Scene 4
(We find once again that the stage has been "flipped". We are "Backstage" again. The curtain puller is asleep in her stool, there are several other techs milling around aimlessly. Suddenly, we hear a noise. It is the cast trooping "backstage" and still singing exuberantly the song, "Tomorrow". As they come in through stage left, they begin to sing less and less cheerfully and drop out one by one.)
Motel-Tomorrow…tomorrow…I love ya….blah, blah, blah…whatever.
Munkustrap-MAKRUP! I think my ears are falling off.
(Christine and Cosette walk off stage right, chatting cheerfully in a very ditzy way while Oliver bolts for the donuts. Motel shakes his head and turns to talk to Joseph, while Psuedolus retreats to a corner with a script to franticly study his lines. While this is going on, two techs walk on stage left carrying a long wooden plank. They see the curtain puller slumped in her stool , they look at each other, nod, and hit her over the head with it, causing her to fall out of her stool, the headset flying.
Curtain Puller-AAAGH! We're under attack! I didn't do it officer! I'm innocent!!!!!
(The two plank carrying techs walk away calmly.)
Pseudolus-JOSEPH!
Joseph-Whaaat?
Pseudolus-I can't remember my lines, Joseph, ya gotta help me!
Joseph-Dude, will you stop calling me Joseph, can't you call me by my real name?
Pseudolus-I can't!
Joseph-Why?
Pseudolus-It helps me get into character!!!
(Sams Note-This whole conversation between Joseph and Pseudolus is met to be overdramatic. Bad acting is required. Think that they way they talk is like the way they talk in the Monty Python movies or Spaceballs. You know. Overdramatic and stupid sounding.)
Joseph-Ok, ok. Call me whatever you like, just please stop shaking me!
Psuedolus-Oh….
(He lets go of Joseph's shoulders.)
Pseudolus-Sorry…
Joseph-Yeah…anyway…what lines are you forgetting?
(They both move upstage. So here are the directions for all of the characters right now. Munkustrap is upstage to the right, surrounded by make up techs. Oliver is down right, by the donuts and talking to three techs. The plank techs are up center, painting the plank. The curtain puller is sitting sullenly in her stool, rubbing her head. Pseudolus and Joseph stand down stage center, while Motel stands a little to the left, arms folded.)
Joseph-Ok (looks at script) I'll prompt you. Motel says; Pseudolus. What's that on your head?
Pseudolus-…….(bites his nails)………
(Suddenly, smoke fills the stage. Pseudolus screams and leaps into Joseph's arms. The techs look around, confused while creepy organ music fills the air. Suddenly in the middle of the stage is a dark robed figure. The cast is obviously alarmed. The dark cloaked figure laughs evilly.)
Curtain Puller-Special Effects! Special Effects!!!!!!
(Two techs run onstage)
Special Effects Tech1-Yes?
Curtain Puller-What's all this?
Special Effects Tech2-Its dry ice. We're testing.
Curtain Puller-Well turn it off! And get that music off too!!!!!
Special Effects Tech1- Ok…but we have to turn it back on for the next scene in like two seconds!!
Curtain Puller-So turn it back on in two seconds, STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Special Effects Techs run off. Smoke and music stop, leaving the Phantom to be clearly seen in the center of the stage.)
Munku-Oh, its just you.
Motel-What the heck were you doing??? You scared us all to death!!!
Phantom-I was just getting into character. (grins viciously)
Curtain Puller-Get on the stage! NOW! I'm pulling up the curtain!
Phantom-Just you wait, great acting beyond your imagination is about to occur!!
(All Exit)
(BLACKOUT)
SCENE 5
(The curtain rises and smoke fills the stage. We are in what seems to be an office building. However this office is filled with billowing smoke. Creepy organ music is being played by a dark robed man sitting at an organ with his back to us. There are two black masked men standing as guards at the door. Javert enters, looking worried. He waits for awhile until her finally calls out…)
Javert-Umm..Mr. Phantom?
