By
Sam
Cast--
Scene One
(The curtain goes up showing the audience a setting in ancient Rome. The lights are dim, it is clearly nighttime, and the cobblestone Roman streets are devoid of any person at all. Suddenly, a figure is seen creeping along on all fours. It's Munkustrap, decked out in all his silver and black tabby colored makeup and cat suit. He creeps along, trying to stay in the shadows, until he gets to the center of the stage when suddenly, two spotlights hit him and the squealing of car breaks is heard. Sam's Note-Though the setting is in ancient Rome, equipment from other time periods is also used to keep a smooth blend of musicals going. Munkustrap freezes with a look of panic on his face. There is a blackout. When the lights come back on, we see a car (it doesn't need to be real) with the words "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" written on the side, parked to the left of the stage, its back end behind the curtain, and Motel bent over the twitching Munkustrap on the ground. When Motel speaks, his voice is high and shaky with shock and stress)
Motel-Oh great! And I thought this night couldn't get any worse! (paces around the twitchy Munku, exasperated) I don't have time for this! I have to get to the meeting!
(Turns back to his car and is about to open the door when suddenly a high-pitched British voice stops him)
Oliver-(running on stage) Hold it! (runs over to Munku) What right do you have to go speeding along a road at night, hit a cat and just keep going like it was no problem of yours? Why where you driving so fast in the first place, hmm?
(Motel just stands there, surprised at the child's sudden appearance and accusations while Oliver tries to revive Munku.)
Oliver-(concerned) Are you alright?
Munkustrap-Fine, fine, no thanks to HIM. (stands up slowly and painfully, and points at Motel with a shaky finger. While Motel holds up his hands and shakes his head Munku turns back to Oliver) Thanks kid. What's your name, anyway? I'm Munkustrap.
Oliver-Oliver Twist. You certainly have a strange name, don't you?
Munkustrap-(loftily) Not as strange as yours. And YOU (Turns slowly with the help of Oliver and points again at Motel who is trying to creep back into his car. When Munku addresses him, she jumps and turns nervously back to the cat and the boy) I'm gonna need your name, phone number and insurance company…
Motel-(pleadingly)Please, please, this was all just a misunderstanding! Listen, I'm in a hurry, so if you can just accept my apology and let me be on my way…
Oliver-(wonderingly) Just where could you be headed that you would need to hurry so much that you would try to run over a cat to get there?
Motel-I really don't have time to explain, just let me go, and quickly, or else we'll all be in danger here!
(Munku and Oliver glance at each other and look back at Motel)
Munkustrap-Just what are you talking about?
Motel-(whimpering) Too late.
Javert-AH-HA! I've found you, 24601!!!
Motel-HUH?
Munkustrap-(shocked) How did he know my social security number?
Javert-(looking sheepishly at Motel) Umm…sorry, wrong musical, wrong person. Now where was I? Oh yes! I've found you, MOTEL!! (stresses Motels name in triumph, while Motel shudders and tries to back away, but more masked men get between him and his car.) Now give me the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat while your body is still in one piece!
Oliver-Who's this guy? Some silly henchman no doubt.
Javert-WHAT? I'll have you know, kiddo, that Mr. Phantom hired me especially because he knows I'm the only one capable for this job.
Oliver-Yeah right. Your nothing but a bloody thug for hire who can't even remember what bloody play he's even in!!!
Javert-(furious) Why you--
(Oliver sticks out his tongue)
Motel-Uh-oh…now you did it, kid…
(Javert is turning purple in his rage. Finally he bellows wordlessly and points at the three)
Javert-WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GET THEM NOW!
Motel-Run! This way!
(Motel grabs Oliver's arm and drags him away. The sound of gunfire erupts everywhere as the masked men shoot at them wildly. Munkustrap bounds after them on all fours, dodging bullets. They run quickly between the houses and out of sight. Lights go on in many of the houses as people peek fearfully through the windows. Javert waves at his masked followers to stop shooting.)
Javert-Great. Now look what you fools did! Come on, we better get out of here before the police come!
Masked man-But what are we going to tell the Boss, sir? Are we just going to go back to him without the Dreamcoat, then?
(Javert stomps his foot in irritation)
Javert-We have no choice now! (Then he calms down and begins to walk back to Grease Lightning) Don't worry, I'll just tell Mr. Phantom that it was your faults. I'm sure he'll understand and won't punish me at all! (He starts up the engine and as the car rolls slowly backwards offstage, we can hear Valjean whistling the song Whistle a Happy Tune from The King and I. The masked men stare at each other and then slump offstage.
