This
was supposed to end with Syaoran seeing red, no, vermilion while reading
the letter, but I think I've had enough of Syaoran and his little fits---
Syaoran:
*wounded* And just what do you mean by
that?
Me:
You're starting to get overrated, my little kawaii hotheaded Chinese pup.
Syaoran:
*enraged* P-P-PUP?! Who're you calling little kawaii hotheaded
Chinese pup, you---
Me:
*grins, locks him in before he can rant further*
See
what I mean? -_-
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