Phantom (in a soft dangerous voice)-I know you’re here, Javert. (he stops playing, but the music continues. He reaches over to a tape player and presses a button. The music stops.) So tell me why you’re here, when I specifically said NOT to come back without the Coat??? (He spins around so we can see his half masked face, and strides over to Javert, who is trembling.)
Javert-It wasn't my fault! We would have caught that pesky Motel, but there was this British kid and his cat there, and they…
Phantom-So your telling me that a child and a cat managed to outwit you?
Javert-YES! I mean…NO! I mean….I'M SORRY SIR! Please forgive me!
Phantom-Perhaps you won't be stops so easily next time if you were suitably punished now…(said thoughtfully)
Javert-NO! NO SIR! See…it was all just a misunderstanding. I can do much better this time around! I promise! Please sir give me a chance and by God I will complete it, for I know in my heart that your corporation is following the ways of the lord and I am willing to serve…
Phantom-Ok…shut up. Go ahead and go, but this time, bring your little friend…what's his name…Bill Sykes with you. Perhaps there's enough brains between the two of you to complete this task.
Javert-Thank you sir! We won't let you down!
Phantom-I should hope not. Bring back the Dreamcoat this time Javert…or else….
(Javert exits, after much bowing)
(Phantom sits down at his desk and sips from a wine glass sitting there. Suddenly we hear a voice coming from the shadows by the organ. Its Macavity the Mystery Cat, the Hidden Paw, and the Phantom's right hand man…er…cat.)
Macavity-So are you actually going to let the two of them go attempt to get the coat again?
Phantom (laughing) Hardly. But why not let them feel important for a while. Don't you agree, Macavity?
Macavity (crawling out of the shadows on all fours)-Yes, but you do know that I am all that you need for this job. Phantom, I'll take care of it.
Phantom-Excellent. Follow Javert and Sykes. Don't let them do anything too dumb. But you must get the Coat at all costs. The success of the business depends on it.
Macavity-Get the coat at all costs. Understood. But what if Motel or another member of his pitiful rebellion tries to resist?
(Phantom throws his now empty wine glass on the floor)
Macavity-I take your meaning.
Phantom-And do be cautious Macavity. Javert said that Motel had teamed up with a cat. My more reliable sources tell me that this cat's name is Munkustrap. And old friend of yours, I hear?
(Macavity hisses in rage)
Macavity-Munkustrap…he will feel every bit of my revenge….I will go now, Sir, and retrieve the coat….at all costs.
(Macavity sinks into the shadows. Phantom sighs and leans back in his chair.)
Phantom-The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat…it will make my fortune. (To the guards) Hmm…what shall I price this coat at…do you think…500? 1000?
Guard 1 (with a very thick Mexican Accent) I dunno, cause everything's free in America!!!!!!!
Guard 2-You idiot, we aren’t in America! We're in Italy!!!!!
Both Guards-Italy!!!!!!!!!!! (laugh)
(Phantom covers his face with his hands)
Scene 5
(We are 'Backstage' once again. The phantom and the two guards walk on.)
Guards-LALALALALA AMERICA! LALALALALA AMERICA!!!!
Curtain Puller-Memo to me. The musical West Side Story must be eliminated.
Macavity-I second that.
(Munkustrap enters from opposite side of the stage as Macavity. At the same time, they both yell;)
Munku&Mac-MAKEUP!!!!!!!!!!!!
(They glare at each other. The makeup people rush in, but don't seem to know which cat to attend to)
Munku-Come on! I think my nose is smudged!
(Make up people start to walk to him)
Mac-Forget him! My mane is lopsided, AND my eye makeup is smudgy.)
(Makeup people turn and move towards him)
Munku-Well MY tail is falling off!
(Makeup people turn)
Mac-Well MY whiskers are lost!
(Makeup people turn again)
Munku-Well I snagged my costume and it ripped.
Mac-Well I LOST one of my leg warmers!
Munku-Well my wig needs to be straightened!!