(When they are all gone and the audience finishes their wild applause, ^_^ a spotlight hits Munku, Motel and Oliver, who are crouched on top of a cottage roof near center stage. They all breathe a sigh of relief.)
Munku-I'd like for you to tell me what that was all about, IF you please?
Oliver-(out of breath) Yes, please, enlighten us.
Motel-(sighs) Well, you did bring this upon yourselves, but still, I hate to involve you in such a dangerous--
Oliver&Munku-(warningly) Motel!!
Motel-(whining) Alright! Alright! I'm telling you! No need to get angry! Now where was I?
Oliver-Just tell us about this Dreamcoat, and why this Phantom guy is after it.
Munku-(pauses grooming himself for a moment) Phantom…isn't he the one that owns that big toga corporation?
Motel-(sighs) Yes, and my shop use to be a part of it. I'm a tailor, you see, but I'd rather try my own independent business than be part of HIS organization. At first he just laughed, assuming that my shop would crumble when put against his huge toga stores. And it would have, if it wasn't for my newest invention, the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, the newest and most stylish piece of clothing ever! It would have been the end of his business, and he knew it, so he tried to get me to sell my idea to him, but I wouldn't, so now he's trying to take it from me by force, but I won't allow that! No! I'm going to fight! I'm going to rebel against his conglomeration! For all the little struggling private businesses in this world, I'm going to FIGHT!
(During this speech, Motel appears to grow more and more noble, and his voice gets more and more courageous, until at the end, he is standing heroically on the roof. As he says 'Fight', however, he falls back down behind the house. Munku and Oliver look backward and down at him)
Oliver-That’s the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! But do you need any help?
(Motel climbs back up the house, his hair a mess and his glasses half falling off his face)
Motel-You would help me?
Munkustrap-Oliver?
Oliver-For a good fee, I would, yeah. (Shrugs at Munku) Hey, an orphan like me has got to get work wherever he can.
Motel-(babbles joyfully) I would be glad of your help, thank you! Thank you! (looks at them both) Come one! I'm having a meeting with my fellow conspirers! Come with me!
Oliver-(boredly) Right, right…
(Motel looks at them both with a huge grin)
Motel-This is so wonderful! I knew that people would see how oppressive and horrible the dictatorship of the big toga company is!
Munku-(looking worried about Motel's sanity) Dude…its just a clothing factory…
Motel-Come on! Group hug!!!
Munkustrap&Oliver- Oh no--no, no!
(Motel throws himself on them in a massive bear hug. All three of them crash to the floor behind the house.)
(Blackout)
(Curtain)
Scene Two
(When the curtain rises, the whole set has been flipped around so that the audience can see the back of it. It also looks as though the stage has been flipped inside out, so that the audience can see what appears to be backstage. Techs rush on and begin to fuss over Motel, Oliver and Munku who are in a heap on the floor. A curtain puller sits with a headset on a stool stage right, while several techs and the entire masked crew of Valjean stand and sit around a table piled high with refreshments drinking water and talking quietly.)
(Munku detaches himself from the other two)
Motel-Get offa me, you brat. God that went horrible! Can't you remember any of your lines, kid?
(Oliver begins to sniffle as he gets up)
Oliver-I'm sorry, Mr. Jameson, I'll try to memorize them better….but didn't I improvise well enough?
Motel-(bluntly) Hell, no.
Munkustrap-(while the make-up people straighten his cat ears and wig) Oh quit complaining. The kid did fine. At least he did better than you.
Motel-WHAT?
Munku-At least HE didn't push all of us off the house, you jerk!!
Motel-It wasn't my fault they made the roof so damn steep! It’s the stupid techie's fault for building it that way!!
(The curtain puller looks over with a bored expression and pulls off her headset)
Curtain Puller-Bite me.
Oliver-(Sadly, to another member of the tech crew) You thought I did alright, didn't you?
Tech-Of course you did, Steven! Nobody could tell when you messed up…
Oliver-(hiccupping a little from the struggle to not start crying) Promise?
Tech-Of course! Come on, lets get a donut, they se some out for the crew, you want one?