Mac-Well---
Makeup Person1-FORGET IT!!!!!!!!
Makeup Person2-I QUIT!!!!!
Makeup Person 3-YOU CAN DO YOUR OWN FREAKIN' MAKEUP!
Makeup Person 4-YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(They all march out)
Munku-This is all your fault!!!
Mac-MY FAULT?
Munku-Yeah, YOUR FAULT!
Mac-HOW?
Munku-You DROVE OFF the Makeup People, dummy! How am I gonna survive without them?
Mac-YOU? What about ME? I'm the one with the mane here!!!!
Munku-Yeah, well at least you don't have as much makeup as I DO.
Mac-Oh yeah, sure. MY makeup took them an HOUR TO DO!!!!!
Munku-That’s cause your face is shaped funny!
Mac-WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!!!??????
Munku-That’s right! YOUR FACE IS CROOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bill Sykes-Ok kiddies. Calm down. Lets all refrain from killing one another. I don't want any bloodshed before I even get to go on.
(Bill walks over to Oliver, who is standing by the donuts)
Bill Sykes-Hey kid. What's wrong with you? Your face is green.
Oliver-I think I ate too much….I…urrp!!!
(Oliver turns his head and throws up. The Curtain Puller smacks her head.)
Curtain Puller-So first he gorges himself on donuts, and now he barfs em up and GUESS WHO GETS TO WORK OVERTIME TO CLEAN??
Pseudolus (who has just wandered on) Umm…you?
(Curtain Puller smacks him across the face and begins beating him with her headset)
Curtain Puller-YOU DON'T HAVE ANY RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! YOU STUPID ACTORS ARE ALL THE SAME! YOUR SOOOOO ARROGENT! AND YOU GET ALL THE CREDIT! WELL TAKE THAT!!!!
Pseudolus-WHA! WHAT DID I SAY???
(Christine wanders on.)
Christine-Hey are there any donuts left?
Curtain Puller-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEATH TO ALL SNOBBY ACTORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Begins to beat Christine)
Christine-HELP! MERCY!!!!!
Curtain Puller-MERCY IS FOR THE WEAK!!!!!!!
Christine-I'LL SUE YOU! GET HER OFFA ME! MAD TECH! MAD TECH!!
Curtain Puller-SO I'M JUST A TECH AM I??? I DON'T EVEN HAVE A NAME TO YOU??? SOME WORTHLESS CURTAIN PULLER AM I????? WELL, I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT A CURTAIN PULLER IS REALLY MADE OUT OF!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Suddenly the curtain puller stops screaming and beating Christine, puts back on the headset and listens.)
Curtain Puller (cheerfully)-Oh! Guess what guys, we're back on! Everyone in the lights booth says good luck on the last scene, ok? (Give them all a smile and skips back to her stool.)
Javert-Good Lord help us all.
Curtain Puller-Break a leg!!!!!!! Tee hee!!!
Scene 6
(The setting is now a Roman Street. The conspirators are walking swiftly and silently to their new hideout.)
Christine-Are we there yet?
Joseph-Just a little farther, dear.
Cosette-Do you ever get the feeling that we're being watched?
(Munkustrap stiffens suddenly and looks down an ally. He hisses.)
Oliver (alarmed)-What is it Munku?
Munkustrap-I…I don't really know…I just thought I saw something…
Motel-Well stop seeing stuff! Its making me nervous!!!
Munkustrap (quietly, to himself) Macavity….
Pseudolus-I Told Miss Saigon to go on ahead, we'll meet her there.
Motel-Thank you, Pseudolus. Keep an eye out though…you never know when Javert is going to show up and then kaboom…..
(Suddenly, two figures step out of the darkness)
Javert-That’s as far as you go, Motel.
Motel-nooooooo…..
Bill Sykes-Now hand over the coat and we might go easy on ya.
Oliver-Wait…I recognize that accent! There is only one other person around here who is British! Its Bill Sykes!