(Oliver nods yes and they head over to a table piled with donuts)
Motel-Wait a darn second! He needs to go back onstage soon, he can't have anything sticky like that to eat! (They ignore him) HEY! (runs over to the curtain puller) You! Your backstage manager! Tell them that the actors shouldn't eat before going onstage!
Curtain Puller-(Looking at him with a bored and indifferent expression) Back off, you're standing in my aura.
Motel-WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH THIS CREW??
(On the other side of the stage, Javert is talking with three masked people. They all have little Styrofoam cups.)
Javert-So…you all really think I did ok? DI I have the character down right? I didn't think I did at first, but do you really really think I pulled it off at the end?
(The masked men all give him the thumbs up)
Javert-REALLY? Good! See, I think that my character is suppose to come off as being a tortured soul you see, he really wants to do a good job, and he really wants to find the dream whatcha call it, but he's torn between doing this task bestowed upon him but his boss and the task of him finding the man he is hunting in Les Mis…see that’s the whole 24601 thing coming through. And he's a very deep character, he is pretty hard too pull off. Very moody, mysterious, dark but bold and courageous, ya know what I mean? I see it as this, Javert is the deepest character and the one with the most emotion in the play, that’s why he has to be played by somebody with a good stage presence, I'm glad that the director thought I had that type of quality…
(The Masked Men have all fallen asleep.)
(And speak of the devil! Suddenly the director, followed by several other people rush on.)
Director-(gleefully) Brilliant! What a way to end the first scene! I never thought of that, falling off the house! I love it! (to one of the people following him) Write that in! We're going to do it that way from here on out!
Person-Yes sir! (scribbles on a script)
(Munku and Oliver groan)
Director-Now, we'll be back on in just a few seconds, so keep that energy level up! It may be opening night, but we have a full house, so don't let me down! (gives the unenthusiastic cast and crew a thumbs up and rushes off with his people)
Curtain Puller-(looking around curtain) People are actually paying to see this?
Tech-Come on! The sets are moved!
Motel-(with a world-weary sigh) Come on then! (to Oliver, who's mouth is full of donuts) And this time don't mess up!
(BLACKOUT)
(CURTAIN)
Scene Three
(Scene begins in a dimly lit room filled with boxes. It is obviously some sort of warehouse. There is a long, large table in the middle of it. Christine, Joseph, Cosette and Pseudolus are all sitting at the table. The lights come up just a bit so that we can see their faces. They look worried.)
Cosette-Where are you Motel?
Pseudolus- (bored) Knowing him, he was probably driving way too fast, hit a cat, got yelled at by its British owner and was then confronted by our enemy.
Joseph- (laughs) Oh Pseudolus, your such a joker! Where do you come up with these ideas?
(Christine is singing softly. It’s a song from Phantom)
Cosette- Will you please stop that? Don't you ever stop singing!? (Christine stops and glares at her, Cosette just sighs and looks away) Where are you, Motel?
(Suddenly the door slams open and Motel appears, followed closely by the apprehensive Munkustrap and the curious Oliver. Cosette throws herself into Motels arms that staggers under the weight,)
Cosette-Oh Motel! Where have you been? I was so worried!
Motel- (matter-of-factly) Well, I was driving too fast, ran over a cat, got yelled at by this British kid and was then confronted by our enemy…
Pseudolus-HAH! I told you!
(Cosette looks over Motel's shoulder at the politely waiting Munku and Oliver.)
Cosette-Motel, who are these people?
Motel-(sighing dramatically) These are the cat and British kid I was telling you about. It’s been a long night…Everyone, meet Munkustrap and Oliver, my new friends! Oliver, Munku, these are my fellow conspirators, Joseph, my dearest friend and owner of the first ever Technicolor Dreamcoat-
(Joseph moves forward and shakes both their hands.)
Munku-It’s a pleasure.
Joseph-Right back at ya! (Gives Munku a thumbs up and a huge grin. Munkustrap and Oliver glance at each other)
Motel (continuing)-His wife, Christine, truly an angel of music.
(Christine giggles and moves forward to welcome Oliver and Munku. Oliver is practically drooling over the stunningly pretty woman who is shaking his hand)
Munku (softly, to Oliver)-Wipe your chin, kiddo your drooling.
(Oliver punches him quietly in the stomach. Munku doubles over in pain but none of the conspirators notice him at all)
Motel -And last, but certainly not least, my wife, Cosette.
Munkustrap-Charmed.
(Cosette nods and retreats to Motel's side. Suddenly there is a loud fake cough coming from Pseudolus.)