Bill Sykes-Oliver Twist. So we meet again.
(The conspirators begin to back away, for Bill is armed with his stupid stick and Javert has his gun.)
Javert-Come on now. The game is up. Give us the Coat, don’t be foolish!!!
Motel (looking around) Joseph! Catch!!! (throws the bundle in which the Dreamcoat is wrapped. Joseph catches it and with a sly grin, runs off yelling;)
Joseph-YOU WANT IT? THEN COME AND GET IT!!!!!!!!!
Javert-GET HIM NOW!!
(Chaos time!!!!! I soo do love these crazy chase scenes! ^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^anyway!
The conspirators all scatter in different directions. Bill goes after the ones on the left, Javert to the right. Joseph runs between two houses and passes the bundle to Cosette, who, giggling crazily, runs off stage right. Joseph is tackled by Bill Sykes, but Joseph slugs him, while Oliver and Javert run is circles around the stage. Suddenly, Cosette come running through the audience followed closely by Motel. Javert makes a leap for Oliver but Oliver leaps off the stage and hides in the audience. Munkustrap leaps off a building and cartwheels around the stage, ending it with a series of back flips right into the arms of Bill. Javert spots Cosette and yells for Bill, who drops Munkustrap and they both go after Cosette. Laughing like a hyena, Cosette passes the bundle to Oliver, who is still hiding in the audience. Javert and Bill chase Cosette backstage, while Christine and Pseudolus run in between all the houses onstage. Oliver runs through the audience and back up to the stage where he passes the bundle to Munkustrap, just in time, for Bill Sykes jumps in from between the houses and grabs him in a headlock. Oliver steps on his toe and Motel runs in, slugs him, and runs back off. Munkustrap carries the bundle in him mouth and climbs up onto one of the houses. There he sits, washing himself. Christine and Pseudolus run up, one on either side of Bill Sykes and Javert, who Motel just chased back onstage. Motel, Cosette, and Joseph, carrying Oliver on his shoulders, all run around randomly through the audience while Christine and Pseudolus play a game of monkey in the middle with Javert and Bill. More chaos. None of this is suppose to make sense now. All the black masked men begin to run randomly around on the stage and in the audience, getting beat up once in a while by our heroes. The two masked men with the Mexican accents stand in the corner of the stage waving beer bottles and singing "Everything's Free in America" Five or six nuns come running through yelling "Maria! Maria!" ("The Sound of Music") The two cars, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Greece Lightning come tearing across the stage. A bunch of hippies race through the audience yelling "HAIR! HAIR! HAIR!" ("Hair") a bunch of people in baseball uniforms and carrying bats wander through telling random audience members "You gotta have heart." ("Damn Yankees") Chimney Sweeps all rush in dancing and singing "Step In Time" ("Mary Poppins") At one point, a man dressed up as Jesus enters from stage right, accompanied by the theme music of "Jesus Christ Super Star" He surveys the chaos, shakes his head, and leaves. The audience will have lost track of who has the bundle by now. Suddenly a shout louder than everybody else's makes everyone stop. It is Bill Sykes.
Bill-JAVERT! HENCHMEN! I GOT IT!
(Bill waves around a black bundle he just pried out of Motel's hands. He grins, slugs Motel, and kicks him several times. Motel falls to the ground. Javert runs up, and the henchmen gather around.)
Javert-YES! Mr. Phantom will have to forgive me now! Lets go everyone! (he kicks Motel once more)
(All our heroes run up to Motel. The two Mexican masked men shake their heads and look sad. The nuns cross themselves. The hippies all say random things like "Make love, not war!" The baseball team says "You gotta have hope! Must not sit around and mope!")
Cosette-Motel! Motel! Please, say something!!!
Motel-Ow.
Cosette-Oh your ok! Your ok!
Motel-Where did you get that idea from?
Oliver-I can't believe they got the Dreamcoat…
(Motel hangs his head)
Motel (whispered) I…I'm sorry…
Munku-The revolution really is over before it even started.