Motel-Oh yeah, that’s Josephs Indentured Servant, Pseudolus.
Pseudolus (snorts)-Aw why can't you just come out and say it, Motel! I'm a slave darn it! No need to try and make it sound any better! (His voice gets kinda shrill here, as though he is having a hard time keeping his temper. Oliver and Munkustrap glance at each other again. There is a long, tense silence)
Christine (helpfully)-Well, how about we all sit down and you can tell us exactly what happened, Motel. I'll get our maid, Miss Saigon, to bring us some tea. Miss Saigon!
(The maid appears)
Maid-Ma'am?
Christine-Please bring us some hot tea if you will. And a saucer of milk for Mr. Munkustrap.
Munkustrap (perks up) -I'm starting to like this place!
(They do so. Motel sits down in the middle of the table, with Oliver sitting to his left. Munku remains crouched a little behind Oliver, purring contently while Oliver scratches him behind the ear. Joseph, Christine and Cosette take their respective seats around the table while Pseudolus, looking bored, goes over to a smaller table with a TV on it a little way to the left, sits down in a chair and begins to channel surf. Motel begins to tell the story of his encounters earlier that night-but all in mime. Oliver jumps in occasionally, miming as well. The others nod and react accordingly. After a very short time, Munku grows bored, grooms himself a bit, and then goes over to where Pseudolus is sitting.)
Munku-What's on?
Pseudolus (growling)-Absolutely nothing.
Munku-What exactly do you want to watch?
Pseudolus (shrugging)-I don't know, something familiar, something peculiar, something for everyone, a comedy, tonight!
Munku-Riiiiight. Well, good luck.
(By this time, Motel has finished his mime. All of the other characters sit back and let the new information sink in.)
Motel-And that’s it, in a nutshell.
(Miss Saigon, the maid comes back onstage, carrying a tea tray. She places it on the table.)
Christine-Thank you, dear.
(The maid nods and retreats. Munku bolts for the saucer of milk, grabs it off the tray and sets it on the floor and begins to lap it up.)
Christine-Umm…your welcome.
Munku-mmmmmm……. (he is lost in milk heaven right about now, and is ignoring everyone)
Joseph-Well, the only thing that I am worried about right now is the Dreamcoat itself. What happens if Javert tracked you down with a spy or something? The could know the exact location of our base!!
(There is a collective gasp and a DUM DUM DUM!!!!!!)
Joseph-Yeah, my sentiments exactly. So, in order to keep the Coat safe and to make sure that this revolution actually begins before ewe are all killed…
Oliver-Your quiet the optimistic one aren’t you?
(Joseph ignores him)
Joseph-I move that we all travel to a different hideout. We need to find a safer location! Miss Saigon?
(the maid walks in)
Joseph-Please pack our things.
(the maid exits)
Joseph-Pseudolus!
(Pseudolus grunts to show he is listening.)
Joseph-You know the drill! Go help the maid pack! You are my slave aren’t you?
Pseudolus-Man you just have to rub it in don't you?? (stalks out after the maid)
(Munkustrap hiccups and extracts his head from the bowl. He looks completely drunk. Oliver hauls him up by the collar, looking disgusted. Meanwhile, the maid and Pseudolus enter with a small suitcase in each hand.)
Oliver-Get up, old chap, we’re leaving.
Munku-(hiccups) Really? Were are we goin'? Disney Land?
Oliver-Munkustrap, what in Gods name is wrong with you?
Munku-Me, ooh, I'm fine, just had one two many I think…that maid person…she put some catnip into tha milk I think…man tha stuff does things to your BRAIN…
Oliver (sighs)- Oh MUNKU.
Joseph-Are we all ready?
Motel-Wait Joseph, don't forget the most important thing!
Joseph-Heaven forbid! Did we almost forget the Dreamcoat itself? How stupid am I?
Pseudolus-Weeeeell…lemme think….
(Motel goes over to a safe in the corner. He does the combination on the lock and opens it. Inside is a smaller safe. He repeats the process. Inside is a smaller safe. This goes on and on for at least seven safes. Finally, out of the last safe he extracts the Technicolor Dreamcoat itself! It is truly a beautiful coat. Everybody oohs and ahhs in admiration. Motel beams modestly and wraps it up in a black cloth.)