Joseph-Hey…Pseudolus…what's that on your head.
(Pseudolus stares at him for a few seconds.)
Psuedolus-Oh this? (Takes off the black bundle from his head) Its just my…HAT! (Unwraps it. It’s the dreamcoat!!! Everyone yells in surprise and joy)
Motel-But…how????
Pseudolus-that one that Bill had, it was a fake one. I had the real one disguised as a hat the whole time.
Cosette-Oh Pseudolus! You’re the best slave ever!!!!!!
Motel-Thank you so much Pseudolus!
Joseph-Pseudolus, that was the best think you have ever done for me. For that….I believe you earned your freedom!
(All the people cheer. Pseudolus is dumbstruck.)
Pseudolus-I…I…I'm free? FREE??? I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH! NO MORE SLAVERY FOR ME! YAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! OH THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (seizes Joseph in a giant bear hug, then suddenly remembers that he is suppose to be cool and calm.) Um…that is to say…yeah. Thanks a lot. That’s really great. That’s cool, man. Cool.
(Joseph turns away from Pseudolus)
Joseph-Well, honey…I guess we're going to have to find a new slave won't we…?
(Everyone looks around. Where is Christine?)
Joseph-Christine? Angel? Where are you?
(Everyone begins to look for Christine.)
Motel-Where could she be?
Pseudolus-She was here a minute ago, right?
Oliver-Who was the last person to see her?
Munku-I haven't seen her since we started running from Javert and Sykes.
Pseudolus-Wait! We were throwing the fake bag back and forth to each other…then I caught it and ran off. Christine ran the other way…and then I didn't see where she went. There were too many people!
Motel-Do you think she was captured?
Pseudolus-Come to think of it…I did see a flash or red where she ran off to. It was like a blur of red fur.
Munku (dangerously) RED fur?
Pseudolus-That’s right.
Joseph (trying not to panic) Please, Munkustrap…do you have any idea where my wife is at?
Munku-Yeah….come with me.
(Our heroes leave stage right. All of the other crazy people all start to mill around, and crowd back onto the stage and file out either stage right or left. When the stage is clear…we find it is not empty! There sitting in a corner is Macavity, with a tied and gagged Christine next to him. )
Mac-The Phantom should be here shortly.
(As if on cue, the Phantom walks on. Flanked by two guards, he walks quickly over to Mac who bows deeply.)
Phantom-Where is my coat?
Mac-As I predicted, those fools were not able to get it.
Phantom-Really, and yet they told me they did, which is why I am here, to collect my coat.
Mac-The coat they got was a decoy. Motel still has the real one.
Phantom-Oh, so why did you not retrieve it like I asked. Why did you instead bring this girl to me? (sounding like he's running out of patients.)
Mac-Bait.
Phantom-How crude.
Mac-But effective.
Phantom-How true.
(Javert and Sykes run on)
Javert and Sykes-We got it, Mr. Phantom, sir! We got it!!
Phantom-(sarcastic)-Do you? Have you opened it?
Sykes-We thought you wanted to do the honors, sir…
Phantom-well I don't. Open it!
Javert-but…
Phantom-NOW!
(Javert and Sykes swallow hard and open it. Inside is…dirty laundry…the whites! Blah. They are dumbstruck.)
Phantom-Fortunately you have one more chance to prove yourselves. (Bill and Javert quake) We will lure all of the rebels here with this girl…we will single each of them out…then kill them one by one…Sykes.
Bill Sykes-YESSIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (freaking out)
Phantom-your job is to eliminate that pesky British kid.
Bill (his face breaking out into a grin)-Oliver? He's all mine, I won't let you down. (runs offstage)
Phantom-Javert.
Javert- (whimpering) sir?
Phantom-You will take on Motel. He should be weak enough for you.
(Javert is too scared of making the Phantom mad to speak. So, he runs offstage)
Phantom-Macavity will have the honor of fighting his longtime rival.
Macavity-Leave Munkustrap to me.