Motel-Ok…
Cosette-Oh Motel, I'm getting nervous! What if there is an assassin waiting right outside the door with a huge ax waiting to cut off your head?
Motel-Um…that was defiantly not something that I wanted to her, my DEAR.
Cosette-I know, it would give me nightmares if I saw something like that happen! I wouldn't be able to sleep for months and months.
Pseudolus-Ah don't worry, ma'am. People get over that type of shock in a really short amount of time.
Cosette-really, do you think so? Do you think so, Motel? Do you think that I would be able to sleep at night after seeing you be decapitated right in front of my very eyes? To see your head roll right off of your shoulders and hear it thump to the ground? To see the bright red blood go gushing everywhere and see it spurting from your very neck? To see your limbs convulse and twist and shake, and see your muscles seize up as your headless body fall down onto the ground, still oozing and gushing….
Motel-Lets not think about such things dear… (His voice is high pitched and strained.)
Munkustrap (quite drunkenly)-Come on guys! Keep the spirits up! You know what they say! (Strikes a noble pose.) The sun will come out tomorrow! Be your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there will be sun! (Begins to sing) Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, Tomorrow! Your only a day away!! Come on! Everybody!
(Munkustrap weaves around the rest of the characters, singing. One by one, they all break into grins.)
Joseph-Yeah! He's right! (joins in) The sun will come out, tomorrow!
Motel-(reluctantly) I guess so… (breaks into a grin and joins) Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow!
Christine-That’s it! (sings) There will be sun!!!
All-Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I Love ya! Tomorrow!
Miss Saigon (in a beautiful soprano operatic voice)-Your only a day away!!!
(All are in good spirits now! The begin to march exuberantly offstage, singing at the top of their lungs the chorus of the song over and over until they are all offstage)
(Munku Bursts back on yelling like the drunk bum that he is)
Munku-YOUR ONLY A DAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(BLACKOUT)
Back to my page about me
Munkustrap-Originally a character of the play Cats, in this performance, Munkustrap is a lowly alley cat trying to scrape out a living in ancient Rome. He is smart, strong-willed and sarcastic.
Motel-A young tailor (from Fiddler on the Roof) whose only wish is to sew togas in his little shop, however, a large clothing conglomeration is threatening to take his shop over and steal his finest piece of work ever…the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!! This is why Motel begins the Tailor Revolution to break away from those dirty French Bureaucrats…I mean…big toga manufacturing companies…Motel is kinda dorky and high-strung.
Joseph-Motel's client who asked him to make the Dreamcoat so that he could look cooler than his eleven brothers. Joseph comes from the musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and is cheerful, helpful, outgoing and enthusiastic.
Oliver-A little British orphan from the musical which shares his name, Oliver is a hungry little boy who is just looking for paid work, but ends up befriending a talking cat and helping with Motel's Tailor Revolution.
Pseudolus-The lazy slave from Forum, Pseudolus is the only one who actually looks like he fits into the setting of Rome. He is the slave of Joseph, and is also participating in the Tailor Revolution.
Cosette-Though she was already married to Marius from Les Miserables, in THIS play she has divorced him and is now married to Motel (Who obviously divorced Tzitele from his musical) She is also a tailor and will do anything she can to help Motel with his Tailor Revolution.
Christine-The musically inclined wife of Joseph, and originally from Phantom of the Opera, Christine loves to sing, though it can get pretty annoying sometimes.
The Phantom-From the same musical as Christine, the Phantom is now the leader of the French--ack…Toga making company. He is president there, and wishes only to make more money, and the only way he can do that is stealing that Dreamcoat…
Macavity-From Cats, he was the over lord of feline crime, now Macavity is the Phantom's right hand man and will stop at nothing to get that Dreamcoat.
Javert-He was a bad guy from Les Mis, now his evil schemes take place in ancient Rome, as a hit man of the Phantom! Cold hearted and unforgiving, he is highly religious and thinks that only he is right, and all those that oppose his ideals are going to hell. Nice guy, huh?
Bill Sykes- Javert's partner in crime and the unforgettable villain of Oliver! , Bill is overconfident in his own skills and very quick to anger.
(Suddenly with a screech of tires, another car comes halfway onstage from the right with the words Grease Lightning painted on the side. Several masked men with machine guns jump out, followed by Javert, who is swaggering confidently.)
Munku-MAKEUP!! I think my whiskers are falling off…
(As two make-up people rush to him, Motel pushes Oliver)
Back to my page!