(Melts into the shadows)
Phantom-All I have to do is wait just a bit longer…then….(maniac laughter)
(Quick Blackout, but no scene change. I'm giving the techs a break for once. J Our heroes are standing in a group, figuring out what to do.)
Motel-Pseudolus, could you please take Joseph back to the hideout…I think he's going into shock.
(Pseudolus leads away a badly shaken Joseph)
Motel-Ok…we tend to be a larger target when we move in a group, so lets all go look for Christine individually. We know that the enemy has her, so we have to be careful.
(Nods from the remaining heroes)
Motel-Whoever finds Christine, caw like a crow and retreat with her back to the hideout.
Oliver-Why do we have to caw? That’s stupid.
Motel-Cause I said so!!!!!
(Oliver pouts)
Motel-Does everybody have it?
All-yes!!
Motel-OK! LETS GO!
(Everyone splits up, and walks away between the houses except for Oliver who walks to the left. He looks around for a while, and then turns to go looks someplace else when…)
Bill Sykes-Well, well, well, what have we here? Its Oliver Twist it is!
Oliver-Its nice to see ya again…Bill SUCKS.
Bill Sykes-That’s SYKES you little viper, and don't you forget it.
Oliver-Of course it is…Bill Sucks, how could I forget?
Bill-That’s it, I've had enough of your cheek! Its high time you were rotting in the ground! Say hi to your mother and father in hell for me!
(Bill charges Oliver, who is now thoroughly pissed off. Oliver trips him as he runs by and sits on him, getting a hold on his hair and yanking back with all his might.)
Bill-YAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHH!!!!!!!! GERROFF YOU LITTLE PUNK!!!!!
(Manages to throw Oliver off, and comes at him with his stick raised., who is on the ground, manages to kick him HARD in a place I'm not going to describe. Bill squeaks and falls to the ground.)
Oliver-Yes! Gotcha!
(Laughing evilly, he runs off. Bill crawls off the stage and into the audience and faints. Munkustrap walks out on all fours on the stage. He sniffs the air)
Munku-I know that your there, Macavity. Come out.
(Mac materializes on top of a roof. Jumping lightly down, he says;)
Macavity-So we meet again?
Munku-It seems so…but I'm sure that the outcome of this fight will be the same as before, with me being the victor!
Mac-My, my, aren’t we the confident one today.
(Munku glances at the audience and grins.)
Munku-Yup.
(Munku grabs Mac and throws him out into the middle of the stage, suddenly, two spotlights shine on him. We hear the squeal of tires….blackout. crash. Lights up! Mac is lying on the floor next to Bill. :*()
Munku-Wow! That was easy!
(He cheerfully begins to walk offstage)
Oliver-Munku!
Munkustrap-Oliver! Are you ok?
Oliver-Fine! (spots mac) Whoa…. Did you do that?
Munku-Well…indirectly…and I see you took care of Sykes. Have you found Christine?
Oliver-No, but I just had a great idea!!! Come one! We have to find Pseudolus and Joseph! And Fast!!!
Munku-Ok…but..(He is dragged offstage by Oliver)
{Quick Blackout then the lights go up again. Now Christine, looking scared out or her mind, and still bound and gagged, is being held by the Phantom. Javert is standing a little downstage from him and Motel is facing Javert)
Javert (with a slow, sadistic smile)- Motel.
Motel-Stand out of the way, Javert, I need to talk to the Phantom.
Javert-Well, then you'll just have to get past me first. You see, I am one of the boss's most trusted-
Motel-Cut the crap, Javert, and move.
Javert-Give me the coat and maybe I will.
Motel-(sadly, reluctantly) I don’t think that's possible. You see, I'm here for one purpose and one purpose only, to get Christine back. She is my best friend's wife, and a very kind person, and has no right to be held hostage by slime such as yourselves.
Javert-Then prepare to fight.
(Javert runs at him, his fists held high, yelling at the top of his lungs. Motel just stands there, and when Javert is almost on top of him, Motel dodges the punch. Javert stands there. He is shaking and holding his hand. He cries out in pain and falls to his knees. Christine gasps, looking surprised, but not half as surprised as the Phantom.)
Phantom-What happened!? Javert!
(Javert can hardly speak through the tears that are streaming down his eyes.)
Javert-Ow….boss…he s-stabbed me w-w-w-with a needle!!
Phantom-EXCUSE ME?
Motel (cheerfully, holding up a very small sewing needle)-It seems that your henchman here doesn't have a very high pain tolerance.
(The Phantom sneers, and thrusts out his hand. Javert is thrown magically to the side of the stage where he faints.)
Phantom-However, I believe that I have a much higher pain tolerance that anyone, Motel. How about testing it, hmmm?
(Now Motel looks nervous)
Phantom-Or maybe we should test her pain tolerance, shall we? (Motions to Christine who shakes her head)
Motel-NO!
Phantom-Then hand over the Dreamcoat!
(Motel looks back and forth from the Phantom to Christine.)
Phantom-It's the girl or the coat. You try my patients, make your choice. You've passed the point of no return!!
(Motel slowly holds out the bundle….)
Joseph-STOP!!!!!!!!
(Joseph and the rest of our heroes rush in. Joseph is holding a document in his hand.)
Phantom-What's all this?
Joseph (triumphantly) We've just made a small try to a copywriting company and trademarked Motel's Dreamcoat!!
Motel (excited) You did what?
Phantom (dangerously) You….did…WHAT?
Pseudolus-That’s right, Motel! The Dreamcoat is officially your idea now!
Oliver-And only you have the rights to sell it!
Motel-I can't believe it!
Phantom-Neither can I…
Motel-I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!
Phantom-BUT I’M NOT!!!!!!!!!!! (brings out a knife and holds it up to Christine)
Christine-WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME???????
Cosette-No, no, no, Phantom, you're forgetting something!
Munku (reading from the paper) Under no circumstances are the makers of this product aloud to be maimed, hurt, beat, blinded, broken bruised cut, stabbed, shot, clubbed, stoned, drowned, burned, suffocated or killed in anyway, if the murderer wishes to steal their product. Sorry to Burst your bubble, Phantom.
(The Phantom drops the knife with a clatter.)
Phantom-There goes my millions upon millions.
(Joseph runs over to Christine and unties her. They hug.
Oliver-(to Phantom) Oh we have one more parting gift for you, so don't slink off yet.
Cosette-Yes, the police were very interested in some of the illegal operations your company takes part in.
Pseudolus-So we've arranged for you to visit them….
Cosette-Permanently.
(Police come onstage, and take the Phantom away. He bows his head in defeat, looking angry, but defeated.)
Motel-(after the police are all gone.) Guys…I don't know what to say. This is so wonderful! We won!!
Munku-Well, for starters you could say thank you.
Motel-Then I guess…then only way I can say that is to….SING!!!!!!!!!!!
Cosette-Uh-oh.
Motel-(begins a song from "Scrooge") THANK YA VERY MUCH!
All-AND IF I HAD A FLAG I'D HANG ME FLAG OUT!
(They dance around the stage, still singing. All of the others fill the stage, from the nuns and Jesus to the hippies, police, masked men, baseball team, and more. It is utter confusion until they all sing the last lines to the audience.)
All-THANK YOU VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH!
END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YA VERY MUCH!
THAT’S THE NICEST THING THAT ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME!
IT SOUNDS A BIT BIZARRE, BUT THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE,
I FEEL AS IF A NEW LIFE HAD BEGUN FOR ME!
(They all join in)
TO ADD A BIT OF CELEBRATION TOUCH!
BUT SINCE I LEFT ME FLAG AT HOME,
I'LL SIMPLY HAVE TO SAY,
THANK YOU VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH!
THANK YOU VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH!
THANK YOU VERY, VERY, VERY MUUUUUUUUUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!